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Send visitors home when they've overstayed their welcome
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It can feel pretty awkward when you find yourself needing to kick people out of a party or out of your home, but it doesn’t have to! There are polite ways you can ask them to make their exit. We talked to etiquette coach Tami Claytor to show you how to drop obvious hints, tell them outright, handle someone who’s been living with you long-term, and stay respectful and kind through the whole thing.
Asking People to Leave
Stay calm, respectful, and good-humored as you drop hints that it’s time to wrap things up. Start cleaning, or tell your guests that you’re ready to go to bed. Offer one last drink, or act surprised when you look at the time, and make plans to see them again.
Steps
Section 1 of 4:
Giving Hints
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Busy yourself with cleanup or end-of-the-night tasks. Claytor says to “start with the cleaning up first and making that sort of nonverbal suggestion.” [1] X Expert Source Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach Expert Interview. 16 February 2022. Clear the table or head to the kitchen to take care of the dishes. You could also turn off the music, blow out the candles, or turn off lights in rooms that aren’t being used.- Even if your guests don’t take the hint, they might offer to help, which is still a win.
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Give a last call and suggest moving the party to another location. If you simply want to get the guests out of your home but don’t mind spending more time together, ask if everyone’s finished with the food or drinks. [2] X Research source Then, suggest going somewhere else. For instance, say “Let’s grab a drink at Joey’s bar,” or “Who wants to go bowling?” Your friends are likely to toss around suggestions until you all agree on the next destination.
- If you don’t want to move to the next location, say something like, “I heard the new bar around the corner has amazing drink specials on Thursdays,” or “Cheers is a great place for a nightcap.”
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Pretend they’re the ones that are ready to leave. When you’re ready to call it a night, say something like, “Wow, I’ve kept you here half the night! Why don’t I clean up while you all head home for some rest?” They’re unlikely to argue with you or insist they stay longer, so you’ll have your home to yourself again in no time. [3] X Research source
- As you say it, stand up like you’re seeing them to the door, which is a pretty big hint.
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Mention the time in a surprised manner. Claytor suggests making it a point to mention the time. [4] X Expert Source Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach Expert Interview. 16 February 2022. Make a show of looking at your watch and being shocked by hour. You could say, “Oh my goodness! It’s after midnight!” or “Wow, I had no idea six hours had passed!” This should cue your friends that it’s time to wrap up the evening. [5] X Research source -
Inform your friends that you’ve got a busy schedule. Reminding people that you have other responsibilities or commitments can get them to move along. Say something like, “I still need to do a load of laundry before turning in,” or “My day is jam-packed tomorrow, so I need to get some rest.” [6] X Research source
- You might also mention things like homework, cleaning up, or an early morning.
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Ask a close friend to lead other guests out the door. If one of your close friends is in attendance, or you have a co-host, ask for their help to get your guests to leave. [7] X Research source Speak to them privately and ask them to leave at a certain time. When that time comes, your friend will stand up, stretch, and announce they’re heading out for the evening. Usually, your other guests will get the hint and follow suit.
- Your friend could say, “What a lovely evening! It’s getting late, though, so I think we should all give our host some rest.”
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Yawn repeatedly to show that you want to rest. Claytor reminds us that being tired is always a good excuse. [8] X Expert Source Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach Expert Interview. 16 February 2022. Yawning will signify that you’re exhausted and ready to wrap up the evening. This hint works especially well if it’s late at night, though it won’t be convincing in the middle of the day. You can also act drowsy or distracted, which can signify to your guests that it’s time for them to make their exit.- If it is closer to the middle of the day, say something like, “Man, I just didn’t sleep well last night. I need a nap!”
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Feign sickness such as a headache or stomachache. If you feel comfortable telling this kind of white lie, it can be very effective. Keep it as a last resort though, as being upfront is a better approach. Most people despise being sick, so they’ll be likely to exit quickly to avoid catching a bug. [9] X Research source
- You could say, “I think I’m getting sick,” or “I’m actually not feeling well. Do you mind if we resume this another time?”
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Section 2 of 4:
Asking People to Leave Directly
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Make a joke out of the situation. If you think your guests will receive a joke well, use one to tell them it’s time to leave. Then, laugh lightly to show them you’re kidding around. Usually, people will get the message and head home, rather than waiting for you to ask them again. [10] X Research source
- For example, say, “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here!”
- Alternatively, say, “Well, I’m heading to bed. Y’all be sure to turn the lights out and lock the door when you leave!”
- Reader Poll: We asked 583 wikiHow readers who’ve had to kick someone out, and 54% felt that you should evaluate the situation and the person before using humor to ease the tension. [Take Poll]
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Ask if you can get them one more thing before they go. Offering your guests a final drink, leftovers from the meal, or a treat for the way home lets them know the evening has come to an end. It also makes them feel as though they’re getting a gift, which takes the sting out of being indirectly asked to leave. [11] X Research source
- Say to your guests, “Can I get you anything else?” or “Would you like a bottle of water for the ride home?”
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Announce to guests that the party’s over. If you’re hosting a party or other event and are ready for your guests to head home, you can always let them know that it’s time to go directly. Say “Sorry, everyone, but the party’s over! I had a great time and hope to see you all again soon.” This is direct, but polite, and will get your guests moving along. [12] X Research source
- Turn the music off and turn the lights on to make the atmosphere less sociable and encourage people to go.
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Section 3 of 4:
Telling Long-Term Guests to Go
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Tell roommates you need your own space. If you’re living with a roommate or significant other and own or lease the property in your name, broach the subject when you’re both in a good mood. Make time to have a conversation when just the two of you are together. Be calm and considerate of their feelings. [13] X Research source
- You could say, “Though we had some good times living here together, it’s no longer working out. I’m sorry, but I need to ask you to move out.”
- If the person is on your lease and refuses to move out, you may need to get the police involved.
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Explain to your houseguests that they’ve overstayed their welcome. It can be a difficult situation if a friend or family member is staying with you and you’re ready for them to leave. When you tell them to go , give them specific reasons why the situation isn’t working. [14] X Research source
- You could say, “We can’t afford for you to live here any longer,” if they are a drain on your finances and haven’t offered to contribute to utility or grocery bills.
- If someone has taken over a room in your home, say “We really need Sasha to have her own room back,” or “Dave needs to use his office on a daily basis, and he hasn’t been able to do that while you’ve been here.”
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Offer to help houseguests find a new living situation. When you ask your houseguests to leave, also offer to help them figure out where to go! For example, get online and look for ads for places for rent within their budget, or go with them to check out homes they’re interested in. [15] X Research source
- Remember to give them plenty of notice. It’s rude to expect someone to leave the next day if they haven’t been given a move-out date.
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Section 4 of 4:
Handling the Situation Well
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Be reasonable and respectful. This is a delicate situation, so you’ll want to do your best to keep your guests from getting defensive. Avoid making digs or being rude by saying things like, “Gosh, don’t you have anywhere else to hang out?” Instead, say something like, “We’ve enjoyed having you here, Zach. I hope we can keep in touch,” or “Thanks for coming, Lisa! Let’s get together for lunch soon.” [16] X Research source
- Avoid requesting to keep in touch or meet up again if you truly don’t have the desire to do so. In that case, simply say, “I’m sorry, but it’s time for you to go.”
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Be prepared for them to be upset. Sometimes, your guests may be upset about being asked to leave, even if you asked them nicely. This is a risk you’re going to have to take when you feel strongly about getting them to go home. Remind them that you care about them, and that it’s not personal. [17] X Research source
- For example, say, “It’s nothing personal, George, I’ve got a busy morning at the office tomorrow. Let’s get together for drinks this weekend, though, what do you think?”
- You could also say, “Veronica, I see that you're upset, but please don’t take this as a personal attack. We agreed that you could stay for one week, and it’s been ten days. I can help you find an apartment that’s available now, if you’d like.”
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Provide firm times for them to leave before the event. Make it clear from the beginning how long you’d like your guests to stay. Write a specific time on the invitation, such as “from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m.” If you invite them over the phone or in person, mention when expect them to leave by saying something such as, “We’ll need to wrap things up by 9 tonight because Gina’s got an early work meeting.” [18] X Research source
- Alternatively, when guests arrive, you could say “The party’s over at 11 tonight,” or “We’ve got a busy schedule tomorrow, so it won’t be a late night.”
- When dealing with house guests, make your expectations clear by saying something such as, “You can stay with us for 2 weeks only,” or “You’ll need to find a different arrangement by the 1st of April.”
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Don’t let them change your mind. When you’re ready for guests to leave, they may try to convince you to let them stay. However, if you’re at the point of asking them directly, it’s clear that you feel strongly about having your home to yourself. Houseguests might ask if they can stay a few more days or party guests might try to convince you that the night is still young. Be firm in your decision and repeat your request or reasoning if needed. [19] X Research source
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you get someone out of your home without being mean?Tami Claytor is an Etiquette Coach, Image Consultant, and the Owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in teaching etiquette classes to individuals, students, companies, and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying cultures through her extensive travels across five continents and has created cultural diversity workshops to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a BA in Economics with a concentration in International Relations from Clark University. Tami studied at the Ophelia DeVore School of Charm and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her Image Consultant Certification.Try giving them some non-verbal cues! You might start cleaning up and putting things away, and see if they get the hint. If they still don't leave, make a polite but firm statement like "Oh, I have plans tomorrow" or "I'm really tired. It's been a long day, and I'm going to head to bed soon."
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QuestionCan something such as a mock TV sign-off, sleepy music, etc. indicate to the guests that the evening has wrapped up? If so, should I use these techniques?Tom De BackerTop AnswererYes, great ideas! Turn off the music, turn on the lights, start putting up the chairs, sweep the floor, stop serving drinks, hand out their coats, it all helps.
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QuestionI'm sharing a birthday party with two other friends. One is my best friend and the other "friend" both my BFF and I hate. How do I kick my other friend out without hurting their feelings?RevadCommunity AnswerYou could back out of the plan by saying you to need to celebrate a different day due to a schedule conflict. Then have your best friend also cancel. Reschedule a different day with just the two of you. Be aware that the other friend will probably find out and be very hurt. The other (nicer) option would be to just follow through, because you already agreed to those plans and it really isn't nice for that third person to get pushed out of something you already all agreed to. Just don't plan a shared party with this person in the future.
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References
- ↑ Tami Claytor. Etiquette Coach. Expert Interview. 16 February 2022.
- ↑ https://theweek.com/articles/575369/how-dinner-guests-hell-house-without-being-rude
- ↑ https://www.uexpress.com/life/miss-manners/2020/07/13
- ↑ Tami Claytor. Etiquette Coach. Expert Interview. 16 February 2022.
- ↑ https://www.hercampus.com/school/bentley/5-ways-politely-kick-people-out-your-dorm-room
- ↑ https://www.hercampus.com/school/bentley/5-ways-politely-kick-people-out-your-dorm-room/
- ↑ https://www.thrillist.com/how-to/how-to-end-party
- ↑ Tami Claytor. Etiquette Coach. Expert Interview. 16 February 2022.
- ↑ https://www.hercampus.com/school/bentley/5-ways-politely-kick-people-out-your-dorm-room
- ↑ https://www.thrillist.com/how-to/how-to-end-party
- ↑ https://theweek.com/articles/575369/how-dinner-guests-hell-house-without-being-rude
- ↑ https://www.thrillist.com/how-to/how-to-end-party
- ↑ https://www.hg.org/legal-articles/how-do-i-throw-someone-out-of-my-house-31766
- ↑ https://www.lawhelpmn.org/sites/default/files/2019-02/H-25%20Guests%20Who%20Stay%20too%20Long.pdf
- ↑ https://www.hg.org/legal-articles/how-do-i-throw-someone-out-of-my-house-31766
- ↑ https://www.thrillist.com/how-to/how-to-end-party
- ↑ https://theweek.com/articles/575369/how-dinner-guests-hell-house-without-being-rude
- ↑ https://www.rachaelrayshow.com/articles/mister-manners-has-2-ways-to-politely-tell-guests-to-leave-at-the-end-of-an-evening
- ↑ https://www.lawhelpmn.org/sites/default/files/2019-02/H-25%20Guests%20Who%20Stay%20too%20Long.pdf
About This Article
Article Summary
X
If you want to politely kick people out of your house, suggest moving the party to another location, like a nearby bar, so you can leave whenever you want. You could also try pretending you just noticed how late it is by saying something like, "Oh, wow, is it midnight already? I'm sorry for keeping you so long. I completely lost track of time!" If that doesn't work, you could remind them that you have other responsibilities and commitments, like laundry to do or dinner to cook. When people still aren't taking the hint, simply say something like, "Sorry, everyone, but the party's over! I had a great time and hope to see you all soon." For more advice, like how to explain to a houseguest that they've overstayed their welcome, scroll down!
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