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Reading the signals that mean he wants to wife you
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This article was reviewed by John Keegan
and by wikiHow staff writer, Luke Smith, MFA
. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
There are 12 references
cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
This article has been viewed 25,936 times.
You’ve met a guy, but you want to know if he’s the guy. Is he the one? The last one, we mean, who’ll get down on one knee and pop the big question? You can’t help but wonder, so we’re here to help clear things up with 35 major signs that he’ll marry you someday. Does anyone else hear wedding bells?
Steps
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His vision of the future includes you right beside him. When he talks about what’s next, does he mention your name? When you’re thinking about marrying someone, you tend to talk about what’s next in a way that includes your spouse-to-be. Things like, “I think we should move to LA,” or, “I want us to get a dog sometime.” He wouldn’t be talking like that if he didn’t plan to spend much, much more time with you.
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You’re his number one, and he wants it to stay that way. Think about the way he acts when you go out together. Is he always looking at and admiring you, or do his eyes wander? At a bar, does he chat you up the same way he did on the first date? When other women don’t interest him, you can rest assured that you’re his one and only, and that he wants to keep it that way. And what better way to do that than marriage?
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He cares about your day-to-day well-being. Here’s a new term for you: “companionate love.” Where romantic love is all about passion, companionate love is more about comfort and caring, and is a must for any prospective marriage. [1] X Research source Part of that companionate love is small gestures that make your day a little brighter: bringing you flowers, making you coffee in the morning, keeping quiet when you need to concentrate. A guy who pays attention to those little details is one who’s likely in a race to the altar.
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He knows how to follow through with commitments. Marriage is pretty much the ultimate commitment—you’re binding yourself together, till death do you part. If he’s serious about making that commitment, he’ll show you just how committed he is to the little things, too, like keeping dinner dates, following through when he says he’ll get chores done, and keeping every promise he makes.
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He wants to work through rough patches for a long-lasting relationship. Every relationship hits a speed bump now and again. That’s just how things are. But a guy who wants to be with you forever will make sure to solve relationship problems with a level head, respectful tone, clear communication, and the aim to make your relationship even stronger. [2] X Research source That way, when he pops the big question, he knows you’ll be able to overcome anything marriage throws at you.- Reader Poll: We asked 224 wikiHow readers to tell us the most important sign that a relationship has long term potential, and 58% said handling conflict in a healthy way . [Take Poll] So if you’re able to accomplish this early on, that might be a sign that you two could find lasting love.
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He’s not ashamed to flaunt you to his social circle. When a guy is reluctant to talk about his relationship to his friends, that’s a big red flag, and it could mean he’s not confident enough in your relationship to advertise it. But if all his friends already know about you, and he talks you up in front of them, then take that as a green flag . It means he’s confident enough in your bond to make it a part of his external life, and that’s a must for any would-be marriage.
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He loves you enough to expose you to his parents. Usually, when you meet a guy’s parents , he’s saying, “Mom, Dad, I hope you like her as much as I do, because you’re going to be seeing a lot of her.” And it’s true; our family’s opinions of our significant others play a big role in the success of our relationships. [3] X Research source Him taking you to a holiday dinner means he’s confident that they’ll approve. And once they do, everyone will be hearing wedding bells.
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He loves you enough to meet your parents. Make no mistake, meeting his parents is a world apart from introducing him to yours . He’s got a good feel for what his own folks will think of you. When he meets your parents, though, he can’t tell how they’ll react to him, or if they’ll even like or approve of him. But he’s so head over heels for you that he’s willing to put his best face on and prove to them that he’s the guy for you.
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He takes your future together as a given, not a possibility. When you first started dating, he may have said things like, “If you ever want to go to…” or “If we’re still together when…” But nowadays, that “if” has turned into “when”—“When we move in together…” or, “When we get a dog…” It’s a good sign that, in his mind, the two of you are a sure thing, and he’s counting on being together for a long time. Which, it just so happens, is also the case for married couples.
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He’s said he wants to commit at some point. Hopefully, you’ve talked about what you want from your relationship already (and if you haven’t, it’s never too early, or too late). Some guys just want to keep things casual, and that’s fine. But if he’s told you he’s looking for a serious relationship or to settle down, then marriage is most likely in his sights, and you could be the one.
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Men with married parents are more likely to marry, themselves. Research shows that people who come from “traditional” households (those with married parents) are more likely to see marriage positively and look for it themselves. [4] X Research source If his parents are still together, that’s a green light. But if not, that’s also not a red light! Ask him how he feels about marriage, or if he’d ever want to get married to find out for sure.- You might say, “I’m not trying to suggest anything, but I’m curious: what are your thoughts on marriage?”
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You enjoy your time in the bedroom, even after dating for a while. While sex means different things to different people, it’s a large part of many marriages. Not only that, but passion fades for most couples 2 years into a relationship. [5] X Research source Ask yourself: has your sex life maintained its spark? Do you feel more comfortable and attracted to him than ever, and is he as wild about you as ever? If so, marriage may be in the cards. [6] X Research source
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You can spend long periods alone together. Sure, a vacation is all about unwinding and spending quality time together, but for some couples, long periods of quality time results in very little unwinding. If you can go on a road trip, long plane ride, or a retreat to a remote cabin with just the two of you and come out more in love than when you went in, then you’re golden, and he’ll see that, too.
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He trusts your opinion on how to navigate his problems. You wouldn’t ask just anyone for help with your career, family troubles, social circle woes, and the like, would you? Well, he wouldn’t either. If he asks for your perspective on the big things, or wants your advice when he finds himself in a rut, then you know that your bond is something special, and he knows it, too. That’s a bond that screams, “Marriage!”
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He trusts you to keep secrets because he doesn’t ever plan to split. Imagine, hypothetically, that you knew someone would hate your guts tomorrow. Would you tell them your deepest, darkest secret today? We’d hope not. It’s the same for your relationship. He tells you those secrets because he plans to be on your good side for a long, long time, and trust you to keep those secrets . Maybe even till death do you part, when you take those secrets to the grave.
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Sharing secrets with him makes him feel closer to you. When he shares his own secrets, it’s a sign that he trusts you. But when you trust him enough to tell him your secrets, too, studies show that that actively makes him feel closer to you. [7] X Trustworthy Source PLOS ONE Online peer-reviewed, open access scientific research journal Go to source We’re not saying to reel him in by drip-feeding him confidential personal info. Rather, if he’s receptive, engaged, and supportive when you confide in him, then you can rest easy that he trusts you the same way you trust him, which is a good sign of a lasting relationship.
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He makes room in his life for your own habits. Everyone has needs, habits, and little routines. In a loving, committed relationship, partners understand each other’s habits, and learn how to accommodate those needs and habits into their own life. For example, he knows you’re exhausted after work, so he cooks dinner. [8] X Research source It’s one way of saying, “Hey, I love you and I want to make this relationship sustainable in the long run, so I’ll work with you to make us both happy.”
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He’s not afraid to explore his emotions with you. It’s an unfortunate fact that many men have problems opening up emotionally and asking others for help. [9] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source So when he confides in you, gets soft around you, or even cries in front of you, don’t take that lightly. It means he trusts and feels safe enough around you to show you his tender side, which is a huge step forward in any relationship.
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Living together is often the next step toward marriage. In a recent study, 66% of people who lived together before marriage said they did so as a way to prepare for marriage. [10] X Trustworthy Source Pew Research Center Nonpartisan thinktank conducting research and providing information on public opinion, demographic trends, and social trends Go to source When you’re married, you’ll most likely be living together anyway, so you may as well put in some practice, right? If he’s talked about sharing a roof, you may be on the road to the altar.- That said, many others opt to wait until after they’re married to move in, which is totally cool, too.
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He’s always asking you questions about yourself. The first 2 years of a relationship are often the most passionate, but once those first two years wear off, many relationships get stagnant. [11] X Research source But if he’s serious about settling down with you, then he knows that every day is an opportunity to learn more about you, and more about the two of you as a couple. He’ll ask you personal questions and be curious about your experiences, because he knows that the two of you are a journey of discovery that’ll last a lifetime.
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He shows his commitment by choosing you over other things. Don’t get us wrong; everyone needs a life outside their relationship. But if your guy is worth his weight in gold, then he’ll always come running when you’re stuck with a flat on the side of the road, or going through a rough patch with a friend, even if it means skipping that pickup game with his pals. He knows you’re worth it, and he wants you to know that, too.
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He’s comfortable treating his possessions as your possessions. When you tie the knot, you end up sharing just about everything. Your finances, your family, your bed and bathroom and maybe even a toothbrush (hey, if it floats your boat…). So when he entrusts you with his expensive sunglasses, or his car keys, or even the password to his Instagram, he could be getting some practice for marriage, when sharing is a given rather than a privilege.
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His need to be close to you reflects his attachment to you. You probably didn’t need a scientific study to tell you this, but we’ve got the data. Research shows that partners who want to be physically close to each other are more emotionally attached. [12] X Research source So watch for the telltale signs: holding hands, linking arms, hugs from behind. They’re all blazing green flags that tell you his love is the real deal.
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He finds indirect (or direct) ways to measure an engagement ring. At this point, he may as well be down on one knee. What else could he want that for? Beats us, but allow us to be the first to congratulate you. I you haven’t already, though, read up on some covert ways guys ask for ring sizes , so you’re ready when the time comes. Just remember to pretend like you’re surprised.
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He wants to know what your dream wedding is like. “Where do you want to get married?” “In a chapel or on the beach?” “Do you mind a Jewish wedding?” It’s not exactly slick, but maybe he’s not trying to be. If he’s asking you about the sort of wedding you want to have, he’s also, probably, possibly, implicitly asking if you want to have that wedding with him.
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His married friends may make him want to be married, too. It’s no secret that our social circles influence our own beliefs and behaviors. [13] X Research source If he’s got friends who he sees living in blissful matrimony, then it follows that he may be getting some ideas, himself. After all, if it’s working for his friends, and they’re happy, then he may realize a happy marriage is what he wants, too.
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He sees a future where you’re side-by-side on a porch somewhere. This one’s a no-brainer. If he talks about growing old with you, marriage is practically a given. Sure, you can make it that long as a couple without getting hitched, but at that point, why not just say your vows? Point is, he’s in it for the long run, and he’s not afraid to hide it.
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Men who want kids may also want to get married. Studies show that men who don’t want kids are more likely to avoid marriage. [14] X Research source It makes sense; having kids is often associated with getting hitched, so someone who doesn’t want kids will probably shirk marriage, too. So if he tells you he wants kids someday, then statistically, he may also be looking to put a ring on it.
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He suggests opening a joint bank account. More than anything, a joint account tells you that he trusts you enough to go in together with your finances, and marriage isn’t too far a leap from there. But also, many newlyweds open joint accounts since, in the eyes of the law, they just combined their assets. [15] X Research source It could be that he’s getting an early start on your married money moves.
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He talks about you as a unit rather than as individuals. Pay attention to how he talks around his friends. “We’re getting into a new TV show.” “We’re thinking about taking a vacation.” “We’re not super big on hockey.” Somewhere along the line, “I” turned into “we.” It means he thinks of the two of you as a unit, and feels comfortable saying so. That’s a great sign that your relationship is strong, and maybe even marriage material.
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He’s saving money, possibly for a ceremony. Big weddings aren’t cheap, and many people hold off on marriage until they feel they’re in a better financial position. [16] X Trustworthy Source Pew Research Center Nonpartisan thinktank conducting research and providing information on public opinion, demographic trends, and social trends Go to source If he’s been frugal lately, or pouring more money into a savings account, the reason could be that he’s saving up for a big day, and your life beyond that big day.
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He may get more affectionate before a proposal. You could think of it as him trying to butter you up to say “yes,” sure. But if your love is the real deal, then you both probably know the answer long before he asks the question. Instead, we prefer to think of it like he’s so wildly in love with you and excited to spend the rest of his life with you that he gives you a few extra kisses in the morning, because he just can’t help himself.
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He makes major life choices with your own life in mind. When he’s planning a future with you, he’ll take your own needs and concerns into consideration. Like, if he’s talking about a move, he’ll ask you where you’d want to live or if you’d feel comfortable with that lifestyle change. If he’s looking for a job, he might pick one that lets him spend more time with you in the evenings. It’s these little logistical things that show you that he cares, and that he wants your future together to be happy and comfortable.
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He’s in cahoots with your parents about some big occasion. There are plenty of unremarkable reasons he might be calling your mom and dad, but there are also plenty of very remarkable ones, too. Asking for approval is the one that comes to mind, but maybe he’s also asking about your ideal wedding, or if your folks want to pitch into the cost. If they’ve been talking and you’re out of the loop, you might have a big, pleasant surprise coming your way.
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You just know that he’s the one. We leave you with this: never underestimate your own intuition. Sometimes you meet someone and you just know that they’re your forever person , there’s no explaining or rationalizing it. It’s rare, and even if you don’t feel it, that doesn’t mean he’s not the one. But when you feel it, you feel it.
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/more-chemistry/201801/how-make-relationship-last-forever
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication#managing-conflict-with-communication
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201312/should-you-meet-your-partners-family
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200407/the-marrying-kind
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/more-chemistry/201801/how-make-relationship-last-forever
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-do-life/201707/short-answers-marry
- ↑ https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0282643#sec007
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/more-chemistry/201801/how-make-relationship-last-forever
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/jun05/helping
- ↑ https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2019/11/06/marriage-and-cohabitation-in-the-u-s/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/more-chemistry/201801/how-make-relationship-last-forever
- ↑ https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/anzf.1398
- ↑ https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2021/09/power-peers
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-true-love/200912/relationship-advice-who-are-the-marrying-kind-of-men
- ↑ https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/banking/joint-checking-account
- ↑ https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2019/11/06/marriage-and-cohabitation-in-the-u-s/
About This Article
This article was reviewed by John Keegan
and by wikiHow staff writer, Luke Smith, MFA
. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. This article has been viewed 25,936 times.
2 votes - 100%
Co-authors: 5
Updated: December 2, 2024
Views: 25,936
Categories: Dating
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 25,936 times.
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