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Am I Manipulative?

Take this quiz to find out!

It’s common for people to use manipulation every once in a while to get what they want. However, if you do this too often, the people around you might feel that they can’t trust you, or that you only look out for yourself.

Answer these questions to find out if you’re manipulative. We’ll even provide some friendly advice to help you curb manipulative behavior, if that’s your goal.

A hand manipulating marionnette-style puppet strings.

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Questions Overview

1. You’re at a friend’s house and have a disagreement with your partner. What do you do?
  1. Talk through it right then and there.
  2. Let it go and try to enjoy the evening.
  3. Go sit in another room and sulk until they come and apologize.
  4. Explain to everyone why I’m right and keep arguing until they agree.
2. What’s most important to you?
  1. Being authentic.
  2. Connecting with other people.
  3. Being liked.
  4. Getting my way.
3. How do you feel about bending the truth?
  1. I’m against it. Honesty is the best policy.
  2. If it will spare someone’s feelings, I’d consider it.
  3. Little white lies never hurt anyone, right?
  4. It’s a necessary part of life.
4. Are you good at sensing and understanding other people’s emotions?
  1. Not necessarily. I’m more focused on my own.
  2. Yes, I have a lot of sensitivity toward how others feel.
  3. Sometimes, especially if they’re upset with me.
  4. Absolutely. Understanding other people’s emotions is key to getting them to go along with my plans.
5. You forgot your mom’s birthday. What do you do?
  1. Call and apologize.
  2. Send her a thoughtful gift.
  3. Tell her that my phone was broken and it’s not my fault.
  4. Remind her of the time she forgot to pick me up from school, which was way worse.
6. Which word best describes your character?
  1. Honest.
  2. Empathetic.
  3. Sneaky.
  4. Controlling.
7. Your friend calls to cancel your plans because they’re sick, but you suspect that they’re lying. What do you do?
  1. Confront them about it.
  2. Wait for them to come clean.
  3. Check their social media for evidence of the lie.
  4. Trick them into confessing in front of everyone.
8. Do you ever play the victim to get what you want?
  1. No.
  2. Only when I am the victim.
  3. Sometimes.
  4. Yes. Making others feel bad for me is my specialty.
9. A team project at school or work went wrong. What do you do?
  1. Explain exactly what happened and accept responsibility for my part.
  2. Move on. Things happen!
  3. Charm my way out of the situation.
  4. Blame my teammates. If they’d listened to me, this wouldn’t have happened!
10. Do you keep your promises?
  1. Always. I stand by my word.
  2. I try my best to!
  3. Sometimes.
  4. Only if it benefits me.
11. If a relative insulted you at a holiday gathering, how would you handle it?
  1. I’d tell them their comment was rude.
  2. I’d just go hang out with someone else.
  3. I’d explain why they’re wrong about me.
  4. I’d give them the silent treatment. They’re dead to me now.
12. How do you approach conflict?
  1. I explain where I’m coming from.
  2. I compromise so everyone is satisfied with the result.
  3. I try to persuade the other person to see my side.
  4. I compete to win.

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honest communication<\/a> and are transparent and trustworthy<\/a>.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Pick-Up-on-Manipulative-Behavior"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Read-Others'-Emotions"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Pick Up on Manipulative Behavior","id":901281,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Pick-Up-on-Manipulative-Behavior","image":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/5b\/LR22-D-Emily-Dismisses-Alan.png\/-crop-200-200-200px-LR22-D-Emily-Dismisses-Alan.png","alt":"How to Pick Up on Manipulative Behavior"},{"title":"How to Read Others' Emotions","id":1594931,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Read-Others'-Emotions","image":"\/images\/thumb\/0\/09\/Read-Others%27-Emotions-Step-11-Version-3.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Read-Others%27-Emotions-Step-11-Version-3.jpg","alt":"How to Read Others' Emotions"}],"minimum":0},{"text":"It\u2019s unlikely that you are manipulative.","meaning":"It sounds like you have a lot of empathy for others and don\u2019t like to make waves. While this is a sign that you don\u2019t tend to be manipulative, it could also mean that you\u2019re avoiding conflict altogether. Even if this habit comes from a good place, you might consider being a bit more direct. Speaking up for yourself<\/a> and showing others your true feelings<\/a> can help you develop deeper, more honest relationships. And you definitely deserve that!","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Honest"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Prevent-Yourself-from-Being-Manipulated"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Be Honest","id":212824,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Honest","image":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/96\/Be-Honest-Step-15-Version-5.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Be-Honest-Step-15-Version-5.jpg","alt":"How to Be Honest"},{"title":"How to Prevent Yourself from Being Manipulated","id":1326674,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Prevent-Yourself-from-Being-Manipulated","image":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/22\/Balance-Your-Work-and-Home-Life-%28for-Women%29-Step-8-Version-3.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Balance-Your-Work-and-Home-Life-%28for-Women%29-Step-8-Version-3.jpg","alt":"How to Prevent Yourself from Being Manipulated"}],"minimum":0},{"text":"It seems like you might act a little manipulative sometimes.","meaning":"You\u2019re confident and charming\u2026and, yes, you might have a tendency to use those traits to get what you want from other people. It sounds like in the past, you might\u2019ve employed the occasional guilt trip or used flattery to achieve a goal. And you\u2019re definitely not alone there! A lot of people use manipulative tactics without purposefully trying to manipulate someone\u2014they\u2019re just trying to get their way or encourage others to see their side of the story.

In short, being a little manipulative is actually pretty normal. But if you\u2019re a bit bummed out by your results and want to learn to be less manipulative<\/a>, the good news is that it\u2019s actually super easy to do. Just focus on being clear and upfront with the people around you. That\u2019s the key to honest communication<\/a>!","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Genuine"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Most-Manipulative-Zodiac-Sign"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Be Genuine","id":212871,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Genuine","image":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/ea\/Be-Genuine-Step-23.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Be-Genuine-Step-23.jpg","alt":"How to Be Genuine"},{"title":"What are the Most Manipulative Zodiac Signs?","id":13235114,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Most-Manipulative-Zodiac-Sign","image":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/69\/Most-Manipulative-Zodiac-Sign-Step-7.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Most-Manipulative-Zodiac-Sign-Step-7.jpg","alt":"What are the Most Manipulative Zodiac Signs?"}],"minimum":0},{"text":"It seems likely that you are manipulative.","meaning":"You\u2019re great at reading the room and arguing your case to make your point. But, if you always want to be in control and come out on top, that can lead you to manipulate others. In reality, manipulative behavior is actually really common. But if you want to change your ways to avoid hurting other people or your relationships, we think that\u2019s amazing.

Before you attempt to sway someone, think about what you want and why you want it. Then, express that directly<\/a> to the other person. Instead of trying to convince them, let them make their own decision. That\u2019s the key to healthy communication<\/a>!","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Stop-Being-Manipulative"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Talk-to-Your-Partner-About-Your-Wants-and-Needs"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Stop Being Manipulative","id":10773399,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Stop-Being-Manipulative","image":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/a8\/Stop-Being-Manipulative-Step-16.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Stop-Being-Manipulative-Step-16.jpg","alt":"How to Stop Being Manipulative"},{"title":"How to Talk to Your Partner About Your Wants and Needs","id":7924010,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Talk-to-Your-Partner-About-Your-Wants-and-Needs","image":"\/images\/thumb\/7\/75\/Talk-to-Your-Partner-About-Your-Wants-and-Needs-Step-16.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Talk-to-Your-Partner-About-Your-Wants-and-Needs-Step-16.jpg","alt":"How to Talk to Your Partner About Your Wants and Needs"}],"minimum":0}]" class="quiz_results_data"/>\"Am<\/picture>","alt":"Am I Toxic Quiz"},{"title":"How Insecure Am I Quiz","id":14019943,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/How-Insecure-Are-You","image":"\"How<\/picture>","alt":"How Insecure Am I Quiz"},{"title":"Am I a Likable Person Quiz","id":14061268,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Likable-Person-Test","image":"\"Likable<\/picture>","alt":"Am I a Likable Person Quiz"}],"number":1},{"text":"No. I feel pretty good about my friendships and relationships.","result":"Great! These quizzes might help you dive deeper into your social connections:","next_quizzes":[{"title":"Which Friend Am I Quiz","id":13964430,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Which-Friend-Are-You","image":"\"Which<\/picture>","alt":"Which Friend Am I Quiz"},{"title":"Are You Best Friends Quiz","id":13457572,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Best-Friend-Quiz","image":"\"Best<\/picture>","alt":"Are You Best Friends Quiz"},{"title":"Attachment Style Quiz","id":14028169,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Attachment-Style-Quiz","image":"\"Attachment<\/picture>","alt":"Attachment Style Quiz"}],"number":2}]}" class="quiz_questionnaire_data"/>

Manipulation: Definition, Tactics, and Effects

What is manipulation? Manipulation is a tactic used to influence a person. A person may manipulate others in order to serve their own interests. It’s a form of control that may be learned, especially if a person grows up in a household in which their caregivers used manipulation and did not demonstrate how to appropriately express wants and needs. Manipulation can qualify as emotional abuse when it’s done in order to exert control or maintain power.

Manipulation Tactics & Examples

  • Guilt: Someone might try to make someone else feel guilty in order to get what they want.
    • Example: “I’m exhausted from taking care of my elderly mother. Can you pick up the groceries and the dry cleaning?
  • Coercion: A person might use threats or intimidation to get what they want.
    • Example: “If you don’t do this for me, I’m breaking up with you.”
  • Humiliation: Someone might insult another person to make them feel bad about themselves.
    • Example: “You should do the yard work. You clearly need the exercise.”
  • Blame: A person might put the fault on someone else.
    • Example: “If you made more money, we wouldn’t even be in this position.”
  • Reason: Someone might use logic to get another person to do something.
    • Example: “It makes more sense for you to pick up the kids because your office is closer to the school.”
  • Charm: Some people might use charisma or flattery to get what they want.
    • Example: “You’re a much better cook than I am. Every meal you make is delicious, while mine are a disaster. Would you mind making dinner tonight?”

Effects of Manipulation Manipulation can damage relationships. Over time, it leads to resentment, erodes trust, increases stress, and can negatively affect a person’s mental health. Emotional manipulation may lead to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.

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