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Plenty of people experience the feeling that one life is not enough. Many attempt to add intrigue to their lives by pursuing secret romances or pursuing alternative interests. If you’re hoping to dabble in the art of living a double life yourself, there are several steps you can take to keep your second "life" secret. However, you must always ensure that leading a double life does not risk hurting others or wind up causing you to break the law.
Steps
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Keep Quiet. Whatever your secondary life entails, don’t talk about anything related to it without anyone you don’t want to know. Even if you’ve been winning big by betting on the Wolverines all year and your boss mentions that he placed a bet on their opponents in next week’s game, bite your tongue. [1] X Research source
- While it can be tempting to try to talk about aspects of your double life, it’s better simply not to engage.
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Be extra professional at work. You know better than bringing your personal issues to work. However, if you’re hiding some personal life secrets, you may want to go above and beyond keeping your basic responsibilities at work. Ensure that no one at work suspects you of leading a double life by showing up early, meeting your goals, and maintaining cooperative relationships with your colleagues. [2] X Research source
- If your secret life intrudes on your work day – perhaps a call from your fellow furry Agent Mittens – don’t let the interruption affect your work flow. Go for a walk when you get a free minute and address any issue that arises outside of the office.
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Use caution when speaking. Thoughts about your second life will likely arise during conversations in your non-secret life. Don’t externalize these thoughts, even if you think you won’t betray your secrets. Double check any statements that bear any relevance to your double life by asking yourself, “Will this possibly reveal anything?” [3] X Research source
- For instance, so-and-so mentions wanting to see such-and-such movie this weekend. You’ve already seen it, perhaps while on a secret solo mushroom-trip, or with a romantic partner you’d rather stay secret. Don’t say something like, “You totally should, it’s great!” They might ask when you saw it, or with whom, forcing you into a situation where you’ll have to lie or admit you’re living a second life.
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Address conflicts quickly. One of the quickest ways to get caught living a double life is by letting a conflict spill from one of your lives into the other. If you’re fighting with someone important in one of your lives, look to address any source of unease as soon as you can. Since people often act irrationally when they’re upset, allowing a conflict to persist may lead to emotion boiling over and secret second lives spilling into the light. [4] X Research source
- For example, an on-and-off again romantic friend from your second life, Agent Mittens, is upset you were canoodling a bit extensively with Sterling Silver at the last Meet & Pet. Don't leave Agent Mittens wondering what to think. Tell them how you feel, and how you prefer to interact with others in the environments you spend time in together.
- Stated simply, when issues arise, address them directly. Unaddressed issues are the most likely reason that people from your second life will intrude upon your first life and expose your secrets.
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Keep different lives on different platforms. Maybe you’re into a particularly risque type of online content. You know, the artistic stuff. Either way, there's plenty of stuff you may do online that you may want to keep secret. Make an entirely separate social media account to handle these interests. [5] X Research source
- For instance, don’t say anything about which featured videographer on GuysGoneWild you think is most insightful on Facebook, even in a private message to a friend that shares these interests. Instead, make an account on Reddit where you can find a group with similar interests and keep your thoughts on mustaches, man buns, and fedoras limited to this domain.
- For double-life online profiles, pick an anonymous username that you don’t use on any other platforms.
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Make an email address that’s secret-life only. Create an email account on a different host website than your other account. For instance, don’t simply create another Gmail account for ease of use, go old school and set up an account at Yahoo. The particular domain doesn’t matter, as long as you only have one account there. [6] X Research source
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Log off like your life depends on it. Especially after engaging double-life pursuits on social media, make sure you’re logging off. Get in the habit of logging out of all of your accounts, just to make sure you log off when it really matters. If possible, adjust your accounts’ settings to log you off automatically if you forget to do so. [7] X Research source
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Create two accounts on the same platform. It may simply be too tempting to keep from using Instagram in both of your lives. Fortunately, you can make multiple accounts on most social networking platforms. You may need to use different emails to do so, but this can help you keep track of which account you’re logging into. [8] X Research source
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Keep it offline altogether. If possible, keep your double life offline entirely. This may actually be the best way to ensure your never caught living a double life. In short, it can greatly increase the ease of living a double life by doing so entirely in the real world, where it’s much easier to erase your tracks. [9] X Research source
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Recognize that affairs are common. As many as 70% of men and 50% of women have an affair at some point in their marriage. This indicates that the desire to live a double life, especially in the romantic sense, is extremely common. However, having an affair can be incredibly hurtful, not only to your partner, but to other members of your family, and even yourself. [10] X Research source
- Before entering into an affair, think about the potential negative effects that doing so could have on the people you care about.
- Remind yourself that there are alternatives to having affair behind your partner’s back.
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Talk to your partner about an open relationship. Tell your partner you’re interested in having another sexual and/or romantic life outside of your relationship. Admittedly, this may diminish the rush derived from having an affair, since part of the allure is the emotional aspect of doing something you’re not supposed to do. However, it is disrespectful, manipulative, and hurtful to cheat on someone. You will also likely regret doing so. To prevent this, tell your partner about your desire to live a double romantic life. [11] X Research source
- Say something like, “I’ve been thinking about seeing other people. I care about you, and I don’t want to hurt you, but I am frequently tempted to be with other people. Can we talk about having an open relationship?”
- If they are receptive to the idea, make sure you discuss the parameters regarding appropriate vs. inappropriate behavior. Once these parameters are established, you can go about living a double romantic life.
- The ability to keep specifics secret about your extra-marital rendezvouses may up the intrigue. That said, always your partner is okay with the fact that you’re engaging in romantic or sexual encounters without their knowledge.
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Know when to call it quits. If you find yourself in a situation where your putting yourself or other people at risk, it may be time to address your behavior. If you’re engaging in multiple affairs without your partner knowing, you need to re-establish your perspective on life. This may be possible on your own, by reminding yourself that your actions can affect other peoples’ lives. [12] X Research source
- If you wake up regretting what you did the night before, reflect on the reasons you feel poorly. This may help you re-evaluate certain behaviors, and start to try and find a healthy balance between your interests.
- If you start to develop a problem with addiction to drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, or anything else, don't hesitate to get help. In particular, there are likely support groups for people dealing with whatever it is you're struggling with.
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See a psychologist. Psychologists are trained to help you address negative behaviors or emotions before they have dangerous or hurtful consequences. Often, people are not willing to get help until they are forced to do so by circumstance. Head any negative behaviors off by talking to someone who can help you recognize that your behavior is within your control. While your double life may seem to have taken on a force of its own, you have the power to control your future course of action.
- Talk to your doctor about mental health professionals they'd recommend. Similarly, search online for psychologists in your area with experience working with people in situations similar to your own.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhat kind of person lives a double life?Lauren Urban is a licensed psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York, with over 13 years of therapy experience working with children, families, couples, and individuals. She received her Masters in Social Work from Hunter College in 2006, and specializes in working with the LGBTQIA community and with clients in recovery or considering recovery for drug and alcohol use.I believe that people whose needs aren't being met in a relationship—particularly needs of emotional support and presence—are the most probable candidates to live a double life or have an affair. They usually feel like their partner isn't there for them, whether physically or emotionally.
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QuestionWhat if I want a Hannah Montana style double life?Community AnswerYou can have two online profiles, but it's best to stay offline.
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References
- ↑ https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-keep-your-personal-life-private-work-stacie
- ↑ https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-keep-your-personal-life-private-work-stacie
- ↑ https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-keep-your-personal-life-private-work-stacie
- ↑ https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-keep-your-personal-life-private-work-stacie
- ↑ https://s.tech.cornell.edu/assets/papers/anonymity-intimacy-disclosure.pdf
- ↑ https://www.fastcompany.com/1754431/5-tips-separate-personal-and-professional-life-online
- ↑ https://www.fastcompany.com/1754431/5-tips-separate-personal-and-professional-life-online
- ↑ https://www.fastcompany.com/1754431/5-tips-separate-personal-and-professional-life-online
- ↑ https://www.fastcompany.com/1754431/5-tips-separate-personal-and-professional-life-online
About This Article
Article Summary
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Living a double life can be hard work, but with the right preparation, you can ensure that your second life stays secret. Don’t talk about your second life to anyone, even if you trust them. That way, you won’t have to worry about the news getting out. Make a habit of thinking before you speak so you don’t accidentally let anything slip. You should also try to resolve issues from your second life quickly so they don’t spill over into your main life and risk people finding out. Make different social media and email accounts, if you haven’t already, so you can keep your lives completely separate. Alternatively, avoid social media altogether so you don’t need to worry about it. For more tips, including how to get help when you’re having an affair, read on.
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