7 Easy Ways to Politely Turn Down a Date Online

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

Navigating the world of online dating is always tricky. Things can get especially awkward when someone takes an interest in you, but you don’t feel the same about them. How do you make it clear that you’re not into them without hurting their feelings? The easiest way to turn someone down is to tell them you appreciate the gesture while declining their offer. In this article, we’ll go over some of the best ways to let someone down gently online.

1

Send a clear, direct message.

PDF download Download Article
  1. When you’re trying to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, you might be tempted to be a little wishy-washy about your intentions. Unfortunately, this could give them false hope that you might change your mind—or just leave them feeling confused about whether you’re interested or not. Send a message that’s as clear as possible so that there’s less chance of a misunderstanding. [1]
    • For instance, say something like, “Sorry, but I’m not interested,” or “You seem cool, but I just don’t feel a romantic connection between us.” [2]
    • Unless you’re truly uncertain, avoid saying ambiguous things like, “I’m just not sure how I feel about going out with you right now,” or “I don’t know, I’ll have to think about it.”
    • Whatever you say, keep it brief. There’s more room for confusion, frustration, or hurt feelings if you write a long essay about why you don’t want to go out with them.
    2. Advertisement
2

Give them a reason if you want.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If you choose to tell them why you’re not interested, keep it honest and phrase it in a kind, constructive way. [3] Say something like, “I just don’t feel ready to date somebody so much older than me,” or “It seems like we don’t have that much in common.” [4]
    • Other reasons you might use include things like, “It wouldn’t work out with us living so far apart,” or “You’re so adventurous, but I’m more of a homebody. I don’t think our lifestyles are really compatible.” You can also keep it simple and just say something like, “I’m sorry, but I don’t see you in a romantic way.”
    • Avoid saying anything that could come across as hurtful or unkind, such as, “You’re not that attractive to me.”
3

Make your message positive.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If you want, you can even throw in a compliment—just be careful of giving them the idea that you might still be interested. [5] Try saying something like:
    • “It’s been so much fun chatting with you, but I just don’t feel like we’re a good romantic match.”
    • “You’re awesome, but I’m not really feeling that spark.”
    • “I’m so flattered you asked, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to say no.”
    • “You seem like a really cool person, but I just can’t see us as a couple.”
    2. Advertisement
4

Say it’s about you, not them.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Instead, focus on your own feelings. [6] The rejection will sting a lot more if you make it sound like there’s something “wrong” with your would-be date. [7]
    • For instance, say something like, “I’m not feeling any chemistry here,” or “It sounds like you’re looking for something serious, but I’m not ready to commit to anyone right now.”
    • Avoid saying things like, “You’re not my type,” “You’re a little bit high drama for me,” or “You don’t seem like boyfriend/girlfriend material.”
5

Wish them luck.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Instead of just rejecting them and leaving it at that, let your would-be date know that you wish them the best. Leave things on a friendly and hopeful note. [8]
    • For instance, say something like, “Good luck out there! :)” or “I know you’ll find someone awesome.”
    2. Advertisement
6

Resist the temptation to ghost them.

PDF download Download Article
  1. As awkward as it can be to send that rejection note, the other person will feel a lot less hurt and confused if you just tell them what’s up. [9] Even if you don’t want to get into your reasons or write anything elaborate, just tell them something. It could be as simple as, “No, thanks.”
    • Not only is it kinder to the other person if you don’t ghost them, but it’ll also save some potential awkwardness if you happen to run into them in the future. [10]
7

Set strong boundaries if they persist.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If the other person continues to bother you even after you gave them a clear “no,” don’t worry about staying polite. You went to the effort to be kind and respectful, and they should do the same for you! If you like, you can send them another message asking them not to contact you anymore. If that doesn’t work, you may need to block or report them.
    • If you’re already worried that you might be dealing with someone who won’t take no for an answer, it’s okay to be a bit blunter in your initial message. Say something like, “I don’t think we’re compatible, and I’m not interested in going on a date with you. Please don’t contact me further.” [11]
    2. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      8 Effective Methods to Find a Tinder User Profile Without Signing Up
      How to
      Make My Boyfriend Blush over Text
      The 15 Best Ways to Answer "Tell Me About Yourself" on a Dating App
      Tinder Personality Types: 16 Myers-Briggs Interpretations
      How to
      Ask a Girl for Her Number Online
      How to
      See Who Liked You on Bumble
      Meaningful and Funny Questions to Get to Know Your Dating App Match Better
      How to
      Start a Conversation on Hinge
      The 11 Best Ways to Respond to "Hey" from a Girl on Tinder
      How to
      Impress a Girl on WhatsApp
      A Complete List of the Best Dating Apps for Teens
      The 24+ Best Hinge Openers: Funny, Flirty, & Friendly
      How to
      Make a Hinge Profile: Tips and Examples to Help You Ace Your First Impression
      How to
      Get Bumble Premium for Free: Free Trial Setup & More
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/learning-to-say-no#how-to-say-it
      2. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.
      3. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/healthy-conflict-how-to-let-someone-down-without-ghosting-them/
      4. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.
      5. ↑ https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/8005c989-3226-435b-b87c-da5ece40fad3
      6. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.
      7. ↑ https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/8005c989-3226-435b-b87c-da5ece40fad3
      8. ↑ https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/10-ways-to-turn-down-a-second-date/
      9. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/healthy-conflict-how-to-let-someone-down-without-ghosting-them/
      1. ↑ https://www.cbc.ca/life/wellness/better-than-ghosting-a-respectful-alternative-to-parting-ways-online-1.4493952
      2. ↑ https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/8005c989-3226-435b-b87c-da5ece40fad3

      About This Article

      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 84,977 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement