Display confidence and encourage conversation with these tips
It may seem challenging to look and feel at ease at parties, meetings, interviews, and other social or professional situations, but it’s not impossible! Opening up your posture, mirroring body language, and practicing active listening are just a few of the many ways to seem more confident. No matter what social situations you’ll take part in next, we know just what you have to do to look and feel more approachable.
Quick Tips for Being More Approachable
- Smile when you walk into a room and interact with other people to be more friendly.
- Maintain eye contact with the people you're around or talking to so they feel included.
- Lean or angle toward people when they talk to you to show you’re interested in what they have to say.
Steps
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Smile often. A warm, inviting smile can put anyone at ease and make you look like you're having a great time. People will notice your smile and think you are friendly, pleasant, and open to having a conversation. [1] X Research source- Studies have shown that smiling also helps reduce anxiety, blood pressure, and your heart rate, which will put you at ease in social situations, too! [2] X Research source
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Have an open posture. When people are uncomfortable, they tend to physically close off from those around them. Be mindful of your posture. If you are feeling nervous or in a bad mood, remind yourself to stand straight, keep your arms at your sides, and lean toward people when they speak to you. Maintain this posture to improve your mood and draw people toward you. [3] X Research source- Show that you are interested in what others are saying by angling toward them when they speak. Adjust your feet, legs, and your body to face the speaker. This shows the speaker that you are actively listening and involved in their story.
- Don’t fold your arms when you are in social situations. You may be projecting negative cues such as “I'm too busy” or “Leave me alone.”
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Make frequent eye contact . In social situations, people will look around the room and likely begin a conversation with someone if they make eye contact. Don’t stare at the floor or your feet. Look up and be aware of your surroundings to attract the attention of others. Eye contact can also demonstrate that you are trustworthy and interested in conversing. [4] X Research source- When someone approaches, smile and maintain eye contact throughout the conversation. In a 1-on-1 conversation, keep eye contact for 7 to 10 seconds. In group conversations, aim for periods of 3 to 5 seconds. [5] X Research source
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Avoid fidgeting. It's okay to feel nervous, bored, or unhappy, but if you want to appear approachable, take care not to project negative emotions. Shuffling back and forth, biting your nails, twirling your hair, and other forms of fidgeting can display signs of boredom, stress, or nervousness. [6] X Research source Be aware of these habits and take a few deep breaths when you feel the urge to fidget.- Avoid touching your hand to your face frequently. This can signal that you are feeling anxious.
- Tapping your feet can signal impatience or boredom. People may feel like you aren't interested in the conversation.
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Mirror the other person’s movements. When chatting with someone at a party or an event, pay attention to their gestures, posture, and stance and try to emulate them. Mirroring a person’s body language can help build trust and establish a connection. When used appropriately, it can help create a positive rapport and signal to the other person that you like their company. [7] X Research source- For instance, if a person has an open stance, adopt one as well. If they use lively hand gestures while telling a story, try to do the same.
- Think about your relationship with the person before you mirror their body language. Avoid mirroring someone who is your superior. For example, if you mirror your boss’s body language during a meeting, they may see this as impolite and forceful. [8] X Research source
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Choose clothes that make you feel confident. Your wardrobe can help make you appear approachable, and looking presentable can help boost your self-esteem . Ask a salesperson at a clothing store to help you select clothing options that suit you. Selecting clothes that are flattering , well-tailored, and versatile will demonstrate to others that you are composed, self-assured, and pleasant to be around. [9] X Research source- Make sure your clothes are clean and wrinkle-free before an important social event.
- When you feel good, you'll seem happier! Wear clothes that balance your figure to ensure you look your best and feel comfortable. For instance, if you have wide shoulders, you might wear a fitted top and loose-fitting pants. [10]
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Expert Source
Nejla Renee
Fashion Stylist & Image Consultant Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.
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Wear clothing that is appropriate for the event you are attending. Dressing appropriately at events will tell others you are respectful and happy to be there. Be sure your clothing is in good taste. People may be less inclined to approach you if your clothing garners negative attention.- Wearing shorts and sandals, for example, may not be formal enough for a wedding shower.
- If you are unsure of the formality of a particular event, politely ask the host if there is a dress code.
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Find a hairstyle that suits you. Ask a hairstylist what style would work well for you. They can help you decide what would work well for your hair texture and face shape. Maintaining a well-groomed appearance can help others notice you and signal that you are collected and outgoing. -
Wear approachable colors, like blue, green, and yellow. Colors can influence how people perceive and react to you. Wearing blues, greens, and warm earth tones such as light yellow and beige can make a person appear more approachable, reliable, and confident. [11] X Research source Individuals who wear red may seem assertive, less approachable, and less friendly than others. [12] X Research source Utilize the colors in your wardrobe that project a positive, welcoming personality.- When going in for a job interview or attending a social event, opt for a navy or green outfit to set people at ease.
- Accessorize your outfits with calm, friendly tones. Wear a green scarf or jacket when going to a casual brunch with a new group of friends to appear calm and peaceful, for example.
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Avoid distractions and interruptions during a conversation. Listening plays a large role in establishing the quality of your relationships with others and can help convey that you are friendly and approachable. When conversing with someone, allow the speaker to complete their thought or story without interruption. Maintain eye contact, smile, and nod to demonstrate that you are listening and focusing on them. [13] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source- Do not check your phone when you are talking to someone. Be polite and make it obvious that you are listening and focusing on the conversation.
- Focus on what the person is saying. Don’t drift off into a daydream or be sidetracked by other conversations going on around you.
- People will be more inclined to approach you for a conversation if they feel you are interested and focused.
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Validate the speaker’s feelings. When someone describes a sad or upsetting situation, be empathetic and respond appropriately. Avoid questioning their emotional response and refrain from offering advice unless specifically asked. Sometimes, the speaker may wish to express emotion for support rather than guidance. Showing support will help the speaker feel comfortable around you. [14] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good in Action An initiative by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center promoting science-based practices for a meaningful life Go to source- If someone tells you that they are upset because their dog is sick, validate their feelings by saying something like, “I’m so sorry. This must be a really difficult time for you. I understand how upsetting it can be when a pet is unwell.”
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Ask questions. If you don’t understand a person’s point or want to hear more about their perspective, ask them to clarify or elaborate. Show you are being attentive to what they are saying and are interested to hear more. [15] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source The speaker and others around you will take note of your attentiveness, making it easier for others to approach you.- It is also useful to ask questions when you know you have a common interest with someone. For example, “Jane told me that you recently traveled to Berlin. I visited Berlin years ago! What was your favorite thing about your trip?” Establishing a common ground can allow the conversation to continue and flourish.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do I know what clothes will flatter me?Nejla Renee is a fashion stylist, image consultant, and personal shopper based in New York, New York. With over seven years of experience, Nejla specializes in helping people enhance their positive attributes and express their identities through style. Nejla holds a BS in Marketing and Finance from Northeastern University and worked in finance prior to starting her own business. Nejla combines her business experience with her personal creativity, passion, keen eye for detail, innate sense of style, and strong understanding of fit and proportion to help her clients create peace and acceptance around their style.Look at your body in two halves, with your waist as the middle. Then, think about how to create balance between the halves. If your top is wider than your bottom, you want to keep things on top fitted and create more volume on the bottom, or vice versa if you're wider on the bottom. If you're wider at the waist or even on the top and bottom, create the illusion of a waist by keeping things fitted in the middle, with more volume on the top and bottom.
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QuestionHow can I be approachable to dating?Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).Focus on the first impression. It only takes a moment for someone to make up their mind on whether they want to approach you. Make sure to smile, make eye contact, and seem warm when you are first meeting someone.
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QuestionHow do I make myself approachable at work?Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).Wear age-appropriate clothing. Older people tend to find people who are dressed formally more approachable, while for younger people it’s the opposite.
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Tips
- If you are at work or a business conference, wear a name tag to show that you are willing, open, and available for conversation or networking. [16] X Research sourceThanks
- In a social situation like a housewarming party or holiday celebration, offer to help the host. Sometimes, having a specific task can help you feel more at ease.Thanks
- If you have anxiety or depression, consider seeing a therapist for extra support.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.healthguidance.org/entry/14466/1/How-to-Look-Approachable.html
- ↑ https://www.britishcouncil.org/voices-magazine/famelab-whats-science-behind-smile
- ↑ https://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/rock-the-party-how-to-appear-friendly-and-approachable/
- ↑ https://www.healthguidance.org/entry/14466/1/How-to-Look-Approachable.html
- ↑ https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424127887324809804578511290822228174
- ↑ http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/bored_body.htm
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/carolkinseygoman/2011/05/31/the-art-and-science-of-mirroring/?sh=27da4a631318
- ↑ https://westsidetoastmasters.com/resources/book_of_body_language/chap12.html
- ↑ https://www.succeedsocially.com/lookbetter
- ↑ Nejla Renee. Fashion Stylist & Image Consultant. Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.
- ↑ https://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/business-clothing.html
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/color-psychology/
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/active-listening-definition-skills-benefits.html
- ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/active_listening
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2018/05/the-surprising-power-of-questions
- ↑ https://meetinghand.com/blog/why-name-badges-are-so-important-at-events
About This Article
Article Summary
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Looking approachable will make you seem more friendly and encourage other people to interact with you. Keep an open posture with your arms at your sides or in your lap so you don’t come across as closed off. It’s natural to feel nervous, but try to avoid crossing your arms or fidgeting. Don’t stare at your phone either, since people might not approach you if they think you’re doing something. Look around the room and smile when you make eye contact with people, which will invite them to come talk to you. If you’re at a party, you can also offer to help the host with the food and drinks, which will give you extra opportunities to interact with people you don’t know. For more tips from our co-author, including how to keep a conversation going with someone you don’t know, read on!
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