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Why Am I Single?

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Have you been single for a while, maybe even longer than expected? When you go through a long period of singledom, the reasons why aren’t always super obvious—but that doesn’t mean you should lose hope!

There are plenty of reasons for being single, and once you understand yours, it’ll be easier to move forward and start dating in earnest (if that’s what you want). That’s why we’ve set up this comprehensive quiz to answer the question: Why am I single?

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Questions Overview

1. How do you feel about making new romantic connections?
  1. I'm open to it if they meet my standards.
  2. Not right now—my schedule is packed.
  3. No thanks! Meeting people makes me nervous.
  4. I honestly don’t know if I’m ready for that.
2. What do you picture when you think of your ideal partner?
  1. Someone super talented and successful.
  2. I barely have energy to eat and sleep; I don’t think about my ideal partner.
  3. Someone kind who’ll see the real me.
  4. My ex.
3. Your date cancels at the last minute. You:
  1. Ask them to explain their reasons in detail.
  2. Shrug it off. I have other things I’ve been meaning to do anyway.
  3. Say it’s fine. Honestly, I was a little nervous about going out.
  4. Wonder if they’re blowing you off. It’s happened in the past.
4. After a date, what are you most likely to think to yourself?
  1. They don’t check all my boxes. Next!
  2. They were nice, but that date was so long. I don’t have time for this.
  3. They were great, but I felt so nervous. I wish I’d spoken up more.
  4. They were nothing like my ex.
5. What is your current priority in life?
  1. Finding the perfect life partner.
  2. My career.
  3. Breaking out of my shell.
  4. Fixing old mistakes.
6. What do you often do in your spare time?
  1. I plan my perfect wedding.
  2. I work. It’ll pay off later if I go the extra mile now.
  3. Something quiet. Reading, gaming, maybe watching TV.
  4. I scroll through memories on social media.
7. Do you miss your last relationship?
  1. Maybe a little, but they weren’t right for me.
  2. Nope. I was so busy, we just kind of faded away.
  3. I’ve never had one.
  4. Yes. I think about my ex a lot.
8. Someone cute starts flirting with you. You:
  1. Flirt back! Let’s see what happens.
  2. Let them down gently. I don’t really have the energy to flirt right now.
  3. Wait…they aren’t really flirting, right? I’m probably reading into things.
  4. I’ll try and flirt, but honestly, I’m thinking of someone else.
9. Do you ask out people that you like?
  1. Occasionally, when I think they’re worth the trouble.
  2. Nah, I prefer to focus on my work, friends, and hobbies.
  3. Uh, no? That’s scary.
  4. Sometimes, but they all remind me of my ex.
10. After a breakup, what do you do?
  1. I look for someone new and better for me.
  2. I’m a little sad, but I have plenty to distract myself with.
  3. I stay at home by myself for a while, eating all the ice cream.
  4. I call them. I think we have a chance of working this out.
11. Would you settle down right now if you could?
  1. Only if I made extra sure they were the right person.
  2. Of course not! I have way too many goals for the future.
  3. Sure, if meeting people was that easy.
  4. Totally. I was settled down for a while, and it was such a happy time.
12. Do you feel lonely right now?
  1. A little, but finding the perfect match takes time.
  2. No. I have friends and work, and I’m often busy.
  3. Maybe? I’m kind of used to it by now.
  4. Yes. I think I’m still a little raw from my last breakup.

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That doesn't mean you should settle for anyone; you deserve someone who makes you happy, supports you, and will always love you. When you begin every date with rigid expectations already in place, however, you might miss out on someone great. The love of your life might be sitting right across from you, but because they don't have a perfect job or break 6 feet, you could let them pass you by. When you date with fewer expectations, you might be pleasantly surprised!Even if you maintain your expectations, remember that nobody will know about them unless you make them known. If you find someone you\u2019d like to be with, tell them what you need in order to enjoy a fulfilling relationship. If they\u2019re the right person for you, they\u2019ll listen.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Stop-Expecting-Too-Much-from-My-Boyfriend"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Communicate-Better-in-a-Relationship"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Stop Expecting Too Much from My Boyfriend","id":13017218,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Stop-Expecting-Too-Much-from-My-Boyfriend","image":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/8c\/Stop-Expecting-Too-Much-from-My-Boyfriend-Step-20.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Stop-Expecting-Too-Much-from-My-Boyfriend-Step-20.jpg","alt":"How to Stop Expecting Too Much from My Boyfriend"},{"title":"How to Communicate Better in a Relationship","id":814981,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Communicate-Better-in-a-Relationship","image":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d7\/Communicate-Better-in-a-Relationship-Step-18-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Communicate-Better-in-a-Relationship-Step-18-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Communicate Better in a Relationship"}],"minimum":0},{"text":"You\u2019re super busy and more focused on work than dating.","meaning":"First, ask yourself a question: is a relationship really what you want right now? You might consider freeing up your busy schedule if the answer is yes. It\u2019s great to be ambitious, have a career you\u2019re proud of, and have an active, busy lifestyle if that\u2019s what you want\u2014but remember, relationships take time. So, if you\u2019re ready to get serious about dating, try setting aside some time for it.On the other hand, you might answer \u201cno,\u201d and that\u2019s perfectly fine too. Plenty of people out there don\u2019t need a relationship to feel fulfilled in life. There\u2019s no set way to live as long as you have something that fulfills you\u2014work, friends, family, and so on. If this sounds like you, then keep on doing what you love, and never mind your relationship status! Besides, it\u2019s never too late to start dating if you ever decide that you want to.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Maintain-a-Work-Life-Balance"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Lead-a-Happy-Life-Without-Romantic-Relationships"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Maintain a Work Life Balance","id":665461,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Maintain-a-Work-Life-Balance","image":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c1\/Maintain-a-Work-Life-Balance-Step-17.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Maintain-a-Work-Life-Balance-Step-17.jpg","alt":"How to Maintain a Work Life Balance"},{"title":"How to Lead a Happy Life Without Romantic Relationships","id":29947,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Lead-a-Happy-Life-Without-Romantic-Relationships","image":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/4c\/Lead-a-Happy-Life-Without-Romantic-Relationships-Step-15-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Lead-a-Happy-Life-Without-Romantic-Relationships-Step-15-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Lead a Happy Life Without Romantic Relationships"}],"minimum":0},{"text":"You may struggle with putting yourself out there.","meaning":"Do you often cancel outings or avoid making plans? Does staying at home feel safer and more comforting than venturing out into the world? If you\u2019re shy, you might be avoiding new people and relying on routine to keep you grounded\u2014but it\u2019s keeping you from meeting a future partner. If you don\u2019t want to be single, it might be time to start breaking out of that routine, spending more time with friends, and trying new things.Sometimes, low self-esteem may also be a factor. If you\u2019re struggling with a fear of rejection and getting hurt, it could cause you to push people away. Don\u2019t let your inner critic shut you down before you\u2019ve even had a chance to try; face your fears, get out there, and remind yourself that you are absolutely worth it.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Improve-Your-Self-Esteem"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Step-Out-of-Your-Comfort-Zone"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Boost Your Self-Esteem: Effective Tips and Strategies","id":183479,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Improve-Your-Self-Esteem","image":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/2e\/Improve-Your-Self-Esteem-Step-15.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Improve-Your-Self-Esteem-Step-15.jpg","alt":"How to Boost Your Self-Esteem: Effective Tips and Strategies"},{"title":"18 Best Strategies to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone","id":34357,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Step-Out-of-Your-Comfort-Zone","image":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/10\/Step-Out-of-Your-Comfort-Zone-Step-18.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Step-Out-of-Your-Comfort-Zone-Step-18.jpg","alt":"18 Best Strategies to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone"}],"minimum":0},{"text":"You might not be over your ex yet.","meaning":"Have you recently gotten out of a relationship that ended in heartbreak? Do you find yourself comparing every new person you date to your ex? Starting something new is difficult if your wounds are still healing, and drawing comparisons between new and old partners can make it difficult to feel happy with your new relationship.Think about what might help you move on once and for all. Ask your ex to sit down and talk if you need closure, or cut all contact if you need a clean break. Give yourself time to mourn and heal; there\u2019s no rush to date again until you\u2019re ready.On the other hand, you might still be hanging onto your ex in hopes of getting back together. See if your ex is willing to work through the issues that led to your breakup with you. You could be on the road to a reunion if they respond positively. If your ex doesn\u2019t want to reunite, at least you\u2019ll have the closure you need to move on once and for all.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Get-Over-Your-Ex"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Date-Your-Ex-Again"}],"link_data":[{"title":"19 Ways to Quickly Move On & Let Go of Your Ex","id":290837,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Get-Over-Your-Ex","image":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/1f\/Get-Over-Your-Ex-Step-19-Version-5.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Get-Over-Your-Ex-Step-19-Version-5.jpg","alt":"19 Ways to Quickly Move On & Let Go of Your Ex"},{"title":"How to Date Your Ex Again: Rekindle the Fire and Avoid Heartbreak","id":12226320,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Date-Your-Ex-Again","image":"\/images\/thumb\/0\/06\/Date-Your-Ex-Again-Step-15.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Date-Your-Ex-Again-Step-15.jpg","alt":"How to Date Your Ex Again: Rekindle the Fire and Avoid Heartbreak"}],"minimum":0}]" class="quiz_results_data"/>\"Do<\/picture>","alt":"Do I Have a Crush Quiz"},{"title":"When Will I Get a Boyfriend Quiz","id":13805509,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Boyfriend-Quiz","image":"\"Boyfriend<\/picture>","alt":"When Will I Get a Boyfriend Quiz"},{"title":"Which Dating App Should I Use Quiz","id":13238371,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Which-Dating-App-Should-I-Use-Quiz","image":"\"Which<\/picture>","alt":"Which Dating App Should I Use Quiz"}],"number":1},{"text":"I\u2019m happy focusing on my friends and myself.","result":"Awesome! 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Finding Happiness While You're Single

Do you wish you could stop asking yourself, “why am I single?” After all, being single isn’t a character flaw; it’s just where you’re at in life. Even if you’re working up to dating again and finding that special someone, being comfortable with your relationship status will make the process feel more hopeful and less urgent.

Change your perspective. Rather than focusing on what you don’t have (like a relationship), think about all the good things in your life—and the perks of being single. For example, it gives you more time to work on yourself and chase your dreams, the space to figure out what you really want in life, and the chance to take it slow while finding the right relationship. Although you might not want to be single forever, you can enjoy it while you are.

Focus on your goals. Forget your frustration with singlehood and give yourself a confidence boost by finding other goals and projects to work on while you have the time. The goal could be a milestone in your career, a hobby you want to master, or simply making time for self-care in your daily routine. Learn new things and enjoy the ride!

Spend time with your friends. Friends can be a valuable source of fun and social support, especially when you’re single. Be sure to keep up with them and make plans regularly, even if you’re so busy that you just chat with them on the phone sometimes. You might even ask your friends for dating advice; while you’re not obligated to take their advice, it can help to get someone else’s perspective on your approach to dating.

Develop new expectations. Ask yourself: what do I need in a partner? Write down a short list of 5 to 10 must-have qualities in a future partner, like “sensitive and caring,” “adventurous,” or “intelligent.” After that, write a list of deal-breaker qualities that you absolutely don’t want in a partner, like “narrow-minded” or “workaholic.”

Consider both lists: are any expectations too specific or too low? You can tell if your expectations are high because it’ll be difficult to land a date at all. On the other hand, you can tell when your expectations are too low because you’ll have lots of dates but rarely leave feeling satisfied.

Once you finish your lists, you can use them to ensure that your next relationship is a happy and healthy one where your needs are being met.

Meet new people. Meeting new people is a great way to ease yourself into dating again. You don’t have to jump right into a long and serious relationship if you aren’t ready; just enjoy the experience of making connections and getting to know potential love interests. Use dating apps like eHarmony, Hinge, and Bumble, local (or virtual) meetups, and even your friends’ social networks to introduce yourself and chat with some new faces.

Want to learn more?

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  • Anonymous

    5 days ago

    "Great quiz. I'm 65 and have never had or wanted a relationship or marriage."
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