What to Say to a Loved One with Anxiety: Sample Texts & Phrases

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Plus, learn why it’s so important to educate yourself on anxiety
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Everyone experiences some anxiety at one point in their lives. When a person you care about feels overwhelmed, you want to make their day better. Luckily, a thoughtful text goes a long way. If anyone you know is going through a stressful time or lives with daily anxiety, read on for kindhearted messages that show you care. You’ll also find tips on how to comfort people over text so they know you're always there for them.

Comforting Words for Someone with Anxiety

  1. Remind them that they’re loved: "I adore your mind. I want to know what’s on it."
  2. Validate their emotions: "You’re right. You’ve got so much on your plate."
  3. Reassure them that things will be ok: "It’s ok to feel unsure. I believe in you, though."
  4. Help them unpack their feelings: "When did you start feeling nervous?”
  5. Offer some ways to help: "Do you want to talk it out or just share some fun memes?"
Section 1 of 4:

Things to Say to Someone with Anxiety

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  1. Let them know that they have nothing to hide. Appreciate every part of who they are while you calm them down by explaining that the anxiety they experience is valid. Celebrate their uniqueness and praise their strengths. Show acceptance for their mental health journey by saying you’ll be there for the good days and the bad ones. [1]
    • "Your anxiety doesn’t change how I feel about you. It’s just part of who you are."
    • "You’re still the fun, outgoing, and creative partner I fell in love with. I cherish you."
    • "I adore your mind. I always want to know what’s on it."
    • "I’m here and I’m listening. You’re not alone with how you’re feeling."
  2. Life coach Jessica George notes that doing this also lets them know that they’re heard. [2] You can show active listening even when you text. Invite them to go into more detail about their anxiety and mental health struggles. Respond directly to all of their challenges and frustrations. Talk about how you’d feel in the same situation. Your empathy proves you’re an ally and that you consider their feelings important. [3]
    • "You’re right. Deadlines are really stressful. You’ve got so much on your plate."
    • "I would be really hurt if someone said that to me, too. It makes sense to feel nervous seeing them again."
    • "I can tell that this has been a really challenging day for you. Can you tell me more about it?"
    • "I know your life is tough lately. I hope the box of treats I sent to you helps a little bit!"
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  3. Being protective can help relieve both their fears and stresses. Offer a safe space in your text conversations where they are complimented and comforted. Focus on how you’re hopeful for their future. Tell them that you’re proud of them, especially if they’re getting over an anxiety attack . Above all, contradict any of their self-doubts by telling them you’re not going anywhere. [4]
    • "You can tell me anything. I won’t judge you."
    • "It’s okay to feel unsure. I believe in you, though."
    • "I know you’re going to be successful. I’m always your #1 fan."
    • "I’m thinking of you today and every day. You're not alone."
  4. Make a list of any obstacles adding to their stress levels. Talk about the kind of problem that’s coming up for them right now. Is it related to work, family, friendships, health, or housing? Outline a big goal together. Talk about how they’ll feel better by trying to resolve any conflict they’re up against. [5]
    • "When did you start feeling nervous? Is it when you ran into your ex?"
    • "Didn’t you just get off the phone with your mom? Do you feel a lot of pressure right now?"
    • "You just paid your utility bills, right? How are you feeling about your monthly budget?"
    • "The next time you run into issues at work, call me and I’ll do my best to talk you through it.”
    EXPERT TIP

    Jessica George, MA, CHt

    Certified Professional Master Life Coach
    Jessica George is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Professional Master Life Coach, and Co-Founder of Evolve Therapy Coaching based in Glendale, California. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in hybrid therapy and coaching services, couples counseling, and clinical hypnotherapy. Jessica holds a Bachelor’s degree from The University of California, Santa Barbara and an MA in Counseling Psychology and Talk Therapy from Ryokan College. Jessica is trained in the Imago technique and the Gottman method for couples therapy. She also earned a Professional Life-Coach Certification from The Fowler Academy and an Infinite Possibilities Relationship Certification. She is a member of the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners (IBCP).
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Certified Professional Master Life Coach

    It's important to understand where anxiety comes from and how it manifests. When people can make a direct correlation to the cause of their anxiety, it somehow begins to dissipate. Anxiety is often a great messenger and acts as the fuel needed to help things move into action in your life.

  5. Offering to split up tasks also shows them you’re ready to support them in whatever way feels best. Do they just want a hug, or would they like you to review mental health resources with them? If a problem feels too big for them, check in and see if they’d like you to break it down for them. Talking about steps they can take one at a time can help calm them . [6]
    • "Do you like to-do lists? Should we write one right now?"
    • "What feels better? Talking it out or just sharing some fun memes?"
    • "Would it help to look into some local therapists later this weekend?"
    • "Have you considered talking to a therapist when you’re overwhelmed?"
  6. Grounding exercises can help them step back and clear their head. Ask what small rituals distract them and which help them feel balanced. Do they like to get their body moving, or do they prefer stillness? Maybe they love a certain candle scent, or a bubble bath relieves their anxiety. Learn about what makes them happy or content. [7]
    • "Let’s both inhale and exhale. 10 times, okay? How are you feeling now?"
    • "Why don’t you light that vanilla candle we got at the mall? You said it was your favorite."
    • "Hey, it’s still super bright out. It’s really nice out there where you live. Why don’t you go on a short walk and catch some vitamin D?"
    • "Do you still go to that yoga class? Try to make time so your body has a chance to relax."
  7. Share when you’ve been busy or overwhelmed, then invite them to some activities where you both can relax or have fun. By chatting about both emotional challenges and the benefits of fun breaks, you let them know that it’s perfectly okay to hit a limit and step away from work or any other stressful situation. [8]
    • "I really need to take my mind off of work, too. Wanna go to the beach?"
    • "I’ve been totally under the weather. Just really exhausted. Should we binge-watch something?"
    • "I need to get my mind off of things. I’ve been thinking of volunteering at the animal shelter. Can you believe being a cat-cuddler is an actual 'job' there? Wanna try it out?" [9]
    • "This time of year always gets me down too. How about we go to the botanical garden and watch the cherry blossoms fall!”
  8. Walk through their sleep, exercise, or meal routines to help promote healthy habits that support their wellness. Ask them to try out some self-care like setting a bedtime, getting enough physical activity, and stocking up on nourishing, easy-to-prepare foods. You can also share that you’re going to track your own wellness, too, so they can feel that you’re both a team. [10]
    • "I work best with 8 hours of shut-eye. What about you?"
    • "Hey, that vlogger you love dropped a new workout routine last night. Wanna try it out?"
    • "Did you eat breakfast today? What did you have? I’ve been having oatmeal every day."
    • "I’ve started listening to a meditation app at night. Want to try it too?"
  9. Text that you’re dropping by with a meal, calling a delivery service to drop take-out on their doorstep, or making a gift basket with their favorite snacks. You’ll make sure they’re fed even when it’s difficult to prepare food on their own. Your message will comfort and warm their heart while letting them know that you’re invested in them. [11]
    • "Hey, I’m going to whip up some spaghetti. Your favorite!"
    • "Let me order some dumplings from that place you love. They should get there in 30 minutes."
    • "I’m putting together a care package for you right now. Cheese, salami, and jam! All the good stuff."
    • "I know you miss my baking, so guess who’s getting a special delivery of confetti birthday cake just because?"
  10. George suggests that this lets others decide about how they want to talk. [12] Express excitement about hanging out and let them tell you how they’d like to connect. They might just want to stick to text. On other days, they might want to watch a movie with you. Reassure them that you’re okay with either phone calls or scheduling activities in person. Remain flexible with ways to stay in touch with them. You'll show that you care about their changing needs. [13]
    • "Should I drive over or hop on a video call?"
    • "I’m down to kick it with you. How do you feel about that?"
    • "I know you’re going through a lot and this week is packed. What’s Thursday looking like for you?"
    • "Would you like a visit this weekend? If you just need someone to chat with over text, I’m always here too."
  11. Showing that you experience some of the same things they do helps them talk about mental health. Be specific about your journey with psychological or emotional wellness. Share if you also live with anxiety or manage any other symptoms. Your openness and transparency can comfort a depressed friend with anxiety so they continue to feel safe reaching out to you. [14]
    • "I actually have a lot of social anxiety. Going to parties can be really hard. I have a counselor that helps me practice feeling comfortable with them."
    • "I understand. I’ve had chronic fatigue for ten years. Some days, I’m just so wiped out."
    • "I’ve been following up with a doctor about these symptoms. I’ve been learning a lot about how to find a balance and stay healthy. We can both figure this all out together."
    • "I find that I feel down whenever I’m not eating right. Do you want to get on a healthy eating program together?"
  12. Share all the resources out there for anyone going through challenges. Remind them that they’ll benefit not just from your friendship but also from mental health professionals and support groups. Reassure them that they have a whole community to rely on. [15]
    • "I care, and a lot of other people do, too. Have you reached out to anyone else about this?"
    • "I found 5 support groups nearby. There are a lot of other people who share these experiences. Maybe you can learn about what has helped them?"
    • "I think seeing a mental health professional is really important. What would be the easiest way for you to talk with one?"
    • "There’s treatment available for your issues, even if you just need some temporarily."
    EXPERT TIP

    Chloe Carmichael, PhD

    Licensed Clinical Psychologist
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over 12 years of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist

    It's never a bad idea to talk to someone about anxiety. It's better to talk to someone before you feel like you're going to completely unravel. It's preferable to see a therapist early when you're aware that you could use some support because the therapist then has a chance to help you at a more healthy baseline level.

    13. Advertisement
Section 2 of 4:

What Not to Say

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  1. It’s best not to make any comparisons between what they’re experiencing and how someone else you know overcame a similar issue. Everyone is different, and each instance of anxiety feels unique to that particular person. Don’t downplay their problems, nor simply insist that they’ll get over them. Concentrate on positive but supportive words that let them know there’s help for them right now. [16]
    • "When [name] felt overwhelmed by their family, they felt better after they stopped talking to them altogether."
    • "This isn’t a big deal. Just try to get over it."
    • "Everyone goes through depression after having a baby. You’ll snap out of it soon."
    • "You’re so brave and strong; you’ll be ok soon—don’t worry about it."
Section 3 of 4:

How to Identify Anxiety

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  1. When someone you know experiences anxiety, they may mention certain thoughts or talk about new behaviors. Anxious thoughts include worst-case scenario tendencies, along with constant worry, overthinking, or all-or-nothing thought patterns. [17]
    • Behavioral signs of anxiety include a need for constant reassurance, second-guessing themselves, or showing frustration and irritability in situations that scare them.
    • People with anxiety often show physical symptoms, like sudden weight changes, especially weight loss, chronic fatigue, lightheadedness, or the shortness of breath that comes with anxiety attacks. [18]
    • Other physical traits of anxious people include feeling restless or experiencing nausea, sweating, or diarrhea.
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Section 4 of 4:

Why It Matters How You Speak About Anxiety

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  1. How you address anxiety directly affects those experiencing it. If you try to be overly positive about what they’re going through by telling them that they’ll be “ok,” they may decide against getting help. Making them feel like an outsider can also hinder their reaching out to those who can give them the support they need. [19]
    • It’s difficult to ask for help when experiencing anxiety. By normalizing conversations around mental health, you can help those you care about get the help they need sooner.

How Can You Help Someone With Anxiety?


Join the Discussion...

What do you say to comfort someone over text?
wikiHow Editorial Team
What are your go-to ways to show support and encouragement to your friends over text? What are the best things friends have sent YOU to comfort you?
Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
I think it depends on the situation. If someone is having a hard day, you can just let them know you were thinking about them. If someone is grieving, you may want to say “I’m here if you’d like to talk.” If someone is anxious, you can let them know that they are safe and this too shall pass. Depending on what the person is experiencing, you may want to change up your approach. But anytime you text someone for comfort they know that you care. The words may not mean as much as just the fact that you reached out. Best of luck!
Anonymous wikiCat
Anonymous wikiCat
when my friends are going through a hard time I usually text them things like "I'm here for you," "I'm so sorry you're dealing with this now," "Let me know what I can do to help," "You're not alone," "I'm thinking of you," "It's going to be okay. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but remember it will be okay eventually, and in the meantime I am always here," "You're one of my best friends and I hate that you're going through this," or "I'm really glad you shared this with me."

I'll also usually ask if they want to talk on the phone or meet up. Sometimes it's nice to talk in person or just sit in silence with someone, but sometimes they just want to be alone and that's fine too.
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Calm Down Someone in Distress with this Expert Series

Helping someone calm down isn't easy, and it often backfires. We've put together this expert series to help you recognize someone in distress and help them work through their anxiety and nerves.
1
How to Reassure Someone in Distress
2
What to Say to a Loved One with Anxiety: Sample Texts & Phrases
3
Calm Someone with Anxiety
4
Calm Someone Down Who Is Nervous
5
Help Someone with Stress
6
Help an Insecure Friend

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can you see anxiety in a positive way?
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Certified Professional Master Life Coach
    Jessica George is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Professional Master Life Coach, and Co-Founder of Evolve Therapy Coaching based in Glendale, California. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in hybrid therapy and coaching services, couples counseling, and clinical hypnotherapy. Jessica holds a Bachelor’s degree from The University of California, Santa Barbara and an MA in Counseling Psychology and Talk Therapy from Ryokan College. Jessica is trained in the Imago technique and the Gottman method for couples therapy. She also earned a Professional Life-Coach Certification from The Fowler Academy and an Infinite Possibilities Relationship Certification. She is a member of the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners (IBCP).
    Jessica George, MA, CHt
    Certified Professional Master Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    Remind yourself that anxiety isn't always bad—you can't get rid of it, but learning to understand where it comes from and why it manifests is very important. Oftentimes, anxiety is a great messenger that can help things move into action.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://spec.hamilton.edu/unconditional-love-and-support-approaching-mental-health-on-campus-fe1b17af0fea
      2. ↑ Jessica George, MA, CHt. Certified Professional Master Life Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.
      3. ↑ https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/2017/07/quiet-power-listening/
      4. ↑ https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/the-importance-of-feeling-safe/
      5. ↑ https://www.racgp.org.au/afp/2012/september/problem-solving-therapy
      6. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/seven_ways_to_help_someone_with_anxiety
      7. ↑ https://adaa.org/tips
      8. ↑ https://scientificamerican.com/article/mental-downtime/
      9. ↑ https://theconversation.com/surprising-ways-to-beat-anxiety-and-become-mentally-strong-according-to-science-77978
      1. ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/mental-health/living-with/
      2. ↑ https://www.kcrw.com/news/shows/kcrw-features/depression-mental-health-service-gratitude-thanksgiving
      3. ↑ Jessica George, MA, CHt. Certified Professional Master Life Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.
      4. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/guides-tools-and-activities/five-steps-to-mental-wellbeing/
      5. ↑ https://nami.org/blogs/nami-blog/october-2017/9-ways-to-fight-mental-health-stigma
      6. ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/6-ways-to-help-a-friend-with-depression
      7. ↑ https://www.nm.org/healthbeat/healthy-tips/emotional-health/the-best-and-worst-ways-to-support-a-friend-with-a-serious-illness
      8. ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/treatment-tests-and-therapies/how-to-help-someone-with-anxiety
      9. ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/treatment-tests-and-therapies/how-to-help-someone-with-anxiety
      10. ↑ https://www.everyturn.org/advice-hub/worried-or-anxious/anxiety-why-its-important-to-talk/

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