How to Know if Your Boyfriend Is a Sex Addict

Download Article
Download Article

Do you feel like all your boyfriend thinks about is sex? Having a high libido is one thing, but sex addicts take their desire to a whole new level. Fortunately, there are some clear red flags you can watch out for to determine if your boyfriend is a sex addict or not. We’ll walk you through a comprehensive list of signs that his obsession with sex is turning into an addiction.

1

He has a huge stash of pornography.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e7\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e7\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-1.jpg\/aid13007980-v4-728px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Watching porn in and of itself isn’t a red flag (and actually, it’s pretty common). [1] However, if your boyfriend can’t stop watching pornography or has a huge stockpile on his phone or computer, it might mean that he’s addicted. [2]
    2. Advertisement
2

He is secretive about his phone or computer.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/52\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/52\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-2.jpg\/aid13007980-v4-728px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Does your boyfriend get nervous when you ask to borrow his computer or phone? If that’s the case, he might be looking at porn or chatting with people online to fulfill his sexual needs. [4]
    • Being secretive about his phone isn’t a sure sign that he’s a sex addict, but if it’s combined with a few other red flags, then it can certainly contribute.
3

He masturbates excessively.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/5c\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/5c\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-3.jpg\/aid13007980-v4-728px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    You might notice that your boyfriend masturbates a few times a day, or even right after you two have had sex. Masturbating every now and then is fine (and perfectly healthy), but doing it compulsively probably means he has an addiction. [5]
    2. Advertisement
4

He talks about his sexual fantasies all the time.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/52\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/52\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-4.jpg\/aid13007980-v4-728px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    You might find that your boyfriend brings up sex all the time, even when it’s inappropriate or you’re not in the mood. This is most likely because he can’t take his mind off of it, and he wants to share his thoughts with you so they don’t keep bottling up.
    • He might even share upsetting thoughts with you, like talking about having sex with other people.
5

He is increasingly demanding in the bedroom.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/51\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/51\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-5.jpg\/aid13007980-v4-728px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    It’s totally fine for you and your boyfriend to explore and try new things. However, if you find that your boyfriend always wants to try something new in the bedroom but doesn’t ever seem satisfied with it, that’s a red flag.
    • Remember that you can always tell your boyfriend no if you don’t want to do something in the bedroom.
    2. Advertisement
6

He ignores other parts of his life for sex.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/46\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-6.jpg\/v4-460px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-6.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/46\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-6.jpg\/aid13007980-v4-728px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-6.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If your boyfriend is addicted, he might stay home from work, miss family events, or ignore his friends, simply to watch pornography or masturbate. This shows that he’s losing control over his actions, and he’s no longer able to think rationally about sex. [6]
    • He might also try to urge you to stay home or ignore your loved ones to have sex with him.
7

He uses sex as a way to cope with stressful situations.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/46\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-7.jpg\/v4-460px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-7.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/46\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-7.jpg\/aid13007980-v4-728px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-7.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If you notice that your boyfriend “needs” to have sex every time he’s had a bad day, that’s a red flag. Sex can definitely be comforting to some people, but if your boyfriend is addicted, he’s probably using sex to drown out his deeper emotions. [7]
    • Using sex as a coping mechanism often becomes a cycle. The more your boyfriend uses sex to cope, the more sex becomes a problem, which increases his need for sex.
    2. Advertisement
8

He has trouble maintaining an erection.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/7\/7d\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-8.jpg\/v4-460px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-8.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/7\/7d\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-8.jpg\/aid13007980-v4-728px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-8.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    This is not to say that he’s cheating on you necessarily—however, if your boyfriend has trouble getting or maintaining an erection, he may be using pornography or masturbating too much. [8] Erectile dysfunction can lead to a lot of shame and embarrassment, and you might notice that your boyfriend initiates sex less often after something like this happens.
    • Some sex addicts find that it’s “easier” to satisfy their urges using masturbation and pornography, simply because they can focus on themselves and not anyone else.
9

He cheats on you.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c0\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-9.jpg\/v4-460px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-9.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c0\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-9.jpg\/aid13007980-v4-728px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-9.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If your boyfriend has cheated on you before and it’s mostly been sexual relationships, there’s a good chance that he’s a sex addict. People who are deep into their addiction don’t care how their actions hurt others—they’re only thinking about their next fix.
    • Many sex addicts will also visit sex workers and pay for sex.
    2. Advertisement
10

His need for sex is negatively impacting your relationship.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/6\/62\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-10.jpg\/v4-460px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-10.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/62\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-10.jpg\/aid13007980-v4-728px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-10.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Sex addicts will put their need for pleasure above anything else, even your relationship. [9] You might feel frustrated, hurt, or upset by his actions, and for good reason.
    • His need for sex might also be negatively impacting his relationships with other people, like his friends and family.
11

He engages in risky sexual behavior.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e9\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-11.jpg\/v4-460px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-11.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e9\/Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-11.jpg\/aid13007980-v4-728px-Know-if-Your-Boyfriend-Is-a-Sex-Addict-Step-11.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    You might find that your boyfriend has cheated on you without using protection, or has gone to meet up with someone he’s never met just to have sex. These behaviors are clear indicators that he is a sex addict, and he’ll likely need professional help to curb his desires. [10]
    • If your boyfriend has engaged in risky behaviors, make an appointment with your doctor to get tested for STDs.
    2. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    Is it okay if my boyfriend watches porn?
    Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
    Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
    Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers.
    Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
    Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
    Expert Answer
    Contrary to popular belief, watching pornography is actually a healthy habit as long as it's used within reason and doesn't take over other aspects of a person's life. Many people think that watching pornography is the equivalent of cheating; ultimately, you need to talk to your BF and find a compromise or solution that works for both of you.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 24 Helpful 13
  • Question
    Should I stop my boyfriend from watching porn?
    Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
    Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
    Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers.
    Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
    Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
    Expert Answer
    Talk with him first and see if you can reach a compromise. Form boundaries, have guidelines, and keep the conversation going to ensure that you are comfortable with your partner's activity. Trying to control your boyfriend's pornography use may only backfire and result in them hiding it from you, which can weaken trust in the relationship.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 13 Helpful 7
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      Sweet & Spicy Truth or Dare Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend
      How to
      Ask Someone if They Want to Have Sex
      How to
      Moan
      How to
      Spoon Someone
      How to
      Know when Your Girlfriend Doesn't Love You
      20+ Ways to Tell If Someone Sincerely Loves You (Whether or Not They Say It)
      How to
      Kiss Your Partner's Neck
      20 Ways to Make Any Guy Obsessed with You
      How to Love an Overthinker
      12+ Cute and Unique Ways to Ask a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend
      How to
      Know if Your Girlfriend Wants to Have Sex With You
      How to
      Be Romantic on the Phone
      14 Ways to Make Your Girlfriend Feel Like a True Princess
      25 Common Signs a Married Guy Is Into You
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview. 19 August 2020.
      2. ↑ https://recovered.org/addiction/behaviors/porn-addiction/11-warning-signs-of-porn-addiction
      3. ↑ Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor. Expert Interview. 19 August 2020.
      4. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22690-sex-addiction-hypersexuality-and-compulsive-sexual-behavior
      5. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22690-sex-addiction-hypersexuality-and-compulsive-sexual-behavior
      6. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22690-sex-addiction-hypersexuality-and-compulsive-sexual-behavior
      7. ↑ https://www.psycom.net/sex-addiction/sex-addiction-and-relationships
      8. ↑ https://recovered.org/addiction/behaviors/porn-addiction/11-warning-signs-of-porn-addiction
      9. ↑ https://recovered.org/addiction/behaviors/porn-addiction/11-warning-signs-of-porn-addiction
      1. ↑ https://www.psycom.net/sex-addiction/sex-addiction-and-relationships

      About This Article

      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 68,049 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement