Should I Get a Divorce?

Take this quiz to see if it's time to move on.

Divorce can be the best choice you’ve ever made, but it’s hard to tell if it’s the right choice beforehand. We’re here to help.

Give your honest answer to these confidential questions, and we’ll tell you if we think a divorce is the right choice for you.

(Note: Keep in mind that an internet quiz can’t see all the nuances of your relationship. If you’re in doubt, see a therapist or counselor for more clarity.)

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Questions Overview

1. Is this the first time you've wondered about getting a divorce?
  1. No. I've thought about it a lot.
  2. I've thought about it now and then, but not frequently.
  3. Yes, this is the first time it's been a serious thought.
2. Have you seen a marriage counselor or therapist?
  1. Yes, but ultimately, it didn’t lead to any permanent changes.
  2. Yes, we're seeing one right now.
  3. No, but I plan on it!
  4. No, I hadn't considered it.
3. How often do you and your spouse fight?
  1. At least once a day. We're fighting right now.
  2. About once a week.
  3. About once a month.
  4. Rarely or never.
4. Do you feel like you could tell your partner anything?
  1. No. I don't tell them most things.
  2. I tell them the really big and important things, but keep a lot to myself, too.
  3. I tell them most things, but I have some secrets.
  4. I tell them everything. We don't have any secrets.
5. Have you or your partner ever cheated?
  1. Multiple times.
  2. Once.
  3. Never.
  4. It's complicated.
6. Do you and your spouse have the same values and moral stances, like spirituality, religion, politics, etc?
  1. No, we disagree on almost every moral question.
  2. We disagree on a lot of things, but not on the big things.
  3. We're mostly on the same page, but disagree on smaller things.
  4. We share all the same values.
7. Do you think you're both invested in and willing to make the relationship better?
  1. No, I don't think either of us is invested.
  2. I'm invested, but I don’t think my partner really is.
  3. My partner is invested, but I'm not really.
  4. We're both invested.
8. In general, how does your partner make you feel?
  1. Nervous, anxious, or on-edge.
  2. Irritated, annoyed, or frustrated.
  3. Confused, worried, or uncertain.
  4. Hopeful, happy, satisfied.
9. Do you look forward to talking to your partner?
  1. No. It feels like a challenge every time.
  2. Sometimes, but not usually.
  3. Usually, but not all the time.
  4. All the time.
10. Do you think your marriage is a suitable environment for raising a child, if a child is what you want?
  1. Not at all.
  2. It's not ideal, but not the worst.
  3. It's a positive environment for raising a child.
  4. Children don't factor into our relationship.
11. Be honest, and go with your gut: If you could be single and separated tomorrow, would you?
  1. Yes, absolutely.
  2. Probably.
  3. Probably not.
  4. Definitely not.
12. Do you believe that your partner truly has your best interests at heart?
  1. No.
  2. I'm not sure.
  3. Yes.

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We think you should seriously consider filing for divorce, or at least separating. It sounds like your marriage has run into serious problems that don't seem to go away, or keep coming up, even when you thought you'd handled them. What's more, these problems are causing a serious strain on your own mental and physical health, making it hard to do the things you want to be doing, and would be doing if your marriage weren\u2019t interfering. Marriage should be something that enhances your life, and while divorce can be its own struggle, you deserve to live an open, happy, and unburdened life. And it seems possible that divorce might bring you closer to that than your marriage.

Note that if you\u2019re experiencing any kind of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse in your marriage, the best thing you can do right now is remove yourself and your loved ones from the situation. Abuse is never okay and never acceptable. You deserve to feel emotionally and physically safe in your marriage. Visit HelpGuide\u2019s domestic abuse page<\/a> for resources.<\/i>

For more info on divorce, check out the resources below for help:

Signs It’s Time to Think About Divorce

Sometimes, divorce really is the right move, and it exists for a reason! It’s not always easy to admit that canceling the vows is the way to go, but for many, it’s the next step in a healthier, more fulfilling life. But how can you tell if divorce is really the way to go? Here are the big signs:

You experience verbal or physical abuse. This is the biggest red flag, and the one sign that points directly to the exit, no question. If you’re experiencing abuse , then far and away the best thing you can do for yourself is remove yourself, and your family from the situation. And abuse doesn’t always mean physical hurt— signs of abuse include emotional manipulation, financial dominance, and verbal attacks.

You’ve already tried expert help. Before you divorce, it’s usually worth it to see a marriage counselor or a therapist. A professional can help you identify and resolve the problems with your marriage in ways you might not even imagine. But if you’ve already been around the track with a counselor or two and things still haven’t changed, divorce may be on the table.

You constantly daydream about single life. If you spend more time fantasizing about life post-marriage than you do living your current, married life, then something’s definitely gone wrong. Marriage is supposed to make your life better, not make you wish life were different.

Your friends and family express concern. It’s true that your family and friends don’t always know best, but sometimes they see things and pick up on red flags that you don’t. If someone you trust asks about your well-being, or raises doubts about your well-being, hear them out.

It feels like you’re never heard. Communication breakdowns are a major factor in eroding marriages. If it feels like nothing you say matters, or somehow your words always get twisted, then your partner is only hearing what they want, and that’s not healthy for a relationship.

It feels like the marriage is a competition. Fighting is another major red flag. Your marriage is supposed to be collaborative and supportive, but if you’re experiencing constant fights, one-ups, or trying to get the better of each other, then somewhere along the line you’ve lost sight of why you got married in the first place.

You already live separate lives. True, you’re still your own, individual person when you get married, but if the two of you feel like your marriage is the only reason you ever hang out, it might be time to find another person to hang out with. If you’re not involved, active, and interested in each other’s lives, why be together?

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