What is a Softboy? Slang Meaning, Personality, Fashion Trend & More

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Is being a "softboy" a good thing or a bad thing?
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If you've come across the term "softboy" and you're wondering what it means, we've got you! The slang word "softboy" generally refers to a sweet, sensitive guy who isn’t stereotypically masculine in the way he looks or acts, but it's also associated with a particular fashion aesthetic and a fairly negative stereotype in the dating world. We're here to break it all down for you, including the term's origin, various meanings, and what the softboy aesthetic looks like. Scroll down to learn more!

What does “softboy” or “softboi” mean?

A “softboy” is a guy who isn’t stereotypically masculine in appearance, interests, or personality. They’re sweet, creative, and emotionally intelligent, but some may use their “innocence” to fool women on dates. “Softboy” is also a men’s fashion aesthetic featuring traditionally feminine styles, colors, and patterns.

Section 1 of 6:

What is a soft boy?

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    The term “softboy,” sometimes stylized as “softboi,” refers to a male who is sensitive, gentle, and not traditionally masculine in his appearance or interests. He challenges gender stereotypes by being openly emotional, wearing feminine clothing, and preferring creative interests over sports. Softboys also pride themselves on being educated, feminist, and politically non-conformist.
    • However, some softboys may use their "innocent" appearance and demeanor to hide more malicious traits from women when dating. That's definitely not true for all softboys, though, and the term has gotten more of a positive connotation lately.
    • "Softboy” is also an aesthetic that features pastel colors and feminine styles, particularly on platforms like TikTok.
    • Celebrity examples include: Timothée Chalamet, Harry Styles, Cole Sprouse, Noah Centineo, Asa Butterfield, Zayn Malik, Evan Peters, Jaden Smith, Lucas Hedges, Frank Ocean, Tom Holland, and Joe Keery. [1]
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Section 2 of 6:

How to Spot a Softboy

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    The softboy’s gentle nature and willingness to be openly emotional are major components of his personality. He tends to be introspective, thoughtful, and a deep thinker, which can be very attractive traits. Essentially, a softboy is a stereotypical “nice guy” who also happens to be in touch with his feminine side.
    • It might be a red flag if: he uses his emotions as an excuse for bad behavior. For example, he bails on you multiple times in a row claiming "he's going through a lot right now." If you call him out on it, he tells you that you're insensitive. Or, he talks incessantly about the emotional turmoil his ex put him through (never taking any responsibility himself for why they broke up).
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    Softboys tend to have smaller, less muscular builds and soft or cute facial features. They’re often skinny or even waif-like in appearance, with a naturally androgynous look that they either partially or completely embrace. Generally speaking, their smaller stature and feminine traits make them look non-imposing and non-threatening. [2]
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    You won’t find softboys taking part in traditionally masculine hobbies like watching or playing sports. They lean more artistic or alternative in their interests and are typically drawn to creative pursuits like painting, photography, poetry, theater, music, and film (the more obscure, the better). It’s common to spot softboys at cultural hotspots like museums, concerts, libraries, coffee shops, and hip bars. [3]
    • It might be a red flag if: he attempts to "mansplain" the books, music, or films he likes, or acts horrified when you aren't up to speed on extremely obscure things he's into, like indie bands from the early 2000s. He might also judge your music, film, or book taste to show off how superior his taste is by comparison.
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    softboy fashion can range from cutesy to straight up gender-bending, but the common thread is a penchant for traditionally feminine styles, colors, and patterns. Other common themes in the softboy aesthetic include pastel colors, soft cardigans, vintage tees, floral patterns, velvet fabrics, feminine accessories, bright hair colors, long or “floppy” hair, and painted fingernails. [4]
    • The softboy aesthetic is also heavily influenced by K-Pop idols. [5]
    • Celebrity softboy Harry Styles is known to wear dresses on occasion, and Timothée Chalamet often wears feminine silhouettes and fabrics to red carpet events. [6]
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    Softboys tend to be culturally progressive, feminist-leaning, and well-read (some would say to the point of pretentiousness, but it really depends on the guy). They openly reject toxic masculinity and challenge outdated social norms, especially those around gender, sexuality, and identity. [7]
    • It might be a red flag if: he uses lofty language and speaks at length about his progressive politics and cultural interests, but never actually says anything of substance or value. He may also claim to be a staunch feminist, but you never see that side of him in action—in fact, you catch him being disrespectful to women on more than one occasion.
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Section 3 of 6:

Softboy vs. F*ckboy in the Dating World

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    In the dating world, a f*ckboy is a cocky, insensitive, promiscuous man who uses women for sex. The term “softboy” can refer to a guy who appears sweet and gentle on the outside, but in actuality he's a master manipulator. He appears to be the opposite of a f*ckboy, but he's just as manipulative in his own way: he lures women in with his sensitive and gentle exterior, then uses them for sex and discards them (just like a f*ckboy would). [8]
Section 4 of 6:

Softboy Fashion Aesthetic

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    The vintage-inspired items in a softboy’s closet are typically timeless and classic pieces like cardigans, vintage band tees, crewneck sweaters, light wash Levi’s jeans, tweed jackets, high-waisted or pleated trousers, corduroys, bowling shirts, denim jackets, windbreakers, white tube socks, and comfy sneakers (like Converse high-tops, slip-on Vans, or Adidas Stan Smith). [9]
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    Softboys gravitate toward pastel pinks, blues, and purples, but any soft colors are fair game, including neutrals like gray and beige. They love playing around with traditionally feminine patterns, like florals, as well as classic unisex patterns, like stripes.
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    It’s probably not surprising that softboys like soft clothing! They love to wear softer statement fabrics like velvet, cashmere, and chunky knits. Fluffy sweaters are extremely popular, as well as flowy, blouse-like shirts. The overall fit of their clothing is loose, lived-in, and comfortable. [10]
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    Softboys usually have medium length hair; short and shaved hairstyles are rare. There’s no specific type of haircut that softboys prefer, but bowl cuts, floppy curls, and shaggy styles are popular. Some softboys bleach their hair or dye it a pastel color, similar to what many K-Pop idols do. [11]
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    Softboys love accessories! Wire-rimmed glasses are common, as well as jewelry like gold watches, necklaces, and rings. Bucket hats, beanies, and pastel-colored baseball caps are popular, as well as super soft items like knit scarves. [12]
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Section 5 of 6:

Where did the term “Softboy” come from?

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    It’s difficult to pinpoint the exact origin, but most agree the term popped up around this time and was originally used in a negative way alongside another negative male stereotype: the f*ckboy. F*ckboys are cocky, insensitive, promiscuous men who use women for sex and discard them. In contrast, the softboy presents as a sensitive and caring guy who deeply respects for women. His gentle, sweet exterior is just a facade, though, which he uses to lull women into a false sense of security. Ultimately, he ends up using and discarding women in the same way a f*ckboy would. [13]
    • The term became extremely popular online, especially on social media, and spawned countless “softboy” memes in which males are doing lame things to impress women, like name-dropping indie bands and pretending to be feminists.
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    Celebrity softboys like Harry Styles and Timothée Chalamet likely paved the way for the “softboy” rebranding that’s taken place in more recent years. Today, the word is often used in a positive way to refer to men who are sensitive and in touch with their feminine side. The term softboy/softboi is associated with a particular men's fashion aesthetic that heavily features pastel colors, feminine styles, and vintage-inspired looks. The term is still used in a negative way in the dating world, but it’s no longer limited to that. [14]
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Section 6 of 6:

Is it bad to be a soft boy?

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    The term has both positive and negative connotations, so it really depends on how it’s being used. Originally, “softboy” was a negative term used in the dating world to describe what is essentially a f*ckboy in sheep’s clothing. These days, it can definitely be used in a positive way to refer to a male who is in touch with his emotions, against toxic masculinity, and enjoys dabbling in feminine clothing. A lot of beloved male celebrities have been deemed softboys, like Harry Styles and Timothée Chalamet. [15]

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      References

      1. ↑ https://papers.academic-conferences.org/index.php/icgr/article/download/1174/1029/3692
      2. ↑ https://papers.academic-conferences.org/index.php/icgr/article/download/1174/1029/3692
      3. ↑ https://www.stylesofman.com/soft-boy-aesthetic/
      4. ↑ https://papers.academic-conferences.org/index.php/icgr/article/download/1174/1029/3692
      5. ↑ https://www.stylesofman.com/soft-boy-aesthetic/
      6. ↑ https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2021/10/24/soft-boy-pop-culture-harry-styles-gender-politics-music-514168
      7. ↑ https://papers.academic-conferences.org/index.php/icgr/article/download/1174/1029/3692
      8. ↑ https://qz.com/1772566/film-changed-the-softboy-trend-now-it-fights-toxic-masculinity
      9. ↑ https://www.stylesofman.com/soft-boy-aesthetic/
      1. ↑ https://www.stylesofman.com/soft-boy-aesthetic/
      2. ↑ https://www.stylesofman.com/soft-boy-aesthetic/
      3. ↑ https://www.stylesofman.com/soft-boy-aesthetic/
      4. ↑ https://papers.academic-conferences.org/index.php/icgr/article/download/1174/1029/3692
      5. ↑ https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2021/10/24/soft-boy-pop-culture-harry-styles-gender-politics-music-514168
      6. ↑ https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2021/10/24/soft-boy-pop-culture-harry-styles-gender-politics-music-514168

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