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Whether you met a girl online, on a dating app, or in person, sending her a text can take things to the next level. Starting out on the right foot can make or break your relationship, so it’s important to really think about what you want to say before you send it. We'll give you helpful tips and examples for your first text message to a girl you like and help you keep a fun, lively conversation going !
Steps
Examples to Text a Girl for the First Time
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Hey there everyone! I’m just going to cut right to the chase: I suck at talking to girls over text. I feel like I’m pretty good at chatting IRL where I can read the other person’s body language and tone, but over text I’ve been told I’m staler than an old breadstick. I’m just not good at texting. I just got the number of a girl I think I’m into but I really don’t want to drop the ball when I hit her up. Give me your best topics, convo starters, or lines!
My biggest tip is to be illogical and fun. I always say that the main purpose of texting initially is just to set up a date or phone call.
What a lot of people do is they try to get to know people through text immediately, which kind of sounds like what you’re doing. That just makes it more difficult for you to really develop a stronger, deeper relationship or connection because a lot of things can get misconstrued over text. You don't understand the person's kind of tone, their jokes are harder to read over text, and it’s too easy to say something that accidentally offends the other person.
So, when you say something like, “Hey, how are you?” and then they say, “Fine” you’ve just sort of killed the conversation. What I'll usually do is say something like, “I just saw a group of kids help the old lady across the street and it reminded me of brighter days!” Just mix it up. Keep her on her toes, be a little random, and use texting as a way to set up a date. Don’t treat texting like a goal on its own!
What a lot of people do is they try to get to know people through text immediately, which kind of sounds like what you’re doing. That just makes it more difficult for you to really develop a stronger, deeper relationship or connection because a lot of things can get misconstrued over text. You don't understand the person's kind of tone, their jokes are harder to read over text, and it’s too easy to say something that accidentally offends the other person.
So, when you say something like, “Hey, how are you?” and then they say, “Fine” you’ve just sort of killed the conversation. What I'll usually do is say something like, “I just saw a group of kids help the old lady across the street and it reminded me of brighter days!” Just mix it up. Keep her on her toes, be a little random, and use texting as a way to set up a date. Don’t treat texting like a goal on its own!
Just like with in person conversations, the key to having text conversations is being genuinely interested in what the other person has to say. Practice "active listening" (or reading in this case haha) by reading over her texts a couple times and responding thoughtfully to what she says.
Ask her about herself and her likes and dislikes. Pay attention to what she says so you can ask follow-up questions or reference things she's told you later. So, say you met in a bar and played a round of pool. When you text her, say something like, "I had a great time with you last night! How'd you get so good at pool?"
If she mentioned what she does for work, say, "How'd you get into that field?"
You can also just ask her basic questions like, "What's one move you could watch over and over?" "What are you listening to these days?" "What's your idea of a perfect date?" "What's the best thing that happened to you today?"
After she shares about herself, if you have related experiences or facts about yourself to share, then do! But avoid having your conversation become an interview. Don't just rapid fire ask her questions. Let the conversation flow naturally.
Ask her about herself and her likes and dislikes. Pay attention to what she says so you can ask follow-up questions or reference things she's told you later. So, say you met in a bar and played a round of pool. When you text her, say something like, "I had a great time with you last night! How'd you get so good at pool?"
If she mentioned what she does for work, say, "How'd you get into that field?"
You can also just ask her basic questions like, "What's one move you could watch over and over?" "What are you listening to these days?" "What's your idea of a perfect date?" "What's the best thing that happened to you today?"
After she shares about herself, if you have related experiences or facts about yourself to share, then do! But avoid having your conversation become an interview. Don't just rapid fire ask her questions. Let the conversation flow naturally.
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you save a dry conversation?Suzanna Mathews is a Dating and Relationship Coach and the Founder of The Date Maven. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in creating mindset tools, social strategies, and digital strategies that help her clients elevate dating and deepen connections. Suzanna holds a BA in Communications from Bethel College, North Newton, and an MA in Theater and Dramatic Arts from Wichita State University.Throw something random out! All you have to do is say is "hey, quick question" or "hey, random thought." This gives you permission to bring up just about anything.
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QuestionWhat kind of questions should I ask to get a conversation going?Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach based in Norman Park, Australia. He founded his coaching business, Make Him Yours, in 2015. Mark specializes in helping women find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon upon its release.I'm not fond of the questions approach if it's the first time you two have talked. It's just a little cliché and boring. I actually prefer statements. Say something about yourself or say something about them to provoke a question on their end. You want to be the pond, not the fishing pole here! That's how you cultivate some mystery and generate conversation.
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QuestionHow do I start a conversation with her?Community AnswerStart by asking about her hobbies. Girls love talking about their hobbies, especially if it's something they are very good at. If you don't know any of her hobbies, ask her what she usually does in her free time.
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Tips
- Texting a girl for the first time can be nerve wracking. If you feel anxious, try taking a few deep breaths to calm down before you hit send.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=303&v=YmFgqTL1D98&feature=youtu.be
- ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=189&v=YmFgqTL1D98&feature=youtu.be
- ↑ https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/10685/how-to-text-your-crush/
- ↑ https://medium.com/@asanilta/how-to-compliment-a-girls-looks-without-being-creepy-a-general-guide-8ebfda4606e7
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/g3/flirty-text-message-ideas/?slide=23
- ↑ https://socialself.com/blog/how-to-talk-to-girls/
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/g3/flirty-text-message-ideas/?slide=12
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