Q&A for How to Handle Your Child's Temper Tantrum

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  • Question
    How do I prevent future tantrums?
    Kylee Money
    Parenting Consultant
    Kylee Money is a Parenting Consultant and the Founder and CEO of Parenting Made Joyful. Since 2001, Kylee has worked with over 1,000 parents and families on sleep training, behavior management, potty training, and more. She is a contributing writer and board advisory member at Pampers.com, a CBS News Parent Expert, and featured on Fox and Friends and Buy Buy Baby. Kylee also speaks nationally at parenting expos on the subject of sleep training.
    Parenting Consultant
    Expert Answer
    As a parent, it's not your job to prevent them from having sad feelings. Your job is to facilitate a safe environment where they can feel upset and frustrated and learn to navigate those feelings. You don't need to protect them from experiencing those totally normal human feelings in the first place.
  • Question
    Is it bad if I cave in and give my child what they want when they're throwing a tantrum?
    Kylee Money
    Parenting Consultant
    Kylee Money is a Parenting Consultant and the Founder and CEO of Parenting Made Joyful. Since 2001, Kylee has worked with over 1,000 parents and families on sleep training, behavior management, potty training, and more. She is a contributing writer and board advisory member at Pampers.com, a CBS News Parent Expert, and featured on Fox and Friends and Buy Buy Baby. Kylee also speaks nationally at parenting expos on the subject of sleep training.
    Parenting Consultant
    Expert Answer
    Yes—all that does is teach your child that throwing a tantrum is a really good way to get what they want. Then they'll be more likely to do it next time.
  • Question
    Should I be worried about a child who acts like a dog?
    Community Answer
    This is harmless. Unless he's been doing this for many months, it is probably just a stage. He will grow out of it once he finds another way to get attention.
  • Question
    My 7 year old is the youngest and has tantrums every day. This morning she laid on the floor and screamed and cried because her brother told her not to take her Christmas hat to school. I was stressed and yelled at her because we were late for school, and now I feel bad. I really need help. She throws chairs if I refuse to give in to her demands.
    Community Answer
    Children are sometimes so smart that we forget they're still learning. Perhaps your daughter doesn't understand why she could not wear her hat if she likes it. Her reasons might be more humane than superficial but she might simply not know yet how to express it. As an end result, doing what usually worked to get attention might be her only way out. Learn to ask her why it matters next time and be patient as she explains. You also mention screaming at her; this is role modeling behavior that she thinks is an acceptable way to relate. Do your best to stay calm as you consistently state what she must do or not do. Don't teach her it's okay to lose it. See a counselor if you can't do this alone.
  • Question
    How long does it take to unspoil a spoiled child?
    Community Answer
    That varies greatly from child to child. It may take months.
  • Question
    The client that I babysit for has twins. What do I do when they are both pitching a fit at the same time?
    Community Answer
    Try to talk and tell them they need to go into quiet time. Then, separate them and find out what was the problem. It may be they both need a nap, or they are hungry. Keeping a journal would be a great idea to see what might be the cause of the fits.
  • Question
    How can I avoid tantrums?
    Community Answer
    Always keep calm and avoid certain complications. For instance, if you think your child is about to have a tantrum, quickly distract them.
  • Question
    Can kids use this on their siblings?
    Community Answer
    Yes, but it would probably only work if it was an older child trying to handle a younger sibling's tantrum.
  • Question
    Is it normal for a 6-year-old to throw a temper tantrum?
    Community Answer
    Yes, they're still quite young and still learning. It should slowly become less frequent.
  • Question
    How can I reduce my child's temper tantrums?
    Community Answer
    Some children grow out of their temper tantrums; try giving it a little more time. If time does not resolve this, consider putting the child in time out; eventually, he or she will learn that tantrums do not get you what you want. Lastly, you can also try sympathizing with your child. Let him or her know that you care about the problem, but that you cannot fix it right at that moment.
  • Question
    Why might my child be throwing tantrums at day care?
    Community Answer
    They might be annoyed that someone other than a parent is looking after them and telling them what to do.
  • Question
    My granddaughter will hit her head on hard floors or throw her body against hard objects when having a tantrum. I'm worried she'll seriously injure herself. What should I do?
    Fall down house
    Community Answer
    Go to a doctor. These may be signs of autism or mental illness.
  • Question
    What can I do if my five year old throws tantrums when I make him sit still to study or write something?
    Fall down house
    Community Answer
    Tell him that if he wants to throw a fit, he needs to go to his room to do it. You could also tell him he can be as mad as he wants to be, but not if he invades your space to do it. Tell him he can come out of his room only when he is better.
  • Question
    What can I do if it is not my child?
    Community Answer
    If you are a caregiver, discuss the issue with the child's parents. They can tell you what procedure they would like you to follow to deal with their child's tantrum.
  • Question
    I used to be a bad kid when I was little. Now, being 12 years old, I'm mostly a good kid. I still throw tantrums because I feel like my parents are controlling my life. Is this normal?
    Community Answer
    Yes. It's part of the process of growing up to desire space and independence and to struggle with your parents to get it. Be sure you make your wishes known to them in a respectful way, so as you avoid unnecessary conflict.
  • Question
    Is it normal for an older child to have temper tantrums?
    Community Answer
    It depends on the age, but occasional temper tantrums may be normal. You can consult a doctor if you are concerned about it.
  • Question
    When I'm mad, I cry and hit things. What can I do?
    Community Answer
    You may want to talk to your parents about finding a doctor that can help you learn to manage your anger properly. It can be hard to learn how to express anger without lashing out, but you can do it.
  • Question
    Every time my sister starts throwing a tantrum, I feel like throwing a tantrum. What can I do to calm myself down?
    Community Answer
    I would suggest going to a quiet place and taking a few minutes to just focus on your breathing and think of happy things. Try to calm yourself down by breathing in and out deeply and slowly.
  • Question
    How common are tempter tantrums?
    Community Answer
    A child throwing a tantrum is extremely common. Every parent experiences it dozens of times!
  • Question
    What can I do if my 13 year-old child has a lot of temper tantrums?
    Community Answer
    Take electronics and other toys away from them and give them some affection. Most parents are busy and can't spend time with their children. Most children can't live without electronics. Be kind when telling them the rules and what they can and can't do.
  • Question
    How do I stop my five year old from hitting me when she has a temper tantrum?
    Community Answer
    Try grabbing her hands gently and politely telling her to stop.
  • Question
    How do I restrain my child without accidentally hurting them?
    Community Answer
    Try to press their arms to their body as if you're hugging them tightly. This won't hurt them, but it will stop them from hurting you or themselves. If you can't do that, then at least try to grab their wrists and just hold them still.
  • Question
    My sister is nine years old and has temper tantrums. Is this normal?
    Community Answer
    Yes. Everyone matures at their own pace, and she may be upset about things you don't know about.
  • Question
    Is it normal for a 9 year old to have temper tantrums?
    Community Answer
    Yes. Everyone matures at their own pace.
  • Question
    Can kids who throw tantrums become mindless monsters?
    Community Answer
    Most kids will throw tantrums at some point. If it's constant and for no apparent reason, talk to a doctor.
  • Question
    Is it normal for a 10-year-old to throw a tantrum?
    Community Answer
    It's not unheard of, but children generally are a little more mature by that age. It really depends on the way the child was raised and whether or not he/she has any developmental issues, etc. If it's a regular occurrence, the child might need counseling.
  • Question
    I'm 9, but I have temper tantrums like a 2-year-old. Is this normal?
    Community Answer
    No, it's not. When you feel a tantrum coming on, try to focus on how you feel in the moment. Do you feel frustrated? Angry? Disrespected? Putting a name to your feelings can help you process them better. After figuring out how you feel, consider why you feel that way. Then, before reacting, count to ten slowly and take a few deep breaths. This can help calm you down before you fly into a tantrum. Finally, react to the situation. Talk to the person who is making you feel bad and explain to them how you feel and why. Then you can discuss the situation instead of escalating it.
  • Question
    What do I do if my child hits and screams during his or her tantrum?
    Community Answer
    If your child screams, tell them you always love them, and try to do something they enjoy, such as reading a favorite book together.
  • Question
    Should I spank them?
    Community Answer
    Occasional spanking is effective for some children who do not respond to milder forms of discipline. See this article for tips on how to spank effectively: how to include spanking in child discipline .
  • Question
    Is it okay if my child has a tantrum if she does not eat enough?
    Community Answer
    A temper tantrum is never okay, but because children are still learning, we don't judge them for it.
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