How to Tell If Your Husband Is Sexting Someone Else (And What to Do about It)

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Confronting your husband about his shady behavior
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Do you feel like your husband has been acting a little suspicious lately? While he may not be physically cheating, sexting other women, or sending lewd messages and photos, is a version of online cheating that still crosses boundaries. But since sexting is much harder to catch than physical cheating, how do you know for sure? We’ve got the top 12 signs to look for so you can tell if your husband is texting another woman (as well as advice on how to handle the situation).

Things You Should Know

  • Your husband may be sexting another woman if he’s much more secretive about his phone or uses a new passcode that he won’t share with you.
  • He may also be sexting if he deletes his texts often or he takes his phone with him everywhere (even into the bathroom).
  • Your husband may be sexting because he likes the attention or because he’s insecure. Either way, it’s important to confront him about it and have a long conversation.
Section 1 of 4:

Signs He Is Sexting Another Woman

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  1. How often does your husband usually use his phone? If he wasn’t much of a texter before but now he’s always typing away, that’s a sign that he could be chatting with someone new. [1]
  2. Many couples let each other use their phones and share passwords. If your husband never had a password before or he changed the password and won’t tell you what it is, he could be hiding something (like a new sexting partner). [2]
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  3. When people cheat, they often try to hide the evidence as quickly as they can. If you think your husband is sexting, check his texts—he’ll likely have erased the majority of them to get rid of anything incriminating. [3]
  4. Do you ever see your husband try to casually turn away from you while he texts? Or, he might tilt the phone down so you can’t quite see what’s on the screen. He could be doing this because he’s texting someone that he doesn’t want you to see.
  5. Watch how your husband puts his phone down whenever he gets up or does something else. Cheaters will often set their phones face-down in case a notification pops up (that way, you won’t be able to see it). [4]
  6. You can’t tell he’s texting if his phone isn’t constantly dinging, right? If your husband used to keep his ringer on but now his phone is only ever on silent, that’s a red flag. [5]
  7. Some cheaters will even go so far as to sleep with their phone underneath their pillow. This is likely because he doesn’t want to leave his phone unguarded while he sleeps, just in case you go through it. [6]
  8. Maybe he used to set his phone down to go to the bathroom, but now he keeps it with him. Or, maybe he used to leave his phone at home when he went to the gym, but now it stays in his pocket. This could indicate that he’s sexting someone else (or at least has info on there he doesn’t want you to see). [7]
  9. He might not want you to see him smiling, blushing, or even taking pics to send back and forth. If your husband is constantly getting up to send a text to someone, it’s a sign he’s doing something shady he doesn’t want you to see.
  10. Maybe you bring up your concerns and he immediately accuses you of being nosy. Or, he might even accuse you of cheating (it’s a common defense tactic that cheaters use). If your husband immediately jumps into defense mode instead of calmly reacting, that’s a red flag. [8]
  11. You know your husband is always on his phone, so why isn’t he getting back to you? This could be a sign that he’s devoting all his texting energy to a new partner or that he’s intentionally ignoring you so he has more time to sext. [9]
  12. He might be spending more time out of the house on quick trips, like going to the grocery store or going for a walk. Or, he might spend more time holed up alone, with his laptop or phone in tow, of course. When his routine changes, it could be a sign that he’s carving out time to sext someone new. [10]
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Section 2 of 4:

Why He Might Be Sexting Another Woman

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  1. Sexting another woman can be exciting and likely makes your husband feel good. If he’s been in a rut lately, getting attention from someone who is not his spouse could make him feel great (even though it’s not the right way to make himself feel better). [11]
  2. Insecurity often leads men to seek validation from others outside the relationship. It’s possible that he’s feeling inadequate or like less of a man because of something that happened or because of his own past trauma. He may be looking for an ego boost by sexting someone else, even though he knows it might hurt you. [12]
  3. It’s normal for your sex life to ebb and flow as a relationship progresses. If your husband is frustrated by a lack of sex or spontaneity, unfortunately, he may be sexting another woman to fill that desire. [13]
  4. Sometimes, we don’t feel “good enough” to have a relationship with our partners, and we sabotage the partnership to avoid feeling heartbreak later on. If your husband struggles with low self-esteem or low confidence, he may be subconsciously trying to end the relationship before you can break his heart. [14]
  5. Unfortunately, when your husband sexts another women, there is a possibility that he doesn’t want to continue a relationship with you. It’s possible that this first instance of cheating is his way of ending the relationship, even though it’s not the right way to go about it. [15]
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Section 3 of 4:

What to Do If Your Husband Is Sexting

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  1. If you think your husband is being unfaithful, talk to him about it. Even if you’re not 100% sure or you think you might just be imagining things, bring it up. Otherwise, it’s going to fester inside of you until you explode.
    • “Hey, could we talk? I’ve noticed you’ve been on your phone a lot more recently, and it’s got me overthinking a little bit.”
    • “Let’s have a chat. Could we talk about your behavior lately? I’m not sure I’m okay with how often you’re texting another woman.”
    • “I know you’ve been sexting someone else behind my back, and it’s not okay.”
    • Reader Poll: We asked 528 wikiHow readers, and 55% of them agreed that they’d feel suspicious and confront their partner if they suddenly started hiding their phone from them. [Take Poll]
  2. Express your emotions and how you feel about what he’s been doing. Even if you’re not totally sure he’s been cheating on you, let him know that his shady behavior isn’t okay. You don’t have to accuse him or blame him, but use “I” statements to make your feelings known. [16]
    • “When I found out how much you’d been texting this other woman, I got really upset. I felt like you had violated my trust.”
    • “When you get over-protective and defensive about your phone, I feel like you don’t trust me.”
    • “I see sexting as cheating, so I feel like you’ve cheated on me for the past month.”
  3. Let your husband explain why he’s been doing what he’s doing. As he talks, try to make sense of his explanation. If it’s something understandable, now’s the time you can decide whether or not you can forgive him. [17]
    • For instance, maybe he was doing it for the attention or because he’s insecure. If that’s the case, you two could potentially work on your relationship and repair things.
    • However, if he’s been sexting other women because he’s not happy and wants to end the relationship, then you may need to reconsider.
  4. The best way to move past infidelity is to consult a professional. Make an appointment with a couples counselor , then talk about everything that’s happened. They will help your husband address the root of his issues and also help you figure out whether or not you can forgive him. [18]
  5. Moving forward, ask your husband to make some changes to his behavior. Start by keeping cell phones out of the bedroom, so that when it’s time to sleep, it’s just you two sleeping next to each other. Work on rebuilding trust and reconnecting as a couple by going out on fun dates and taking the time to get to know one another again. [19]
  6. Sexting is a form of cheating, so you’re well within your rights to divorce your husband if you decide to. If you confront your husband and ask him to change, but he doesn’t, consider starting the divorce process soon.
    • It can be really tough to decide whether or not to divorce your spouse, especially if you have children together. Talk things over with trusted loved ones or a mental health professional to help you make your decision.
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Section 4 of 4:

Is sexting cheating?

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  1. While it can be confusing because there’s nothing physical going on, many people agree that sexting someone outside of the relationship constitutes cheating behavior. It’s because your husband is forming a relationship with another woman—it might not be romantic, but it’s certainly sexual. [20]
    • Sexting can cover lewd messages, lewd photos, and even lewd videos sent back and forth.

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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
      4. ↑ https://www.today.com/health/he-cheating-me-8-warning-signs-never-ignore-t78406
      5. ↑ https://www.today.com/health/he-cheating-me-8-warning-signs-never-ignore-t78406
      6. ↑ https://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/advice/a1586/11-signs-that-he-might-be-having-an-affair-107288/
      7. ↑ https://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/advice/a1586/11-signs-that-he-might-be-having-an-affair-107288/
      8. ↑ https://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/advice/a1586/11-signs-that-he-might-be-having-an-affair-107288/
      9. ↑ https://www.today.com/health/he-cheating-me-8-warning-signs-never-ignore-t78406
      1. ↑ https://www.today.com/health/he-cheating-me-8-warning-signs-never-ignore-t78406
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201910/the-8-main-reasons-why-people-cheat
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201910/the-8-main-reasons-why-people-cheat
      4. ↑ https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/why-do-people-cheat
      5. ↑ https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/why-do-people-cheat
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201910/the-8-main-reasons-why-people-cheat
      7. ↑ https://www.insider.com/confronting-someone-who-cheated-2018-8
      8. ↑ https://www.insider.com/confronting-someone-who-cheated-2018-8
      9. ↑ https://www.emotionalaffair.org/how-to-confront-a-cheating-spouse/
      10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/our-gender-ourselves/201211/after-the-affair-the-uncertain-road-to-healing
      11. ↑ https://www.npr.org/2011/06/08/137040901/is-sexting-cheating-read-this-before-you-hit-send

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