How to Get an Islamic Divorce: A Guide to the Muslim Divorce Process

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Learn when divorce is permissible & how to separate amicably
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Deciding to get a divorce is often a difficult and emotionally challenging period in your life. If you and your spouse are Muslim, there is a specific procedure for getting divorced that can help you navigate the process with grace and treat each other amicably. In this article, we’ll go over these guidelines and tell you how to get an Islamic divorce. We also spoke with marriage and family therapists, divorce lawyers, and clinical psychologists for advice on how to deal with divorce.

Islamic Divorce Process: Overview

Try to reconcile your issues separately and then with mediators (family or a therapist). If that doesn’t work, initiate the divorce ( talaq for the husband or khula for the wife). Observe the 3-month waiting period ( ‘iddah ) to finalize the divorce. The wife may keep her dowry if her husband initiates the separation.

Section 1 of 4:

The Islamic Procedure for Divorce

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  1. Is divorce necessary, or are there still other things you can try to repair the relationship? Think long and hard about who is going to be affected—your children; your families; yourselves? In Islam, divorce is a last resort if it is not at all possible to continue a marriage. When a marriage is falling apart, both spouses should try their best to bring the relationship back together . Licensed marriage and family therapist Jin S. Kim agrees that couples should evaluate their relationship and try their best to reconcile .
    • Kim says, “The most important aspect of building and maintaining a healthy intimate relationship is to work on healthy communication.” Communicate with your spouse about your feelings, needs, and why you think things are not working out. Perhaps your partner is particularly stressed or upset about something, thus leading to negative behavior that affects the relationship.
    • Find forgiveness and patience for your partner. Try to focus on their good qualities and accept their minor flaws or habits that annoy you.
    • Remember the good things about your spouse and marriage. Try to rekindle the relationship by reminiscing together, spending quality time together, and going on dates. [1]
    • According to the Sunnah, the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “The most hated of permissible things to Allah is divorce” [Sunan Abi Dawud 2177]. While divorce is allowed, it is not something you should rush into without thinking.
    • If you think divorce is the only option after evaluating the marriage, speaking with your spouse, and trying to mend the relationship, move on to the next step.
  2. The Qur'an says, "If you anticipate a split between them, appoint a mediator from his family and another from hers. If they desire reconciliation, Allah will restore harmony between them. Surely Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware" [Surah An-Nisa, 4:35]. [2] A marriage affects the whole family, and it is vital for elders from both spouses’ families to attempt to reconcile the relationship. [3]
    • Some people are reluctant to get their family involved, says Kim. In this case, you can speak to an independent marriage counselor, although they are detached from the issue.
    • Whether you work with your families or a marriage counselor, the mediators will help you and your spouse communicate, resolve your issues, and find a solution for moving forward.
    • If you still believe divorce is the best option after working through mediation, move on to the next step.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 310 wikiHow readers how they planned to inform their wife about their decision to leave, and only 5% of them said they’d use a mediator or therapist to facilitate the conversation. [Take Poll] However, it might be the best way to move forward.
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  3. The divorce process is different depending on whether the husband or wife initiates it. [4] In Islam, Kim says there is a 3-month waiting period before the divorce is finalized.
    • Husband-initiated divorce, or talaq : The husband pronounces “Talaq” (“I divorce you”) with 2 witnesses present—it can be verbal or written, but it must be done once. The wife is able to keep the dowry, or mahr, with her.
    • Wife-initiated divorce, or khula : The wife tells her husband that she wants a divorce, he consents, and she returns her dowry to end the marriage. If the husband refuses, she can petition a judge or imam for divorce. She must show proof that her husband has not fulfilled his marital responsibilities.
    • Mutual divorce, or mubarat : The husband and wife mutually agree to dissolve the marriage. The wife pays the husband, but it doesn’t exceed the price of her dowry.
    • Note : Depending on where you live, such as the US or Canada, a separate legal process of divorce involving hearings and legal decrees of divorce may be required. [5]
  4. The Qur'an says, "O Prophet! Instruct the believers: When you intend to divorce women, then divorce them with concern for their waiting period, and count it accurately...Do not force them out of their homes, nor should they leave—unless they commit a blatant misconduct...Then when they have almost reached the end of their waiting period, either retain them honorably or separate from them honorably. And call two of your reliable men to witness either way—and let the witnesses bear true testimony for the sake of Allah" [Surah At-Talaq, 65:1-2]. [6]
    • The wife has the right to remain in the family home during ‘iddah , and the husband is responsible for her well-being.
    • If the wife finds out she’s pregnant during ‘iddah , the waiting period continues until she gives birth to her child. [7]
    • The purpose of ‘iddah is to allow the couple to cool down, think about their marriage, and potentially decide to reconcile one last time. [8]
    • For talaq : The couple is free to resume their relationship and end the divorce process at any time during ‘iddah. They don’t have to complete a new marriage contract.
    • For khula or mubarat : The husband cannot take back the wife during ‘iddah . However, the wife can take back her dowry or payment and then the husband can take her back.
  5. Islam requires that the custody must go to a Muslim who is in good health physically and mentally and can meet the children's needs. Some judges allow older children to state their preferences, while others award custody to the mother if the children are under a certain age and to the father if they are older. [9]
    • The main concern must be that the child is cared for by a responsible parent who can meet the needs of the child.
    • Talk with your spouse about who should have primary custody and how you’ll split parenting time. If you can’t reach an agreement together, work with a divorce mediator or family lawyer to come to an agreement.
    • Scott Levin, divorce mediator and family lawyer, highly recommends hiring a mediator to navigate custody and other negotiations. He says they can help “you work together to figure out solutions.”
    • Stay in communication with your spouse during the divorce process. Clinical psychologist Dr. Asa Don Brown says communication helps “make the process of separation and divorce less divisive.” If you avoid it, that will often “only intensify negative feelings and emotions.”[v162069_b01]. Tuesday, November 28, 2023.
    • If your spouse is being difficult, Levin says “the best thing you can do is make everything about the business of the divorce in your interactions.” He suggests that you “keep the emotion outside the room, keep your responses short,” and “keep it about the kids.”
  6. Once ‘iddah is over, the divorce is considered final. It’s encouraged that you record and finalize the divorce in the presence of 2 witnesses. After this, the wife leaves the husband’s home and is free to remarry. [10]
    • It is discouraged to have a yo-yo relationship with your (ex)spouse—in other words, don’t go back and forth about getting together again and separating. Don’t engage in blackmail or try to guilt them into either decision, either.
    • It’s advised that you end the marriage cleanly and amicably. As the Quran says, “When you divorce women and they have almost reached the end of their waiting period, either retain them honorably or let them go honorably. But do not retain them only to harm them or to take advantage of them. Whoever does that surely wrongs his own soul” [Surah Al-Baqarah, 231].
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Section 2 of 4:

What are the rules after divorce?

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  1. Financial settlements or custody payments must be made post-divorce. If the wife is owed her dowry or any other payments agreed upon during the divorce process, the husband must give them to her. Likewise, the wife must return her dowry or any other payments if she initiated the divorce. If the wife has custody of any children, the husband is typically responsible for financially supporting them ( nafqa ) in some way (i.e., paying for living expenses, education, etc.). [11]
    • The husband is usually only responsible for financially supporting the wife during ‘iddah . Once the divorce is finalized, he doesn’t have to. However, depending on the divorce settlement, he might be required to continue to support her.
Section 3 of 4:

What are the permissible reasons for divorce?

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  1. Irreconcilable differences and ignoring marital responsibilities Allah understands that not all marriages can work out and sometimes, divorce is the best course of action for the couple to be healthy and at peace. Therefore, common reasons for divorce include: [12]
    • Irreconcilable differences : The couple is incompatible and clashes over their values, goals, personalities, and relationship expectations and there’s no way to resolve their differences.
    • Not fulfilling marriage duties : One or both spouses are unwilling to respect and care for their partner, support them (financially, emotionally), and be intimate with them.
    • Infidelity : Infidelity is considered a sin and breaks down the marital contract. The Quran says “And do not go near adultery; it is truly a shameful deed and an evil way” [Surah Al-Isra, 17:32].
    • Neglect : This includes emotional, financial, and physical neglect (not engaging in intimacy).
    • Abuse : This includes physical, emotional, and sexual abuse.
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Section 4 of 4:

Frequently Asked Questions

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  1. 1
    How long does an Islamic divorce take? Most divorces take at least 3 months to complete, as the 3-month waiting period ( ‘iddah ) is required before the divorce is finalized. However, the process might take longer if the wife is pregnant, as ‘iddah lasts until she gives birth.
  2. 2
    How many times can someone get divorced in Islam? Generally, a person can get divorced as many times as they remarry. However, the same couple can only get divorced 3 times. After they divorce for the third time, the wife has to remarry a different man and the marriage must end (by becoming divorced or widowed) before the couple can reunite again. [13]
  3. 3
    Can divorced couples get back together in Islam? Yes, a divorced couple can get back together and remarry. They have to complete a new marriage contract when they decide to get married again. [14]
    • The same couple can only get divorced 3 times.
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  • Question
    We both want talaaq and we are both Muslim. How fast can we get talaaq?
    Community Answer
    Generally speaking, divorce requires two witnesses, the man must give the divorce on his own volition (not being forced or compelled by anyone), and the woman must not be on her monthly cycle. These are the basic rules - consult your scholar for further details.
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  • Question
    Under what circumstances can a Muslim woman file divorce against her husband?
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    The woman has exactly the same rights when it comes to divorce as the husband. If she feels that the marriage cannot work out and reconciliation has failed, then she is allowed to divorce her husband (this is called khula), provided she follows all the legal procedures as well as the Islamic procedures, namely that she gives back part of her mahr (dowry)—but returning the dowry depends on the case.
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  • Question
    If a husband doesn't take any responsibility for his children, can a wife can apply talaq?
    Community Answer
    Yes, absolutely! If either of the couple is unhappy in a married arrangement, then applying for divorce is allowed in all cases. If the husband is not taking responsibility for the child, the the wife is allowed to get divorced and marry someone else to take proper care of the child (or do it herself).
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      • Kim says that “divorce is usually an emotionally intense and difficult process,” regardless if it’s amicable or not. He advises that you “focus on [your] mental health by seeing a licensed therapist, regularly interfacing with [your] support network,” like friends and family, and “upkeeping self-care activities.”
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      • Divorce can feel like a tremendous loss, so it’s completely normal—and advised—to mourn your relationship. To help yourself move on , marriage and family therapist Moshe Ratson recommends that you acknowledge your feelings and pain. He says, “It's going to take some time” to heal from the divorce, but “it's important for people to understand that it's not an indication that they are themselves bad.”
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      • Don't divorce your spouse just because you had an argument. Ups and downs are common in marriages—you're not alone! Communicate with your spouse to work through issues and come up with solutions that you both agree with.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://smartcouples.ifas.ufl.edu/divorcedremarried/help-for-couples-trying-to-work-it-out/when-it-hurts-so-bad-healing-your-marriage-/
      2. ↑ https://quran.com/en/an-nisa/35
      3. ↑ https://al-islam.org/religion-al-islam-and-marriage/first-two-years-marriage-survival-guide
      4. ↑ https://iams.llc/understanding-the-divorce-process-in-islamic-law/
      5. ↑ https://iams.llc/understanding-the-divorce-process-in-islamic-law/
      6. ↑ https://quran.com/en/at-talaq/1-2
      7. ↑ https://al-islam.org/media/ahkam-brief-divorce-iddah
      8. ↑ https://al-islam.org/media/islamic-guidelines-divorce
      9. ↑ https://islamqa.info/en/answers/91862/right-to-custody
      1. ↑ https://al-islam.org/islamic-laws-sayyid-ali-hussaini-sistani/divorce
      2. ↑ https://madrasatelquran.com/rights-of-woman-after-divorce-in-islam/
      3. ↑ https://www.alislam.org/question/divorce-in-islam/
      4. ↑ https://www.brandeis.edu/projects/fse/muslim/triple-repudiation.html
      5. ↑ https://www.brandeis.edu/projects/fse/muslim/triple-repudiation.html

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Getting an Islamic divorce is a long-term process that primarily focuses on trying to reconcile the couple. First, consider why you want a divorce and prioritise communication with your spouse to resolve issues. Appoint an arbiter, either from within or outside the family, to help settle the disputes between husband and wife. If this fails, file for divorce and sort out the legal matters such as child custody, if applicable. Finally, the woman must observe a three-month waiting period after the divorce. Read on to find out detailed information on how to get an Islamic divorce!

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