Q&A for How to Know if Your Girlfriend Is Cheating on You

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  • Question
    Why does my girlfriend never want to sleep with me?
    Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.
    Licensed Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Your girlfriend might be distancing herself, rather than cheating. She might have an avoidant attachment style that makes her grow distant when she sees you're getting closer. She'll do something to create space because she's not as comfortable with closeness. This could be something that you'll have to discuss in your relationship.
  • Question
    If my girlfriend and I get into an argument, and later I invite her over for dinner, she says no, I ask why, and she says "you figure it out", what does that mean?
    Community Answer
    She might still be upset about the argument. Try apologizing and asking if you can talk it out.
  • Question
    What if she doesn't answer right away and acts like she doesn't hear you and you have to ask her again?
    Community Answer
    She might genuinely not have heard you! Talk to her about how you feel. Say something like "I feel like I have to repeat myself a lot, is what I'm saying not interesting to you?" Having an open conversation is the quickest and easiest way to deal with relationship problems!
  • Question
    What if you are still not sure?
    Community Answer
    Talk to her! You'll be able to sit down and put your fears out there. If she is cheating on you, calling her out in such an honest way might prompt her to respond. If she's not, she can explain why you might have thought that way
  • Question
    What if you try to look at her phone but she does not let you see
    Community Answer
    Remember that her phone is her privacy, and she has every right to keep her phone private if she wants to. You can ask her who she's texting, but try not to pry too much if she wants to keep some things private, everyone has that right, and privacy does not necessarily mean she's cheating!
  • Question
    What if you girlfriend is close to a particular coworker and you suspect them, but she tries to be defensive? What are the signs to look out for?
    Danielle Husband
    Community Answer
    If you're worried that she's cheating, look for all of the signs in this article, such as being secretive with her phone, changing her appearance, being less affectionate toward you, and disappearing for periods of time. However, keep in mind that it's normal for people to have friends at work and maintain friendships outside of their relationship. It's best to talk to your girlfriend about why you're concerned about this particular coworker. Then, decide if you're able to trust her or not.
  • Question
    Whenever I call her, her cell is always on waiting. If I ask who was she speaking to, she says it's not my business. If I ask to meet, she postpones the plans. What does this mean?
    Danielle Husband
    Community Answer
    She's probably upset that you're asking her about who she's talking to. While you might feel worried, she's allowed to talk to people without telling you about it. It's important that she have some privacy. If you think she's cheating, it's best to talk to her about your concerns. If you notice that she's secretive with her phone and shows other signs of cheating, tell her that you've noticed these behaviors. Then, decide if you can still trust her or not. If there's no trust, it will be hard to save your relationship.
  • Question
    Every time we sleep, she puts her phone under her pillow. Why?
    Danielle Husband
    Community Answer
    There are several reasons she might be doing this. She might enjoy playing on her phone while she's falling asleep, so putting it under her pillow is an easy way to put it away when she starts to drift off. Additionally, she might use her phone as an alarm clock, and putting the phone under her pillow might help her wake up to the alarm. On the other hand, it's possible that she's hiding it from you because she's cheating. Watch her other behaviors for signs she's cheating and talk to her if you're worried.
  • Question
    I think my girlfriend is cheating and lying to me about it. What should I do?
    Danielle Husband
    Community Answer
    Talk to her about your suspicions and why you feel that way. Then, listen to what she has to say. After you talk, decide if you can trust her going forward. Without trust, it'll be hard to keep your relationship going.
  • Question
    What if she cheated twice?
    Danielle Husband
    Community Answer
    If she's already cheated twice, you'll need to decide if that's something you can get over. You're probably feeling a lot of pain and might worry that she'll do it again. Talk to your girlfriend to figure out if you want to save your relationship. Then, decide what you need from her to feel secure in the relationship.
  • Question
    What if your partner tells you she doesn't love you anymore?
    Danielle Husband
    Community Answer
    You're probably feeling really upset over this, but you'll feel better in time. Sometimes people fall out of love, and it sounds like this happened to your partner. This means your relationship is probably over. As painful as this is, you'll find someone who's better for you eventually. Focus on yourself right now, and things will get better soon.
  • Question
    What does it mean if she starts wanting to talk and text less over phone out of nowhere?
    Danielle Husband
    Community Answer
    There are many explanations for this. She might have gotten busier or could be going through a hardship right now. However, she might also be talking to someone new. It's best to ask her if something is going on in her life. Say, "You seem really overwhelmed right now. Is something bothering you?" Then, see what she has to say.
  • Question
    What if I text her and she does not respond right away?
    Danielle Husband
    Community Answer
    She is probably busy or unable to access her phone. Alternatively, her battery may be dead. If you're concerned, ask her why it takes so long for her to answer.
  • Question
    Would if she is always going through my phone but acts like she doesn’t want me to see hers?
    Danielle Husband
    Community Answer
    This could be a sign that she's cheating, but it's also possible that she's been hurt in the past and is afraid of being hurt again. Talk to her about your concerns and tell her that you're not okay with her violating your privacy by going through your phone, especially if she's keeping her phone private.
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