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Use these tips to gracefully shut down disrespect
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Encountering disrespectful behavior from others can be unnerving and upsetting. If someone has been disrespectful to you, you may be left wondering how to respond—or if you should respond at all. To help you navigate the situation, we spoke to personal growth and communication experts and got all the best tips for responding when someone disrespects you. Read on to learn how to deal with disrespectful people, including what to say (and how to say it).
How to Handle Disrespect: Quick Tips
Pause and take a deep breath before responding to gather yourself. Then, say something like “That's kind of disrespectful, and it hurts my feelings to hear you say that.” If you'd rather not respond, consider ignoring the comment to send a subtler message that it bothered you.
Steps
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Sometimes a few kind words are all you need to de-escalate a situation. If someone is being disrespectful or rude, responding with kindness can take them by surprise and encourage them to rethink their behavior. Instead of getting upset or retaliating, try de-escalating the situation with a smile and a few kind words. [5] X Research source
- For example, if a coworker snaps at you to get out of their way, step aside, smile, and say, “Of course, sorry. Would you like a hand carrying that stuff?”
- Note: If the person’s rude behavior persists or is part of a long-term pattern, however, you may need to take a more assertive approach.
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Speak to the other person directly if you decide to confront them. If you feel that someone is being disrespectful to you, it’s usually best to talk to them one-on-one. For example, if you’re dealing with a rude coworker, talk to them first before going directly to your boss. Going over the person’s head could ultimately lead to resentment and make the problem worse. If there’s a simple misunderstanding at the root of the problem, you could also hurt their feelings or get them into trouble unnecessarily.
- In extreme cases, however, bypassing the disrespectful person could be justified. For example, if someone is severely bullying you at school or at work, don’t hesitate to report the problem to someone in authority. [6] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionShould you confront a rude friend?Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Coach based in Asheville, NC, and San Francisco, California. She is dedicated to helping individuals navigate major life transitions—divorce, grief, career shifts, and health challenges—with clarity, confidence, and resilience. She blends psychology, mindfulness, and somatic healing to guide clients in breaking free from self-limiting beliefs and stepping into their power. As the founder of the nonprofit Celestial Wellness Network and co-creator of the music meditation project The Feather and Stone, Nicolette integrates mind, body, and spirit in her work. She is a certified Reiki practitioner, astrologer, and tarot reader, studying under three master teachers, including Kaypacha. Her background includes working as a Therapy Associate in neurology, supporting patients in their healing journeys. Nicolette holds a 500-hour RYT certification and is a NASM Certified Corrective Exercise Specialist, bringing a holistic approach to transformation. She received a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University. With over a decade of experience in nonprofit leadership and personal coaching, she empowers clients to embrace their authentic selves, heal deeply, and create a life of purpose and abundance.If someone makes you feel bad about yourself, I would really question the relationship or tell them how you feel. Try to surround yourself with people you can be yourself around.
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QuestionWhat should you do if someone disrespects you?Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Coach based in Asheville, NC, and San Francisco, California. She is dedicated to helping individuals navigate major life transitions—divorce, grief, career shifts, and health challenges—with clarity, confidence, and resilience. She blends psychology, mindfulness, and somatic healing to guide clients in breaking free from self-limiting beliefs and stepping into their power. As the founder of the nonprofit Celestial Wellness Network and co-creator of the music meditation project The Feather and Stone, Nicolette integrates mind, body, and spirit in her work. She is a certified Reiki practitioner, astrologer, and tarot reader, studying under three master teachers, including Kaypacha. Her background includes working as a Therapy Associate in neurology, supporting patients in their healing journeys. Nicolette holds a 500-hour RYT certification and is a NASM Certified Corrective Exercise Specialist, bringing a holistic approach to transformation. She received a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University. With over a decade of experience in nonprofit leadership and personal coaching, she empowers clients to embrace their authentic selves, heal deeply, and create a life of purpose and abundance.First, allow yourself to have your initial reaction. It's important to acknowledge the hurt this person may have caused you. Next, ask yourself why their words hurt you and why this person's opinion matters to you. If they have brought attention to a self-limiting belief you may have already had about yourself, try to replace that with a positive. Think of these people as teachers, as they bring attention to something that you can address within yourself.
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QuestionHow do you remain confident after someone disrespects you?Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Coach based in Asheville, NC, and San Francisco, California. She is dedicated to helping individuals navigate major life transitions—divorce, grief, career shifts, and health challenges—with clarity, confidence, and resilience. She blends psychology, mindfulness, and somatic healing to guide clients in breaking free from self-limiting beliefs and stepping into their power. As the founder of the nonprofit Celestial Wellness Network and co-creator of the music meditation project The Feather and Stone, Nicolette integrates mind, body, and spirit in her work. She is a certified Reiki practitioner, astrologer, and tarot reader, studying under three master teachers, including Kaypacha. Her background includes working as a Therapy Associate in neurology, supporting patients in their healing journeys. Nicolette holds a 500-hour RYT certification and is a NASM Certified Corrective Exercise Specialist, bringing a holistic approach to transformation. She received a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University. With over a decade of experience in nonprofit leadership and personal coaching, she empowers clients to embrace their authentic selves, heal deeply, and create a life of purpose and abundance.Continue practicing self-love and self-care and really try to celebrate your uniqueness. If you're not sure what that is, think about the inner qualities you hold that you like about yourself. The more you can recognize those, the more you will radiate confidence.
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Tips
- Consider talking to a friend before confronting a rude person. Your friend can give you clarity by providing an objective outside perspective.Thanks
- Don’t try to force a rude person to change. It is their responsibility to change their rude behavior, not yours.Thanks
- If someone is disrespectful because they’re frustrated with something, consider offering help if it’s something you have the bandwidth for. They may really appreciate the offer and diffuse the situation.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Disrespectful people don't deserve your time. Avoid those who go out of their way to disrespect you. If you are unable to avoid them, use kindness to diffuse the situation and move forward. Wear your headphones and listen to your favorite music if you need a moment to calm down.
- Don’t let a disrespectful person ruin your day. Maintain a smile and keep your head up even when they’re being rude.
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References
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/rude-people/
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/four_ways_to_calm_your_mind_in_stressful_times
- ↑ Jessica George, MA, CHt. Certified Professional Master Life Coach. Expert Interview. 11 February, 2022.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201512/5-polite-ways-to-disarm-rude-people
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2018/08/rude-coworker
- ↑ Nicolette Tura, MA. Empowerment Coach. Expert Interview. 23 January 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201512/5-polite-ways-disarm-rude-people
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/experience-studio/202205/how-to-manage-politeness
- ↑ Nicolette Tura, MA. Empowerment Coach. Expert Interview. 23 January 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201512/5-polite-ways-disarm-rude-people
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries/
- ↑ Kim Chronister, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 20 September 2022.
About This Article
Article Summary
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To deal with disrespectful people, don't take it personally, and try to empathize with them since they might be lashing out because something is wrong in their life. You can even respond with kindness to disarm them and deescalate the situation. However, if someone's disrespectful behavior is persistent, you should talk to them about it and politely let them know it's not OK. For example, you could say "It bothers me when you talk to me in that tone. Can you please not speak to me that way?" To learn how to keep things civil when you're confronting a rude person, scroll down!
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- "I found the precise distinctions really helpful. As a teacher of 6th graders, it's often so helpful to think of this. My mistake is usually remembering the rude, inappropriate behavior from 6th graders is not personal. It needs to be corrected, but it's not directed at me. Developmental stages are obvious when I'm out of the classroom, but when I think I've designed some really active learning and someone is making fart noises and it's 2:00, it's hard to remember. Inappropriate but impersonal! " ..." more
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"I found the precise distinctions really helpful. As a teacher of 6th graders, it's often so helpful to think of this. My mistake is usually remembering the rude, inappropriate behavior from 6th graders is not personal. It needs to be corrected, but it's not directed at me. Developmental stages are obvious when I'm out of the classroom, but when I think I've designed some really active learning and someone is making fart noises and it's 2:00, it's hard to remember. Inappropriate but impersonal! "
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