How to Make the First Move on Your Crush

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Key tips for shooting your shot with a girl you like
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Making a move can mean showing interest, asking someone out, or initiating physical contact. We're here to explain just what to do to give you the best chance of connecting with a girl you're interested in. In this article, we walk you through how to make a move on a girl with the help of dating coaches Eddy Baller and Connell Barrett.

Tips for Making a Move on Her

  1. Strike up a conversation.
  2. Look for signs she’s romantically interested, like touches or long glances.
  3. When in doubt, ask if she’s interested.
  4. Express how you feel about her.
  5. Make light physical advances, like hand-holding or touching, on dates.
  6. If she’s not interested, don’t pursue her any further.
Section 1 of 3:

How to Make a Move on a Girl

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  1. Strike up conversation and make small talk. Talk about the weather, the service if you’re both waiting at a restaurant, or other things you have in common. Try to put your best foot forward through humor and kindness. Ask lots of questions to get her talking and to learn more about her. [1]
    • If you're talking most of the time, she'll probably think you like yourself more than you like her.
    • If you're getting along and you’re in a crowded area, ask her if she wants to step outside or find a quieter spot.
  2. Lightly engage with her through smiles, questions, and small talk. Keep the conversation brief, be kind, then get her number or give her yours. If you're nervous, chat with your friends or remind yourself you are not obligated to score. [2]
    • Avoid drinking to combat nerves.
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  3. Baller says to talk to her and get to know her before worrying about humor. [3] Once you’ve got a feel for her style of humor, make a few jokes when the opportunity presents itself. Don’t try to force a joke, but rather play on a moment to make her laugh.
    • For example, if you went out to dinner and she jokes about how the food made her gassy, say something like “That makes two of us. Let’s let it rip throughout the rest of the night.”
  4. Even if you aren’t dying to know about the topic, asking a girl to teach you something is a great way to get to know her while allowing her to excel at something she’s good at. Having face time with a girl who’s teaching you gives you the opportunity to ask questions about her research or skills and why she enjoys the topic. As long as you go into it with genuine curiosity, you’ll be fine! [4]
  5. Avoid trying to compliment her by saying something like “You’re not like other girls” or “You’re way better than all the other girls around here.” Instead of comparing her to other girls and trying to make it seem like you’re picking her because she’s better than them, focus on what you like about her and make her feel special without putting other women down. [5]
  6. While there's no definite way of knowing how she feels about you without explicitly asking, you can get a better idea of how she feels by paying attention to how she behaves around you. Look for open, inviting body language and proximity. Notice how she looks at you. Does she smile at you? Does she laugh at your jokes when other people don't? She may like you. [6]
    • Notice how she dresses regularly compared to how she dresses when the two of you spend time alone. If she dresses up when she is with you, she might be attracted to you.
    • Barrett says to pay attention to whether she leans into you when she is speaking and whether she touches your arm or leg while she is talking to you. [7] These are possible signs that she is flirting.
    • If she prefers spending time with you around other people, always chooses to sit on the opposite side of the couch, or pulls away from you when you try to hug her or dance with her, then she's probably not interested in developing things romantically.
    • Check to see that she wants to be alone with you. If she wants you to make a move on her, then she will suggest doing activities that allow the two of you to be alone.
  7. Letting a woman know that you’re interested in her can help you figure out whether making a move is the right decision or not. Barrett says that when you want to know if a girl likes you, let her know that you feel that way. Her response will clarify whether she likes you or not. [8]
    • Say something like “Hey, I’ve seen you across the classroom a few times and I wanted to say you’re really cute.” If she responds by saying something like “Thanks, you are too,” she may be into you.
  8. For example, if you're watching a movie or walking somewhere together, hold her hand or put your arm around her. Pay attention to how she reacts. If she likes you, she'll hold your hand back, or give your hand a squeeze. [9] If she doesn't, she'll move her hand away. If she holds your hand or moves closer to you, put an arm around her and see how she reacts to that. Ask if it's okay if you can't tell what she wants. [10]
    • Reader Poll: We asked 135 wikiHow readers if they enjoy public displays of affection with their partner, and 65% said Yes ! [Take Poll] Just make sure she is comfortable with PDA before you make a move in public.
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    Pay attention to her reactions to you. As your conversation flows, gauge her comfort with physical touch. For instance, offer to gently put your arm around her while walking. If she respond positively, it could lead to further physical connection.

  9. Avoid coming on too strongly if you're not sure how she feels. Whether she’s your friend or someone you’re just interested in, she might be scared of hurting your feelings, especially if she cares about you. If you can't tell whether or not she likes you from checking the signs, ask before you make a move.
    • Asking can be just as fun and sexy as going for it. Enjoy the awkwardness. Ask in person, or write a note.
    • You can say something like, "I think about you a lot. I like you. I've been trying to figure out if you like me back, or if you're just a really great friend. It's cool either way, but—if you like me, let's go out sometime."
    • Barrett says to add some light romantic compliments, as you don't want to make her uncomfortable if she just wants to be friends. Compliment her style, eyes, sense of humor, and say she has a special way about her you just can't put into words. [11]
    • Be prepared for a yes! Have a date plan. Ask her somewhere beautiful, where you can be alone without the rest of your friends showing up or tagging along.
  10. Once you have established that she’s attracted to you, your move might happen naturally. If you feel the need to plan, though, try extending a friendly interaction, like a tight hug. If she’s interested, she’ll reciprocate the action to let you know. [12]
    • Sometimes friends who are mutually attracted to each other have unique physical habits, like excessive hugging, massages, or wrestling. If that’s you, try stopping the action and making eye contact to make things more intimate.
    • If you always hug, make your move by holding on. If she freezes or moves away, let her go. If she gets closer or holds on to you tighter, you can try for a kiss.
    • Check in after. If you make a physical move, make sure she is enthusiastically consenting .
  11. Saying goodbye is a great moment to make a move, because there is a quick exit strategy for both of you. As your date closes, Barrett says to go for a hug and a kiss on the cheek. [13] If she moves away, squeezes you quickly and lets go, or seems otherwise uninterested, thank her for the nice evening and leave. If she holds on, moves closer, or offers you her lips, kiss her.
    • This is probably the best move to make on a first date. Make sure it's clear that you're leaving, so she doesn't feel pressured.
    • If you're driving, drop her off and walk her to her door. Make it clear you don't expect to be invited in.
  12. The "Friend Zone" isn’t something to worry about when it comes to expressing your interest in someone that you like, as it may turn out that she likes you too. While some women may prefer being just friends, don’t let that possibility stop you from trying. Once you know you like a girl, either make a move or tell her how you feel. [14]
    • If she expresses that she does want to remain friends, respect her wishes.
  13. When it comes to making a move on someone, it’s easy to psyche yourself out and feel like being rejected would be the end of the world. But, it’s best to just try! The worst she can say is no. Rejection doesn’t define you and your perfect match may be right around the corner. But, you’ll never know unless you try. So shoot her a text, be willing to mess up, and remember that it’s okay if she’s not interested. [15]
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Section 2 of 3:

How to Establish Enthusiastic Consent

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  1. Consent means that she can legally agree to sexual activity. [16] Sexual activity includes anal, vaginal, and oral sex, as well as touching, watching porn, kissing, or showing parts of the body. She can only give consent if she is sober, awake, and mentally able. Someone who is drunk, high, passed out, or mentally incapacitated cannot give consent. [17]
    • Consent must be freely given. Someone who is being pressured cannot give consent. If she is scared of you, underage, being pressured, or you have any power over her, she cannot give consent.
    • If you’re both underage but you are more than two years older or younger than her, it may be illegal for you to make a move on her, or for her to make a move on you. [18]
    • Check the age of consent in your state before you make a move on someone who isn't your age.
  2. Once she has given verbal consent (from "Yes!" to "Absolutely! Yes! Totally! That's what I want!"), check for physical signs and listen to her tone of voice. She should initiate sexual activity, respond to your touch, and seem relaxed and excited. If she does not respond, she might not actually be into it. If she turns away or moves away from you in any way, she might be telling you "No." [19]
    • Stop immediately if she gives any signs of withdrawing consent.
    • If she seems hesitant, but says she is ready, try going slowly.
    • Make a game of it. Take turns initiating touch, or have her tell you what to do.
  3. Before you kiss, touch, or otherwise make a move on someone, ask if they would like you to do it. This can be awkward, but it can also be fun, and it can save you both from a really bad experience. Once you know she likes you, you can ask in a sexy way. [20]
    • For instance, say "May I kiss you?" "Can I hold you?" "I'd like to touch you there. Would you like that?"
    • Remember, consent can be withdrawn at any time. If she said "yes" to one thing, it doesn't mean "yes every time" or "yes to everything else." Keep checking in.
  4. Once you have done something new, ask how it feels. Say "Does that feel good?" or "Do you like that" or "Should I keep going?" Even when you're doing something you've done before, it's good to check-in. Something that feels good one day might not feel good the next. [21]
  5. Always take no for an answer. If she says no, back off. If she says something like "not now" or "maybe later," that also means no. Back off if she doesn't say yes. Not only is doubling down after being rejected creepy, it can make you seem desperate and lower your chances of getting with others. [22]
    • Once you've made your move, and she doesn't encourage you, back off. She'll tell you if she changes her mind.
    • Don’t respond with negativity or hostility. Instead, respect her wishes. [23]
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Section 3 of 3:

What does it mean to make a move?

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  1. In the context of dating, to making a move means showing interest romantically or physically. For example, if you ask someone on a date either in person or over text or online, that would be considered making a move. [24] Making a move can also refer to initiating physical contact in the hopes of touching, kissing, or going further.

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      Tips

      • Remember that if she wants you to make a move, she'll try to make it as easy as possible for you to do it. If you find yourself unable to find the "right" moment even after several dates, then it might be because she's trying to prevent the moment from arising.
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      • Only do what feels natural. Try not to plan out what you're going to do beforehand and instead just go with the flow. If you feel uncomfortable making a move, it will show.
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      References

      1. ↑ http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/conversation/invitation
      2. ↑ https://www.hartcoachingacademy.com/blog/making-great-first-impression-capture-mans-interest#
      3. ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.
      4. ↑ https://www.internqueen.com/blog/how-to-build-a-strong-relationship-with-your-professor
      5. ↑ https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/tinder-translator-aileen-barratt-extract
      6. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-tell-if-a-girl-likes-you-27-surefire-signs
      7. ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
      8. ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 2 April 2021.
      9. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-tell-if-a-girl-likes-you-27-surefire-signs
      1. ↑ https://cmr.biola.edu/blog/2023/aug/17/mans-guide-reading-between-lines/
      2. ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
      3. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/female-body-language/
      4. ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
      5. ↑ https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20240206-why-flirting-might-be-good-for-your-relationship
      6. ↑ https://youtu.be/TSNMKUdwojo?si=r5h4DP4qnuEtFdWr&t=81
      7. ↑ http://www.marquette.edu/sexual-misconduct/defining-consent.shtml
      8. ↑ https://www.suffolk.edu/about/mission-history/policies-procedures/title-ix-at-suffolk/affirmative-consent
      9. ↑ http://teenhealthsource.com/sex/age-consent/
      10. ↑ http://teenhealthsource.com/sex/sexual-consent/
      11. ↑ http://teenhealthsource.com/sex/sexual-consent/
      12. ↑ http://teenhealthsource.com/sex/sexual-consent/
      13. ↑ http://teenhealthsource.com/sex/sexual-consent/
      14. ↑ https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-handle-rejection-so-that-you-can-heal-and-move-on
      15. ↑ https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/make-a-move

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To make a move on a girl, wait for a moment when things feel unforced so you don't take her totally off guard. For example, when watching a movie, try taking her hand lightly and waiting for her to give your hand a squeeze. If she responds positively, put your arm around her and see if she snuggles in. Another good time to make a move is when you're saying goodbye. For instance, go in for a hug or a kiss right before you go home. However, if she moves away or seem uninterested, thank her for a nice evening and leave. Whenever you're unsure about how she feels, ask if she's okay with what you're doing to build trust and respect. To learn how to make a move on a friend, keep reading!

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