How to Gain Confidence to Approach Girls

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Do you want to approach a girl, but you keep getting nervous and never actually do it? Well, fear not! In this article, you will find out how to crush that anxiety of yours so you can approach a girl with confidence! Are you ready? Let's go!

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Gaining Confidence in Yourself

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  1. Realize you're not alone. You need to realize that almost everyone struggles with this topic at least a few times in their lives. You may see those really good-looking, and confident looking guys and think that there is no way that they can struggle with this topic. But the truth is, they were probably just like you at one point in their life. Once you realize this, you can see that it isn't embarrassing that you're scared. Although you may think that you're the only one, that's not likely to be true! [1]
  2. Just because a girl is beautiful, doesn't mean she is flawless! She has flaws and insecurities just like every other human being on this planet! So instead of putting her on a pedestal of the highest value, put her on the pedestal of equality. [2]
    • Remember, she may be insecure about talking to guys too! Even girls can lack confidence as well, even if they're pretty.
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  3. If you're still not feeling good about yourself at this point, then you need to start thinking positively about yourself. It is proven that thinking positive about yourself is one of the best ways to boost your confidence. [3] So if you always go into a situation or conversation with a positive mindset, then things are bound to work out. [4]
  4. Start living your life. Instead of focusing on the girls, focus on other things in your life. If you've always wanted to join a sports team, then go for it! Or if you always wanted to travel to a certain country or city, then save up the money to do so. In other words, start doing things that you've always wanted to do. Girls will want to date you more if they realize that you don't think about them all day, and have plans. Sometimes girls don't like guys who don't have things to do because it can come off as desperate or needy, and that's definitely not what you want! [5]
    • If you have a talent in a particular subject, then make more time to do it. If you have a dream, try to shoot for it. [6]
    • Goal setting actually helps your self-esteem and gives you the motivation to do better. [7]
    • If you don't know what your talents are, ask a friend or family member!
  5. If you haven't already been exercising, start setting aside time to work out. Working out is proven to boost your confidence and testosterone levels. [8] You could do any of the following:
    • Strength training
    • Interval training
    • Cardio/aerobic exercise. [9]
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Part 2
Part 2 of 3:

Getting More Social

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  1. This doesn't mean to just randomly talking to yourself for an hour, it means just to practice with yourself from time to time. You need to get into the habit of speaking and making eye contact. Just play out a random conversation with yourself. Practice making eye contact and speaking with a firm, confident voice. [10]
    • Also take note that talking to yourself isn't going to be the same as talking to real people, this is just to warm you up.
  2. You should talk to anybody and everybody! Practice the art of communicating. For example, when you're checking out in the grocery store, make small talk with the cashier. When you're eating at a restaurant, ask the waiter/waitress about their opinion on a particular meal. Just start talking to people that you come across in your daily life.
    • For more information about having a conversation with people, check out How to Talk to Someone Who Doesn't Carry the Conversation .
    • Reader Poll: We asked 1326 wikiHow readers, and only 3% thought that talking about your own achievements was a good way to make yourself seem more confident. [Take Poll] In fact, sometimes it can actually have the opposite effect—try listening more instead!
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    Be patient with yourself—confidence doesn't happen overnight! The more you interact with others, the more comfortable you'll become. In the meantime, start small, even with a simple wave or a smile.

  3. Now that you're getting more social with people, you should be more comfortable with conversations with people, it's time to start approaching girls. You might want to start with different girls to the one you're most interested in. Also, you should probably start practicing flirting as well. You don't have to flirt if you don't want to, but it could help your chances with girls if you do.
    • Check out How to Flirt for more information about flirting.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 3:

Talking to Attractive Girls

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  1. Approach some attractive girls . Remember that attractive girls are human as well. [11] And you might've noticed by now that every person has a unique personality, and some people are jerks. Remember that when you do approach them, if you're polite and they're mean to you, it isn't because there's something wrong with you, there's something wrong with them. [12]
  2. Learn how to read body language . Learning to read body language is beneficial because it helps you know more things about the person. It also helps you get intel on if they are open to approach or not. [13]
    • For example, if they have their arms and legs crossed with an upset look on their face, it's probably best if you don't approach that particular girl. But if they have an open posture, with their hands to their sides, that means they're probably open to conversation, so that's the best time to approach! [14]
  3. The key to having a positive interaction is believing that it will be. If you go in expecting the worst then that's probably what will happen. But if you go in with a positive mindset, then it's likely to be reversed. [15]
    • This is your subconscious mind at work. You can actually trick your subconscious mind into thinking you've already approached a ton of girls by having a positive mindset. Your subconscious mind is the most complex and powerful part of your body. If you learn how to control it, then you could use it to your advantage, especially with girls.
    • For more information about having a conversation with girls, check out How to Talk to a Girl .
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Join the Discussion...

How do I rizz up a girl I just met?
WikiMountainCat42
69
WikiMountainCat42
I keep seeing this beautiful girl at a cafe I study at, and I really want to talk to her. But I feel so awkward. What do I do? How do I get her t... Read More
8
John Keegan
Dating Coach
Great question. The first thing to do is to always go back to step one, which is your own mindset and way of being. For you to approach her in th... Read More
WikiMongooseChaser121
5
WikiMongooseChaser121
Fully agree on the eye contact thing. Makes it so much easier to break the ice and then you’re already halfway to starting a conversation. If s... Read More
See all 115 Replies and
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do you start a conversation with a girl?
    JT Tran
    Dating Coach
    JT Tran is a Dating Coach and a Dating Advice Columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. JT also runs the ABCs of Attraction, a dating boot camp where he specializes in coaching Asian men and women on how to navigate the cultural and social sensitivities associated with Asian dating culture. With over ten years of dating coaching experience, JT has presented dating and relationship advice as it relates to cultural issues at Harvard University, Yale University, and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been featured in AsianWeek, New York, NU Asian Magazine, the Huffington Post, Channel News Asia, and Voice of America News TV.
    JT Tran
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    If you're still in the getting to know you stage, what I recommend is taking the lead conversationally. Always be open to what she has to say, but take the lead until she's comfortable and asking questions herself. Try to be yourself and talk about what is important to you, whether it's your love of travel or your dreams for the future. By doing that, you are showcasing yourself, your personality, and your values. People will tend to follow suit in conversation.
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      Tips

      • Have a positive mindset with everything, because positivity is contagious, so this could make the experience better
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      • Be a fun guy, because that is things that girls like in a guy
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      • Be independent and confident. Even if you aren't these things, act like you are. Because these are things girls are attracted to.
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      References

      1. ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
      2. ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
      3. ↑ https://www.thejcr.com/2013/11/21/self-confidence-and-positive-attitudes/
      4. ↑ https://www.fastcompany.com/1023198/self-confidence-and-power-positive-thinking
      5. ↑ https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/love-sex/Why-women-pursue-men-who-ignore-them/articleshow/4094735.cms
      6. ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
      7. ↑ https://www.codeofliving.com/blog/5-powerful-reasons-goal-setting-important/
      8. ↑ https://www.goal-setting-guide.com/ways-exercise-improve-self-confidence/
      9. ↑ https://www.webmd.com/fitness-exercise/features/10-workout-secrets-expert-exercise-tips#1
      1. ↑ https://hbr.org/2017/05/talking-to-yourself-out-loud-can-help-you-learn
      2. ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
      3. ↑ https://theartofcharm.com/art-of-dating/approach-attractive-girls/
      4. ↑ https://www.inc.com/anna-hensel/how-mind-reading-motivation-can-be-beneficial.html
      5. ↑ https://www.inc.com/travis-bradberry/8-great-tricks-for-reading-peoples-body-language.html
      6. ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.

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