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Discover why he always lies & how you can handle his behavior
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Lying is a red flag in any relationship, especially when it comes from your partner. While you can’t control whether your man decides to lie about something, you can try to understand his motivations and reasoning. In this article, we’ll walk you through all the reasons why a man might be lying to you, whether he’s telling a little white lie or a full-blown fib. We’ll also go over some effective strategies to deal with dishonesty in your relationship and how to tell if your partner is lying.
Things You Should Know
- A man might lie to you to avoid confrontation and protect himself, especially if he thinks you will get angry at him.
- He could also lie to you because he’s ashamed of his behavior and he doesn’t want to let you down.
- If you think your partner is lying because he's afraid of you or ashamed of his actions, encourage him to open up by sharing something personal about yourself.
Steps
Section 1 of 3:
Reasons Why Men Lie
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He wants to avoid conflict. If a man does something that he knows you’ll be upset about, he might lie to you because he doesn’t want to fight. He might view lying as the only way to protect himself and avoid confrontation, especially if he knows he’s in the wrong. If you’ve been together for a while, he can probably predict your reaction to the truth, and he doesn’t want you to get angry at him or call out his behavior. [1] X Research source
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He feels ashamed about his actions. Sometimes, men lie because they feel insecure or embarrassed about themselves. For instance, if your partner starts a new diet to lose weight (but gains weight instead), he might lie to you about shedding a few pounds because he feels ashamed about giving in to food. This is an example of a white lie—it isn’t malicious, but it can take a toll on the person telling the lie and possibly lead to a harmful cycle of lying. [2] X Research sourceAdvertisement
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He wants to protect you. A man might lie to you because he thinks the truth will harm you, and he wants to protect your physical and/or emotional well-being. For example, if your partner tells you that he likes your outfit (when he secretly doesn’t), he’s probably just trying to save your feelings. This type of lie is altruistic because it involves caring about someone else, so it’s the biggest reason for lying in people who have high levels of empathy. [3] X Research source
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He wants to protect his reputation. Some men lie because they want to avoid judgment for their current or previous actions. If your partner cheated on his ex-girlfriend, for instance, he might lie to you about his behavior so you don’t see him in a different light. Lying allows him to preserve his reputation so he appears like a caring and emotionally-mature partner. [4] X Research source
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He uses lying as a coping mechanism. In some cases, men develop a compulsive lying habit to cope with low self-esteem or childhood trauma. This might occur if your partner was punished for telling the truth or he didn’t receive much attention growing up. He might feel like he can’t be honest with you, so he uses lying to “make up” for what he lacks or to avoid harm. [5] X Research source
- Sometimes, lying is a learned trait from parents, siblings, or friends. If your partner grew up around dishonest people, he might think lying is completely normal and harmless.
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He’s trying to make himself look better. If a man brags about his height, career, finances, or sexual performance, he might be over exaggerating to appear more masculine and desirable. He wants to impress you so you’ll see him in a positive light (and he’ll have a greater chance to win you over). [6] X Research source
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He wants to sleep with you. If a man wants to have sex with you, he might lie about his interests or intentions to get what he wants. For instance, he could lie about liking all the same things as you to make it seem like you two have a lot in common. Or, he might claim that he wants to get to know you when he doesn’t care at all. [7] X Research source
- This is an example of manipulation, and it’s not okay. If you suspect that someone is trying to manipulate you, get outside help from a trusted friend or family member. Let your loved ones know what's going on to see if the other person is using you to their advantage.
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He wants to keep some things private. A man might lie to you if he prefers to keep personal information to himself, especially if it doesn’t directly involve you. Maybe he doesn’t want you to know about certain moments from his past. Or, maybe he’s hiding things about his childhood or family. Some people feel more comfortable sharing this type of information than others, but both partners have a right to privacy in a healthy relationship. [8] X Research source
- Lying becomes a bigger issue if your partner feels like he can’t tell you the truth or he continues to lie about things that he doesn’t want you to find out.
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He wants to avoid responsibilities. Sometimes, men tell lies to escape certain tasks or situations. For instance, your partner might lie about feeling sick if he doesn’t want to run errands with you. Or, he might lie about having to finish a project if he wants some alone time. He just doesn’t have the energy to hang out with you, and he might think that he can’t convey that without upsetting you. [9] X Research source
- While this is another example of a “harmless” white lie, it can decrease intimacy in your relationship and lead to more lying over time.
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He gets a rush from lying. Some men experience pleasure when they lie or deceive others, especially if they keep getting away with it. They won’t be motivated to change their behavior if their partner never calls them out, and the excitement of almost getting caught may prompt more deception and dishonesty in the relationship. [10] X Research source
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He might be a narcissist. If a man believes that he’s better than everyone else and he deserves special treatment, he might be lying to you because he’s a narcissist. People with narcissistic personality disorder often lie about their talents and achievements to appear more important to others. [11] X Research source
- If you’re dating a narcissist, he might also lie to you as a form of manipulation. For example, if you confront him about coming home late, he might deny that it even happened to make you question yourself. He could even say that you’re imagining things or call you crazy. [12] X Research source
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Tips
- To know if someone is lying to you , observe their body language when you confront them. People who lie tend to breathe heavily, avoid eye contact, blink excessively, and/or fidget uncomfortably. They could also over explain their behavior and stumble over their words. [15] X Research sourceThanks
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about lying, check out our in-depth interview with Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW .
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-a-new-home/202207/research-reveals-the-most-common-reasons-people-lie
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-i-m-approach/201702/why-do-people-lie
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-a-new-home/202207/research-reveals-the-most-common-reasons-people-lie
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-a-new-home/202207/research-reveals-the-most-common-reasons-people-lie
- ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/compulsive-lying
- ↑ https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/534347
- ↑ https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fcomm.2021.646820/full
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-a-new-home/202207/research-reveals-the-most-common-reasons-people-lie
- ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/little-white-lies-how-dishonesty-affects-intimate-relationships-0720174
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-a-new-home/202207/research-reveals-the-most-common-reasons-people-lie
- ↑ https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.820923/full
- ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissist-gaslighting
- ↑ https://youtu.be/1YBwqda_kNs?t=673
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-a-new-home/202301/men-are-more-selfishly-dishonest-than-women
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mental-wealth/202304/how-to-tell-whether-your-partner-is-lying
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