How to Have a Discreet Bowel Movement at Your New Boyfriend's House

1. 1
   Tell him you are going to take a quick shower. If it is appropriate for your situation, this is great because he thinks you are taking a shower. Turn on the shower to mask the sound of plopping. However, beware that:

   • The smell will be worse in a humid environment so use cold water
2. 2
   Flush as you plop. Pretty self explanatory. If its not going to be super weird for you to flush four or five times, then time your plops to the same time as the loud flushing noise. Beware : You must time everything properly! The loud part of the flush is not for a few seconds after you've pushed the lever.
3. 3
   Put some toilet paper into the toilet before you begin. This absorbs the plop and thus prevents that telling backsplash noise. Beware, it will smell worse if you use this method because the specimen is not submerged fully into the water.
4. 4
   Turn up the radio before you leave, saying that you love this song. Then after a minute of dancing or singing along, excuse yourself. Chances are, he'll leave the radio up loud until you come back.
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Smell is a tougher thing to conceal. But sometimes its all you need to worry about because the area where he is sitting is far from the bathroom and the sound won't carry.

1. 1
   Use the bathroom spray or, barring that, perfume, before you drop one and after. Most people wait until after. Do not make this mistake.
2. 2
   Crack a window or light a match, but these are both telltale poop smell concealers.
3. 3
   Wait to go until right after he goes. If you can wait, it is best. That way, the smell has a chance to disappear  by the time he needs to go in there again.
4. 4
   Take advantage if multiple flushes aren't a problem. The less time poop is sitting in the toilet, the less chance is has to stink up the room.
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