How to Get Your Life Started (Struggling Teens)

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Wishing you were more independent, with a life of your own? Getting your life started requires discipline and determination. As a teen, you may feel like you just want to get away from your family and school. It can be tough at times to be independent, but also very rewarding if done right. Consider the ways you can get your life on track.

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Building an Independent Future

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  1. Education is the key to your future, and higher pay. [1] Whether you're in school, wanting a GED, or just graduated, it's important to see that there are lots of ways to get educated for a future career. Think outside the box. Seek advice from your school, a career counselor, or a mentor. There are also lots of financial aid options out there if you look for them. Consider these educational opportunities:
    • High school diploma or GED
    • Community college to gain specific training or get an associate's degree
    • Four-year university or college
    • On the job training through apprenticeships
    • Trade or technical schools for information technology, healthcare, service repair, and others
  2. It’s important to have dreams about "what you want to be when you grow up." But that also takes commitment and know-how. Even if you’re planning to be a professional athlete or a singer, you need to think critically and communicate well. No one will take you seriously if can't communicate effectively. [2]
    • If you speak and write well, you’re more likely to be hired. Communicating as a part of a team is essential.
    • Take your work and life seriously. Think critically when someone tries to convince you to do something, or give you "a great deal." Be smart in the way you handle yourself and your future.
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  3. While you’re planning out your long-term future, remember that getting to that point will take many small steps in the job market first. You may think you’re better than working at McDonalds, or being a pizza delivery guy, but everyone starts somewhere. Consider these ways to look for jobs:
    • Go into local businesses where you think you'd be a good fit. Ask them if they are hiring. Fill out an application.
    • Talk with family and friends about jobs in the area. Network with people you know about job openings and qualifications.
    • Go to a career center, or see a guidance counselor. There may be people at your school who can help find out about local jobs for teens. Most cities have employment centers with people that can help you find a job or get training.
    • Go online, and see about jobs available through job search engines. Look at what the qualifications are to do the work. Think about ways to meet those qualifications if you don't have them already.
  4. Unless you live in a major city with easy access to public transit, having your own transportation will open doors to more jobs and opportunities outside of your immediate neighborhood. Find out if your family can assist with getting a car. If not, think about ways to get a job that will be focused on saving for a car.
    • Don’t waste your money on buying a fancy car. When you’re starting out, it’s about looking at your future long-term, not just what looks good today.
    • Your car should be a gateway to freedom, not a gateway to debt. Be careful and choose wisely.
    • If you have limited access to public transportation and cannot yet afford your own car, look into carpooling in your area or using something like ZipCar, Uber, or Lyft to get where you need to go.
  5. When you’re heading out on your own, it can be tough. Moving out of your family’s home and finding a place of your own takes some time, thought, and money. Before you start looking for a place, consider this:
    • If you’re trying to get an apartment and you’re under 18, a parent or legal guardian may be required to be on the lease.
    • If you’re over 18 and looking for a place for yourself, many apartments require that you show employment or income that is at least 3x the rent. If you do not have a current job, you may be required to pay several months of rent upfront or have a co-signer on your lease.
    • Avoid choosing housing that has a lot of unnecessary perks that may drive up costs. Keep costs affordable. There may be online tools in your state or area to find more affordable housing.
    • Consider finding a room for rent rather than an entire apartment. You may be able to share utility costs and save on rent.
    • Be cautious of moving in with friends or family if you think they may not be responsible with money. Everyone on the lease is responsible if rent is not paid.
  6. There are lots of tempting things out there. Cars. Clothes. Jewelry. Tech gadgets. But the hard truth is that those things are often unnecessary luxuries that can be expensive, and if you’re not careful, you’ll run into debt. Debt is one of the biggest deterrents to independence and getting your life started.
    • With any money you earn, make sure to save more than 20% in a savings account. Open a bank account. Make sure to put some of your money into savings. [3]
    • Think before you spend. While it’s nice to have nice things, it’s important to pick your nice things wisely. Ask yourself if you really need it and if it's going to give you long-lasting enjoyment.
    • Save up for the big things, rather than buying something with credit. Bad credit can hurt your future. You will end up paying more for things like cars, furniture, electronics, and homes. Bad credit can even hurt you when you're looking for an apartment, or trying to get a job. Potential landlords and employers can legally use bad credit as a factor in their decisions. [4]
  7. Create a five-year plan . Think about what interests you, and the possible jobs associated with those interests. Think about your personality, and what you think might be a good match. Write down the steps you may need to take to get from point A (the present) to point B (the goal).
    • Learn to organize your thoughts into clear, doable actions.
    • See your five-year plan as a series of small steps and goals. Break down how long you think it might take to complete each step.
    • For example, if you want to be head chef at a restaurant in five years, find out if you need to go to a culinary school or if you can simply start as a dishwasher and learn skills on the job as you move up. Find out what it take to go from being a line cook to a head chef. Think about if you want to start your own business, and how to get training in this.
  8. Don't feel like you have to have your life planned out and that you can't waver from those plans. Things may change unexpectedly — you may find that you're not that interested in being a doctor after shadowing at a hospital, or you might decide that you want to focus on travel more than a career. As you change and grow, so will your interests and priorities. Be flexible enough to realize that's ok and to accommodate those changes.
    • It's okay if you don't have everything figured out. Just try to identify a starting point and go from there.
    EXPERT TIP

    Lauren Urban, LCSW

    Licensed Psychotherapist
    Lauren Urban is a licensed psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York, with over 13 years of therapy experience working with children, families, couples, and individuals. She received her Masters in Social Work from Hunter College in 2006, and specializes in working with the LGBTQIA community and with clients in recovery or considering recovery for drug and alcohol use.
    Lauren Urban, LCSW
    Licensed Psychotherapist

    Emotions are a reflection of life's evolving story. Sometimes, we find ourselves in an unfamiliar emotional state without knowing why. Give yourself space to clarify your emotions and navigate this phase of your journey.

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Part 2
Part 2 of 3:

Finding Support

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  1. Find someone who can be a mentor. Life isn’t easy, and sometimes your parents may not be the best mentors. Look to people in your school like a teacher or guidance counselor. Think about neighbors, church members, or other people in the community that have been looking out for you.
    • Be honest with them about what you’re thinking and feeling. No one succeeds alone. Getting your life started will feel a lot less overwhelming when you reach out and talk with someone you trust.
  2. Avoid negative people . Don’t waste your time with people who put you down, pressure you, or make you feel worthless. You are a unique person, and with some effort, you can find your path. [5]
    • Identify people in your life that are positive and caring. Spend more time with them.
    • Know that you don't have to make anyone happy except yourself. [6]
    • Learn the difference between people who annoy or hurt you versus people who may come across as negative because they are telling you to be cautious. Not all criticism is bad, so think before you discredit someone's point.
    • Trust your own judgment if negativity seems to dominate a conversation. Some people may want you to fail because it makes their life easier, or because they are struggling and want things to be difficult for other people, too. Be strong and be positive .
  3. Reach out to your community for advice and help. Your friends and family are not the only people that have advice. There are lots of people who may help you see different opportunities or perspectives that you never thought possible. Consider connecting with:
    • A guidance counselor, or other school staff that you trust
    • Your local library. Librarians can help find subjects that interest you about starting out, and learning how to be independent.
    • A neighborhood community center such as a YMCA, or an arts or fitness center
    • Leadership groups for teens through your school, or a non-profit center for youth
    • A group through your local church or place of worship
    • Your local community college for technical school opportunities or training
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Part 3
Part 3 of 3:

Taking Care of Yourself

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  1. When you’re frustrated with your parents, school, or the people you’re around, it feels like you just want to escape. Take a minute and take a deep breath. Before you start planning a life beyond the one you have now, think about what’s really motivating you. [7]
    • Is this a short-term problem? Are you thinking about leaving because of a recent set-back like failing a class, or an argument with your family?
    • Think about ways you can overcome this problem, so that it’s not so overwhelming that you just want out.
  2. Find someone in your life — your mom, dad, sibling, aunt, grandmother, cousin, or whoever you trust. Talk with them about how you want to get your life started, and what support they can offer. It’s not just about money, but it’s about what advice they may have.
    • Older generations may be able to give some honest answers about the good and bad of being independent, and what directions to take. You may be surprised to learn what older family members have been through or overcome, and they probably have a lot of solid, hard-won advice.
    • Let your negative feelings about certain family members go, and focus your time on the positive people in your life.
  3. There are lots of pressures you may be feeling as a teen—fitting in, difficult relationships, bullying, coping with stress, and family conflict. These can lead to depression and anxiety at times. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength rather than weakness. Consider these resources for support:
    • Find local resources in your area through your school, work, or community centers. Talk with a guidance counselor or mental health professional. Counseling centers may be available in your community for low or no cost.
    • If you’re a teen who’s going through a problem and you just want to talk to another teen, contact the Teen Line for support in the evenings (1-800-852-8336): https://teenlineonline.org/
    • If you are having thoughts of suicide or intense anxiety, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Helpline 24/7 (988): http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
    • If you are thinking about running away from home, consider local resources in your area for support. Reach out to the National Runaway Safeline 24/7 (1-800-RUNAWAY): http://www.1800runaway.org/
  4. Your body is your temple. It’s like a sacred thing that you should cherish, because it’s the only one you have. Avoid things that harm your body, and make healthy living a priority. In the long run, you’ll thank yourself. Consider these ways to motivate your mind, body and spirit:
    • Make healthy food choices. Drink water rather than soda. Eat healthy meals over fast food.
    • Exercise . Get off the couch, and get active. Go for a walk or a bike ride. Get out into nature. Exercise supports both physical and mental health.
    • Relieve stress through music, writing, art, sports, or even just taking a deep breath and counting to 10. [8] Get a good night’s sleep.
    • Be kind to yourself. Don’t let yourself feel down too often. Get help when you’re angry, sad, or anxious. You’re not alone.
  5. Being willing to help, even if it’s hard, stressful, or physically demanding, is one of the key parts to success versus failure. In life, no one can succeed in school, work, or life without the motivation to do things that are tough. Stay strong, and keep going.
    • Reliability is one of the keys to getting and keeping a job.
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      Warnings

      • Avoid people or things that distract you from your goals. If you seem to be unable to focus on the tasks you need to complete, talk with a teacher, counselor, or parent about how to regain focus.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://trends.collegeboard.org/menu/highlights-1
      2. ↑ https://www.educationworld.com/a_curr/five-ways-to-better-prepare-students-for-careers.shtml
      3. ↑ http://lifehacker.com/the-20-question-how-much-of-my-pay-should-i-really-sa-1443199935
      4. ↑ http://money.cnn.com/2013/03/04/pf/employer-credit-checks/
      5. ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/243913
      6. ↑ Rahti Gorfien, PCC. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 17 December 2019.
      7. ↑ https://kidshelpline.com.au/teens/tips/thinking-about-leaving-home/
      8. ↑ Rahti Gorfien, PCC. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 17 December 2019.

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