12 Ways to Meet Other LGBTQ+ People in a Small Community

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Make queer connections without traveling far from home
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Trying to find gay guys to date or become friends with in a small town can be difficult, but luckily, there are tons of online groups and activities that can create a sense of queer community. From dating apps to forums and chat rooms, the internet has a plethora of safe spaces for you to explore. If you’re safely able to, you can also visit other towns or cities that host LGBTQ+ events or start your own gay pride club. We spoke with licensed psychologist Ketari Berasi and matchmaker Lauren Sanders to find the best ways to meet gay guys when you’re living in a small town.

Meeting Gay Guys Near You

  1. Join an LGBTQ+ dating app or website like Grindr.
  2. Find gay social media groups on Facebook or Instagram.
  3. Look for gay-friendly clubs on Meetup.
  4. Join an online LGBTQ+ forum or chat room.
  5. Visit gay bars, clubs, or lounges in other cities or towns.
1

Log into an LGBTQ+ dating app or website.

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    Matchmaker and dating coach Lauren Sanders says “There are several ways to meet other members of the LGBTQ+ community. One of the best ways is via LGBTQ+ centered dating apps.” [1] Some of the most popular apps for gay men include Grindr , Scruff , GROWLR , and Archer . [2]
    • Other apps include MenNation , Adam4Adam , eHarmony , OkCupid , or JACK’D . [3]
    • If you meet someone online, try to have your first in-person interaction in a public area and send the address to a friend you can trust.
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2

Connect with queer people on social media.

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    Whether you’re looking for love or community, Sanders also recommends trying to find LGBTQ+ Facebook groups. [4] Instagram, Twitter, and other social media sites might also have groups where you can meet gay guys online. Search for the word “gay” plus the name of your town to find openly queer users in your area.
    • If you have an Instagram and you're looking for gay men in Idaho, for example, you could search "gay Rexburg Idaho."
    • If there aren’t any groups in your area, try searching for groups in a nearby town or city.
3

Join a hobby group for LGBTQ+ individuals.

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    Verified Meetup groups can be a great place to engage in a hobby you enjoy while meeting gay people in your area. Whether you’re into D&D, board games, meditation, hiking, or sports, Meetup might be a good place to meet gay men and other queer individuals. [5]
    • You might also be able to find LGBTQ-friendly Facebook groups for activities.
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4

Contribute to a queer online chat room.

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    Join a gay online chat room or chat on a forum. Chat rooms or forums can be a quick way to talk with other gay men and post questions you have about the queer community. Search for chat rooms and forums focused on your area or join a general LGBTQ chat room to find advice about meeting gay men in small towns.
    • Some forums include Reddit or LGBTHero . You can also search for LGBTQ-friendly forums for a video game or tv show you enjoy.
    • If you're between 13 and 24 years old, TrevorSpace is a safe, welcoming forum and chatroom for LGBTQ youth.
5

Join an online support group.

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    Support groups are a safe place for queer people to come together and talk about their experiences, which can make it a great place to find friends or people to date. [6] The LGBT Life Center has a list of virtual support groups, or you can search for gay support groups on Psychology Today .
    • There might also be support groups hosted by LGBTQ+ centers in nearby cities or larger towns.
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6

Visit LGBTQ+ hangouts in nearby cities.

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    Queer nightclubs, bars, and other spaces can be a great place to meet other gay or queer men. If your town isn’t near a city or somewhere with LGBTQ+ safe spaces, look for online events hosted by queer businesses across the country. [7]
    • Look at sites like EventBrite , LGBTNetwork , or on the social media pages for gay bars or clubs for online events.
    • Some cities or large towns might also have LGBTQ+ book clubs or other events for people under the legal drinking age. [8]
7

Date people online who live across the country.

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    Join an online dating site or app and expand the distance requirements to outside of your town. Message any users who interest you and, if you feel a spark, ask them if they're open to long-distance relationships. With time and persistence, you may find someone you want to start an LDR with. [9]
    • You may also connect with and eventually develop a long-distance relationship with a member from an LGBTQ group, forum, or chat room.
    • Scruff’s Venture feature is a popular way to meet gay men in faraway cities or while traveling.
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8

Get involved in LGBTQ+ organizations in other towns.

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    If your town is close enough to a larger town or city where there are LGBTQ+ organizations, find local events or volunteer opportunities you can participate in. A few national organizations include:
9

Attend LGBTQ+ festivals in other towns.

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    Most large cities and towns throw Pride parades and festivals during June, which is LGBTQ+ Pride month. If you’re having trouble finding community in your area, travel to a Pride event in a city near you alone or with friends you can trust. [10]
    • If you’re going to Pride alone, clinical psychologist Ketari Berasi says to “Let another person you trust know that you will be attending the parade, and make sure you each have one another’s contact information in case you need help at any point.” [11]
    • Dr. Berasi also recommends to “Stay away from any signs of uprising or violence, know the route of the parade, and map out several places along the way where you can take a break if need be.” [12]
    • GayCities’ Pride Finder tool allows you to search for Pride events near you. This Pride Calendar also tracks events across the U.S.
    • Volunteering at Pride festivals can also be a great way to get involved in the queer community and meet gay men.
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10

Start your own LGBTQ+ group.

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    If you’re currently in school, ask a teacher you can trust to help you create a club or group for queer students. [13] You can also create a club on an app like Meetup for other LGBTQ+ individuals in your town to join. [14]
    • Dr. Berasi says that, when you create or join an LGBTQ+ club in your area, “you can meet some great folks, and if they aren’t of particular romantic interest to you, their friends you meet may be.” [15]
    • If you go to a college or university, reach out to a professor you like and ask if you could create an LGBTQ+ club or event on campus or online.
11

Talk to a therapist you can trust.

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    A therapist might help you feel less lonely or isolated. When you schedule a consultation, Dr. Berasi says to “ask them if they have experience working with LGBTQ+ folks, if this population presents any difficulties for them, and what their general approach is to working with LGBTQ+ folks.” [16]
    • Dr. Berasi says that “Oftentimes therapists who are LGBTQ+ friendly advertise as such, and this information can be found on their website, or on websites specifically hosting LGBTQ+-friendly therapists.” [17]
    • If there aren’t any therapists available in your town, try using an online therapy platform like BetterHelp or Talkspace .
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12

Reach out to friends and family.

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    A friend or family member might be able to give you a sense of community or help you meet other queer people nearby. However, it’s important to put your own safety first. If you don’t think your friends or family would react well, it may be best to find support online or in other towns instead. [18]
    • Figure out how they feel about LGBTQ+ people and topics so you can see how they might react to you coming out. For example, you might ask how they feel about a queer celebrity.
    • Start by coming out to people who you know will be supportive so you can have a good support system from the beginning. [19]
    • If you’re a teenager and you don’t think your parents will react well, it may be better to wait until you’re financially independent to come out to them. [20]

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    What can I do if I have no confidence to meet other gay men?
    Imad Jbara
    Dating Coach
    Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.
    Imad Jbara
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    A big part of this often stems from not finding the right people to surround yourself with. If you're shy, try to be more expressive and get out there. Show yourself to people so you can find other LGBTQ folks you can look up to. This way, you can build a support group where you can find support to build that confidence you want. The first step is always expressing yourself, though!
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      Tips

      • Living in a small town can get lonely as a queer person. It can be tough leaving the place you call home, but consider moving to a place known for being queer-friendly if you have a hard time finding other queer men or feel socially isolated. [21]
        Thanks
      • Be careful meeting someone in person for the first time. People on the internet may not be who they seem, so try video calling before meeting in real life.
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      References

      1. ↑ Lauren Sanders. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. Wednesday, April 26, 2023.
      2. ↑ https://mashable.com/roundup/best-gay-dating-apps
      3. ↑ https://chicagoreader.com/reader-partners/twenty-best-lgbtq-dating-sites-and-apps/
      4. ↑ Lauren Sanders. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. Wednesday, April 26, 2023.
      5. ↑ https://www.pointofpride.org/blog/how-to-be-queer-in-a-small-town
      6. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/support-groups/art-20044655
      7. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a36696477/lgbt-community/
      8. ↑ https://www.gq.com/story/just-because-youre-queer-doesnt-mean-you-have-to-go-to-the-bar
      9. ↑ https://www.pride.com/gay/2016/6/08/how-survive-being-gaybi-small-town
      1. ↑ https://www.them.us/story/first-timers-guide-to-pride
      2. ↑ Kateri Berasi, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 9 September 2021.
      3. ↑ Kateri Berasi, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 9 September 2021.
      4. ↑ https://www.campuspride.org/resources/starting-an-lgbt-resource-center/
      5. ↑ https://www.pointofpride.org/blog/how-to-be-queer-in-a-small-town
      6. ↑ Kateri Berasi, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 9 September 2021.
      7. ↑ Kateri Berasi, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 9 September 2021.
      8. ↑ Kateri Berasi, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 9 September 2021.
      9. ↑ https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/guide/the-coming-out-handbook/
      10. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-come-out-to-your-friends
      11. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-come-out-to-parents-tips
      12. ↑ https://www.gq.com/story/how-to-cope-when-youre-gay-and-lonely

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