How to Romance a Man

Co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Last Updated: April 19, 2024

Whether you've been married for thirty years or dating for three months, it's always important to romance the man you're with. To romance a man, you have to make him feel special , make some meaningful gestures to show him you care, and always remember to keep your relationship feeling fresh and interesting. If you want to know how to romance a man, see Step 1 to get started.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Making Nice Gestures

Give him a massage . Every man loves a massage, even if he doesn't ask for one. Many men are too shy to tell you what they really want, and if you and your man are alone and you can tell that he feels a little tense or know that he's been hunched over his desk or a computer all day, then give him a little shoulder, back, and neck massage to relieve some of that tension. He'll feel great and will see that you really care about him. This can also inspire him to give you a massage, so everybody wins!
If your man is a die hard 49ers, Jets, Nets, Devils, or whatever fan, surprise him with tickets to the next game that he's been really wanting to go to. If you like sports or think he'd like the company, go with him, or even say that the tickets are just for him and his best friend, to show that you're okay with him having some guy time. He'll really appreciate the gesture and will feel like you care about him. You don't have to be a sports fanatic to be interested in the things he cares about.

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Don't force him to sit through two hours of home cooking when he'd rather be having a burger and fries, but do pick the right time to luxuriate over a delicious, tasty meal prepared by you and you only. You can surprise him and say that you're just making ordinary pasta and a salad when you're really preparing his favorite meal, whether it's lasagna, steak, or whatever floats his boat. Bring some fine wine or ales into the picture and your man will be floored.
Give him a small gift . There's no need to give big, fancy and elaborate gifts to your man just to show him how much you care about him. Instead, it really is the thought that counts, and giving him a small token of your love when he least expects it can be far more powerful than the gift of a new record player. Instead, get him that record he's been trying to find forever, find him a rare t-shirt with his favorite band's logo on it, or get him a new nice ballpoint pen when his old one runs out of ink. He'll be romanced and touched by the gesture.
Leave him notes. Nothing can make a man swoon faster than a sweet note left at the right place at the right time. Whether you're getting up and leaving the house before he does, or just leaving him a note at his place, take a minute to write him something sweet that shows that you're thinking of him and leave it in a place where he's likely to find it soon, whether it's on his computer, his mirror, or on his car window. He'll be touched by the gesture, and by the fact that you're thinking of him when you're apart. This will definitely show you care more than a text message!
When your man is busy and stressed out, take the time to notice how you can help him get through his day more easily. Whether you're washing the pile of dishes in his sink, picking up lunch, or dropping off his dry-cleaning for him, you can surprise him with the gesture, and romance him by showing you care. Sure, cleaning a pile of dirty dishes may not sound romantic, but the fact that you put some thought into helping him out will sweep him off his feet! Plus, this will give him the idea to do favors for you when you need some help in return.
Sometimes, nothing will make your man feel more romanced than if you show up at his place holding his favorite treat, whether it's the delicious deep-dish pizza form the other side of town, scones from his favorite bakery, or the delicious milkshake that he loves more than any other dessert on the planet. This will show that you're put thought into what he likes and that you've made an effort to make him happy. Bonus points if he's been holed up at home, working or studying, without having time to step out to get anything too eat.

EXPERT TIP

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Clinical Psychologist, Author of Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating
Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over 12 years of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Clinical Psychologist, Author of Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating

Make your romantic gestures specific to his interests. If you don't already know the kinds of things he might like to receive as a romantic gesture, it's okay to ask him! Once you know, try doing something really special like taking him to his favorite restaurant, buying him a cologne he likes, or doing an activity he enjoys.
Sure, watching The New Girl or Survivor together may not feel like the most romantic time of your relationship. So why not spice it up by giving your man a nice foot massage instead of just sitting on the couch together? Put his feet on your lap and give them a nice, thorough massage, and he'll be blown away.
When your man is taking a shower, quietly sneak in and write "I love you" or another sweet message in the mirror. When he gets out, he'll see your special words written over the steamy glass and will feel truly touched. This works best if the bathroom is a bit larger and you don't freak him out if he catches you in there.
Check out the concert schedule for his favorite band and surprise him with tickets before he even knows they're coming to town. He'll appreciate the gesture and the effort you made to make him happy, and will definitely be romanced, even if his favorite band is decidedly something unromantic. Sometimes, getting him a gift that can lead to an amazing experience is better than a gift that can lead to instant gratification.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Showing You Really Care

If you want to really romance a man, then you two can't just live completely separate lives. You have to make an effort to be interested in some of the same things, whether you watch the same show together or love cooking together on Wednesday nights. Finding a few things that you can both care about, and which makes both of you think about your relationship and your relationship only, can definitely make a man feel romanced. You should find something that would genuinely interest both of you instead of forcing him to take a dance class or to do something else just to please you.
If you want to show your man that you really care, then you have to make an effort to touch him when you're together. This doesn't mean it has to be anything inappropriate or sexual. Just touch him on his arm, the small of his back, or on his knee when you're sitting together, or give his hand a little squeeze from time to time. You don't have to go into major PDA mode (not a favorite for many guys) to show him that you care about him and that you love being around him.
There are plenty of ways to romance a man when you're not even around. Once way to show him that you really do love and care about him is to be okay with him having a night out with his boys. Don't get jealous, text him every two seconds, or ask if any women are going to be there; just show him that you trust him to behave responsibly while hanging out with his buddies. He'll see that you really do love him and want him to be happy, and will be even more excited to hang out with you the next day.
Compliment him . Men like to feel special just as much as women do. Let him know that you think he's sexy, smart, or the most amazing man you've ever met. Whatever you're feeling, don't make him play mind reader and let him know from time to time, so he really does feel special in your presence. He'll feel like you really do care about him and like you've taken the time to think about what makes him so amazing. If you're having sex, don't be afraid to compliment him in bed, too; men love to hear it!
When you're apart for a little while, don't just go MIA and make him think that you don't care about him. Without being overbearing, just give him a quick call, text, or email to ask how his day is going and to show him that you're thinking of him. This doesn't mean you should call him when he's in the middle of a crazy day at work or a stressful family situation, but that you shouldn't make him feel like you've forgotten him completely just because you're not together.
Maybe your man is completely obsessed with the Lakers or Game of Thrones. It's okay if you just can't get on the bandwagon, but it doesn't mean you have to ignore his obsessions. You don't have to watch the Lakers game with him, but you can shoot him a text to see how the game went later, just to show that you're thinking of him and know it's important to him. If you see him after his TV show, ask if it was a good episode. These small questions can go a long way in making him feel like you care about him -- and the things he cares about.
It's easy to feel overwhelmed by all of the things you have to get done instead of focusing on the man you care about. However, if you want to really romance him, you have to make time just to look in his eyes, whether it's in the middle of a conversation or when you're just hanging out together. If you live together, especially, it can become habit to shout at each other from different rooms instead of really making the effort to look into each other's eyes while you're having a meaningful conversation.
If you want to show that you care, then sometimes the best way you can show it is through your silence, not your words. When your man is trying to tell you something, take the time to really listen and process what he has to say instead of trying to find a solution right away or comparing what he's saying to your own experiences. Even if you feel like you've found the perfect solution for his problem, don't interrupt him and let him finish. This will show him that you really care.
When you're out on a date or just hanging out watching TV or going for a walk, shut your phone off so you can give your man all of your attention. Nothing is more annoying than a girl who is constantly texting her friends while you're supposed to be hanging out, or who browses the web to fact-check every little thing you talk about. The next time you're together, shut that phone off for a few hours. You'll see that the world won't stop just because you can't check your Facebook or Instagram every second of your date.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Keeping Him Interested

Nothing beats a spontaneous weekend road trip after a long, hard week. Plan something simple and fun, like a trip to the beach or to a wooded area a few hours south. Or maybe there's a restaurant you've both been meaning to try, though it's four hours north. Just pack up your car, make a plan, and go for it. Or don't make a plan -- just get in the car and go wherever the wind takes you. You'll see that your man really appreciates the effort you've made and will breathe some more life and fun into your relationship.
Plan something totally new for the two of you to do together, whether you're taking a sushi making class, learning Japanese together, or doing partner yoga for the first time. It doesn't have to lead to any major self-discovery or achievement, and you never have to do it again; just making the effort to try new things from time to time can go a long way in helping your relationship stay fresh and in continuing to keep up the romance.
You shouldn't put on a ball gown if you're just sitting around the house all day, but if you're going on a date or just hanging out outside the home, make an effort to look nice and maintain your appearance so that your man sees that you've made an effort. You should both dress up to keep the romance alive and to maintain the passion and attraction of your relationship. And if you're not going anywhere fancy, to try to still maintain your appearance to show that you do care and so you both don't get complacent.
Yeah, so most guys don't love the idea of taking ballroom dancing lessons with their ladies, but if you're out at a bar or a club and the music is pumping, drag him onto the dance floor for a song or two. Just moving your bodies together and enjoying the beats you hear will help you let loose and have a great time together. This will definitely kick up the passion and romance factor.
To keep things interesting and to make sure your man always feels romanced, you should surprise him from time to time. A little unpredictability never hurt anyone, and if you plan a surprise picnic, surprise trip, or just a surprise activity you would never dream of doing before, your man will feel like he has been truly swept off his feet. Make an effort to do something spontaneous, completely unexpected, and incredibly exciting at least every few weeks just to keep stoking the embers of your romance.

EXPERT TIP

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Clinical Psychologist, Author of Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating
Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over 12 years of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Clinical Psychologist, Author of Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating

Doing something romantic lets the guy know you're invested in him and you're not afraid to take the lead sometimes.

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Men do not like a woman who compare, especially if she envies other people's relationships. It would just make them feel worthless.

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Remember, if your man does not respond to you even when you've made him feel needed, are supportive of him and his interests, and you've done everything you can to have confidence in yourself, you may be in the wrong relationship.

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While some men might find it romantic to just be around a sexy woman, most men just find it romantic to be around their woman when she is at her sexiest. If you are feeling sexy, you are confident, you are happy, a man will pick up on this, his confidence will be higher, which is a real turn-on and very romantic to him. Just knowing that you took time to be your best for him will be romantic for him.

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How to Romance a Man

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Making Nice Gestures

Showing You Really Care

Keeping Him Interested

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