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The teacher has rearranged the seating arrangements in the classroom, and you're sitting beside somebody you just can't stand. Now, you must survive this seating arrangement until the teacher decides to move you again. You can try making friends, which can make the situation better. You can also make sure you do nothing that makes the situation worse.
Steps
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Think about why you don't like the person. Take a moment to consider why you don't like the person. Did something happen? Is it just a trait in the person that you don't like? It's important to figure out why because it can help you make amends. [1] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
- Sometimes, we don't like people because they are a bit too much like us. In other words, you may not like that the person is a bit snobby without realizing that that's a trait you don't like in yourself. Coming to that realization can help you accept the other person. [2] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
- Part of the solution is forgiving the trait in yourself, too, and working to be better. One way you can be better is trying to make friends with the person you dislike. It isn't easy, as even adults have trouble with these kinds of relationships, but you can work to make it better. [3] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
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Apologize if appropriate. If you dislike the person because you had a blow up, consider if it was partially your fault. Most of the time, when two people have an argument, both people are at least partially to blame. Try apologizing for your part in it to make amends between you two. [4] X Research source
- For instance, you could say, "I know we haven't been getting along since we had that huge fight. I really hate that. I really am sorry for the names that I called you and the things that I said. I'm sorry for my part in our fight. I messed up, and I'm truly sorry. Can we be friends again?"
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Figure what you like about the person. Now that you've figured out why you don't like the person, try figuring out what you do like about them. Figuring that out means you have to talk to them and observe the things they do. Start with something small if you have to. Maybe you like their handwriting or the way they style their hair. As you look for things you like, the hate you have for the person will lessen. [5] X Research source
- It doesn't hurt to mention what you like to the other person. Try offering a compliment to them once you notice something you do like. You might get a hostile response, but you've opened a positive bridge of communication.
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Try spending time with them outside of class. Many times, if you get to know a person, you may find you have things in common that you never knew you did. Try inviting the person to sit with you at lunch or to go with you to the mall. You may find that you actually like being around the person, or at the very least, that you can tolerate them. [6] X Research source
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Ignore the person's hostility. If you can't make friends, you have to move on to more drastic measures. One way to deal with a person you dislike is to simply not deal with them. That is, if the person is openly hostile to you, don't respond to the hostility. Simply keep doing what you're doing.
- For instance, you can try concentrating on your own work or counting to ten in your head.
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Look for why they may be mean. People are often mean for reasons you'd understand. That is, sometimes people are mean to try to make themselves feel better because they feel bad about themselves. Maybe they don't have a very good home life, or maybe they don't do as well in school as they'd like. If you can figure out why a person is mean, you may be able to feel compassion towards the person instead of hatred. [7] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
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Be polite. It's always good to be polite, even when you're dealing with a person you don't like. It's still important to say please and thank you or to pass a paper over when asked to do so. Don't be openly rude to the person. You don't have any reason to be mean, even if you don't like the person. [8] X Trustworthy Source StopBullying.gov Website run by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullying Go to source
- Remember, even if you don't like the person, they have feelings, too. If you're mean, you might be the one who's doing the bullying. Being polite shows you're the bigger person.
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Learn to stop when asked. If you're doing something annoying, such as kicking a chair or tapping your pencil, you may not even realize you're doing it. That's fine. Everyone has nervous or fidgety habits from time to time. However, if the kid next to you asks you to stop, go ahead and stop. Don't try to keep going just to annoy them. It will only make it worse. [9] X Research source
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Ask the teacher to be moved. Some teachers will not agree to this suggestion. However, if you tell him or her that sitting next to that person distracts you, some teachers might agree to move you. Remember to be as polite as possible and to accept whatever decision your teacher gives you.
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Stay focused. Remember, you're at school to learn first. Friendships and classmates come second. Stay focused on what you're studying, not on what the person next to you is doing. [10] X Research source
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Recognize bullying. Sometimes, you just don't get along with people. Maybe your personalities don't click or you're not interested in the same things. It's fine not to like someone, as long as you are still polite to each other. However, if someone is being mean to you, taunting you, or harming you in a physical way all the time, that crosses the line into bullying. [11] X Research source
- Bullying can include the other person calling you names or threatening you. It can also mean that the person is tripping you, shoving you, or kicking you. [12] X Research source
- They might spread rumors about you or your family.
- Know that bullying doesn't just happen in face-to-face conversations. It can also happen through notes, graffiti, or on the internet.
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Tell the person to stop. If the person is consistently being mean to you, tell the person to stop. That is, in a clear voice, tell him to stop calling you names, stop kicking your chair, stop laughing at you, etc. Try not to use an angry voice. A calm voice works better in this scenario. Count to ten before you speak to calm yourself down if you need to do so. [13] X Trustworthy Source StopBullying.gov Website run by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullying Go to source
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Laugh at the meanness. That is, if the person calls you names, try laughing at him instead. Sometimes this simple act will get a person to stop. [14] X Trustworthy Source StopBullying.gov Website run by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullying Go to source
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Talk to an adult. If you feel like you're being bullied, it's important to talk to an adult. Talk to your teacher or coach. Also, talk to your parents. Your parents are your advocates, and if no one else is standing up for you, they will. [15] X Research source
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhat do you do when you sit next to someone annoying?Dr. Kim Chronister is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist. She specializes in helping people struggling with substance abuse, relationship problems, eating disorders, and personality disorders. Dr. Chronister has contributed to and appeared on Access Hollywood, Investigation Discovery, and NBC News. She is the author of “Peak Mindset” and “FitMentality.” She holds an MA in Clinical Psychology and a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) from Alliant International University.Well, that depends. If it is affecting your mental health negatively by being around them, talk to your school counselor or mental health therapist about next steps. If you are simply annoyed with having to be around a rude classmate, remember that there may be an underlying reason why this person acts the way that they do. In this case, maintain a warm and confident tone to keep them from preying on you. This will probably lower them defenses whenever you want to say something that may help.
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References
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2012/09/what-to-do-when-you-have-to-work-with-someone.html
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2012/09/what-to-do-when-you-have-to-work-with-someone.html
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2012/09/what-to-do-when-you-have-to-work-with-someone.html
- ↑ http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/friends/apologize.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/making-your-team-work/201310/can-i-be-happy-work-if-i-dont-my-teammates
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/making-your-team-work/201310/can-i-be-happy-work-if-i-dont-my-teammates
- ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/raising_happiness/post/how_to_deal_with_mean_people
- ↑ http://www.stopbullying.gov/kids/what-you-can-do/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/growing-friendships/201110/is-your-child-inviting-rejection
- ↑ http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/school/organize_focus.html
- ↑ http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetailsKids.aspx?p=335&np=286&id=1695
- ↑ http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetailsKids.aspx?p=335&np=286&id=1695
- ↑ http://www.stopbullying.gov/kids/what-you-can-do/
- ↑ http://www.stopbullying.gov/kids/what-you-can-do/
- ↑ http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetailsKids.aspx?p=335&np=286&id=1695
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Reader Success Stories
- "I liked the talk to an adult tip, because it seems right if someone is bullying you constantly."
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"I liked the talk to an adult tip, because it seems right if someone is bullying you constantly."
"Beautiful and clear explanation of things one might try to rectify difficult situations."
"The suggestion to stay focused helped. Studying comes first, not annoying friends."
"This was helpful. It makes me have the guts to tell my teacher whats happening."
"Ignoring them and getting over it was helpful."
