What Exactly Does “You Do You” Mean?

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Explore the nuances of the expression "you do you" in conversation
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You’ve probably heard the popular slang phrase “you do you” before, but what does it actually mean, and what’s the right way to use it? If you’re looking for the answers to these questions, you’ve come to the right place! We’ll cover what “you do you” means, provide examples of the phrase in conversation, and explain how to use it yourself. Keep reading for everything you need to know!

“You Do You” Definition

The slang phrase “you do you” means that you should do whatever is best for you, no matter what other people think. People usually say this phrase to remind others that they are in charge of their own life, and that they should make the decisions that feel right to them.

Section 1 of 5:

What does “you do you” mean?

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  1. People often say this phrase to encourage others to trust their instincts and do what they think is best. If someone says “you do you” to you, they’re telling you to follow whatever course of action makes the most sense for you, no matter what anyone else thinks. [1] Here are some examples of how the phrase is used:
    • “I know you’re hesitant to get that haircut because everyone loves your long hair, but at the end of the day, their opinions don’t matter. It’s your hair, and you should do what you want with it. You do you, Claire!”
    • “Personally, I prefer to make the dessert first when I throw a dinner party because it takes the longest, and I like to get it out of the way. But every home chef is different, so you do you!”
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Section 2 of 5:

Is “you do you” positive or negative?

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  1. Many people say “you do you” to genuinely offer their support and encourage others to do whatever feels right for them. For example:
    • Imagine you’ve decided to make a career change into a field you’re more passionate about, but you’re worried about what others will think. You text a friend to tell them about the situation, and they reply:
      • “I know it can be scary to make a big change, but I’m so proud of you for following your passion. Don’t worry about what anyone thinks—at the end of the day, you know what’s best for you. You do you, Jordan!”
    • In this example, “you do you” has a positive connotation. Your friend is being upbeat and enthusiastic, and they want to support you in your endeavors
  2. Some people say “you do you” when you’re making a decision they disagree with, but they feel like you won’t hear their opinion or listen to their advice. In these situations, “you do you” has a bit of a disapproving or even passive-aggressive tone. Here’s an example:
    • Imagine you’ve decided to get back together with someone after a rocky on-again-off-again relationship, even though your loved ones don’t trust them anymore. When you tell a friend about this, they say:
      • “You know how I feel about them, and I can’t honestly say I’m thrilled they’re back in your life. But at the end of the day I just want you to be happy, so you do you.”
    • In this example, “you do you” has a more negative connotation. Your friend is acknowledging that you have the right to make your own decisions, but their lack of enthusiasm hints that they disagree with your choice.
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Section 3 of 5:

How to Use “You Do You” in Conversation

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  1. If someone tells you about a choice they’re making, but they’re worried about what others will think, consider saying “you do you.” This will remind them that they need to make whatever decisions feel right, and that you support them no matter what. Here are a few examples:
    • “I know you’re worried about how your family will react when they hear you’re moving to a new city, but you just got your dream job, and you can’t pass this chance up. I know they’ll come around eventually, but for now, you do you!”
    • “It doesn’t matter that everyone else liked the second dress better at your bridal fitting. If you liked the third dress best, that’s the one you have to pick! It’s your wedding, so you need to feel beautiful in what you’re wearing. You do you!”
  2. Sometimes, a friend or loved one will make a choice that you aren’t completely on board with, but it’s not your place to steer them in a different direction. When this happens, it could be appropriate to say “you do you.” This lets them know that you might not agree with them completely, but you respect their right to make their own decisions. [2] For example:
    • “I know you want to give them another chance, but I’m a little wary since they hurt your feelings so badly the last time you guys were close friends. At the end of the day, it’s your decision, so you do you!”
    • “I think this camping trip would be a great bonding experience for us, but I understand that camping isn’t really your thing. Ultimately, you have to do what feels right for you, so if you need to sit this one out it’s okay. You do you!”
  3. We’ve all been there—you’re trying to convince someone to see things from your point of view, but you just can’t seem to find common ground. Instead of letting the conversation go on in circles, try ending it with a simple “you do you.” This is a great way to let the other person know that you respectfully disagree, but they have the right to their own opinion. Here’s an example:
    • “We’re not getting anywhere with this conversation, so we should just agree to disagree. I still think it would be better for you to break up with him, but at the end of the day it’s up to you, so you do you.”
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Section 4 of 5:

What are the origins of the phrase “you do you”?

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  1. However, it is believed that the phrase stems from Black culture and vernacular. The syntactical structure of the phrase “you do you” also resembles other phrases that were made popular by hip hop music, such as “haters gonna hate.” [3]
Section 5 of 5:

When is it appropriate to share your opinion?

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  1. When someone asks for your advice or perspective on a situation, this is a green light to share your honest thoughts . Let them know what you think they should do in a gentle, respectful way, and offer any expertise you might have.
    • For example, if you have a friend who asks for your opinion on whether or not they should break-up with their partner, you could say:
      • “I know you two have a long history together and care for each other deeply, but recently you’ve seemed really unhappy and stressed out. Personally, I think it might be best for you to take some time apart, but at the end of the day, you know what’s right for you.”
  2. If you feel like you have an important opinion to share, it can be tempting to blurt it out, even if the other person hasn’t asked for advice. Unfortunately, unsolicited advice can come across as a bit rude or presumptuous. Sometimes, loved ones simply want a listening ear, rather than a solution. [4]
    • Ask yourself if it seems like your friend is looking for advice, or if they just need to vent. Do they want a game plan to fix a problem, or do they just want to be listened to? [5]
    • If it seems like your friend just needs support and affirmation, be a good listener , and avoid offering any unsolicited advice. [6]
    • If your friend seems like they are looking for solutions to a problem, it may be appropriate to share your perspective. Just ask them if this is okay first. For example, you could say:
      • “Would it be helpful for me to give you some advice, or do you just need to vent and get it all out? It’s totally fine either way!”
      • “Is there anything I can do to help? I don’t want to overstep, but if you need any advice or support, I’m here.” [7]
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      References

      1. ↑ https://linguaholic.com/linguablog/you-do-you-meaning
      2. ↑ https://linguaholic.com/linguablog/you-do-you-meaning/
      3. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/05/magazine/how-you-do-you-perfectly-captures-our-narcissistic-culture.html
      4. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2020/02/its-time-to-stop-giving-unsolicited-advice#Whats-wrong-with-giving-unsolicited-advice ?
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-nourishment/201912/giving-your-opinion-when-you-shouldn-t
      6. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-not-give-advice#validate-their-feelings
      7. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2020/02/its-time-to-stop-giving-unsolicited-advice#How-to-stop-giving-unsolicited-advice

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