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Social media can be a useful way to stay connected to friends and family, but it can also bring out the worst in people. Platforms like Twitter and Facebook are often magnets for people who want to complain, gossip, or pick fights with others. If you have “friends” like this in your social networks, you don’t have to let their negativity get you down. Deal with them by keeping your own behavior polite and staying away from their drama. If that doesn’t work, distance yourself from these people by unfollowing or unfriending them.
Steps
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Recognize toxic behavior for what it is. If someone’s posts, comments, and messages consistently make you feel worse than you did before, you’re probably dealing with a toxic person . A few common signs of a toxic personality include lying frequently, putting others down, and being excessively pessimistic. [1] X Expert Source Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.- For instance, if someone you know is constantly posting gloomy, self-pitying statuses on Facebook to get attention, they may be toxic.
- A person isn’t necessarily toxic just because you dislike them. Rather, a toxic person is someone who saps your energy or brings out the worst in you. [2]
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Expert Source
Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 6 September 2018. - Identify how you feel after reading or listening to this person's posts, comments, or messages. Do you feel drained, tired, unmotivated, worthless, or depressed? If so, this person is more than likely toxic and you may need to remove them from your friend list on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and so on.
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Understand that a toxic person’s behavior isn’t personal. It’s easy to take someone else’s toxicity personally, but their behavior says more about them than it does about you. [3] X Expert Source Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 6 September 2018. They probably act the same way with everyone else, too. [4] X Research source- For instance, you might feel annoyed if an old friend always tries to one-up you when you post about your successes in life. However, comments like these are rooted in the other person’s insecurity and aren’t actually about you.
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Set boundaries. Don’t let toxic people demand all of your attention. Decide what you can tolerate from your negative friends and family members, and stand firm on your limits. [5] X Research source
- For example, you might tell a family member that you won’t reply anymore when they try to start political arguments with you.
- Toxic people often disregard boundaries, so be prepared to stand up for yourself if someone tries to push your limits. [6]
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Expert Source
Jin S. Kim, MA
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.
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Focus on solutions. Refuse to dwell on negativity, even if that’s clearly what the other person wants. You can often shut down complainers by asking them how they plan to fix a bad situation. [7] X Research source
- For instance, if your brother messages you every day about how he hates his job, say something like, “That sounds hard to deal with. What do you think you could do to make the situation better?”
- If the person refuses to try to solve the problem, politely excuse yourself by saying something like, “Well, I’ve got to go. Hope you find a solution!”
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Avoid seeking the person’s approval. You don’t need to humor a toxic person, even if they’re a family member or longtime friend. If their behavior is wearing you out, don’t feel pressured to like their post or reply to their message, even if that upsets them. [8] X Research source
- Seeking the approval of a toxic person can backfire, as they’ll be more likely to keep pestering you in the future.
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Think carefully before you get involved with a toxic person. If you know someone is prone to starting drama, consider whether engaging with them on social media is worth it. It might be best to avoid sending them a friend request or commenting on their post in the first place. [9] X Research source
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Respond with politeness. If a toxic person tries to stir up trouble with you, don’t give them any ammunition. Reply to a critical or competitive remark by saying something neutral or positive. If you refuse to play their game, they’ll move on and bother someone else. [10] X Research source
- For instance, if your sister-in-law frequently leaves comments on your posts implying that her kids are smarter than yours, it might make your blood boil. However, it’s still best to avoid a fight by replying, “Sounds like your kids are doing well. Have a good day!”
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Know you’re not obligated to validate a toxic person. You don’t have to boost anyone’s ego, listen to excessive self-pity, or get involved in other people’s arguments. If you don’t like the way a conversation or comment thread is going, don’t feel guilty about excusing yourself. [11] X Research source
- If someone is pressuring you to agree with them, consider being honest about your disagreement. They might get upset, but they probably won’t ask you to indulge them in the future.
- For instance, you could tell a chronic complainer, “Well, actually, I do think you could do something to change your situation.”
- If someone tries to draw you into drama that doesn’t pertain to you, you can just say, “That’s none of my business,” or “I’d rather not get involved.”
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Avoid initiating conversation with toxic people. Don’t start a conversation with a toxic person unless you have to. If they start a conversation with you, keep your responses brief and polite. Don’t ask them more questions than necessary, and make it clear when you’re done talking. [12] X Research source
- For instance, you can signal that a conversation is over by saying something like, “Well, I’ve got to go study with a classmate now. Nice talking with you!”
- While avoiding conversation with certain toxic people may be beneficial, there are certain circumstances where you may want to consider having a discussion with the toxic person. For instance, if the toxic person is a friend whom you’ve had in your life for a long time, then something may have happened in their life to bring on the toxic behavior. In this situation, maybe your friend will be open to discussing how their toxic personality is affecting your relationship.
- Keep in mind that you will need to be prepared to hear both positive and negative feedback, and you need to be able to provide the same introspection. Approaching the toxic person with this type of compassion and willingness to resolve the issue honestly, will help you find ways to stop their toxic pattern without the loss of friendship.
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Identify toxic friends. Once or twice a year, go through your friend list and ask yourself whether you’re glad to have all of these people in your life. If you dread receiving messages from certain people, or if there are a few friends you always end up arguing with online, they may be toxic. [13] X Research source
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Unfollow people whose posts bring you down. If you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings by unfriending them on Facebook, you can unfollow them instead. When you unfollow someone, you remain friends with them, but you stop seeing their posts in your news feed. [14] X Research source
- People can’t tell when you unfollow them.
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Unfriend or block people you don’t want any contact with. If you want to cut contact with someone, remove them from your friend list. Block them if you don’t want to see any of their posts or comments anymore. [15] X Research source
- If you’re on a social media site other than Facebook, unfriending might be the only way to stop seeing someone’s posts.
- Don’t feel obligated to explain yourself when you unfriend someone. The other person may just try to draw you into an argument.
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Surround yourself with positive people. Instead of dwelling on a few people’s negative behavior, seek out friends and family members who improve your life. When you surround yourself with positivity, you’ll be less affected by other people’s toxic behavior, both on the internet and in real life. [16] X Research source
- People should respect your boundaries and contribute positively to your relationship with them. If they don't, that's a sign that they're not someone you really want to be engaging with. [17]
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Expert Source
Jin S. Kim, MA
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.
- People should respect your boundaries and contribute positively to your relationship with them. If they don't, that's a sign that they're not someone you really want to be engaging with. [17]
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Expert Source
Jin S. Kim, MA
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhat is a toxic friendship?Jin Kim is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based out of Los Angeles, California. Jin specializes in working with LGBTQ individuals, people of color, and those that may have challenges related to reconciling multiple and intersectional identities. Jin received his Masters in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles, with a specialization in LGBT-Affirming Psychology, in 2015.Friendships are like any relationship in that they require cultivation and work. A balanced relationship should be the aspirational goal more or less, and both parties should feel they are reaching out and contributing to the friendship. In addition, a healthy friendship, in my opinion, is one where both people have respect for each other and their boundaries. If you feel that your friend regularly disregards your boundaries, or makes you engage in activities or situations that you don’t feel comfortable in, it may be time to evaluate that friendship.
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QuestionHow do you end a toxic friendship with someone?Jin Kim is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based out of Los Angeles, California. Jin specializes in working with LGBTQ individuals, people of color, and those that may have challenges related to reconciling multiple and intersectional identities. Jin received his Masters in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles, with a specialization in LGBT-Affirming Psychology, in 2015.Ending any relationship is uncomfortable and sometimes necessary. Once a relationship has been identified as toxic, it is imperative to end it in order to protect oneself. I am generally not a fan of “cutting people out,” and, aside from any extreme circumstances, I usually encourage my clients to have a closure discussion with the toxic friend, or to express how they feel about the friendship before determining whether the relationship will end. I believe this reinforces healthy communication and could potentially minimize any residual animosities between both people.
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QuestionHow do I know if someone has toxic traits?Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Los Angeles, California. She is the founder and clinical director of Coast Psychological Services. With over 12 years of experience, her mission is to provide clients with effective, well-studied, and established treatments that bring about significant improvements in her patients' lives. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples. Additionally, she provides group therapy for social anxiety, social skills, and assertiveness training. Providing a space where clients feel understood and supported is essential to her work. Dr. Georgoulis also provides clinical supervision to post-doctoral fellows and psychological assistants. She received her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles.Toxic behaviors that you can watch out for include manipulation, consistently invalidating your experiences, and making you feel that you are always wrong or bad.
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References
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.
- ↑ http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/12/08/7-smart-ways-to-deal-with-toxic-people/
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-travis-bradberry/how-successful-people-han_b_6933180.html
- ↑ Jin S. Kim, MA. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.
- ↑ http://www.bbc.com/capital/story/20141023-how-to-deal-with-toxic-people
- ↑ http://www.heysigmund.com/toxic-people-16-practical-powerful-ways-to-deal-with-them/
- ↑ https://analyze.life/be-emotionally-intelligent-learn-to-deal-with-toxic-people-smartly/
- ↑ https://goodmenproject.com/sex-relationships/how-to-deal-with-toxic-people-online-and-in-real-life-dg/
- ↑ http://www.lifehack.org/283358/15-ways-clever-people-handle-toxic-people
- ↑ http://www.careergirldaily.com/7-smart-ways-deal-toxic-people/
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/people-you-should-unfriend_us_568ab884e4b06fa68882fc94
- ↑ https://www.autostraddle.com/you-need-help-when-is-it-okay-to-unfollow-someone-on-social-media-275649/
- ↑ https://theartofcharm.com/empowerment/cut-toxic-people-life/
- ↑ http://www.bohoberry.com/toxic-people/
- ↑ Jin S. Kim, MA. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.
About This Article
Article Summary
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To handle toxic people on social media, try to ignore their posts and not get involved since they might just be looking for attention. If you're tired of seeing their negativity all the time, try unfollowing them, which will stop their posts from showing up in your feed but still let you stay friends with them. If someone is reaching out to you directly and you want it to stop, consider blocking or unfriending them. You can also just politely end the conversation by saying something like "Well, I've gotta go study now. Bye!" To learn how to avoid drama with toxic people on social media, keep reading!
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