How to Socialize Without Being Awkward and Feel More Comfortable Talking to People

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

If you dread the occasional awkward silence or worry constantly about saying the wrong thing, you’re not alone. Socializing can be tricky, and everyone has awkward moments from time to time. Luckily, with practice, you can get more comfortable and confident in your interactions with others. In this article, we’ll show you how to avoid those common pitfalls and be your most sociable self.

Section 1 of 17:

Does this sound like you?

PDF download Download Article
  1. This article can help you out if:
    • You’re stressed about social interactions either 1-on-1 or in a group.
    • You have a tendency to overthink what you say and analyze what you said.
    • You feel awkward talking to people.
    • You feel like you don’t know how to socialize anymore.
    2. Advertisement
Section 2 of 17:

Comment on your surroundings.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Look around and see if anything catches your interest. If so, say something about it! Even if you have nothing else in common with the person you’re chatting with, you can connect over the experience you’re sharing right now. [1]
    • For instance, say something like, “I really love the colors in this painting, it’s just so soothing to look at.” Or, “Have you tasted this incredible dip?”
Section 3 of 17:

Introduce yourself.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Once you’ve struck up a conversation, look for an opportunity to let the other person know who you are. Just smile and say something like, “I’m Cameron, by the way! Nice to meet you.”
    • Of course, if someone else has already introduced you, you can skip this step!
    • This is also a good opportunity to bring up a shared connection. For example, “I think we were in Bio 101 together last semester,” or “I’m here with your cousin’s friend, Ellie.”
    2. Advertisement
Section 4 of 17:

Ask an open-ended question.

PDF download Download Article
  1. They also put the ball in the other person’s court for a little while! To keep the flow of conversation going, ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. [2]
    • For instance, say something like, “So, how do you know Ted?” or “When did you move out to Chicago?”
    • Try to think of questions that start with who, what, where, when, why, or how. [3]
    • If someone else asks you a question, answer it—then turn it back around to them. For instance, if someone asks you what you’re studying, you could say, “I’m finishing up my bachelor’s in health science. How about you?”
Section 5 of 17:

Offer a sincere compliment.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Plus, it helps take the focus off you if you’re feeling awkward and self-conscious. Make your compliment genuine and keep it specific. [4]
    • For instance, say something like, “Those glasses are awesome, I love the color!” or “Your presentation today was great, I really liked how you handled that question about Marlowe’s influence on Shakespeare.”
    • Avoid vague comments, like “Wow, you look nice!”
    • Be careful about making any comments on someone’s body or physical appearance, since that can make people uncomfortable.
    2. Advertisement
Section 6 of 17:

Look for shared interests.

PDF download Download Article
  1. It could be anything from a shared hobby to a mutual friend or a movie you both like. [5] Whatever it is, comment on it and ask a follow-up question to keep things moving. [6]
    • For instance, “Oh, you’re a Star Wars fan, too? Which trilogy is your favorite?”
Section 7 of 17:

Avoid sensitive conversation topics.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Unless you already know the other person shares your opinions on a controversial topic, things could get awkward fast. [7] Stick to subjects that are light and fun, or things that you already know you have in common. [8]
    • In addition to avoiding anything controversial or heavy, be careful about getting too personal. For instance, try not to ask questions like, “So, are you guys planning to have kids?” or “That sounds like a cool job—how much money do you make doing that?”
    2. Advertisement
Section 8 of 17:

Listen actively while others are talking.

PDF download Download Article
  1. When someone else is speaking, don’t just stand there waiting for your turn to jump in. Instead, really focus on what they’re saying. As they’re talking, make eye contact and give them clues that you’re paying attention—for instance, you could nod or say things like, “Uh huh,” “Gotcha,” or “Wow!” [9] Once they’re done, make a comment or ask a follow-up question about something they said. [10]
    • Follow-up questions both show that you’re listening and help keep the conversation flowing. For instance, say something like, “Oh wow, that sounds like it must have been an amazing vacation! Do you have any plans to go back?”
Section 9 of 17:

Keep your body language open and relaxed.

PDF download Download Article
  1. [11] Avoid anything that makes you look closed-off or unfriendly, like keeping your head down, frowning, or crossing your arms. Try to make eye contact with other people while they’re talking, so that they know you’re paying attention. [12]
    • If you get self-conscious about what your hands are doing when you talk, it may help to hold something, like a drink or a plate of food. But remember, it’s totally normal to make a lot of hand gestures when you talk—and doing so can make you seem more open, relaxed, and honest. [13]
    • Reader Poll: We asked 6347 wikiHow readers about the biggest tells that someone doesn’t want to talk to you, and only 6% said having a distant body position . [Take Poll] So, it can be okay to keep your distance, but definitely keep your body language open and relaxed so people think you’re more friendly and interested!
    2. Advertisement
Section 10 of 17:

Respect people’s personal space.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Everyone has their own personal bubble, and the amount of space people want can also vary from one culture to another. Try to follow your conversation partner’s lead to get a sense of how close they want to get. For instance, if they take a step back or lean away from you, that could be a sign that they want a little more distance. [14]
    • On the other hand, if the other person is leaning in, or if they occasionally reach out to touch your arm or shoulder while you chat, it’s probably okay to move a little closer.
    • In the U.S., it’s a good rule of thumb to stay about 2 feet (0.61 m) away from your conversation partner. [15]
    • If you’re someplace where social distancing practices are in place, follow the guideline of staying about 6 feet (1.8 m) apart.
Section 11 of 17:

Pay attention to non-verbal cues.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Practice observing others as you interact. Is your conversation partner making eye contact? Are they leaning in, nodding, and smiling or looking thoughtful as you talk? If so, there’s a good chance they’re enjoying the conversation! On the other hand, if you notice that the person is fidgeting a lot, looking away, or fiddling with their phone, they might be distracted, bored, or uncomfortable. [16]
    • Try not to rely on any one aspect of the person’s body language to tell you how they’re feeling. Instead, try to look at the bigger picture. For instance, if someone’s arms are crossed but they’re also smiling and leaning towards you, it could be that they’re just cold!
    2. Advertisement
Section 12 of 17:

Find an excuse to gracefully end the conversation.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If you’re ready to move on to something else, don’t get stuck waiting for the other person to end things. Next time there’s a natural lull in the conversation, politely excuse yourself. Say something like, “Well, I don’t want to keep you, but it’s been great chatting!” Or, you could try: [17]
    • Introducing the person to someone else you know. For example, “Oh, have you met Lily? I think you two might have gone to the same high school.”
    • Excusing yourself to grab food or a drink.
    • Telling them that you need to step away to return an important phone call.
    • Circling back to something you talked about at the beginning of the conversation. For instance, “Thanks for the tip about that new laser tag place, I will totally check it out!”
Section 13 of 17:

Team up with a friend.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Not only will you feel more comfortable, but they can help fill in awkward gaps in the conversation, introduce you to others, or even give you a convenient excuse to leave! If you’re going someplace where you won’t know anybody, invite a friend to come with you if it’s appropriate. [18]
    2. Advertisement
Section 14 of 17:

Try joining a group conversation.

PDF download Download Article
  1. It can be easier to join a conversation in progress than to start a new one. You don’t even necessarily have to say much—just approach the group, say hi, and listen to what people are saying. [19] If the moment seems right, you can always pipe up with a question or comment here and there. [20]
    • Look for cues from the group to determine if it’s appropriate to join in. If their body language seems relaxed and open, or if you see them interacting with other onlookers in a friendly way, go for it. On the other hand, if they’re huddled closely and speaking in low voices, it may be best not to approach.
Section 15 of 17:

Practice chatting with others often.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Look for opportunities in your everyday life to strike up conversations with other people. Start by chatting with friends and family, then get outside your comfort zone. For example, you could make small-talk with the barista at your favorite coffee shop, compliment a stranger at the bus stop, or ask someone for advice at the grocery store. [21]
    • If you’re not feeling up to starting a conversation, just making eye contact and smiling is a good place to start.
    • Not all practice socializing has to be face-to-face. You can also try chatting with others online. For instance, hop on a Discord server for your favorite game and have a conversation with some fellow fans!
    2. Advertisement
Section 16 of 17:

Look outward, not inward.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Instead of focusing on yourself and what other people might be thinking about you, pay attention to those around you. Watch, listen, and respond thoughtfully to what you’re seeing and hearing. That way, you’ll feel more relaxed and able to be yourself. [22]
    • Chances are, other people aren’t as focused on you as you think! They might not even notice if you do something awkward. [23]
Section 17 of 17:

Learn from your mistakes.

PDF download Download Article
  1. It happens to everyone, and it probably seems like a much bigger deal to you than it actually is. Do your best to shrug it off and move on. Look at it as an opportunity to perfect your social skills going forward. [24]
    • For instance, if you told a joke and someone got offended, just say “sorry” and leave it at that. Next time, you’ll know to avoid making that kind of joke!
    2. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      • You’ve probably heard the phrase “fake it ‘til you make it.” Acting confident can actually help you feel more confident, so stand tall, hold your head up, and relax! [25]
        Thanks
        Helpful 2 Not Helpful 2
      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Start a Text Conversation with a Girl
      How to
      Compliment a Girl's Picture
      How to
      Respond to "What's Up?"
      150+ Things to Talk About With Your Crush: Deep, Flirty, & Funny Topics
      How to
      Start a Conversation with a Girl on Instagram: 10+ Tips to Get Her Chatting
      How to
      Ask for a Sick Day over Text
      How to
      Start a Conversation on Hinge
      15+ Things to Say to Someone Before Surgery
      200+ Funny & Attention-Getting 20th Birthday Captions for Instagram
      What’s the Difference Between “How Are You Doing?” and “How are You?”
      151 Funny Questions to Ask a Guy Over Text & In Person
      How to
      Get Someone Annoying to Stop Talking
      How to
      Diss Someone: 20+ Funniest, Best Disses
      The Real Meaning of "How Was Your Night?" (Plus the Best Answers to Give)
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-loneliness-and-shyness.htm
      2. ↑ https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/how-have-better-conversations-people-you-ve-just-met-according-ncna1005941
      3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-loneliness-and-shyness.htm
      4. ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-be-less-socially-awkward
      5. ↑ Lynda Jean. Certified Image Consultant. Expert Interview. 17 November 2020.
      6. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-loneliness-and-shyness.htm
      7. ↑ Lynda Jean. Certified Image Consultant. Expert Interview. 17 November 2020.
      8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-loneliness-and-shyness.htm
      9. ↑ Lynda Jean. Certified Image Consultant. Expert Interview. 17 November 2020.
      1. ↑ https://www.inc.com/jayson-demers/7-ways-to-eliminate-awkwardness-from-conversations-with-people-you-ve-just-met.html
      2. ↑ Lynda Jean. Certified Image Consultant. Expert Interview. 17 November 2020.
      3. ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-be-less-socially-awkward
      4. ↑ https://www.cnbc.com/2019/02/27/science-3-common-body-language-mistakes-that-make-you-look-like-a-liar-instantly.html
      5. ↑ https://www.understood.org/articles/en/how-to-teach-your-child-about-personal-space
      6. ↑ https://harrisburg.psu.edu/international-student-support-services/guide-american-culture-etiquette
      7. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm
      8. ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-gracefully-exit-a-conversation-2014-7?amp
      9. ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-be-less-socially-awkward
      10. ↑ Lynda Jean. Certified Image Consultant. Expert Interview. 17 November 2020.
      11. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-loneliness-and-shyness.htm
      12. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-loneliness-and-shyness.htm
      13. ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-be-less-socially-awkward
      14. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-loneliness-and-shyness.htm
      15. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-loneliness-and-shyness.htm
      16. ↑ https://www.mind.org.uk/for-young-people/feelings-and-experiences/confidence-and-self-esteem/

      About This Article

      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 43,029 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement