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Human beings are prone to doubts, anxiety, and sometimes even paranoia, every now and again. This is perfectly normal. Sometimes those doubts or anxious/paranoid thoughts may be about a relationship, specifically your boyfriend may have these doubts and thoughts about your ability to be faithful. Maybe he developed these thoughts because of a specific incident, or maybe they came about because of things he was told by friends. Regardless, there are several things you can do to demonstrate to your boyfriend that you are not cheating and hopefully put him at ease.
Steps
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Discuss your boyfriend's thoughts and feelings. If you suspect your boyfriend thinks your cheating, but he hasn't said anything to you about it, ask if you can have a serious conversation with him. Tell him you think something is bothering him and ask him if he feels comfortable talking to you about it. Tell him you want to be there for him, no matter what's bothering him, and that you want to help in any way you can. Listen to what he says with an open attitude and try to limit any knee-jerk reactions or judgements. [1] X Research source
- Ask him if there was a specific event or situation that occurred to make him worry you were cheating. If there was, discuss the details of the situation and have him explain why it made him think you were cheating.
- Explain to him your perspective of the event or situation. Further acknowledge that you can understand why he may have misinterpreted the event as an indication of cheating and ask what you can do to make sure it doesn't happen again.
- Discuss and agree on a course of action to make sure a misunderstanding like this never happens again. This may include you changing your behaviour towards other men, or your boyfriend promising to raise any situations that have made him uncomfortable. Promise to be more open with each other in the future.
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Evaluate your own actions and behaviours. Once you've had a chance to talk to your boyfriend about his thoughts, you should take a moment to evaluate the specific behaviours or actions you may have had that caused him concern. Is it possible that your actions were to blame? Were you maybe a little too flirty with another guy without thinking about it? Did you do something that you would be uncomfortable with him knowing about? [2] X Research source Or were your actions completely reasonable and his reaction was irrational? [3] X Research source
- Now that you have a better understanding of where your boyfriend is coming from, you need to make a decision. Is it possible that he's asking you to change your behaviour to be someone you are not? Or is what he asking completely reasonable under the circumstances (i.e. that you're not single)?
- If you want to make the relationship work, then make a compromise with your boyfriend and alter your actions as best you can.
- If you feel your boyfriend is asking too much of you, think about whether this is the sort of relationship you really want to be in. Maybe your boyfriend is too overprotective and you need someone who gives you a little more independence. Or maybe your actions depict your true feelings towards your boyfriend, and you not really happy in your relationship.
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Point out that you're incapable of being deceitful. Being capable of cheating on someone requires the ability to betray, lie, and be deceitful. Not a lot of people can accomplish this without some outward signs of anxiety or stress. Not to mention that some people are simply incapable of the extensive lying that would be required when cheating on someone. If your boyfriend thinks you may be cheating on him, ask him to really think about your personality. Is it really the type of personality capable of such deceit? Are you really the type of person who could lie consistently to someone's face? [4] X Research source
- In many situations, your boyfriend may already know “the truth” deep down inside, but it doesn't stop him from being a little doubtful or insecure. Giving him the chance to really evaluate the logic of his suspicions may help him get rid of the doubt and insecurity he has.
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Ask your boyfriend to accompany you when you go out with a new friend. Have you recently becomes friends with someone new? Have you been having a lot of fun hanging out with this new friend, and possibly not spending as much time with your boyfriend? It might be this change that has him suspicious. Even though you can reassure him you're just hanging out with a friend, he might still be in doubt. Since you have nothing to hide, invite him along the next time you hang out with your friend. [5] X Research source
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Show how excited you are to have your boyfriend around. Relationships where one member is cheating usually have a lot of other signs that something isn't right. One such sign is the lack of communication or excitement between the couple. If you can show your boyfriend you still love hanging out with him, that you always make plans to do things together, that you enjoy quiet time alone, and that you are able to communicate effectively, he'll realize that it would seem very unlikely you're cheating on him. Why would you spend that much time with someone you don't really care about? Why would you be that excited to see him if you preferred someone else? [6] X Research source
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Point out that your sex lives haven't changed. Couples who aren't having relationship problems usually have a healthy sex life. They might try new things every now and again, but they're pretty in-tune to what their partners need and want. Sure, one or both of you may be too tired or stressed out about something else to want to have sex on a specific night, but it doesn't happen constantly. If your sex life with your boyfriend is great, and you communicate effectively about what you both want in bed, it should help your boyfriend realize you not likely cheating on him. [7] X Research source
- It is possible that your boyfriend is simply insecure. Maybe he doesn't think he makes you happy in bed, or that he's done something wrong. His mind might immediately lead him to believe that you might want to seek something better elsewhere. He may need some reassurance that he's either doing the right thing in bed, or you may need to take the time to tell him what you want.
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Allow your boyfriend to look through your phone. Unfortunately, in today's technology-fuelled world, electronics are often the cause of misunderstandings and suspicions in relationships. It could be anything from suspicious text messages to callers with no caller IDs. If your boyfriend is worried that you may be cheating on him due to something related to your cell phone or computer, ask him to explain exactly what he saw or heard that concerned him. Chances are the specific situation had a perfectly reasonable explanation, but maybe your reaction to the situation made him suspicious. [8] X Research source
- Once you know what specific situation may have caused your boyfriend concern, ask if he'd feel better if you showed him the details on your phone or computer. Would it give him a little security to see a specific text message or email? If so, consider showing him the item that caused him concern and demonstrating what really happened.
- This step, however, shouldn't turn into your boyfriend constantly checking everything on your phone in order to track where you've been and what you've been doing. Your phone is still your private property and he has no right to see it unless you give him permission. It's important to draw that line with your boyfriend if you do decide to show him something on your phone. And you need to respect those same boundaries with him and his phone.
- Reader Poll: We asked 186 wikiHow readers, and 67% of them agreed that the biggest sign that someone is being cheated on is if their partner frequently checks their phone or is secretive about their communication . [Take Poll]
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Ask your boyfriend if he truly feels — in his gut — that you're cheating on him. Our gut feelings or instincts usually lead us in the right direction. If we feel something is off, chances are something is off. Ask your boyfriend to take the time to seriously ask himself if he feels — in his gut — that you are cheating on him. He might have developed a suspicion or paranoia about your potential cheating and just hasn't been able to talk himself out of it, but deep down inside he knows it's not true. It's possible he just needs the time to truly think about the situation and consciously come to that realization. [9] X Research source
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Fight fair. Relationships that are having problems usually include couples that fight over the smallest, most minor topic. Relationships that are doing well still argue, but the arguments never end with a complete and total meltdown of both people. As a girlfriend who is not cheating, demonstrate to your boyfriend that, while you guys fight, it's never the end of the world. If you were cheating, chances are your fights would be significantly more severe. [10] X Research source
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Be calm. Cheating on someone takes a lot of energy and usually results in feelings of guilt and anxiety. If you were cheating on your boyfriend, chances are you'd be showing signs of depression, anxiety, and guilt. If you're a calm person who doesn't appear to be at all worried about your relationship, how can your boyfriend think you're cheating on him? [11] X Research source
- Ask him if you've ever been upset for no reason when he's asked you something (e.g. like where you've been). If you've always given a reasonable explanation about your whereabouts, why is he worried?
- Ask him if you have weird and unexplained mood changes that have nothing to do with biology or obvious external events (e.g. problems with family or at work). If you've never exploded at him for reasons he can't explain, why would he think you're harbouring guilt about cheating?
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Take the relationship seriously. Someone who was cheating on their boyfriend wouldn't be trying to advance their current relationship. If you and your boyfriend talk about your future often, or talk about things like how you see yourselves in 20 years, you're very unlikely to be cheating on him. These aren't the types of conversations someone who is cheating would want to have. If you were cheating, these are the conversations you'd likely try to avoid or gloss over. [12] X Research source
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Bring your boyfriend to family events. One of the last things a cheating girlfriend would do is invite the boyfriend she's cheating on to family events and show him off. Make sure to include your boyfriend in family events. Encourage your parents or siblings to communicate directly with him, if they want. Brag about his accomplishments to your family members. Suggest your family members friend him on Facebook. [13] X Research source
- The same activities can be applied in the opposite direction. Be excited to meet his family. Develop personal relationships with members of his family (maybe his mom or sister).
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Tell your boyfriend your secrets. If you were cheating on your boyfriend, you'd probably stop confiding in him about all sorts of stuff. Since you're not cheating on your boyfriend, make sure you confide in your boyfriend about things that are worrying you. Tell him some secrets you have that you haven't told anyone else. Tell him about the things you truly worry about, or what frightens and scares you. Show him you trust him completely with these confidential and delicate things about yourself. [14] X Research source
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Avoid comparing your boyfriend to other men. Maybe this has already happened and it's the reason why your boyfriend is suspicious. You may have meant it as a joke, but he may have taken it to heart. No one likes being compared to someone else in order to point out their imperfections. Just because someone else is [fill in any item of comparison here], doesn't mean your boyfriend has to do the same thing, say the same stuff, or be the same way. If you accidentally did this previously, apologize and promise not to do it again. [15] X Research source
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Compliment your boyfriend about something every day. Everyone loves compliments! Compliments make you feel good because they demonstrate someone else was paying attention to you AND went the extra step to actually say something out loud. A compliment doesn't have to be only based on big events and activities, it can be small things like a nice shirt, an attractive hair style, a well made dinner, holding the door for someone else, and more. Take the time to compliment your boyfriend for something he's done at least once a day. Not only will it make him feel great, he'll know you're paying attention to both the big and little things he does. [16] X Research source
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Show your boyfriend he's one of your top priorities. Depending on what else is going on in your life at the time (e.g. school, work, family, etc.) your boyfriend will most likely be one of your top priorities. Show him how much of a priority he is to you by taking him into account as much as you can when scheduling events and planning outings. For example, if you and your boyfriend had discussed the possibility of going to a movie on the weekend, but hadn't made firm plans, check with him before you make alternative plans. [17] X Research source
- If you already have plans, but something really important for your boyfriend comes up suddenly, consider changing your plans so you can be there to support him.
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Reminisce about past events. Every once in a while, hang out with your boyfriend and talk about a past event that you both really enjoyed. Watch videos or look at photos from the event. Laugh and share memories from the events to remind yourselves how important you are to each other. The event can be anything from a specific vacation to a day at a theme park. [18] X Research source
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Warnings
- If, after asking your boyfriend to see your perspective, he is still unconvinced, and he remains unconvinced for a long time, this may be a sign the relationship was not meant to be. It's okay to have doubts every now and again, but if he can't actually trust you for the most part, your relationship is never going to succeed.Thanks
References
- ↑ http://madamenoire.com/90325/think-hes-cheating-think-again/8/
- ↑ Lisa B. Kift, MFT. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
- ↑ http://www.thehopeline.com/how-to-know-if-your-bfgf-is-cheating-on-you/
- ↑ http://madamenoire.com/90325/think-hes-cheating-think-again/3/
- ↑ http://madamenoire.com/90325/think-hes-cheating-think-again/4/
- ↑ http://madamenoire.com/90325/think-hes-cheating-think-again/5/
- ↑ http://madamenoire.com/90325/think-hes-cheating-think-again/7/
- ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/advice/a5308/signs-he-is-cheating-on-you/
- ↑ http://www.thehopeline.com/how-to-know-if-your-bfgf-is-cheating-on-you/
- ↑ http://madamenoire.com/90325/think-hes-cheating-think-again/2/
- ↑ http://madamenoire.com/90325/think-hes-cheating-think-again/6/
- ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/advice/a5308/signs-he-is-cheating-on-you/
- ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/advice/a5308/signs-he-is-cheating-on-you/
- ↑ https://www.affaircare.com/all-of-the-signs-your-spouse-may-be-cheating/
- ↑ http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/advice/a21442/signs-of-an-emotional-affair/
- ↑ http://www.besthealthmag.ca/best-you/relationships/8-ways-to-cheat-proof-your-relationship/
- ↑ http://www.besthealthmag.ca/best-you/relationships/8-ways-to-cheat-proof-your-relationship/
- ↑ http://www.besthealthmag.ca/best-you/relationships/8-ways-to-cheat-proof-your-relationship/
About This Article
Article Summary
X
The best way to show your boyfriend that you’re not cheating is to prove to him that you're faithful to your relationship. Take the time to discuss how he’s feeling and listen to his thoughts with an open mind. Explain to him that you care too much about him to be deceitful, and work on building up his trust. You could let him look through your phone or accompany you on outings with any new friends that he might be worried about. Try to also show your boyfriend that you care about him by spending plenty of quality time together and being excited when he's around. For more advice from our relationship co-author, like how to maintain a healthy relationship, read on!
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Reader Success Stories
- "I haven't had a chance yet to try some of these ideas. I do believe that putting myself in his shoes (lack of a better word) will help me to maybe understand what it was I have done for him to have doubts. I love my boyfriend of 6 years, and I've never cheated. I always think would I want him doing that to me? Whatever the situation may be. Thanks for the advice." ..." more
"I haven't had a chance yet to try some of these ideas. I do believe that putting myself in his shoes (lack of a better word) will help me to maybe understand what it was I have done for him to have doubts. I love my boyfriend of 6 years, and I've never cheated. I always think would I want him doing that to me? Whatever the situation may be. Thanks for the advice."
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"I was lacking in communication with my boyfriend. My attitude was so bad. After reading this article, I believe I'm gonna get better. I always put my boyfriend down, saying he's the problem, but now I realize that I was wrong; he's the best boyfriend ever."
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"I think I can actually verbalize my fears that he is simply too untrusting for no good reason, but I want to do it gently as he has been hurt badly in the past."
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