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How to Stop Obsessing over Something That Happened

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Co-authored by Kirsten Thompson, MD and Dev Murphy, MA

Last Updated: August 26, 2022 Fact Checked

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You’re lying in bed, trying to fall asleep—and suddenly, that thing that happened is replaying in your mind. Again. Next thing you know, it’s the wee hours of the morning and you’re still dwelling on the past. If you’re struggling to stop obsessing over something that happened, whether it was yesterday or 30 years ago, don’t worry: you’re not alone. Ruminating to the point of obsession is something that many people struggle with at some point, and we have lots of helpful tips to help you kick the habit. Check them out below!

1

Give yourself permission to obsess.

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Almost everyone struggles with dwelling on past events. One of the best first steps you can take to stop obsessing over the past is, paradoxically, to release any shame you feel about obsessing. ^{[1]
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Research source}
- Not only will practicing self-compassion help you feel more at peace, it will prevent your anxiety from snowballing further. ^{[2]
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  Trustworthy Source
  American Academy of Family Physicians
  Organization devoted to improving the health of patients, families, and communities
  Go to source}
- Self-compassion is particularly important if the event you are dwelling on is a mistake you made. Feeling guilt over your actions is distressing on its own: you don’t need to punish yourself further with the added anxiety of self-criticism over reliving the experience.
- If the event you are dwelling on is a recent difficulty, such as a breakup or the death of a loved one, acknowledge that a little bit of obsession is very normal, and that your obsessive thoughts will likely fade soon on their own.
- It’s often easier to judge a situation when we have distance. As an exercise, pretend you are speaking to a friend who is dwelling on the same event. What would you say to them? ^{[3]
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  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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2

Ground yourself in reality.

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Focus on the sensory details of the here and now. When you ground yourself in the present , you will redirect your negative thoughts about the past. ^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
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- The 5-4-3-2-1 method is a useful technique for grounding yourself: identify 5 things from your immediate environment that you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. ^{[5]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  University of Rochester Medical Center
  Leading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research
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- Try to internalize the distinction between thoughts and facts. Question the obsessive scripts running through your mind by asking yourself if they’re objectively and definitely true.

3

Distract yourself.

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Engaging in other activities will help you take your mind off things. By throwing yourself into an activity you can get totally lost in, you will be too busy to spend time dwelling on what happened in the past. Make sure the activity is one that absorbs all of your attention and engages you in a “flow”; distractions that don’t require you to be an active participant, like watching television, likely won’t be effective. ^{[6]
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- Great activities to take your mind off your obsession include volunteering, joining a club, or learning a new skill. Not only will these activities distract you, they will increase your self-esteem.
- Finding a healthy distraction, like listening to a podcast or FaceTiming a friend, may help alleviate your obsessive thoughts since it forces your mind to think of other things as well.
- Keep in mind that distraction is a temporary solution: if the event you are obsessing over is serious, avoiding the situation can make things worse over time.

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4

Schedule time to obsess.

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Designated rumination time will keep your obsession contained. Set a timer for 10 or 20 minutes and journal about your obsession or anxiety. Once the timer runs out, set aside your obsessive thoughts until the same time the next day. Intentionally limiting your rumination time will prevent your obsessive thoughts from overtaking your entire day.
- Plan your rumination period after you are finished working for the day, but not so close to bedtime that your obsessive thoughts end up keeping you awake. ^{[7]
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  Trustworthy Source
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}
- When your obsession or a worry related to your obsession creeps up outside of your rumination time, simply write the thought down in your journal to be addressed during your rumination time. ^{[8]
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  Research source}

5

Identify what you can and cannot control.

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If you can improve your situation, take action. You may not be able to change what happened, but there may be steps you can take to improve the situation. Can you fix what happened? If not, try to accept the uncertainty. ^{[9]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
Go to source}
- Maybe what happened was a mistake you made. Can you apologize to the offended party and forgive yourself ?
- Maybe what happened was a mistake someone else made. Can you seek closure from the offender and work toward forgiving them?
- There is a difference between “ruminating” and “problem-solving.” ^{[10]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Harvard Business Review
  Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
  Go to source} If you can’t improve your situation, acknowledge that your obsessive thoughts are not helpful.

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6

Put the event in perspective.

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What happened might feel like the end of the world, but it isn’t. When you put the situation in perspective, you will realize that although you are suffering pain or anxiety in the moment, life will go on. ^{[11]
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- To stop obsessing over a mistake you made , practice “self-indifference”: acknowledge the shame or embarrassment you are feeling, and then shrug it off. Everyone messes up sometimes. ^{[12]
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- As an exercise, humor your anxieties: what is the worst thing that could happen as a result of the event that occurred? Understanding how you would react to the worst-case scenario will help you stop obsessing. ^{[13]
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  Research source}

7

Learn from the event.

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“Everything happens for a reason” is a cliche…for a reason. Asking yourself what you can learn from what happened may not diminish your pain, but it may help you to move on from the memory. ^{[14]
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Research source}
- Practice reframing your negative thinking to make it positive: try to see the bad thing that happened as a chance to implement your values to make the situation better, or practice gratitude for the resources you have to help you through the situation. ^{[15]
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  American Academy of Family Physicians
  Organization devoted to improving the health of patients, families, and communities
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8

Meditate.

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Daily meditation can help keep you tethered to the present. Devote 5 or 10 minutes every day to sitting in a quiet, peaceful spot and focusing on your breath. ^{[16]
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Trustworthy Source
Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source} By meditating regularly, you can achieve the mental discipline to shut down your obsessive remembering . ^{[17]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Make sure to meditate in an environment free of distractions (like your phone or television), and wear comfortable clothes.
- Try repeating positive affirmations while you meditate such as “I am calm,” “I am focused,” and “I am at peace.” ^{[18]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Mayo Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  Go to source}
- When your obsessive thoughts intrude on your meditation time, acknowledge them, and let them go. ^{[19]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Cleveland Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  Go to source} Identifying your obsessions, rather than denying them, will help to reduce their power.

9

Exercise.

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Moving your body is a great way to overcome obsessive thinking. When you exercise , you release endorphins, which will help you destress, and it also serves as a helpful distraction from your thoughts.
- Try combining meditation and exercise by taking up a yoga or tai chi class. Yoga and tai chi’s focus on your breath and your body’s movements make these activities effective grounding techniques. ^{[20]
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  Trustworthy Source
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}

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10

Create a stress management plan.

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Identify your triggers. Certain situations may set off your obsessive thinking. Be proactive: if you know you are prone to obsessive thinking, or if there is one event you can’t shake, take advantage of a time when you are not dwelling and identify situations that might lead you to obsess over the event. This will help you overcome your obsessive thinking before it becomes a problem. ^{[21]
X
Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}
- For example, if you are struggling with a breakup, a certain song might remind you of your ex. To avoid obsessing over the breakup , try avoiding the song for a while.
- Be specific: make a list (mental or physical) of things that might trigger your obsessive thinking in the future.
- Also keep track of things that may bring you relief when you are obsessing. Maybe a certain tea is particularly calming, or jogging helps to distract you.

11

Talk to a therapist.

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It can be hard to overcome an obsession on your own—and that’s OK. Speaking with a therapist about your anxieties may help you to overcome them. ^{[22]
X
Trustworthy Source
Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
Go to source}
- A therapist will not only help you let go of your obsession ; they will dig deep into your obsessive thoughts to get to the root of your anxieties. ^{[23]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Harvard Medical School
  Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
  Go to source}
- If you are unable to access therapy in-person or if you prefer doing therapy from home, virtual sessions from BetterHelp may be a valuable option.

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About This Article

Co-authored by:

Kirsten Thompson, MD

Board Certified Psychiatrist

This article was co-authored by Kirsten Thompson, MD and by wikiHow staff writer, Dev Murphy, MA . Dr. Kirsten Thompson is a Board Certified Psychiatrist, Clinical Instructor at UCLA, and the Founder of Remedy Psychiatry. She specializes in helping patients with mental health conditions such as major depressive disorder, anxiety, ADHD, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, and postpartum depression. Dr. Thompson holds a BS in Operations Research Industrial Engineering from Cornell University and an MD from The State University of New York, Downstate College of Medicine. This article has been viewed 32,171 times.

30 votes - 69%

Co-authors: 3

Updated: August 26, 2022

Views: 32,171

Categories: Featured Articles | Stress Management

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 32,171 times.

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