What Is True Love & How Do You Know If You’ve Found It?

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Plus, learn the difference between true love & infatuation
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True love is characterized by a deep respect and admiration for your partner, trust, and other determining factors. It’s easy to mistake true love for infatuation, but what is true love, really? In this article, we explain what true love is by walking you through its characteristics, signs you’re experiencing true love, and much more, all with the help of professional dating experts.

What is true love?

True love isn’t a singular feeling, but it is characterized by a mutual respect and admiration between you and your partner. It is also characterized by trust, security, and a deep commitment to one another. True fosters connection and understanding of each other’s core beliefs and values. In true love, you move as a team.

Section 1 of 9:

Characteristics of True Love

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  1. When you’re in love, you are locked in with your partner and typically don’t want to be with anyone else. You may view the person as your lifelong partner, your soulmate, or your true love, and be fully committed to them without ever wanting to wane, even when times get difficult. [1]
  2. True love is characterized by a mutual respect between you and your partner. You may find yourself admiring and respecting how they carry themselves or the way that they string things together. You may want to support them in any way you can, not because you’re expecting something in return, but because you love them. [2]
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  3. When you start to get deeper into your relationship, you tend to become more aware of your partner. You can see their strengths and weaknesses and still love them throughout it all. When you’re experiencing true love, you often see your partner for who they are and love them for it, strengths, weaknesses, and all. [3]
  4. A hallmark of true love is truth and honesty. When you are in love, you tend to avoid keeping major secrets from one another. It can be something you feel wrong for doing. You may even prefer to confide in your partner when it comes to difficult topics. Either way, when you find yourself preferring to be honest and truthful with your partner, that may be true love. [4]
    • To be more honest, licensed mental health counselor Laura Richer says to be aware of why you’re dishonest. There may be a fear you need to identify and work through. Then, learn effective communication skills to best get your point across.
  5. When you’re in love, you want to work through your issues in healthy, mature ways that help solve the problems you’re facing. You take responsibility for your actions. [5] Rather than thinking your loved ones are in the wrong or that the problems you’re facing are only coming down on you, when you’re in love, you work together to solve whatever conflict it is that you’re facing. [6]
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Section 2 of 9:

Signs You’re Experiencing True Love

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  1. One of the most telling signs of true love is a sense of comfort and security. When you feel free to be yourself around your partner because they accept you for who you are, it can create a sense of comfort and security that’s tougher to feel outside of true love. [7]
  2. 2
    You trust one another. Trust is often crucial for healthy, loving relationships. If you find that you trust your partner to handle things around the house while you’re gone or trusting that they can fend for themselves in tough personal situations, that’s a sign that you’re experiencing true love. When you show up for each other, actively listen and help your partner feel heard, and show them through your actions that you’re there for them, you know you’re in a trusting relationship. [8]
    • To increase trust in your relationship, dating coach John Keegan says to do what you say and say what you do, use your words carefully, and keep your commitments to your partner.
  3. Sharing similar goals and values often signifies a turning point in the relationship. While you and your partner are two different people, your goals and values are what drive you. If they’re in alignment with one another, it can help your relationship flow smoothly and really bring out the love between you and your partner. [9]
  4. 4
    Your happiness is their happiness, and vice versa. When your partner experiences something that makes them happy, you may find yourself happy and proud of them, too. They may also feel happy for you when you achieve something or experience something that makes you happy. Typically, when you’re experiencing true love, all you want is for your partner to be happy and have a joyful life, and when they feel that, you can’t help but feel it, too.
    • This doesn’t mean you rely on each other for happiness. True love teaches you how to be happy with yourself. [10]
  5. Another sign of true love is when you and your partner start to picture a future together and have conversations about it. If you find yourself having conversations about how many kids you two would like to have, where you want to live in the future and other long-term ideas, you may be experiencing true love. [11]
  6. 6
    They make you want to be a better person. One big sign of true love is that your partner makes you want to be a better person. You may find yourself saying or doing something that upsets them, which can spur you to want to improve yourself. Or, you may just feel inspired to ber the best version of yourself, not just for your partner, but for you. They may inspire you to be healthier, be more patient, or improve your communication skills. [12]
    • Unlike unhealthy relationships, if you find yourself wanting to improve thanks to inspiration from your partner, that’s a sign that you’re head over heels.
  7. When you’re in love, you typically think about your partner with everything you do, and they often do the same. Instead of grabbing dinner for yourself, you may automatically think about what’s best for you and your partner to eat. When you make decisions, you’ll tend to think about how it will affect both of you. [13]
  8. 8
    Your communication is healthy and regular. When you’re in love, you typically don’t play games like waiting to respond so your partner wants you more or randomly going ghost for days at a time. Instead, you communicate with each other regularly and healthily. If you find yourself communicating with your partner to solve any problems or letting them know when things are going on in your life, and vice versa, you may be experiencing true love.
    • Healthy communication means that you stay calm and try to understand each other, even in tense moments.
    • When your communication is healthy, even when you have moments where you can’t agree, you’ll agree to disagree and may even find a way to compromise. [14]
  9. That butterfly feeling isn’t just for the early stages of the relationship. When you’re in love, you may get a gut feeling letting you know that this is your person. If your intuition is telling you that your partner is the person that you’re truly in love with, there’s a good chance that those feelings are feelings. [15]
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Section 3 of 9:

How to Maintain True Love

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  1. In healthy, long-lasting relationships, communication really is key. Learning how your partner communicates and altering your own communication to use more I-statements can help ease any potential tension or miscommunication. Pay attention to whether your partner communicates with their words or their body, whether there’s subtext to their words, and make an effort to learn their communication style . [16]
    • To ensure that you’re not misinterpreting your partner, psychotherapist Kelli Miller says to practice reflective listening, where you repeat what your partner says back to them. It can help them feel validated and keep the conversation on track.
  2. When you’re in a relationship, you may find yourself stuck as the person you were when you first entered the relationship. You may hold unnecessary baggage or behaviors that can damage your relationship in the long run, even if you’re feeling the love right now. So, continue to work on yourself and figure out your quirks so that you can keep building the relationship. Enroll in therapy , practice journaling , and find hobbies that help keep you sane. [17]
    • Be open with your partner about your self-improvement journey.
  3. It’s easy to get caught up in the motions of life. When you get caught up in these motions, your experiences with your partner may start to become mundane or regular. This is normal in spurts, but it’s best to maintain that intimacy and affection to keep the love alive. Give your partner compliments and kisses, do activities that you both enjoy together and show your appreciation for them. Even a simple “Thanks, I really appreciate you, love!” can help maintain the love in your relationship. [18]
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Section 4 of 9:

What True Love Isn’t

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  1. When you’re in love with someone, you feel it deep in your gut. Having second thoughts isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it could be a sign you’re not really in love. When your conversations are surface-level, you don’t find much joy in them as a person, or you find that there’s a lack of respect in the relationship, it may not actually be true love. Other signs it’s not love include: [19]
    • You’re annoyed when they try to display affection.
    • You’re more in love with the idea of a partner rather than them as a person.
    • You feel relieved when they’re gone.
    • You have clashing values and beliefs.
    • Matchmaker & life coach Christina Jay says lack of chemistry is a sign that things may not work out in the long term. If you don’t feel something by the third date, then you may not be interested in one another.
Section 5 of 9:

True Love vs. Infatuation

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  1. While true love tends to be grounded in mutual respect, appreciation, trust, and realistic expectations, infatuation tends to involve putting someone on a pedestal because you have an unexplainable, often unreasonable attraction to them. Infatuation may lead you to believe that the person you’ve been dating for two weeks is your soulmate. Or, it may cause you to sacrifice your values for the sake of the relationship. [20]
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Section 6 of 9:

What is true love according to the Bible?

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  1. According to the Bible, true love is characterized by honest actions, clarity of the mind, and doing the right thing for the good of God and the relationship. True love brings you closer to God, “for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.” - 1 John 4:7. Other mentions of true love include: [21]
    • 1 John 4:18 - “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
    • 1 John 3:18-19 - “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”
    • 1 Corinthians 13:13 - “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
    • Ephesians 5:28 - “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as much as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
Section 7 of 9:

Does true love exist?

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  1. True love isn’t just a feeling. In fact, the feeling that comes with true love only lasts for so long. True love exists more as an action. True love is the active choice to continue giving your partner the same attention, interest, and prioritization that you would at the beginning of the relationship, even when your feelings change. It’s an act that takes a strong will, continued effort, and a determination to keep the relationship strong. [22]
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Section 8 of 9:

Frequently Asked Questions

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  1. True love feels like home. When you’re with your partner you tend to feel safe and secure. It also feels calm and peaceful. When you’re experiencing true love, you feel like you can be authentic around your partner and they usually feel the same around you. You aren’t fearful for the relationship nor do you find small issues threatening your relationship. [23]
  2. True love is developed over the course of a relationship and is marked by a commitment to growing together. Love is also characterized by commitment, but true love only comes after you’ve faced your fears, addressed your personal issues and learned how to know and love yourself. In moments of conflict and fear, regular love may wane, but true love can be forged. [24]
  3. Sit down with yourself and figure out what qualities would best suit you in a relationship. After determining your ideal type of partner, start going on dates. Communicate your expectations with your dates, then let things progress naturally. If you find that the chemistry is consistent on both sides, you may want to pursue a relationship and grow together. As you grow, true love may blossom. But remember, it takes work and determination from both partners. [25]
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Section 9 of 9:

Final Thoughts

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  1. When you’re experiencing true love, you tend to be truthful and honest with your partner. When it comes to true love, you usually don’t keep big secrets, you tend to have mutual respect for one another, you see a future together and you’re determined to get there. True love tends to make you want to be a better person for yourself and your partner. True love isn’t shallow, nor is it infatuation.
    • In the Bible, true love is righteous and brings you closer to the Lord.

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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/couples-thrive/202309/true-signs-of-true-love
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/couples-thrive/202309/true-signs-of-true-love
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      7. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/love/signs-of-true-love/
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      9. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/signs-of-a-healthy-relationship
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      5. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/signs-of-a-healthy-relationship
      6. ↑ https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2021/11/10751082/should-you-trust-your-gut-instinct
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      8. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-maintain-love-in-healthy-relationships#Show-your-appreciation
      9. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-maintain-love-in-healthy-relationships#Show-your-appreciation
      10. ↑ https://greatist.com/discover/signs-youre-not-really-in-love#signs
      11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/couples-thrive/202309/true-signs-of-true-love
      12. ↑ https://thesisterhoodhub.com/2022/02/11/21-characteristics-of-true-love-according-to-the-bible/
      13. ↑ https://wellbeing.jhu.edu/blog/2023/03/10/dear-tyler-and-jay-does-true-love-exist/
      14. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201601/is-true-love
      15. ↑ https://centreforemotionaleducation.com/what-is-genuine-love-and-how-to-attain-it/
      16. ↑ http://thinksimplenow.com/relationships/how-to-find-true-love

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