How to Know If You Should Ask Her Out

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Should I ask her out? Or should women be asking me out? Your questions, answered
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Sometimes it’s not easy to tell if you actually have a shot with someone, or if you even like them, but there are plenty of clues and cues to look for, like flirtatious body language or prolonged eye contact. We talked to dating coaches and romance experts to bring you the surefire signs she’s into you, how to tell if you’re into her, and how and when to ask her out.

Should you ask her out?

Look for signs that she’s into you, like eye contact, flirting, or asking you questions about yourself, especially if she doesn’t do these things with other people. She might also mirror your body language or find excuses to touch you casually.

Section 1 of 4:

Signs She Wants You to Ask Her Out

  1. Dating coach John Keegan tells us that even without words, you can tell how someone feels about you by observing the intensity of their gaze. [1] Lock eyes and pay attention to how she looks back at you. If she gives off a direct and passionate gaze, she’s probably pretty interested in you. If you catch her eye and she demurely looks away, this might also be a sign that she has feelings for you.
    • You might also catch her looking your way now and then, which is a sign she’s curious.
    • If she’s completely present when you’re together, take it as a good sign. But if she’s distracted by her phone, watch, or other people around the room, she may not be romantically interested . [2]
  2. If she makes an effort to get close enough to you to make some kind of innocent physical contact, she’s most likely trying to tell you that she’s interested in you as more than just a friend. Think about whether she’s ever brushed up against your arm, or lightly touched your knee, chest, or shoulder. [3]
    • The rest of her body language can give you clues to her level of interest, too. If she leans into you while you’re talking, or if she mirrors your body language, it’s a sign that she’s probably into you.
    • Consider how her body language and gestures differ when she’s around you versus when she’s around other people. If she tends to be physically expressive around everyone, look for some other signs of her interest, like if she teases you playfully or pays you extra attention.
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  3. Keegan says that “reaching out in a lighthearted way” is a great sign. [4] If she frequently comments on your social media posts, responds right away to your messages, or sends you the first text, you’re obviously at the front of her mind. Look for detailed replies and new messages at least every other day or so.
    • If you’re also excited to respond right away with a similarly detailed response and you’ve been having long, in-depth conversations over text or social media, it’s a good sign that she’d want to spend more time with you in the real world.
    • If she remembers the little details you’ve told her and brings them up in later conversations, or says something reminded her of you, it’s a good sign that she likes you. [5]
    • A girl who shoots off cagey one-word replies or fails to respond to your messages in a timely manner might not be very interested.
  4. Pro matchmaker LeTisha Underwood says that if “she’s always asking you about your plans,” she’s probably into you. [6] If she says something about a future date idea, like, “you and I should go see that movie when it comes out next summer,” it means she wants to spend time with you and wants you to stick around for a while. Or test the waters by talking about hypothetical hangouts to gauge her level of interest.
    • If she’s bummed out about her busy weekend, say something like, “That’s too bad. If you were free you could come to the game with me instead.” While this date idea is impossible, her response can reveal a lot about how interested she would be in going out with you another time.
    • Notice whether she talks about you both as a unit with words like “us” or “we,” or whether she refers to a larger friend group. For instance, “You and I should go!” means she’d like to go with you; “We should all go!” suggests that she likes you as a friend.
  5. When you’re talking in person, pay attention to whether she starts blushing, gets into fits of nervous laughter, or can’t stop smiling. Her voice might also get softer. [7] These are all green flags, so if you notice any awkward moments or uncomfortable silences, don’t worry! It might just mean you’re both feeling the chemistry. [8]
  6. Constant compliments on your appearance or personality are a great sign. It’s also a green light if you and her have great conversational chemistry, and you banter and tease each other. [9] Again, just be sure this isn’t something she does with everyone—she could just be friendly.
    EXPERT TIP

    Imad Jbara

    Dating Coach
    Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.
    Imad Jbara
    Dating Coach

    This is why meeting people in real life is so much better than online —in that first moment you can see her energy, her vibe. If you guys match together, you can hear her voice, the way she moves, you can see if you are actually attracted to her and if you guys have a chemistry in that second by doing that.

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Section 2 of 4:

Signs You’re Ready to Ask Her Out

  1. Not every girl can brighten your day and send you spinning; it takes someone really special to make you feel this way. [10] Do you feel an adrenaline rush, scintillating sparks, or butterflies in your stomach when she looks at you? If you feel like you could take on the world with her at your side, it might be a good time to ask her out.
    • In addition to seeing how happy you are in her presence, notice whether you get gloomy whenever she’s not around. If you don’t notice her absence, you might not be that into her, after all.
  2. If you find yourself hastily rearranging your schedule so you can casually catch her after class or canceling on your buddies when she invites you to an event, take this as an indication that you really want to spend time with her. If you’re prepared to knock down any obstacles that might get in the way of seeing her, you’re probably ready to start going out with her. [11]
    • If she lingers around you while everyone else is heading home, or if she always manages to end up in the same rideshare as you, she’s probably making a concentrated effort to be around you, too.
    • If you’ve had plenty of chances to see her but you haven’t made an effort, reflect on what’s been holding you back. If you have zero shared interests or you dislike her friends or social scene, you might not be happy in a relationship with her.
  3. Dating coach Imad Jbara tells us that when you’re falling for someone, little things will remind you of them. [12] And if you’ve been thinking a lot about your crush, and you’re dreaming about asking her out, chances are you really like her. You might also find yourself thinking about her happiness, rather than just how cute she is, which means you really care about her.
    • Also pay attention to whether you get jealous anytime you see her hanging out with someone else, or if you can’t stand the thought of her dating someone else.
    • If the idea of introducing her your family and friends makes you really happy, or if you think a lot about your future together, consider making a move.
  4. If you can’t stop staring at her, you definitely have a crush. [13] And if you’re fixating on little intimate details about her facial features and expressions, you’re definitely falling hard. Don’t get too embarrassed when she catches you looking at her; try to establish eye contact so you can better gauge her reaction.
    • Beyond thinking simply that she’s cute, if you think it’s beautiful how her hair falls over her eye when she’s reading or if you’re struck how her eyes look blueish or brownish depending on the light, you probably have deeper feelings for her. [14]
  5. When you’re talking to your crush, pay attention to whether you just like talking to her about yourself, or if you can’t stop asking her questions in an effort to get to know her . If you remember the little things she tells you, and you’ve gone and looked up her favorite author or stopped by her go-to coffee shop, take it as a good sign that you should ask her out. [15]
    • Getting to know a girl can be one of the greatest parts of going out with her. If you’re already eager to learn everything about her, you’ll probably really like dating her.
    • If you’d really rather not know much about her, don’t bother asking her out. It might be better to leave things as they are so you can crush on her mysterious ways from afar.
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Section 3 of 4:

When to Ask Her Out

  1. Jbara says that if you come on too strong, “like you have an agenda,” then that might turn her off. [16] It’s easy to idealize someone when you’re simply attracted to them at a surface level. But make an effort to get to know her on a more personal level to see if you actually like her as a whole person, rather than just an idea. [17]
    • It’s best to know what you’re getting into before you take the plunge. For instance, if you’re a devoted dog person but she says she hates dogs, consider how this might affect your relationship.
    • If you’re starting to see her quirks as being cute, or if you’re head-over-heels for her in spite of her flaws, you might be ready for a real relationship. [18]
  2. If she’s someone you’ve known for at least a few months, then there isn’t as much reason to wait. In fact, if you keep waiting, someone else might beat you to it. [19] If you’re worried about jeopardizing your friendship, consider that it’s better to give it a shot and fail than to wonder forever if it would’ve worked out.
    • You can still stay friends , even if she rejects you. Asking someone out doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing deal!
  3. Usually, if a girl mentions that she’s seeing someone, it’s a sign that she’s not interested in going out with you. But if she’s mentioned that she’s single, and she hasn’t given any indication that she’s off the market, take it as a sign that she’s available. Take note if she asks about your relationship status; if she looks relieved to hear that you’re single, there’s a good chance that she wants to go out with you.
    • Usually, asking her if she’s single will automatically send the message that you’re interested.
    • If she's brought up the fact that she’s single without being prompted to say so, or if she’s talked about her single status with a dismayed or flirtatious air, it might be a hint that she’s hoping to get asked out.
    • If you’re also a girl and she mentions her queerness pretty early on, she might be trying to drop a hint about her feelings for you, especially if she’s giving off other signs of romantic interest. [20]
  4. If you’ve been having great chemistry but you’ve been waiting a long time before asking her out, she might get frustrated by all the waiting. She might expect you to ask her out, and not want to ask the question herself, so don’t wait! [21] Otherwise, she might get agitated.
    • If she’s giving off signs of agitation but still chooses to pay you attention, it might be a good sign that she’s just impatient. But if she completely ignores you or refuses to respond, there might be something else going on.
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Section 4 of 4:

Asking Her Out

  1. While there's no single right time to ask someone out, it helps if you're both in a great mood and experiencing chemistry together. Wait until you're having a great conversation, and ask her out at the peak of your conversation when you're really connecting. Try not to wait too long, or else the chemistry might fade.
    • Even if you’re just strolling around campus together after class or you’re hanging out at a friend’s party, find a quiet moment for the 2 of you to kick off a fun conversation.
    • If you’ve been chatting over a dating app , ask her out when your conversation is on a roll and you’re both replying quickly and enthusiastically. A good time to ask might be after she’s shared a really funny or personal story.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 970 wikiHow readers who've asked someone out, and 54% of them agreed that the best way to do so is by casually suggesting you hang out and spend time together. [Take Poll]
  2. Jbara recommends that you “get her attention softly.” [22] If she’s distracted, you might catch her off guard or frustrate her by asking her out. Don’t bring up the question if she’s trying to focus on something important, or looking around the room distractedly. Look for open body language, direct eye contact, and a smile on her face to know that you’re her main focus. [23]
    • While leading up to your question, be flirtatious by making direct eye contact or breaking the “touch barrier” to show that you’re really into her. This will help set the mood and capture her attention.
    • Avoid asking her out in a group setting. She might be distracted or shy in front of well-meaning but nosy friends.
  3. Don’t just say, “Are you free Friday?” She won’t know what she’s agreeing to. Instead, ask her to a specific place, and make it clear it’s a date. Dating coach Candice Mostisser says to “try to keep it to a single location, something that gives you guys the opportunity to talk.” [24] A coffee shop, museum, farmer’s market, or any other public setting is great.
    • For example, say, “I wanted to see if you’d like to get coffee with me this Friday, as a date,” or, “Would you go on a date with me? I was thinking about the museum tomorrow evening.”
    • That said, make sure it works for her, and be flexible! She might not be available for your first idea, but could be up for your second.
  4. If she accepts, congrats! But you’re not done yet. Ask for her number if you don’t already have it, or her social media, so that you can stay in touch and stay updated on your plans, in case they shift or change. Then, it’s probably best to say goodbye for now, if you can, so that you can both process and start looking forward to the date.
    • For example, say, “Great! I’m already looking forward to it. See you then, and I’ll be in touch!”
  5. If she says no, it’s really no big deal! Rejection happens to everyone, and you can handle it , we believe in you. And remember: it’s not personal. [25] Thank her for her time, and act casual. It doesn’t mean you can’t stay friends. That said, it’s probably best to excuse yourself for now, to avoid any awkwardness.
    • For example, say, “That’s alright, I’m glad I tried, at least. I’ll see you around!”
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Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Do I Have Rizz?

What does it mean to have a lot of rizz? “Rizz” is short for “charisma,” and it basically measures your charm and appeal—especially when it comes to flirting. So, how much rizz do you have right now? Are you a natural at chatting people up, or does your rizz game need a little work? Answer a few simple questions and find out!
1 of 12

What do you absolutely need to have rizz?

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Should you keep asking a girl out?
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Absolutely not. If you ask and you don't get the response you were hoping for, don't keep pushing it. It may not feel good, but remember that there are more potential partners out there. It may feel like you should give it another shot, but nothing good is going to come from this.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    Not Helpful 12 Helpful 54
  • Question
    What are some signs she likes me back?
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    A lot of this should just be fairly obvious to you most of the time. If she makes eye contact, she actively touches you, or she goes out of her way to interact with you, then she's probably interested.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      • Whether she’s a close friend, a classmate, an old flame, or someone you just met, give it a shot! While the possibility of rejection can be tough to deal with, don’t let it hold you back from trying.
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Find out what she likes and use her interests to plan your date. For example, if she likes coffee, ask her out to a cafe.
      • Make sure she knows you're asking her out on a date and not a friendly hangout.
      • It's good to wait, but don't wait too long! Someone else might swoop in.
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      References

      1. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      2. ↑ https://www.mantelligence.com/signs-a-girl-likes-you/
      3. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-tell-if-a-girl-likes-you-27-surefire-signs
      4. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      5. ↑ https://www.pride.com/dating/2018/5/24/9-signs-girl-you-actually-you-and-not-just-being-polite
      6. ↑ LeTisha Underwood. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 14 December 2021.
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202409/3-subtle-signs-that-someone-finds-you-attractive
      8. ↑ https://www.pride.com/dating/2018/5/24/9-signs-girl-you-actually-you-and-not-just-being-polite
      9. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-tell-if-a-girl-likes-you-27-surefire-signs
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/202111/why-crushes-are-so-common-and-healthy-all-ages
      2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love
      3. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/202204/how-men-and-women-flirt-body-language
      5. ↑ https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-11-scientific-signs-romance-relationships-attraction-a7944751.html
      6. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-tell-if-a-girl-likes-you-27-surefire-signs
      7. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      8. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/how-to/how-to-know-if-you-like-someone-ask-yourself-these-5-questions/
      9. ↑ https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-11-scientific-signs-romance-relationships-attraction-a7944751.html
      10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201803/is-it-better-to-ask-for-a-date-or-wait-to-be-asked
      11. ↑ https://www.pride.com/dating/2018/5/24/9-signs-girl-you-actually-you-and-not-just-being-polite
      12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201803/is-it-better-to-ask-for-a-date-or-wait-to-be-asked
      13. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      14. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201706/11-major-flirting-techniques-women
      15. ↑ Candice Mostisser. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.
      16. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-tips-to-avoid-personalizing-rejection#1

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      So, you’ve met an awesome girl who gives you butterflies in your stomach every time she looks your way. But should you ask her out? Before you give it a shot, try to figure out if she seems interested in you. For instance, if she often makes eye contact with you, smiles when you look her way, and looks for excuses to give you a call or start a conversation, there’s a good chance she likes you. You might also notice her flirting a lot, giving you affectionate touches, or acting shy or bashful around you. If you think she might be into you, do a little planning before you make your move. Give it a couple days before asking her out if you just met her. If she’s someone you already know, try to ask her at a time when you’re both hanging out and having a good time. If you’re both relaxed and already enjoying the moment, it won’t feel as awkward. Wait for a moment when you have her full attention—watch for eye contact, a smile, and open body language so that you know she’s at ease and focused on you. You can even try touching her hand or arm when you ask her so that she can tell you’re really interested. Keep it short and simple—try saying something like, “Hey, I really enjoy spending time with you. Do you want to go out for coffee with me on Friday?” If she says no, try not to sweat it. Just respect her decision and move on. Keep reading for tips on how to ask her out!

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