11 Reasons You Might Still Miss Your Toxic Ex-Girlfriend

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Why you’re still thinking about your ex and how to begin moving on
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If you’ve just gotten out of a relationship with a toxic girlfriend, you probably know that you made the right decision, yet it might be that you can’t help but miss her from time to time. Even though she might have hurt you, there may still be a part of you that still thinks of her—and that’s okay. The important thing is that you find a healthy way to acknowledge these thoughts and eventually move past them. We’ll list out all the possible reasons you may still be thinking about your toxic ex and give you specific advice about what you can do to start moving on. Just know that things will be okay and that there’s nothing inherently wrong with missing your ex every now and then.

Things You Should Know

  • You may still think about your toxic ex often and miss her if you still contact her regularly or see her all over your social media.
  • You might miss her because you’re still holding onto hope that things can still work out, or you may feel guilty that you couldn’t make your relationship work in the end.
  • Cutting off all contact with your ex and creating a new routine in your daily life that doesn’t involve her are some ways to help yourself move on.
Section 1 of 4:

Reasons You Miss Your Toxic Ex-Girlfriend

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  1. It can be hard to stop thinking about your ex if you still text her or talk to her during the week. Even if you’re not in direct contact with her, seeing her posts on social media can also be a potential trigger that will cause you to think about her. It can definitely be hard to completely cut her out of your life, but it’s important to think about how her constant presence is potentially hurting you in your efforts to move on. [1]
  2. Your relationship may have ended, but it’s completely possible that you’re still hoping that she might change so that you two can continue being together. Unfortunately, toxic people have a tendency to lie to others to get what they want. Even though she might have told you that she’s going to change, it’s possible that she was just saying that to keep you by her side. What you’re feeling now may simply just be some of that hope leftover from her promises. [2]
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  3. Getting out of a relationship and suddenly losing the person you’ve been with for a while can be scary for anyone. Even if your ex had toxic personality traits, you likely still spent a lot of time together and were a significant part of each other’s lives. Thinking about her might be your subconscious way of dealing with these new feelings of loneliness and any fears you might have about being on your own. [3]
  4. It’s likely that your relationship had its fair share of good and not-so-good moments. After breaking up, you might find yourself blocking out those not-so-good times and concentrating more on the happy memories you had with your ex and her good qualities. Even if you know in your heart that she wasn’t the best partner for you, it’s understandable that a part of you would want to hold on to those good memories. [4]
  5. When you get into a relationship, you and your partner create a routine. You might have specific activities you do together, places you like to go together, and friends you both hang out with. After breaking up, that routine suddenly goes away, and you might feel at a loss about what to do. A reason you might be missing your ex is that you may be missing this routine while you adjust to a new normal. [5]
  6. Toxic people can be very selfish, so it’s possible that your ex didn’t shy away from making everything about her in your relationship. You might have found yourself going along with what she wanted most times and even becoming dependent on her when making certain decisions. Because she was such a big part of your life, it makes sense that you might miss her after splitting up. Even if you didn’t have the healthiest of relationships, it’s okay to admit that she was an important part of your life. [6]
    • It’s also possible that you’re feeling unsure about how to define yourself without her. Her selfishness might’ve caused you to simply adapt to her way of living, and now you’re not quite sure what your personal interests are. You may miss that sense of purpose she gave you.
  7. Unfortunately, a toxic person isn’t above saying belittling or humiliating things to others in order to assert dominance and make themselves feel good. During your relationship, it’s possible that your ex might have said things to make you feel like she was the only person who’d ever love you or want to be with you, and those doubts may be what’s causing you to miss her. [7]
    • These feelings of self-doubt might also prevent you from going out and meeting new people. A good way to move on from your ex is to branch out and talk to new people, but the negativity she left behind might be stopping you at the moment.
  8. Toxic people have a tendency to bring drama with them wherever they go. They often like to start arguments over even the smallest of things, resulting in their relationships with others being rather rocky. Even though your relationship might have caused you stress at times, there might still be a part of you that misses the excitement and rush that came from the unpredictable ups and downs. [8]
  9. You might especially miss your ex if your relationship ended abruptly and not on the terms you’d hoped they would. If your ex suddenly broke off your relationship without giving you an explanation, you may find yourself ruminating over what went wrong. With this lack of closure, it can be really hard to move on from thinking about her. [9]
  10. It’s completely normal to picture a future together with your significant other, especially if you’ve been together for a while and feel like you have a really good connection. When you break up, you might feel sad at the prospect of losing this ideal future you had built up in your mind. It may also be that you’re missing this ideal version of your ex who would stay with you long into the future. [10]
  11. It’s human nature to want to care for someone and help them. You may have noticed your ex’s toxic behaviors and thought that you could change her. Unfortunately, that might’ve left you feeling guilty when things ended, and now you may not be able to stop yourself from thinking about what more you could’ve possibly done. [11]
    • It’s also possible that she used manipulative tactics, such as gaslighting, to make you believe that it was your fault your relationship didn’t work out. Toxic people aren’t afraid to blame others and play the victim.
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Section 2 of 4:

How to Move On from Your Ex

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  1. In order to distance yourself from your toxic ex, practice the no-contact rule and avoid texting her and talking to her. Unfollow her on social media and erase her number if you feel like you can. Breaking off contact will give you some much-needed space and allow you to focus on yourself and moving forward. [12]
    • You don’t have to cut off contact forever but give yourself at least a month or two, especially if you’ve just gotten out of your relationship.
    • If you want to completely prevent her from contacting you, consider changing your phone number and blocking her on social media so she can’t reach you.
    • If you don’t want to necessarily block or delete her from your social media, simply avoid interacting with her. Don’t comment on or like her posts and avoid posting anything about her.
    • If you have friends in common or belong to the same social circle, take some time off group activities that may include her.
  2. One way to deal with the loneliness you may be feeling after splitting up with your ex is to spend time with friends and family. While it may not be exactly the same as being with a significant other, your loved ones can be there to support you and cheer you up when you’re feeling down. [13]
    • Take some time to go and do fun things with others Ask your friends to hang out on the weekends, go on a trip with your family, or just make an effort to talk to your loved ones every day to fight off any feelings of loneliness.
  3. It can be easy to start missing your ex if you focus only on the good times you had together. To help combat this and get over your ex , take some time to write down all of the negative things that happened while you were together. Identify her toxic behaviors and how she hurt you. It’s okay to acknowledge the good times you had together, but it’s also extremely important to remember why your relationship didn’t end up working. [14]
    • Ask people who are close to you to help. If you feel okay talking about it, ask them for their honest opinions on your relationship with your ex. Did they notice anything toxic from the outside?
  4. If you find yourself missing your ex and the routine you once had together, make an effort to establish a new routine in your daily life. Create some change to your day-to-day routine, do new activities, and refocus on your hobbies and interests. Spend time with your friends on the weekend when you might’ve been with your ex, go to new places that don’t carry memories of her, or find a new hobby to occupy some time. A new routine might be the healthy distraction you need to stop thinking about your ex. [15]
    • If there’s something you enjoyed doing with your ex that you don’t want to give up, find someone new to do it with you.
    • For example, if you and your ex went bowling all the time, get your group of friends together for a bowling night and make new, fun memories with them.
  5. Being with a toxic person can cause you to lose your sense of self due to their selfish tendencies and manipulative behaviors. In order to rediscover and establish your sense of self and self-worth, start being honest with yourself about what you’re thinking and feeling. Take some time to get to know yourself and ask yourself the following questions: [16]
    • What are you interested in and passionate about?
    • What are some of your favorite things to do?
    • What kind of people do you like to be around?
    • What are your personal values and beliefs?
    • What are some of your goals for the future?
  6. Getting out of any kind of relationship can be hard, so it’s important that you make sure to look after yourself and your body. Eat three meals a day, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly to stay active and fight off stress. Also use relaxation techniques , such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing exercises, to clear your mind and get rid of any worries you may still have. [17]
    • Avoid turning to harmful substances, such as drugs or alcohol, to cope with the situation.
  7. If your ex made any belittling comments while you were still together, it can understandably be hard to pick yourself back up and move on from that kind of negativity. However, being kind to yourself will help you to get rid of these negative thoughts. Remind yourself of all of your strengths and good traits and use positive affirmations to raise your self-esteem. For example, tell yourself things like: [18]
    • I am a strong person.
    • I deserve to be loved by others.
    • I am worthy.
    • I have so much potential to offer this world.
  8. If you have lots of ruminating thoughts about what went wrong in your relationship, sit down and pour your feelings into a letter to get a sense of closure . Write to your ex and tell her what you weren’t able to say in person. Tell her why you don’t think your relationship was working, what you wish she had done better, and any other personal thoughts you want to convey. Take this as an opportunity to say the goodbye you might not have gotten. [19]
    • Feel free to burn or rip up the letter once you’ve written it to symbolize the official end of your relationship.
  9. It’s not a bad thing to be sad about losing someone, even if they were toxic in some ways. You’re still losing a person who was a big part of your life. Take a bit of time to allow yourself to be sad and mourn the loss of your relationship. It is vital for your well-being to process what happened, express it in a healthy way, and not suppress it. Talk to friends and family about how you’re feeling, or just spend some time with yourself to process and acknowledge your emotions. [20]
    • There’s no pressure to move on right away and find someone else. That might actually hurt you more, especially if you don’t feel ready for a relationship.
  10. While it might feel like the right thing to do, some people are simply incapable of changing, even if their behaviors are hurting someone. It can end up being extremely frustrating trying to help your ex when she refuses your attempts. If that’s the case, it’s okay to walk away. Instead, prioritize your own needs and focus on moving forward in a way that’s healthy for you. [21]
  11. If you find yourself unable to move on and still thinking about your ex frequently, it might be beneficial to see a therapist who can help you work through your feelings. They can offer you an outside perspective and provide you with advice that can help with the process of letting go. [22]
    • If you’re interested in counseling, use a site like BetterHelp to find a licensed therapist near you.
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Section 3 of 4:

Is it normal to miss your toxic ex?

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  1. Even though your ex may have been toxic, that doesn’t mean you can’t miss the companionship and good memories you shared with her. Anyone who’s just gotten out of a relationship will need some time to heal from the entire ordeal, so don’t feel guilty if you find yourself thinking about your ex. [23]
    • The most important thing is that you realized your ex’s behaviors were toxic and got yourself out of that relationship.
    • However, if you find yourself wanting to get back together with your toxic ex, take a few moments to remember how her behavior hurt you.
    • While missing your ex from time to time is something many people go through, actually planning on getting back together requires a bit more time and consideration on your part.
Section 4 of 4:

Does your ex actually miss you?

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  1. Unfortunately, toxic people can be very self-centered, manipulative, and controlling. Within your relationship, your ex probably thrived off of the attention you gave her and liked to be in control of the situation. If you notice her making attempts to reenter your life, it’s likely that she’s more interested in getting attention from you rather than giving your relationship another try. [24]
    • The best thing you can do to stop her from coming back into your life is to cut off all means of contact with her. It may certainly be difficult, but it’ll be very helpful in making sure her toxic behaviors can’t hurt you anymore.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202112/10-reasons-its-so-hard-move-some-breakups
      2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/whats-a-toxic-person-how-do-you-deal-with-one
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202203/11-reasons-why-people-dont-let-go-of-unhealthy-relationships
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202112/10-reasons-its-so-hard-move-some-breakups
      5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      6. ↑ https://psych2go.net/how-to-spot-and-deal-with-toxic-people/
      7. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/
      8. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/whats-a-toxic-person-how-do-you-deal-with-one
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202112/10-reasons-its-so-hard-move-some-breakups
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202112/10-reasons-its-so-hard-move-some-breakups
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202203/11-reasons-why-people-dont-let-go-of-unhealthy-relationships
      3. ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/no-contact-rule-recovering-from-narcissistic-abuse-0618136
      4. ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/toxic-relationships.html
      5. ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/toxic-relationships.html
      6. ↑ https://www.npr.org/2022/02/09/1079532260/how-to-get-over-someone-after-a-breakup
      7. ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/i-dont-know-who-i-am-establishing-your-sense-of-self-1205165
      8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201904/how-leave-narcissist-or-toxic-relationship
      10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202112/10-reasons-its-so-hard-move-some-breakups
      11. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      12. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/tips-for-dealing-with-your-toxic-parents
      13. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      14. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      15. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/202206/dont-get-hoovered-toxic-people

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