90+ Things to Say to Someone Who’s Grieving (& What Not to Say)

PDF download Download Article
Experts explain how to comfort someone who’s lost a loved one
PDF download Download Article

Loss and grief are some of the most inevitable yet devastating parts of life, and it can feel equally as difficult when one of your friends or family members is the person experiencing grief. You want to say the right thing, of course, but you may not know how to comfort them in the best way. That’s why we’ve reached out to a team of mental health and social work experts to learn more about what you can say to comfort someone who’s lost a loved one. With their help, we’ve put together a long list of example messages and phrases you can use, as well as what not to say and concrete tips on how to support someone who’s experiencing grief.

The Best Things to Say to Someone Who’s Grieving

  • I am always here for you.
  • I can’t imagine how you feel. There are no words.
  • Can I drop off a meal later? Or run some errands for you?
  • There’s no wrong way to grieve. Take all the time you need.
  • I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sending so much love your way.
Section 1 of 12:

What to Say to Someone Who Lost a Loved One

PDF download Download Article
  1. After someone has lost a loved one, “the best thing you can do is to give the person space and let them know that you are available for whatever they need,” explains clinical therapist Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. You can use phrases like “I’m here for you,” “What can I do for you,” and “I’m always here if you ever need anything” to express your desire to help out without putting any pressure on the grieving person. Here are some examples of scripted messages that do just that:
    • I love you. I’m thinking of you during this difficult time.
    • I am so sorry for your loss.
    • I wish I had the right words, just know that I care.
    • I don’t know how you feel, but I’m here to help in any way I can.
    • I’m here if you need to talk.
    • I’m always just a phone call away.
    • My favorite memory of your loved one is [share a fond memory].
    • I’m here for you and I’m not going anywhere.
    • I’m here to support you, even though I can’t make it better.
    • I’m here if you want to talk, or to distract you if you don’t.
    • They were so loved, and my life is better because they were in it.
    2. Advertisement
Section 2 of 12:

What to Say When Someone Loses a Parent

PDF download Download Article
  1. Acknowledge parental loss with a reflective and loving message. Losing a parent is something that you might prepare yourself for your whole life, but it still doesn’t make the loss any easier when the time comes. Whether your friend’s parent died unexpectedly or after a long illness, send them one of these messages to express your heartfelt condolences: [1]
    • You can talk to me about them whenever you want—whether it’s in 5, 10, or 50 years.
    • Tell me more about your parent.
    • Your parent was a wonderful person. We will never forget them.
    • I have such fond memories of your parent. My life is better because they were in it.
    • You remind me so much of your parent.
    • Your parent loved you to the moon and back. They were so proud of you.
    • Your parent planted the seeds of your life. They will always be here with you.
    • Your parent’s amazing personality lives on through you. Sending you love during this difficult time.
    • I didn’t have the pleasure of meeting your parent, but I’m sure they were a special person because they raised an amazing human being: you. Wishing you peace and comfort during this unimaginable time.
Section 3 of 12:

What to Say When Someone Loses a Child

PDF download Download Article
  1. Provide any supportive words you can after the uniquely devastating loss of a child. Losing one’s son, daughter, or child can be one of the most tragic events in one’s life. No one should have to outlive their own child, so the grieving parent in your life certainly needs as much love and support as you can give right now. One of these messages may be a good start: [2]
    • Talk about your child whenever you’d like to.
    • It’s okay to have hard days. They remind you how much you loved them, and the good days remind you that they’re still living on in your heart.
    • They were such a special kid, and you are such an incredible parent. We love you both like you are a part of our family.
    • Thank you for giving us the most beautiful, generous, and loving person we’ve ever known.
    • From our family to yours, we cannot tell you how much we are going to miss [child's name] . They were truly an incredible child that we feel honored to have known.
    • I so appreciate you opening up to me about your miscarriage. I know I can’t do anything to make this better, but I am here for you for whatever you need at any time.
    • The loss of a child is a pain that words cannot heal. I offer you my heartfelt condolences and hope that the cherished moments you shared will bring you some comfort.
    • Although I never met [child’s name] , I’ve heard about just how incredible they were. I hope you do not hesitate to reach out for anything that you need during this time.
    2. Advertisement
Section 4 of 12:

What to Say When Someone Loses a Spouse

PDF download Download Article
  1. Share fond memories to comfort someone after the loss of their spouse. Losing the person that they’ve built their life with and wanted to grow old with can be a truly tragic loss for any person. If someone in your life has lost their life partner, send them a heartfelt message that expresses your condolences and lasting adoration for their relationship: [3]
    • They lived their life with so much love to give.
    • They would be so proud of you.
    • We remember and speak of them often.
    • I know how much you loved each other. They must have known every day that they were loved.
    • Love never dies. Your spouse’s love for you is everlasting.
    • Your spouse was such a wonderful person. They were also an outstanding partner who will live in our hearts and memories forever.
    • I know your spouse must’ve been an amazing person because you always beamed with pride whenever you spoke of them. Sending you an abundance of love.
    • I’m deeply sorry for the loss of your beloved partner. You complemented each other like no other couple I know. May your precious memories bring you comfort.
    • I’ll always admire the love shared between you and your partner. You shared a one-of-a-kind bond that can never be broken or lost.
Section 5 of 12:

Texts to Send When Someone Loses a Loved One

PDF download Download Article
  1. “You no longer have to be roommates, neighbors, or coworkers to comfort one another during tough times,” says Tenzer. “If a friend lives far away from you, pick up the phone, FaceTime, schedule a Zoom night in…or send a text to let them know you’re thinking of them.” Start comforting your grieving friend or loved one with one of these sweet, thoughtful, and sympathetic text messages :
    • I am so sorry for your loss. You can always lean on me during this difficult time 🫂
    • [Loved one’s name] will never be forgotten. What a blessing it was to love and know them. Thinking of you during this heartbreaking time ☁️
    • I was deeply saddened to hear about your loved one’s passing. I can’t imagine the pain you’re experiencing, but I feel for you and your family. Please let me know how I can best support you 🕯🤍
    • Holding you very close in my thoughts. I know you’re handling this as best as you can, but please reach out for support when you need it 🤝❤️‍🩹
    • Nothing prepares us for something like this. I hope you know how loved you are and how sorry everyone is that you’re having to go through this. [Loved one’s name] will be truly missed 🖤🪽
    • I’m so honored to have known [loved one’s name] during their remarkable life. What a kind and generous person they were. Know I’m here for you 🧸💛
    • I cannot imagine the pain and heartache you’re feeling. I am praying for your peace and comfort 🕯️🕊️
    • I know that grief comes in waves. That’s why I intend to be with you throughout this difficult journey 👐🪷
    • I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. My heart reaches out to yours ❤️
    2. Advertisement
Section 6 of 12:

Quotes for When Someone Loses a Loved One

PDF download Download Article
  1. Share a quote that encapsulates the experiences of love, life, death, and grief. It can be nearly impossible to find the quote-unquote “right” words during times of grief. Instead, consider turning to the writings of a significant poet, artist, or writer who may be better equipped than you are to put these complex emotions into words. Here are some example sympathy quotes that you can send to your grieving loved ones: [4]
    • "To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die." – Thomas Campbell
    • "The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That’s the deal.” – C.S. Lewis
    • "Death ends a life, not a relationship. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on—in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here." – Mitch Albom
    • "Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality.” – Emily Dickinson
    • "There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart." – Mahatma Gandhi
    • "What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” – Helen Keller
    • "I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought, and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories.” – Leo Buscaglia
    • "The bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” – Anne Lamott
    • "There is no death. Only a change of worlds.” – Chief Seattle
    • "Like a bird singing in the rain, let grateful memories survive in time of sorrow.” – Robert Louis Stevenson
    • "It is not length of life, but depth of life.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Section 7 of 12:

Short Messages for Someone Who’s Lost a Loved One

PDF download Download Article
  1. Opt for a brief message to express your sympathy without taking up too much space. While every message is certainly appreciated, it can feel overwhelming to be a grieving person who’s receiving dozens of lengthy paragraphs of support. Instead, consider a short message or phrase that shows your support without trying to do too much or add any more onto the griever’s plate. Here are some examples:
    • I may not know what to say right now, but I can listen.
    • There are no words. I’m so sorry for your loss.
    • You aren’t going crazy, and your reactions to grief are normal.
    • I’m really sorry you had to go through this.
    • Grief has no expiration date. Sit with this for as long as you need.
    • You don’t have to talk. I’ll just sit beside you.
    • I don’t know what to say, but I can listen.
    • A part of your loved one lives in you and all those they loved.
    • Be as kind to yourself as you are to everyone else.
    • It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to hurt.
    2. Advertisement
Section 8 of 12:

Long Messages for Someone Who’s Lost a Loved One

PDF download Download Article
  1. Write out a longer message to fully express your love, sympathy, and commitment. “It’s difficult to say the right or wrong way to comfort a loved one who is grieving…[since] everyone responds differently to grief,” explains Tenzer. “It’s best to be a listener as opposed to a speaker…but also let them know you want to help them through this.” You can write out a long message that essentially expresses just that—let them know you’re here for them, but also offer tangible help in the form of a listening ear, errand-runner, babysitter, or whatever else you’re able to provide. Here are some compassionate examples you can use:
    • I’m here for you. Groceries, babysitting, errands. Whatever it is, you can call me and I’ll be there. Please let me know if there is any way I can support you during this tough time.
    • I heard about your loss, and I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you. I’ll be checking in on you, but I’ll always be here if you ever need anything. [Loved one’s name] was such an incredible human being that I feel lucky to have had in my life for the time that I did. I know nothing prepares us for losses like this, but you are so loved.
    • I know living life as normal won’t be easy for a while. I want to drop off a few home-cooked meals for you this week. Whenever you have a moment, will you let me know if there’s anything that you and your family particularly like or don’t like?
    • I’ll never be able to understand the exact feelings you’re going through, but I know what it’s like to lose a loved one. If you want to talk about how you’re feeling, I’d be more than happy to meet up or talk on the phone whenever you need to. Whatever you need—even if it’s just some space—I’m happy to give it to you.
    • I’m really sorry to hear about [loved one’s name] . I hope you’re giving yourself grace with your grief and that you know that each and every one of your feelings are valid. Grief doesn’t have a timeline or an instruction manual. You’re doing the best you can, and you remain so so loved.
    • The pain of losing a loved one is one we’re never prepared for, and I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. I’m here to listen today, in a month, or even in a year.
    • [Loved one’s name] was so special. I still remember [insert fond memory] . Their memory is going to be cherished by so many for so long. If you need to talk, I’m here for you night or day.
    • [Loved one’s name] was such a sweet and loving soul and this world will be forever changed for the better because of their time here. I love you so much and I hope you know how loved you are and how many people are grieving the loss of the amazing life your loved one lived. I’ll be checking in on you.
Section 9 of 12:

Spiritual Things to Say When Someone Loses a Loved One

PDF download Download Article
  1. If the person who’s grieving frequently looks for God or another deity for comfort, then they’ll likely appreciate a message that nods to their spiritual beliefs . You can use a prayer, a quote from the Bible, or a generically spiritual message to comfort them in their time of loss. Here are some examples: [5]
    • You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
    • I was really mad at God when I found out.
    • I’m praying for you and always will be.
    • My deepest sympathies. I know God will guide your deceased loved one’s soul to Heaven.
    • Your loved one was a blessing from the Lord, and we all have fond memories of them.
    • “Therefore you too have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice.” (John 16:22) [6]
    • You are in the hearts of everyone in our congregation. We’re ready to bring you home-cooked meals and any other assistance you may need.
    • As long as we live, they too will live; for they are now are apart of us; as we remember them.
    • Their soul and presence lives on in everything around you—from the moon you look up at to the cool breeze that caresses your face.
    2. Advertisement
Section 10 of 12:

Islamic Messages For When Someone Loses a Loved One

PDF download Download Article
  1. Share a religiously appropriate message with grievers who practice Islam. If the person who’s lost a loved one is a practitioner of Islam, choose a condolence message that reflects that. In times of grief, Islamic teachings focus on showing compassion while also reminding the bereaved that death is inevitable but Allah is always merciful. Here are some examples of Islamic sympathy messages that you could send: [7]
    • Verily we belong to Allah, and verily to Him do we return (“Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un”).
    • All praise is due to Allah in all circumstances (“Al-hamdu lillah ala kulli hal”).
    • The water is in Allah’s hand (“Al-ma’u bi yadillah”).
    • May Allah grant you patience and strength during this difficult time. Our deepest condolences for the loss of your beloved. May Allah bless their soul and grant them a place in Jannah.
    • We extend our deepest condolences to the family and friends of the deceased. May Allah ease their pain and grant them the strength to persevere. May He also bless the soul of the departed and grant them eternal peace.
    • “Every soul shall taste death. And only on the Day of Resurrection shall you be paid your full recompense. Only he who is saved far from the Fire and admitted to Paradise will have attained success. For the life of this world is but goods and chattels of deception.” – Surah Al-Imran, Verse 185
    • “When the soul leaves the body, it is like a bird flying out of its cage. It is free and can soar to new heights.” – Rumi
    • “The deceased is presented before his family and they weep for him. He asks, ‘Why are you weeping?’ They reply, ‘Because you have departed from us.’ He says, ‘Rather, I have come to you, and there is no return from there.'” – Hadith narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas’ud (RA).
    • “The remembrance of death is the key to a good life. It makes us appreciate the time we have and motivates us to do good deeds.” – Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyya
Section 11 of 12:

What Not to Say to Someone Who’s Grieving

PDF download Download Article
  1. Avoid messages that minimize or put a spin on the loss, and refrain from advice as well. Despite your very best intentions, there are certain phrases that can feel invalidating, upsetting, or insensitive in times of grief. For example, saying something like “at least they’re in a better place” or “everything happens for a reason” try to put a positive spin on a situation that’s not positive at all, and it can make the bereaved feel like their loved one was supposed to die or that they don’t have a right to feel upset—which is far from the truth. Similarly, giving pieces of advice like “When I lost my dad, I did ___” or “It’s important to stay strong” can strike an insensitive note, so it’s best to just sit with the person and feel their grief with them. Other phrases to avoid include: [8]
    • “Stay strong.”
    • “God needed another angel.”
    • “I know exactly how you feel.”
    • “At least they’re in a better place.”
    • “Everything happens for a reason.”
    • “Your loved one would want you to be happy.”
    • “You could always still have another child / spouse.”
    • “At least they lived a long, fulfilling life. A lot of people die young.”
    • “Just think about the good memories. Those will bring you peace.”
    • “Don’t you think you’ve been grieving for long enough? They passed a while ago.”
    EXPERT TIP

    Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT

    Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist
    Ken Breniman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Yoga Therapist and Thanatologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years experience of providing clinical support and community workshops utilizing a dynamic combination of traditional psychotherapy and yoga therapy. He specializes in eclectic non-denominational yoga guidance, grief therapy, complex trauma recovery and mindful mortal skills development. He has a MSW from Washington University in St. Louis and an MA Certification in Thanatology from Marian University of Fond du Lac. He became certified with the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing his 500 training hours at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA.
    Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT
    Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist

    A common mistake is trying to say something rather than just being present. In Chuck DeKlyen’s Tear Soup, a woman loses her son, and no one knows what to say. She realizes everyone has to make their own tear soup recipe, and that’s ok. Even if someone didn’t say the right thing, we can acknowledge they’re trying.

    2. Advertisement
Section 12 of 12:

How to Support Someone Who’s Grieving

PDF download Download Article
  1. The perfect sympathy message will express how sorry you are for your loss, how much you love or care for them, and a genuine offering to help them in any way that you can. “There’s not really any right thing to say,” notes clinical social worker Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT, “so putting the pressure on yourself to come up with the right thing to say is probably only going to be more stressful for someone trying to console or offer condolences.” So, just follow the above formula and, if you really feel stuck for words, it’s okay to add something like “I don’t know what to say,” “There aren’t any words,” or “I can’t imagine how you feel.”
    • The only thing to really keep in mind is to avoid saying anything that will minimize or trivialize this person’s grief. For example, phrases like “at least they’re in a better place” or “God needed another angel” may make the griever feel like you’re trying to put a positive spin on a devastating event that they absolutely have the right to feel sad about for as long as they need to. [9]
    • For more guidance from people who are in your position, check out this wikiHow forum on what to say to someone when their loved one dies.
  2. 2
    Ask the person for a tangible thing that they need. You can absolutely say something like “let me know if there’s anything you need.” However, most grieving people won’t actually reach out even when they really need something. Instead, “consider sending a meal over,” instructs Tenzer. “Offer to pick up their children from school. See if they’d like to come over and just sit on your couch to get out of the house.” These are the things that a person who’s grieving may need done but can’t do for themselves—or they may not even realize they need them.
    • However, “respect their decision if they decline without being too pushy,” adds Tenzer.
    • If you want to send them a gift, consider something practical rather than memorabilia like cards or flowers. Send something like diapers, gift cards, cash, meals, trips, books, or offers to stay in a vacation home to get away for a bit.
    • If your employee or colleague has lost a loved one, give them extra paid time off (if it’s in your power) or organize for your fellow coworkers to donate enough time off so that they can have as much time as they need to grieve.
  3. It’s hard to pick the exact right words to say to comfort someone who’s lost a loved one—mostly because there aren’t any words that can truly make them feel okay right now. Instead of worrying too much over finding the perfect words, focus on being present for the grieving person. “Be available, be a listening ear and a supportive person, and try reaching out every day,” says therapist Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II. “Maybe send some flowers or a care package…and do little sentimental things to let them know that you’re there.”
    • Once the initial shock of the loss has passed, you can even take steps to help the griever build a memorial or other commemoration of their loved one. “Ask them if they want you to create a memorial,” suggests Eubanks, “or something else that would signify their relationship, like a plaque, that they can hold onto.”
    EXPERT TIP

    Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT

    Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist
    Ken Breniman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Yoga Therapist and Thanatologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years experience of providing clinical support and community workshops utilizing a dynamic combination of traditional psychotherapy and yoga therapy. He specializes in eclectic non-denominational yoga guidance, grief therapy, complex trauma recovery and mindful mortal skills development. He has a MSW from Washington University in St. Louis and an MA Certification in Thanatology from Marian University of Fond du Lac. He became certified with the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing his 500 training hours at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA.
    Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT
    Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist

    Set up a continuing bonds ceremony, if they’re open to it. For example, I took my partner horseback riding because my mom loved it. That was for my mom, but I’m introducing it to someone she’ll never meet. I had a visceral experience of celebrating my mom, but also an activity that connected me to someone in my life.

    4. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      15 Ways to Cope with the Death of a Grandparent
      How to
      Cope with the Loss of Your Grandma & Honor Her Memory
      How to
      Get over the Death of Someone You Love
      How to
      Deal With the Death of a Loved One
      How to
      Overcome the Fear of Losing a Loved One
      How to
      Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies
      How to
      Address a Deceased Parent in a Wedding Program
      How to
      Deal With Your Sibling's Death
      How to
      Cope After the Death of a Pet
      How to
      Help Someone Overcome the Loss of a Relative
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/a40119939/condolence-messages/
      2. ↑ https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/a40119939/condolence-messages/
      3. ↑ https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/a40119939/condolence-messages/#condolence-messages-for-someone-who-lost-a-spouse
      4. ↑ https://parade.com/1075647/stephanieosmanski/sympathy-quotes/
      5. ↑ https://www.xavier.edu/jesuitresource/online-resources/prayer-index/condolence-loss-sympathy-prayers
      6. ↑ https://www.bible.com/bible/100/JHN.16.22-23.NASB1995
      7. ↑ https://www.sistemas.edu.pe/condolence-message-islamic/
      8. ↑ https://www.boltonhospice.org.uk/news/2020/12/what-to-say-and-what-not-to-say-to-someone-who-grieving
      9. ↑ https://www.boltonhospice.org.uk/news/2020/12/what-to-say-and-what-not-to-say-to-someone-who-grieving

      About This Article

      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 98 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement