How to Spice Up Your Relationship Intellectually

Co-authored by Mary Church, PhD

Last Updated: April 8, 2024

Do you want to spice things up on an intellectual level with your partner? Mindfully engaging your partner is healthy for your relationship, and it will give it the kick start it needs if you're stuck in a rut. If you're ready to spice things up by living, learning, re-connecting with your significant other, scroll down!

1

Create a list of interesting topics.

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Ask your partner to create a similar list, then swap lists. Every day, pick a topic of conversation from your partner's list and research and read about it for 10 to 30 minutes. (Google it, read it from a newspaper, book, etc.) Next time you and your significant other are at the dinner table or riding in the car, wow them with your newly found knowledge about their interests––be ready to ask questions too. After the first conversation dies out (if it does), then swap subjects.
- Reader Poll: We asked 438 wikiHow readers, and only 7% of people recommended bringing up super deep, philosophical topics over text. [Take Poll] Instead, they suggest saving intellectual chats for in-person conversation!

2

Discuss movies after watching them.

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Don't let your movie experience end in the movie theatre. Take a 20-minute walk and talk about it. Ask each other questions, such as: Did you like it? What was your favorite and least favorite part? Favorite character? Favorite line? Did you like the ending? What would you have done differently? Explore ideas together.

3

Play mentally stimulating games.

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Play: What's your favorite... would you rather... what would you do... if you were stuck on a desert island... etc. And get weird with it!
- For example: If you fell from the empire state building, do you think you would die if you were an ant? It seems childish, but it's good to connect to that side around the person we trust the most. Don't hold back!
- Do not get stuck with your responsibilities and become serious. Remember to play as a couple. ^{[1]
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4

Pick a topic for a story.

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Have one person make up the beginning of the story. Then you or your partner makes up the next sentence of the story. Continue taking turns, making up each line for the story, until you have this ridiculously funny story. This exercise will get both of your creative juices flowing and could inspire you to have another topic for conversation.

5

Try out each other's hobbies.

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What does your partner like to do for fun? Ask to try it with them, and allow them to teach you how it works. Next week, introduce them to one of your hobbies.

6

Help each other with projects.

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Is your boyfriend building a birdhouse? Grab a hammer and offer to lend a hand. Is your wife working on a mini robot? Volunteer to help her test it and watch it go. This gives you the opportunity to learn from your spouse, and understand the things that make them light up.

7

Choose new things to do together.

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Ask your partner to write a list of things they've always wanted to try, and write one yourself. Then create a list of things to try as a couple. Consider places to go, foods to try, activities to experiment with, and whatever else comes to mind.
- Think about the things you find exciting. ^{[2]
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- Be creative and build upon the novel experiences you enjoyed when you got together for the first time. ^{[3]
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8

Designate one day of the week to go out together.

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Visit a museum, beach, aquarium, restaurant, or anything that interests the two of you. This will make leaving the house and spending time together a routine.

9

Make time every day to talk to your partner.

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Communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship; don't make it all about groceries and chores. Have fun in your conversations, look forward to talking with each other, and watch your relationship grow. Be the one your partner goes to for intellectual stimulation. You and your partner will have fun re-connecting, loving, and getting to know each other all over again.

10

Keep in mind that silence isn't always a bad thing.

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It's okay to sit for a while in silence, or just enjoy a passionate kiss. You don't have to constantly be intellectually "on" in order to enjoy a wonderful relationship.

How Do You Spice Up Your Marriage?

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Tips

Try "active listening" to your partner. When they talk, you listen and pay attention, nodding and reacting to the conversation as it unfolds. Try not to interrupt and vice versa.

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You don't have to choose only one topic a day, you can choose multiple, or you can choose the same topic consecutively and talk about different examples of the topic. (For example, the topic is cars. You go online and spend the next ten minutes learning about the new Tesla that's coming out and you discuss. Then the next day, you talk about Tesla factories, plans for the future, etc.)

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How to Spice Up Your Relationship Intellectually

Steps

Create a list of interesting topics.

Discuss movies after watching them.

Play mentally stimulating games.

Pick a topic for a story.

Try out each other's hobbies.

Help each other with projects.

Choose new things to do together.

Designate one day of the week to go out together.

Make time every day to talk to your partner.

Keep in mind that silence isn't always a bad thing.

How Do You Spice Up Your Marriage?

Expert Q&A

Tips

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