Q&A for How to Outsmart a Narcissist

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  • Question
    Do narcissists have empathy?
    Jay Reid, LPCC
    Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor
    Jay Reid is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) in private practice in San Francisco, CA. He specializes in helping clients who have survived a narcissistic parent or partner. Treatment focuses upon helping clients identify and challenge self-diminishing beliefs as a result of narcissistic abuse. Jay holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and an MS in Clinical Psychology from Penn State University.
    Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor
    Expert Answer
    Unfortunately, narcissists have deficits in empathy. Things that are intuitive to most people, like asking about other people, don't occur to a narcissist. They're just too focused on themselves.
  • Question
    Can my narcissistic ex get physical custody of and visitation with my children if he is a felon?
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    The outcome of a custody battle involving a narcissistic ex-partner who is also a felon depends on the specific laws in your area. Consult with a family-law attorney who specializes in child custody cases to understand your rights and options. They can guide you through the process and see that the best interests of your children are upheld. The well-being and safety of your children should be your top priority during this challenging time. Seek support from friends, family, or mental health professionals to help you navigate this difficult situation.
  • Question
    When a narcissist is also bipolar how does that compound the narcissistic behavior?
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    When a person has both narcissistic personality disorder and bipolar disorder, it can indeed complicate the situation. Narcissists tend to have an inflated sense of self-importance and require excessive attention and admiration. Bipolar individuals, on the other hand, experience extreme mood swings which can range from periods of high energy and creativity (mania) to periods of low energy, hopelessness, and despair (depression). The combination of these two conditions can lead to highly unpredictable and volatile behavior.
  • Question
    I suffer from sibling abuse. My older sister has been emotionally abusing me and spreading lies for 30 years. Can I get a court order to restrain her from coming anywhere near me and my family?
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    In some jurisdictions it is possible to obtain a court order known as a restraining order or protection order, which can prohibit your sister from coming near you and your family. Consult with a lawyer or legal-aid organization in your area to discuss your options and determine the best course of action. Seeking counseling or therapy to address the emotional impact of this abuse can be beneficial, too.
  • Question
    Can a narcissist be treated by a professional therapist? Is a very angry female narcissist likely to harm her children?
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    A narcissist can be treated by a professional therapist. Treatment typically involves psychotherapy, specifically cognitive-behavioral therapy, to help the individual recognize and manage their narcissistic traits. However, treating narcissism can be challenging due to the individual's resistance to acknowledging their behaviors and accepting help. As for the likelihood of a narcissist harming their children, it's difficult to generalize. While some narcissists may struggle with empathy and exhibit harmful behaviors, others may not.
  • Question
    Can a narcissist ever change? Why do they think they are better than everyone else when most people clearly do not like them?
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    Top Answerer
    Change is possible, but it requires the individual to acknowledge their behavior, accept responsibility, and actively work on self-improvement. Unfortunately, narcissists often struggle with recognizing their shortcomings and rarely seek help voluntarily. As for why they believe they're superior, narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-worth and may perceive themselves as exceptional compared to others. This belief can be reinforced by their constant need for admiration and attention. However, people's opinions of them may not necessarily align with their self-perception.
  • Question
    How do covert narcissists handle their finances?
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    Top Answerer
    Covert narcissists often have a complicated relationship with money. On one hand, they may have a deep-rooted fear of not having enough, leading to hoarding or excessive saving. On the other hand, they may also engage in secret spending or financial manipulation to gain control or satisfy their desires without appearing selfish. Due to their lack of empathy and poor impulse control, covert narcissists may struggle with managing finances responsibly and sustainably. It's essential to approach financial matters with caution and establish clear boundaries and expectations within relationships involving covert narcissists.
  • Question
    My narcissist storms out of the house and goes to a motel for a night or two. He turns on his answer machine and doesn't call. What should I do?
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    When dealing with a narcissist who uses tactics like storming out and going to a motel to gain control, you must prioritize your own wellbeing and set healthy boundaries. Communicate your feelings and concerns calmly and assertively. Consider seeking outside support, such as therapy or counseling, to help you navigate this challenging situation. It's not your responsibility to change the narcissist, but it is your responsibility to take care of yourself.
  • Question
    How do I keep my sanity when no contact is not an option?
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    Maintaining your sanity while living with or interacting with a narcissist can be difficult, but there are strategies you can employ to minimize the impact on your emotional wellbeing. Set clear boundaries and enforce them consistently. Practice self-care and engage in activities that promote relaxation and stress reduction. Develop a strong support network of friends, family, or mental health professionals who can provide guidance and emotional support. Remember, it's not your responsibility to "fix" the narcissist; focus on taking care of yourself and maintaining your emotional and physical wellbeing.
  • Question
    I have a builder who is a narcissistic and is playing games instead of finishing the work. What should I do?
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    Communicate your concerns and expectations clearly and calmly. Set firm deadlines and establish consequences for missed deadlines. If the situation remains unresolved, consider seeking legal advice or consulting with a mediator to facilitate a resolution. Prioritize your wellbeing and avoid engaging in confrontational or emotionally charged interactions.
  • Question
    Are totally ignoring or direct statements good things when you're around a narcissist?
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    Ignoring a narcissist can sometimes be an effective strategy, as it reduces their supply of attention and validation. However, it's essential to prioritize your own wellbeing and safety. Direct statements can be helpful, but it's crucial to maintain a calm and assertive tone. Focus on setting clear boundaries and communicating your needs effectively. Remember, your goal should be to create a healthy and safe environment for yourself, rather than seeking revenge or provoking the narcissist.
  • Question
    Why has my daughter-in-law not called to visit us since my daughter's death even though we met at their house and got on fine? It is very hurtful as we are old.
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    Losing a loved one can be a challenging time for everyone involved, and it's essential to give space and understanding during this period. Your daughter-in-law might be grieving in their own way, or she could be dealing with their own issues. It's important to maintain open communication and express your feelings calmly and respectfully. Offer support and understanding, but also respect their boundaries and privacy. Time and patience may help in healing and rebuilding relationships.
  • Question
    My ex always claims I am trying to control her, when she calls all the shots in child exchanges by false abuse charges. How do I proceed?
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    It's crucial to recognize that each party involved in a child custody dispute may have their perspectives and experiences. Focus on maintaining open communication and addressing concerns through mediation or legal counsel. Avoid blaming or accusations, and concentrate on fostering a healthy co-parenting relationship that prioritizes the well-being of your children. Seek support from friends, family, or mental health professionals to help navigate this challenging situation.
  • Question
    How does my daughter separate from a narcissist if they share a child and one on the way?
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    Separating from a narcissist can be challenging, especially when children are involved. It's essential to prioritize the well-being of both yourself and your children. Establish clear boundaries and enforce them consistently. Communicate your feelings and concerns calmly and assertively. Consider seeking professional assistance, such as therapy or counseling, to help navigate this difficult situation. And remember, it's not your responsibility to "fix" the narcissist; focus on taking care of yourself and your children. Seek support from friends, family, or support groups to help you cope with the challenges of this situation.
  • Question
    How do I live with the narcissist father of my children? Every time I try to better myself he rips me back down. He threatens to take my kids if I stand up for myself.
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    Living with a narcissistic parent can be very challenging. Prioritize your own wellbeing and the wellbeing of your children. Establish clear boundaries and consistently enforce them. Communicate your feelings and needs calmly and assertively. Avoid engaging in power struggles or emotional manipulations. These strategies can help reduce tension and foster a healthier environment for your children. Seeking professional advice or support from friends, family, or support groups can also be beneficial in helping you navigate this difficult situation. Remember: it's not your responsibility to "fix" the narcissist.
  • Question
    Why do they come back at you five minutes later?…because I did disengage.
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    Narcissists can be quite manipulative and may use tactics like coming back at you after you've disengaged to regain control or provoke a reaction. Remain calm and focused on your own wellbeing. Don't engage in confrontations or allow yourself to be drawn into their drama. Instead, continue to set boundaries, communicate your feelings, and prioritize your own emotional and physical safety.
  • Question
    How do I handle a narcissist who involves my child in an argument?
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    Handling a narcissist who involves your child in arguments can be extremely challenging. First and foremost, it's essential to prioritize the well-being and safety of your child. Make sure they are not exposed to any form of verbal or emotional abuse. Next, establish clear boundaries and enforce them consistently. Communicate your feelings and concerns calmly and assertively. Try to keep your child out of the conflict as much as possible. If the situation escalates or becomes unmanageable, consider seeking professional assistance, such as therapy, counseling, or legal advice to protect your child and yourself.
  • Question
    How do you deal with a narcissist who is your granddaughter's mother and is keeping your granddaughter from you?
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    Prioritize the wellbeing of your grandchild and seek legal advice to protect their rights. Document all incidents and communications to build a case for your side. Reach out to family members, friends, or support groups for emotional support and guidance. Focus on taking care of yourself and maintaining your emotional and physical wellbeing throughout this challenging situation.
  • Question
    My husband is a narcissist, and I don't have the means to escape financially. How do I cope, especially now that he has dementia? I get a double dose all the time.
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    Dealing with a narcissistic spouse, particularly when they have dementia, can be extremely challenging. Prioritize your own emotional and physical wellbeing. Establish clear boundaries and enforce them consistently. Engage in activities that promote relaxation and stress reduction. Seek support from friends, family, or mental health professionals to help you navigate this difficult situation. Consider exploring local resources and organizations that cater to individuals caring for loved ones with dementia.
  • Question
    My husband is much older than I and places no value on communicating. He doesn't answer my phone calls. He is dyslexic and ADHD and can’t read or spell, but he’s very smart. What can I do?
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    Communication challenges can indeed be difficult in a relationship, especially when one partner has learning differences like dyslexia and ADHD. Find other ways to connect and express your feelings. Consider using visual aids, writing notes or utilizing technology to bridge the communication gap. Encourage your husband to seek professional help to manage his learning differences and improve his communication skills. Focus on cultivating empathy and understanding and fostering a supportive and understanding relationship.
  • Question
    I'm almost certain my partner is a narcissist. Many times in public he gets mad about what I say and is afraid of others hearing our conversation. Is this a narcissist trait?
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    Yes, this can be characteristic of a narcissist. They often feel threatened by public scrutiny and might get angry in order to assert control or protect their image. You deserve to be treated with respect and understanding. If this behavior persists, it might be helpful to seek outside support such as therapy or counseling.
  • Question
    Why do narcissists hate being affectionate?
    Ruby
    Top Answerer
    It's not necessarily that they hate affection, but it can leave them feeling vulnerable. They may not want to show this side of them.
  • Question
    Can a narcassist love at all?
    Ruby
    Top Answerer
    Yes. Some narcissists can feel love. Some don't, but this doesn't make them a bad person by default, and most will still make an effort to be decent people to others.
  • Question
    How can I deal with a friend who is a narcissist-sociopath? I just now found out after 15 years of friendship!
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    It's tough dealing with someone like that. The best thing would be to maintain distance. Don't engage in much conversation, and try to avoid topics that might trigger their behavior. Set boundaries and communicate them clearly. If the situation becomes unbearable, consider ending the friendship. It's okay to prioritize your own well-being. It doesn't mean you're a bad person.
  • Question
    What happens when you eventually cut off from a narcissist? Do they regret their actions and want to repent?
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    Top Answerer
    Narcissists don't typically regret their actions, because they lack empathy and often blame others for their own behavior. They may feel a sense of loss when you cut them off, but it won't necessarily lead to remorse or a desire to change.
  • Question
    What is the best advice that you can give to someone who is married to a narcissist?
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    Prioritize self-care and establish clear boundaries. It's essential to have open communication about your feelings and concerns. Seek professional help if needed. Remember to take care of yourself. You deserve love and respect, even if your partner does not consistently show it.
  • Question
    What do I do if the person in my life has completely taken over? HE knows my passwords and is setting things up in my name on my accounts. I don't live with him, but he is totally dominating my life.
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    This sounds like a dangerous situation. Change all your passwords immediately and ensure they are strong and unique. Consider freezing your credit report to prevent any fraudulent activity. Speak to a lawyer or a counselor about your situation. They can provide further guidance and help you devise a plan to regain control of your life. Trust your instincts and prioritize your safety.
  • Question
    How do you deal with a narcissist coworker who is slandering you?
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    Dealing with a narcissistic coworker can be challenging. Document any incidents of slander. This can be useful evidence if you need to escalate the issue. Maintain a professional demeanor and focus on your work. Avoid engaging in arguments or confrontations. If possible, try to build a strong network of supportive colleagues who can vouch for your professional conduct. If the situation continues to impact your work environment negatively, consider discussing it with HR or management. Always remember to prioritize your mental health and wellbeing.
  • Question
    How do you get back at a narcissist in a nice way?
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    That can be tricky. Instead of seeking revenge, focus on self-care and establishing healthy boundaries. This might involve distancing yourself from them, seeking support from friends or professionals, and investing your energy in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Remember, it's not your responsibility to change them, but it is your responsibility to take care of yourself.
  • Question
    How do I get the upper hand over a manipulative sister who is always causing problems with my everyday life, especially when I live with her? I don't have enough money to move out, and neither does she.
    Mb_5f3484350d62
    Top Answerer
    Focus on self-care and establishing healthy boundaries. Communicate your feelings and concerns clearly and calmly. Try to find common ground, and work together on resolving issues. If the situation becomes unbearable, consider seeking outside support such as therapy or counseling. It's not your responsibility to change your sister, but it is your responsibility to take care of yourself and prioritize your wellbeing.
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