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Everyone gets angry. If you're experiencing overwhelming rage, though, it could be damaging your mental and physical health as well as your relationships with others. Uncontrolled anger can be indicative of underlying problems, such as anger management issues or mental disorder. It's important to control your emotions and calm yourself down for your own sake as well as for the sake of those around you.
Steps
Controlling Your Anger
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Watch for physiological signs of anger. Anger is certainly a psychological emotion, but it is also physiological, involving chemical reactions in your brain. [1] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source When you get angry, your amygdala, the center for emotional processing, sends a distress signal to your hypothalamus, which sends epinephrine along your autonomic nervous system through the path of the sympathetic nervous system to the adrenal glands, which starts pumping epinephrine (adrenaline) throughout your body. The adrenaline gets your body ready to meet a threat, increasing your heart rate and sharpening your senses. [2] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source- This process serves a biological purpose (preparing you for fight or flight), but if you have an anger problem, your threshold for what triggers this physiological response may be too low (for example, if you get angry at a coworker for playing music too loudly).
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Take inventory of your emotions. Anger often masks another emotion; many times, anger is a secondary emotion to hurt, sadness, grief, depression, or fear. [3] X Research source Anger emerges almost as a defense mechanism because it is easier for many people to deal with than other emotions. Think about whether you allow yourself to feel a wide range of emotions or if you may be suppressing emotions that you think you “shouldn’t” feel or “aren’t allowed” to feel.- If you commonly substitute anger for other emotions that you find more difficult to deal with, consider seeing a therapist to learn how to handle and accept those emotions.
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Accept that anger can be a normal, healthy emotion. Anger is not always a bad thing. Anger can serve a healthy purpose by protecting you against continued abuse or wrongdoing. [4] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source If you perceive that someone is harming you, you will likely become angry, and that anger will prompt you to confront the person or end the harm in another way.- Some people are taught that it is impolite to feel or express anger. But suppressing natural feelings of anger can have negative effects on your emotions and your relationships with others.
- If you are worried about hurting someone’s feelings, be polite about your anger. Simply saying “I am angry” will do far more than keeping it bottled up.
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Watch for signs that your anger is out of control. While anger can be healthy, it can also be unhealthy. You may need to deal with an anger problem through self-help or professional help if the following are true: [5] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source- Insignificant occurrences make you very angry, such as spilled milk and accidentally dropping an object.
- When you’re angry, you display aggressive behaviors, including yelling, screaming, or hitting.
- The problem is chronic; it happens over and over again.
- You have an addiction, and when you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, your temper gets worse and your behavior more violent.
"Someone told me a lie and I almost killed them; thanks to this article I made the better decision." more comments
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Engage in physical activity. The endorphins that come from exercise can help you calm down, and moving your body provides a physical outlet for your rage: in this way, exercise can help you relieve anger in the moment. However, maintaining a regular exercise schedule can also help you regulate your emotions in general. [6] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source While you exercise, focus on thinking about the exercise and your body, not what has been on your mind lately. Some forms of exercise that might appeal to you and help you control your anger include:- Running/Jogging
- Weight training
- Cycling
- Yoga
- Basketball
- Martial arts
- Swimming
- Dance
- Boxing
- Meditating
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Get enough sleep at night. Most adults need at least 7-8 hours of sleep per night to thrive. [7] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source Being sleep deprived can contribute to a wide range of health problems, including the inability to manage emotions properly. Getting adequate sleep can improve your mood and lessen your anger.- If you have chronic sleep problems, consult your physician. You may be able to make dietary or lifestyle changes to improve your sleep. You may also be able to try herbal or medicinal supplements to sleep more.
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Keep an anger journal. Begin writing down details about your anger. If you have an episode or event in which you lost control of your emotions, write it down. Be sure to include exactly how you felt, what caused you to be angry, where you were, who you were with, how you reacted, and how you felt afterwards. [8] X Research source After you have kept your journal for a while, look for commonalities among entries to identify the people, places, or things that trigger your anger.- A sample journal entry may look like this: Today, I became very angry at a coworker. He called me selfish for not offering to pick up lunch for everyone. We were in the lounge area, and I was taking a break from a stressful day by eating a cheeseburger from the restaurant next door. I got really angry and yelled back at him, called him a name and stormed off. I punched the desk when I got back to my office. Then I felt guilty and ashamed and hid in my office the rest of the day.
- Over time, you may evaluate your journal and find that being called a name (such as selfish) is a trigger for your anger.
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Put together an anger management plan. Once you begin to identify triggers to your anger, you can make a plan for dealing with those triggers. [9] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Using strategies for controlling anger can help, along with scripting an if-then response ahead of time.- For example, you may know that you are going to visit your mother-in-law, who makes disparaging remarks about your parenting style:
- You could decide ahead of time, “If she makes a comment about my parenting, I will calmly tell her that I appreciate her input, but I am going to make decisions about the way that I parent regardless of her opinions.”
- You may also decide that you will leave the room or even pack up and go home if you feel that your anger is growing.
- For example, you may know that you are going to visit your mother-in-law, who makes disparaging remarks about your parenting style:
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Practice assertive expression of your anger. People using assertive expression of anger acknowledge the needs of both parties involved in a disagreement. [10] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source To practice assertive expression, stick to the facts involved, communicate requests (rather than demands) in a respectful way, and express your feelings clearly.- This approach differs from passive expression, which involves being angry without saying anything, and aggressive expression, which manifests as an explosion or outburst that seems disproportionate to the problem.
- For example, if you are angered by a coworker playing loud music at work, you could say, “I know that you enjoy listening to music while you work, but it makes it hard for me to focus. Do you think you could use headphones instead of playing the music out loud?”
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Find a local anger management program. Anger management programs can help you learn to deal with anger and control your emotions healthily. [11] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Attending a group class can help you feel as though you are not alone in your situation, and many people find that peer groups are as helpful as individual therapy for some kinds of problems.- To find an anger management program that is right for you, try searching online for “anger management class” plus the name of your city, state, or region. You can also include search terms like “for teens” or “for PTSD” to find a group tailored to your specific situation.
- You can also look for appropriate programs by asking your physician or therapist, or consulting the self-improvement course offerings at your local community center.
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See a mental health professional. If your anger has progressed to the point that it's interfering with your day-to-day life or your ability to maintain positive relationships, see a therapist. They can assess the root of your problem and whether or not you require ongoing therapy, medication, or some combination of both. A therapist can give you relaxation techniques to use in situations that make you feel angry. They can help you develop emotional coping skills and communication training. [12] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source- To find a therapist, try using Psychology Today’s database of United States-based therapists or the Counselling Directory’s database of therapists in the United Kingdom .
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Take a break as soon as you recognize that you're angry. You can take a break by stopping what you're doing, getting away from whatever is irritating you, and/or just taking a breather. Getting away from whatever is upsetting you will make it infinitely easier to calm down.- Remember that you do not have to respond to a situation immediately. You can count to 10 or even say “I will think about it and get back to you” to give yourself additional time to cool down as necessary. [13] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
- If you're angry at work, go to a room or step outside for a moment. If you're driving to work, consider sitting in your car so that you're in a space you own.
- If you're upset at home, go to a single-occupancy space (such as the bathroom) or for a walk or talk with someone you trust or who can help you.
- Reader Poll: We asked 786 wikiHow readers, and 52% of them agreed that the best way to cope with feeling angry or irritated is to take breaks from the person or situation that is bothering you. [Take Poll]
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Let yourself feel angry. It is perfectly normal to experience emotions such as anger. Allowing yourself a little time and space to feel angry may help you accept the anger and move on. Once you move on, you can stop returning to the anger and reliving the reason that you were angry. [14] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source- To allow yourself to experience your anger, think about locating it in your body. Do you feel anger in your stomach? In your clenched fists? Find your anger, let it be, then let it go.
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Breathe deeply. If your heart hammers with rage, slow it down by controlling your breathing. Deep breathing is one of the most important steps in meditation, which can contribute to controlling emotions. [15] X Research source Even if you do not fully “meditate,” using deep breathing techniques can offer similar benefits. [16] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source- Count to 3 as you inhale, hold the breath in your lungs for 3 more seconds, and count to 3 again as you exhale. Focus only on the numbers as you do this.
- Be sure that each breath fully fills your lungs, causing your chest and belly to expand. Exhale fully each time, and pause between the exhale and the next inhale.
- Keep breathing until you feel that you have regained control.
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Visualize a "happy place." If you're still having a difficult time calming down, imagine yourself in a scene you find incredibly relaxing. It could be your childhood backyard, a quiet forest, a solitary island, or even an imaginary land—any place that makes you feel at home and peaceful. Focus on imagining every detail of this place: the light, the noises, the temperature, the weather, the smells. Keep dwelling on your happy place until you feel completely immersed in it, and hang out there for a few minutes or until you feel calm. [17] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source -
Practice positive self-talk. Changing the way that you think about something from negative to positive (known as “cognitive restructuring”) can help you deal with your anger in a healthy way. [18] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source After you have given yourself a moment to calm down, "discuss" the situation with yourself in positive and relieving terms.- For example, if you experience road rage, you could try turning from “That idiot almost killed me! I'm furious!” to "That guy almost sideswiped me, but maybe he was experiencing an emergency and I'll probably never have to see him again. I’m lucky that I'm alive and my car is unscratched. I can stay calm and focused as I continue to drive."
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Ask for the support of someone you trust. Sometimes sharing your concerns with a close friend or confidant might help you vent your anger. Clearly express what you want from the other person. If you just want a sounding board, state at the beginning that you don't want help or advice, just sympathy. If you're looking for a solution, let the other person know. [19] X Research source- Give yourself a set amount of time to vent about what's upsetting you, and stick to it—when time is up, your rant is over. This will help you move on instead of dwelling on the situation endlessly.
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Try to see some humor in what angered you. After you've calmed down and established that you're ready to get over the incident, try to see the lighter side. Casting the incident in a humorous light can actually change the chemical response in your body from anger to humor. [20] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source- For example, if someone runs you off the road in your car, you might think about how silly it is that they might get where they are going 15 seconds faster by not yielding to you. You can have a good chuckle about how their priorities are out of order and move on with your life.
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How Do You Control Anger Issues?
Comments
- "I have personally dealt with a lot of anger in my life. Over these last few years, I've realized I might have anger issues. I try and calm myself down, but I usually just get angrier. I've looked at this page once and just scanned over it briefly, and it has changed a lot. Thank you so, so much! xx" ..." more
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"Today I got angry just because my brother wanted to see a cartoon and I wanted to see a news bulletin. And I don't know what happened to me, I slapped him and broke the socket of the TV. After that, I searched on Google how to control anger? Now I finally get solutions. Thanks." ..." more
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"I have recently been struggling with realizing my anger and inner emotions, but this snazzy webpage changed it all. Thanks to wikiHow, I can now play on my Gameboy without throwing a tantrum and raging about the outcome of my gameplay. wikiHow, you're truly a phenomenon." ..." more
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"I especially liked the suggestion to do something creative, like drawing, to shift your focus and do something productive until the anger passes. I also thought the suggestion to keep an anger journal (to identify and tackle pattern behavior) was smart." ..." more
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"I lashed out at a coworker today for no reason, which made the person really upset. I've long suspected that I've had issues with managing emotions, and this article helped me to find healthy ways of dealing with these feelings." ..." more
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"I have an anger problem and needed to better understand why and what to do when my temper flares up. This information isn't a cure for anger, but I have discovered some great tools that I hope will help me in the future." ..." more
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"The part that showed to sleep for a few hours works best. I can't sleep much at night, though. I would like to know how to sleep at night if your neighbors are noisy. The wikiHows are great, though." ..." more
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"This article does give out good tips. I do get angry at times over some things. It helped me realize that it is not worth get out of control. I do plan on to calm down when I get angry." ..." more
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"It was very helpful for me, as I'm short-tempered. I could not control my anger. Your article has given me awesome tips that I have followed, and it really works! Thanks." ..." more
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"The anger journal, and the step to get engaged in regular physical activities are awesome advice. I am looking forward to try anger management plans (if-then cases)!!" ..." more
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"Believe me! I understood a lot about my anger and how to prevent it in situations. All the steps are awesome and easily understandable. Thanks for this article Wkihow." ..." more
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"This whole article helped me to understand a little more about coping with anger, and gave me good advice on what to do when I start to feel the anger." ..." more
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"I liked the part where we take deep breaths and imagine a wonderful scenery. The suggestions to work out and meditate were also fruitful. Thanks." ..." more
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"Thanks for the help. Due to some problems, I am not able to control my anger. This article helped me lot to practice controlling my anger." ..." more
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"It really has helped me because sometimes, I can get violent when angry and say things which may be bad for the future. Thanks, wikiHow." ..." more
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"It helped me because I have really sensitive anger issues. Now that I read this article, I just take a deep breath or just walk away. " ..." more
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"I was always angry all the time and now I'm learning the self control step. I can now control my emotions towards others more easily," ..." more
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"The questions really helped. I saw that other people can get angry like me, and how to calm down in those specific situations." ..." more
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"This article helped me a lot to understand why I get angry and what the reasons are for this. Thanks a lot! :)"
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Tips
- If you get angry easily and find it hard to control yourself, find a quiet place away from everybody. Scream into a blanket, pillow, or anything to stifle the noise. (If you want to, you can even just yell if nobody is around.) It'll help you let off some steam.Thanks
- Try listening to soothing songs that bring peace to your mind.Thanks
- Watch what you say when you're angry. You don't always feel the same as when you have calmed down and thought through the situation.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- "I was bullied a lot, which gave me major anger issues. My mom told me to focus and calm myself through meditation. So, whenever someone frustrated me, I just started meditating on the spot. This really gave me a huge amount of self-control."
- "Go into a quiet room where nobody else is around. Let yourself relax and practice mindfulness. That means noticing the things around you, such as the texture and feeling of a chair you're sitting on or the ambient noises around you."
- "If you start feeling angry, close your eyes and massage your forehead with your fingers. This can help you soothe yourself and calm down."
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Warnings
- If at any time you are thinking about doing something that would hurt yourself or other people, get help immediately.Thanks
- Anger is never, ever an excuse to strike out at or abuse (physically or verbally) the people around you.Thanks
- Walk away immediately when you realize you are about to allow your anger to turn to rage or become violent.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/deeper-wellness/202206/understanding-and-processing-anger
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/anger
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/understanding
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2678873/
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/expert-answers/how-many-hours-of-sleep-are-enough/faq-20057898
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/202104/managing-anger-tips-techniques-and-tools
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/recognize-anger.aspx
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/help.aspx
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control
- ↑ https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2012/11/meditations-positive-residual-effects/
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/controlling-anger.aspx
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/controlling-anger.aspx
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-personal-renaissance/201906/why-talking-about-our-problems-makes-us-feel-better
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/controlling-anger.aspx
About This Article
Article Summary
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To control your anger, inhale for 3 seconds, hold your breath for 3 seconds, and exhale for 3 seconds. Keep breathing like this until you feel calmer. If deep breathing isn't helping, walk away from the situation and take some time to cool down. Try to visualize a happy, calm place in your mind to distract yourself from being angry. You can also find a close friend or someone you trust to vent to, which will help you get your feelings off your chest so you're not as upset. If you want to learn how to prevent chronic anger and build an anger management plan from our Counselor co-author, keep reading!
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