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Everything you need to figure out if your friend is crushing on you
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So you've been hanging out a lot with someone lately, and you're not sure if there's more going on than meets the eye. You can learn the common signs that your friend might like you more than a friend, and you can learn what to do if the answer is yes, or no. Get started at step number one below.
Steps
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Think about how you spend time. If when you hang out most often, it's just the two of you, could be your friend sees you as potentially more than a friend. Almost all friends hang out, and often it'll just be one-on-one. If your friend has been suggesting lots of one-on-one hangouts, that's extremely common for both close friends and for flirty romances, and not necessarily a sign of a romance. But, if you've noticed that it's happening a lot lately, or more than usual, it might be a sign your friend likes you.
- If your friend doesn't want to hang out with other people when you're hanging out together, that could definitely be a sign.
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Ask yourself if you spend time together every day. You might see your friends often, but if you feel the need to check in with this person all the time, every single day, there might be a lot more there than a regular old friendship. Does your day feel incomplete if you don't talk to your friend? Do you miss your friend, even if you're just apart for the after-school period of the day? [1] X Research source
- Keep in mind texting as well. If you're regularly having never-ending text conversations, we're talking hundreds of messages a day, then you might like each other. [2] X Research source
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Think about where you hang out. Are your hangouts are getting more intimate? Going for coffee, just the two of you? Going to dinner, or for long walks in the evenings? Are they going out of their way to invite you to something you love, but they don't care much about? That's a sure sign that your friend is showing you that you matter to them, a lot. Maybe they like you more than a friend.
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Analyse how physical things are getting. Do you have lots of physical contact? If your friend likes you, they may start touching you more. While some people are naturally "hands-on," an increase in physical contact is almost always a sign of romantic interest. You may find that they're doing it to test your boundaries, like dipping your toe in the water to find out how cold it is. If you notice that it's happening quite frequently, it's a big sign. [3] X Research source
- If the contact makes you uncomfortable, then say something about it. It's never ok to touch someone inappropriately and out of the blue if you're not interested.
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Think about the things they given you. If you're receiving gifts, consider if they are very personal gifts, such as poems, songs, or things that you specifically like, your friend may be trying to get a message across in big bold letters: I Like You.
- Personal gifts and hand-made items are usually signs of romantic interest. Mix CDs? Huge sign of a crush.
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Ask yourself about the flirting that goes on. Some people are just naturally flirty. The barista, the server, the bus driver might all be flirted with in the course of a day for the naturally flirtatious. Of course, you may find that your platonic relationship has suddenly turned flirty on a regular basis, where it wasn't before. They may not be so subtle or shy about their crush on you. [4] X Research source
- If your friend is paying you a lot of compliments, or making cheeky little flirty comments, it's a safe bet that they like you and are interested.
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Consider any conversational limits the two of you have. If your friend tells you everything–like, everything–then it's a pretty good sign that you've got a more-than-friends relationship. You might talk to friends about school, and your sports team, and other normal stuff. But if you're regularly talking to someone about your dreams, your hopes, your fears, and your deepest kind of stuff? That might be a sign that there's more going on there. [5] X Research source
- Having deep conversations is also something that happens between very close friends. If you're just having good conversations but don't notice any other signs, it's not necessarily a sign of anything more.
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Decide if your friend acts nervous around you. If you're just friends with someone, there's not usually any reason to feel nervous about anything. If your friend seems to be suddenly tense or anxious around you, that could be a sign that you're becoming more than a friend to them. Try to pay attention to their body language and their level of nervousness. [6] X Research source
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Look at their look. Is your friend seeming to dress up around you? Does your friend seem to be making an extra effort to look good in your presence? If you made plans to walk around the mall, but your friend looks like they're done up for a date, it might be because they think they're going on one.
- Pay especially close attention to things like hair products, make-up, and fancy clothes. If your friend is putting in the extra effort, you'll notice.
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Look for signs your friend gets jealous. Try bringing up a current crush that you've got. Even if you have to make it up, bring up the concept of dating someone else and see how your friend reacts. If they like you, they may get jealous, or become kind of down. They may make fun of the person you say you've got a crush on. This is all a sign that they're interested. [7] X Research source
- Ask your friend about their current crushes. If they get embarrassed or don't want to talk about it, it might be because their crush is sitting in your chair.
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Ask yourself if you like your friend. If you're wondering whether or not your friend likes you more than a friend, it might be because you're feeling those feelings yourself. But it can be hard to tell the difference sometimes. What's the difference between wanting to hang out with someone a lot and wanting to be "more"? Maybe nothing! All relationships move at different paces, and it can be hard to tell.
- Do you think about your friend more your other crushes or love interests? If so, you might be having deeper feedings.
- Are you attracted to your friend physically? If so, you might like them, but you also might like them even if you never really noticed them before. You might like what you've gotten to know on the inside.
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Decide how you feel. If you've noticed some signs that your friend might have a crush on you, it's important to give some thought to the way that you feel before you do anything about it. Decide what you'll do for either outcome, before you actually do anything.
- Assume the answer is "yes," and that your friend likes you. Do you feel the same way? Would you like your friendship to be more than just a friendship?
- Assume the answer is "no," and that your friend doesn't like you. Might bringing it up make your friend uncomfortable? If you do like your friend and would like to be more, do you think talking about it might harm the friendship you do have.
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Ask! Just ask your friend. The best and fastest way to find out if your friend likes you is to just ask. If you've noticed more than a couple of the signs listed in the previous section, there's a good chance that your friend might like you. Sit them down, say, "We've been spending a lot of time together. I just noticed and I started wondering – Do you like me? Do you want to be more than friends?" [8] X Research source
- Even if they don't like you, if your friend is a true and caring friend, they won't be offended if you ask, or if you talk about whether or not you want to be more than "just" friends.
- If you think your friendship might suffer, and you're not interested in being a couple, then you might consider not asking. Don't worry about whether or not they like you and just continue being friends.
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Ask your mutual friends for advice. If you've noticed some signs of attraction, but you're just not sure, then ask around. Talk to a trusted mutual friend who knows both of you equally. Say something gentle and kind, like, "I've noticed that ___ seems to be paying a lot of attention to me lately. Do you think there's something there?"
- Asking around doesn't mean "spreading rumors." Don't tell people that your friend likes you if you haven't talked to them first.
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Tell them how you feel. If you suspect they do like you, and you like them back, then tell them. Take a chance! You never know where it could take you. And if you don't like them, and they are making you uncomfortable, it's also important to tell them. You don't deserve to feel uncomfortable, and your friend probably doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable either.
- Even if you don't like them back, it can be good to clear the air and be honest with one another. If you're made uncomfortable by your friend's advances, it might be important to spend some time apart for a while.
- If you like them back, why not ask them on a date? Since they probably like you back, odds are they’ll say yes.
- Reader Poll: We asked 601 wikiHow readers who've asked someone out, and 53% of them agreed that the best way to do so is to casually suggest hanging out and spending time together. [Take Poll]
EXPERT TIPProfessional School CounselorAlicia Oglesby is a Professional School Counselor and the Director of School and College Counseling at Bishop McNamara High School outside of Washington DC. With over ten years of experience in counseling, Alicia specializes in academic advising, social-emotional skills, and career counseling. Alicia holds a BS in Psychology from Howard University and a Master’s in Clinical Counseling and Applied Psychology from Chestnut Hill College. She also studied Race and Mental Health at Virginia Tech. Alicia holds Professional School Counseling Certifications in both Washington DC and Pennsylvania. She has created a college counseling program in its entirety and developed five programs focused on application workshops, parent information workshops, essay writing collaborative, peer-reviewed application activities, and financial aid literacy events.Address romantic interest with kindness. If a friend likes you romantically but you only see them platonically, address this kindly but clearly. Note their positive qualities while conveying your feelings honestly. Explain why you value their friendship but don’t share romantic feelings so you both feel comfortable moving forward.
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Spend some time apart, if you're uncomfortable. If your friend does like you and you don't, or vice versa, it might make it hard to keep hanging out like you have been. It's sad to think that your friendship might suffer, but in some cases, it's important to spend a little time apart so you can stay friends in the long-term.
- In some cases, if your feelings are strong enough, it might be hard to stay friends like you used to be, if you feel differently about each other. You may find yourselves naturally moving apart from each other. That's ok. It's a big part of growing up.
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How Do You Tell If Someone Likes You?
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QuestionHow do you tell if a guy friend likes you but is hiding it?Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.Does he go out of his way to give you gifts? For example, let's say he brings you smoothies fairly frequently—most friends won't do that for each other. Chances are, when guys are doing things like that, they're doing it because of a romantic interest rather than a platonic one.
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Tips
- If you like them back, send straight, positive signals back to them. No one likes someone sending them confusing signs.Thanks
- You'll have to keep a sharp ear and a fast eye to see if they like you.Thanks
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Warnings
- Whatever you do, don't go up and ask if they like you. It puts that person in an awkward situation. For you as well.Thanks
- They might be friendly, so be careful.Thanks
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you'd like to learn more about dealing with a crush, check out our in-depth interview with Eddy Baller .
References
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/someone-likes-you/
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/someone-likes-you/
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/male-body-language/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/flirting
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/202402/signs-that-show-whether-someone-is-interested-in-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/202402/signs-that-show-whether-someone-is-interested-in-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/jealousy
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/someone-likes-you/
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you think your friend might like you romantically, think about how often you talk to each other, whether it’s face to face or just by text. If they talk to you every day, there’s a good chance they might want more than a regular friendship. Consider if they often want to hang out with you alone instead of with other friends, which is a big sign they’re into you. When you hang out, think about how much physical contact they give you, as hugging a lot, tickling, and brushing against you are nearly always signs of romantic interest. If they are getting flirtier with you and compliment you more than they used to, this is also a big sign that they might bet interested in you. For more tips, including how to tell your friend that you like them, read on!
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Reader Success Stories
- "My friend did like me. I kept watching for the signs and at a point he came out. Turned out I liked him as well. We're dating now. Thank you wikiHow for helping me with my life." ..." more
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"My friend did like me. I kept watching for the signs and at a point he came out. Turned out I liked him as well. We're dating now. Thank you wikiHow for helping me with my life."
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