How to Hug Your Crush, Partner, Family, or Friend

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The best way to hug the important people in your life
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Hugs are a great way to express affection. They show you care about a person and that you support them through good times and bad. However, hugging your crush or lover isn’t quite the same as hugging a friend or family member. We spoke with Dating Coaches Connell Barrett and Imad Jbara to learn about the different types of hugs and when they’re appropriate. Read on for tips on the best ways to hug the people you care about.

How to Give a Warm Hug

Open your arms, smile, lean forward, and put your arms around the person. Then, give them a warm, gentle squeeze for 5-10 seconds or longer if you have a more intimate relationship.

Section 1 of 5:

Hugging a Crush

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  1. Smile and say caring words or compliments to make sure they're expecting a hug. It can be awkward if you come up and hug someone out of the blue, especially if they may be unaware that you’re approaching. [1] Ask permission before you hug them. Some people are uncomfortable receiving hugs until they’re closer to a person. Respecting their wishes might even make them like you more.
    • Hugs often happen at celebratory events like birthday parties, graduations, or when two people are reunited after a long absence. Giving someone a nice hug may be more acceptable during a celebration than at an everyday meeting.
    • It’s also appropriate to hug someone when you greet them or say goodbye. Barrett recommends greeting them and saying goodbye by giving them a warm hug.
  2. Press the person you’re hugging warmly but gently toward you. If they resist, give them a pat or a quick, casual shoulder squeeze and move back. It’s sometimes hard to know if it’s okay to hug someone , but paying attention to how they react may help you pick up on clues like a rigid posture or a pained expression.
    • If you’re taller, bend down so the shorter person can put their arms around your neck. Wrap your arms under theirs. Keep them in that position for no more than a couple of seconds, and let go as soon as they do. Look them in the eyes when you separate and continue the conversation naturally. [2]
    • If you’re shorter, try standing on your tiptoes and putting your arms under the taller person's arms. Let go as soon as they do. [3]
    • Hugging a crush is different than hugging your girlfriend or boyfriend. Barrett advises letting your hug be warm and friendly without allowing it to linger too long.
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Section 2 of 5:

Hugging a Friend

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  1. Give your friend a genuine smile . Let them know you’re going to hug them by stretching out your arms as you approach them or saying something like, “Come here and give me a hug!” Keep your hug to the upper torso and shoulders, especially when hugging a friend of the opposite gender. Give their upper back or shoulders a quick, superficial rub with your hands. [4]
    • Taller people: Bend down to meet a shorter friend. Close your eyes and think about how much you love your friend when hugging. Firmer pressure generally signals a closer connection, so hold them more loosely than you would a romantic companion. You could gently pat them, but try to avoid clapping them on the shoulders.
    • Shorter people: Stand on your tiptoes and embrace them strongly. Pat them gently on the back. If you're having an emotional moment, hold the hug for a brief moment, but avoid patting their back.
Section 3 of 5:

Hugging a Partner

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  1. Starting the hug with your hands on their shoulders allows you to gaze lovingly into their eyes. These hugs are usually more about love than desire, but they can also be a little flirtatious. [5]
    • The experience is just as romantic, no matter who initiates it.
  2. By looking them in the eye , you tell them how much you care and love spending time together.
  3. A romantic hug often happens mutually, with the couple seeming to fall into each other. Jbara tells us that more intimate hugs come with a tighter squeeze and a stronger grip: “You’re doing it because you want to be closer to the person.” Hug the person you love for as long as you want to. Hugging at least 20 seconds can be especially good for you with effects like reducing stress, lowering blood pressure, and promoting heart health. [6]
    • Taller people: Carefully slide your hands down from the other person’s shoulders, put them on their waist, and then slide them around their lower back. Put your head on their shoulder and press them towards you for as long as you like.
    • Shorter people: Extend your arms toward your partner and wrap them around their neck and shoulders. Lean as close as possible and press your torso against theirs. If you're very close to each other, you could interlock your leg in theirs.
    • If you want to, give them a small massage with your hands. Another option is to lift them in the air if you’re able and shift their weight towards you.
    • When you separate, look into your lover's eyes, smile genuinely, and, if the situation is fitting, kiss them like you mean it.
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Section 4 of 5:

Hugging a Family Member

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  1. When you are going in for a hug, always approach your family member with kind feelings. While it’s perfectly normal to hug family members, watch their body language. There are many reasons a person – even a family member – may not be comfortable receiving a hug. Always respect their wishes. [7]
  2. Continuing to talk while hugging is okay. Where you place your hands is not important because the person you are hugging will not think it over too much. Make sure to press gently. You don’t necessarily have to have hard contact.
    • Remember to smile when you let go.
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Section 5 of 5:

Giving Great Hugs

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  1. If the person doesn’t look like they’re getting ready to hug you, then you may want to back off. [8]
    • Consider the culture around hugging where the person is from. Those from the West Coast may be more open to hugging people they don't know as well than people from the East Coast.
  2. If either of you requested the hug, make the person you are hugging feel safe. Be friendly and act as though the two of you are the only people who matter at the moment. [9]
  3. The best way to judge how tightly or loosely to hug is to let whomever you're hugging indicate what they want by how hard they squeeze. If they give you a soft hug, give them a soft hug back. If they like bear hugs and squeezing tightly, hug back the same way.
  4. A hug is a powerful way to communicate that you care for another person as it can feel great and improve the other person's mood. Ending the hug too early may make both of you feel awkward.
  5. Give a long, loving hug to comfort someone . This is especially important if the person is feeling upset or down. If you feel comfortable, go along with it and hug until the other person lets go or loosens their hold. [10]
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  • Question
    Why does hugging help us forget our sadness?
    Community Answer
    Body to body contact releases endorphins or "happy hormones".
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  • Question
    How do I hug a guy who's really shy?
    Community Answer
    Wait for the right moment. The shy person will prefer if you hug him or her when you're alone, because he/she could feel embarrassed with other people around.
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  • Question
    A total stranger started giving me a tight bear hug for 30 seconds while I put out my arm and hand to shake. Why did he do this?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Perhaps a cultural difference, or a personal preference. It can be awkward sometimes, especially when you don't expect it. Practice a few movements, such as putting an arm between you, or placing a hand on his chest to stop him hugging you next time. Remember, you have the right to stop anyone and everyone to touch you in any way without your permission. You can just tell him: "Hhey, no more of those hugs like last time, I didn't like it."
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      • Some schools and other places might ban hugging because of concerns about inappropriate activities. Consider these rules before giving someone a hug in that setting. [11]
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      • Hugging a lover should last at least a few seconds longer than platonic hugs
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      • A good approach in any relationship is to walk up to the person from a few feet away with your arms open.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201603/7-basic-rules-hugging
      2. ↑ https://youtu.be/68ER-DTRjt0?t=64
      3. ↑ https://youtu.be/68ER-DTRjt0?t=107
      4. ↑ https://youtu.be/byuv9eCspAw?t=449
      5. ↑ https://youtu.be/WVzvTLSK5dY?t=170
      6. ↑ https://www.bcop.org.uk/the-healing-power-of-hugs-a-deep-dive-into-the-surprising-benefits/
      7. ↑ https://time.com/5379586/people-hate-hugged-science/
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201603/7-basic-rules-hugging
      9. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.2466/02.17.21.CP.1.13
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201606/who-needs-hug-we-all-do
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201603/7-basic-rules-hugging

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To give a great hug, make sure to hug only when the person seems prepared for your embrace and extends their arms. Next, hold the hug for a moment before letting go, or wait until the person loosens their hold, especially if they are upset and need comforting. Additionally, follow the other person’s lead to judge how tightly you should squeeze. For example, if they are hugging softly, hug back the same way, but if they like bear hugs, feel free to squeeze tightly. For more tips, like how to hug a crush or lover, read on!

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      Reader Success Stories

      • Mel Eiley

        Jul 10, 2016

        "I am a hugger myself and I enjoy the feeling it gives me and the reactions I get from family, friends and others. ..." more
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