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Maybe you pulled a dumb prank and your friend is livid with you. Or perhaps you overstepped your boundaries with a friend and wish to repair the damage. Asking a friend for forgiveness can be humbling, but if it goes well, your friendship will be better for it. You should start by apologizing to your friend and asking them for forgiveness in a heartfelt way. You can then make amends for your mistake and work on maintaining your friendship with the person so it stays strong.
Steps
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Find a private, quiet area where you can talk. You should ask your friend to meet you in an area that is quiet and not very crowded so you can talk in private. Choose an area that feels like neutral ground, as you do not want your friend to feel uncomfortable. You may opt for a quiet spot at school or a bench in a park nearby. [1] X Research source- You may also choose a coffee shop or local hang out you and your friend enjoy going to. Meeting in a spot that is part of your friendship may make the conversation feel less awkward.
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Express regret for your actions. Start the conversation by expressing regret for what you did to your friend. Humble yourself and be vulnerable. Do not get defensive or make up excuses for your actions. Instead, let your friend know that you regret what you did and realize it was wrong. [2] X Research source- For example, you may say to your friend, “I realize now that pulling that prank on you was wrong and inconsiderate. I regret doing that to you.” Or you may say, “I know now that lying to you was the wrong thing to do. I regret my actions.”
- Make sure that you do not use this as an opportunity to point out things they may have done to you in the past.
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Use “I” statements in your apology. You should then apologize to your friend in a sincere, heartfelt way. Always use “I” statements in your apology and focus on your perspective on what you did. Do not use “you” or “we”, as this can come off like you are blaming your friend for your mistake. Instead, focus on your actions only in your apology. [3] X Research source- For example, you may say “I am truly sorry for what I did to you. I hope you can accept my apology.” Or, you may say, “I realize now what I did was wrong. I am very sorry for my actions.”
- You may also want to acknowledge that you may have hurt your friend. Try saying something like, “I’m sorry that I hurt you.”
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Ask for forgiveness. Once you have offered your friend a sincere apology, you should ask your friend if they would be willing to forgive you. Try to make your request with real emotion and be vulnerable in front of your friend. Your friend may be more likely to forgive you if they can tell you truly feel bad and regret what you did. [4] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source- For example, you may say, “Do you think you would be able to forgive me for what I did?” or “Would you forgive me?”
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Quiz
wikiHow Quiz: What Is My Apology Language?
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Tell your friend you will adjust your behavior. Even if your friend accepts your apology and forgives you, it still may take time for your friendship to recover. You should take steps to make amends for your behavior so your friendship can move forward in a positive way. Making amends, even in a small way, can help your friend get over your mistake. [5] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source- You may make amends by making a promise to change your behavior. For example, you may tell your friend, “I will be more honest with you going forward and never lie to you again” or “I will not play any more pranks on you.”
- You can also ask your friend how you can make amends for your actions and be willing to follow through on their response. You may ask, “What can I do to make it up to you?” or “How can I repair our friendship?”
- If you don't show that you've changed your behavior, your friend won't see your apology as genuine.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1120 wikiHow readers who’ve accidentally hurt someone they care about, and 56% of them agreed that the most important thing they learned is to be more careful with their actions . [Take Poll]
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Let your friend have some space. Though you may have a good talk with your friend and feel you have both reached a better place in your friendship, your friend may still need time to process and accept your apology. You should step back and give your friend some space. Allow them some time to digest your apology and work through their own feelings around forgiving you. [6] X Research source- For example, you may tell your friend, “I know this is a lot to process and I understand if you want some time alone to digest my apology.”
- You may then follow up with your friend in a few days to see how they are doing and to try to talk to them again. They may be more willing to renew your friendship if they have had some time away to process their feelings.
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Do something nice for your friend. You can also make amends for your actions for doing something sweet for your friend to show them you can be a good friend. This could be doing a thoughtful act for them, such as helping them study for an upcoming exam or assisting them with an errand or chore. You may also act nice to them by complimenting them or being more considerate of them. [7] X Research source- You may also surprise your friend with a thoughtful gift to show them how bad you feel about your actions. Choose a gift that will feel special to your friend and show them how much you care about them.
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Discuss any issues before they become arguments. You and your friend can maintain a stronger friendship by being honest with each other, no matter how tricky or sensitive an issue may be. You should be willing to sit down together and discuss any issues you may have with each other in a mature and honest way. Doing this will ensure smaller issues do not get blown out of proportion and lead to arguments or conflicts. [8] X Research source- You may check in with your friend periodically to make sure there are no issues or conflicts between you. If there are any issues, you should address them with your friend head on and work together to come up with a solution or a compromise.
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Maintain healthy boundaries. Friends are close by nature and you may have a very close relationship with your friend. It may become even closer once they have forgiven you and your friendship has recovered. But you should still try to maintain healthy boundaries in your friendship. This means you may not spend every waking minute together, and you should set aside time to hang out with other friends or partners. Having boundaries in your friendship will ensure you do not become too emotionally wrapped up in your interactions with your friend. [9] X Research source- For example, you may make plans once a week with your friend so you have time to hang out. But you may then devote the rest of your time to studying for school, spending time with your family, and hanging out with your partner. Having a balance in your life will ensure none of your relationships suffer or become too emotionally draining.
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Spend quality time together. When you do hang out with your friend, make sure it is a quality hang. Do something together that will be fun and engaging for both of you. Or choose an outing that you will both enjoy. Having quality time together will only strengthen your friendship and ensure it stays healthy. [10] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source- For example, you may have a standing dinner date with your friend where you eat and talk about your week, just the two of you. Or you may go on a mini adventure in your area so you can create quality memories together.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhat if she still doesn't forgive me because she is over-dramatic?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).When you hurt someone, there is no guarantee that the other person will forgive you even if you make a sincere apology. A lot depends on the situation. Make sure you are not just labeling her "over-dramatic." People each have their own feelings and reactions that are genuine to them.
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QuestionIf you play a trick on your friend and they don't think it's funny, what can you do to solve it?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).First of all, you have to realize that you offended your friend. When you hurt or offend someone you need to learn to apologize. Don't be defensive or try to blame your friend. Wait for a response after a sincere apology.
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Tips
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- While you're talking things over, try reminiscing on when you first met and the good times you've had together. This might make them remember the value of your friendship.
- Give your friend something meaningful like a friendship bracelet or necklace (or even just a nice note or picture of you two) and say you're really sorry.
- If a friend is mad at you, don't harass them with apologies. Simply give them some time alone first to calm down and process what you did or said to them.
- Don't lie to explain your mistake. Be clear and just tell them the truth.
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References
- ↑ https://www.thehopeline.com/when-your-best-friend-is-mad-at-you/
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-say-sorry-and-mean-it
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/apologies.html
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-art-of-a-heartfelt-apology-2021041322366
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-art-of-a-heartfelt-apology-2021041322366
- ↑ https://www.thehopeline.com/when-your-best-friend-is-mad-at-you/
- ↑ https://www.thehopeline.com/when-your-best-friend-is-mad-at-you/
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/kids/talk-feelings.html
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries
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