Download Article
Download Article
Although it's easy to think your guy is the one, it's hard to know for sure. To see if you're serious about him – and if he's worth it – read these tips and strategies.
Steps
-
Notice that you feel like Wonder Woman around him. He should make you feel like a superhero. You should feel like you can be anybody and do anything when you're with him. You should be unafraid of the challenges in your life because he makes you confident that you are strong enough to get through them. When you're with him, you should feel like you can take on the world and win.
-
Make sure you feel comfortable being yourself in front of him. This doesn't just mean being that "silly you" that only your close friends or family know; it means letting him see you vulnerable, whether it's without make-up, after a sweaty workout, when you're afraid, or while you cry. [1] X Research sourceAdvertisement
-
Make sure you don't feel ashamed around him. Do you feel the need to hide things around him? If you feel that you need to hide things about yourself or your life, then maybe he's not the one. He should love you no matter what, and if you worry that he'd leave you over your slightly-hairy wintertime legs, then maybe he isn't the one.
- Of course, that doesn't mean there won't be any conflict between the two of you! Differences in opinions and ideas will always come up, no matter how much you love each other. The key isn't unconditional agreement so much as it is a commitment to navigate conflict in healthy, respectful ways.
- See if it is possible to be direct, open, and honest with each other. [2] X Research source
- Consider whether your partner hears your feedback and does reflective listening. [3] X Research source
- Think about whether you can have a conversation with them to improve your relationship. For example, if your partner is secretive, can you tell them you feel insecure and ask them to be more open. [4] X Research source
-
See how often you think about future plans. Do you imagine the two of you cozying up on distant birthdays or holidays? Do you fantasize about the apartment, house, pets, or even children you may one day have together?
Advertisement
-
Notice when he says "I love you". It's nice if he says "I love you too" after you say it but it's important that you aren't the only person saying the initial I love you. He needs to say it sometimes too. This shows that he thinks about how much he cares about you and that he's not just following the standard script that he feels is expected.
- Don't get too worried if he doesn't, though. Some guys are very shy about sharing their feelings. Ask him why he never says it first and tell him that you like to hear it. This might make him more comfortable saying it to you.
-
Make sure he doesn't pressure you to become intimate before you are ready. Someone who wants to enjoy your body before your heart is willing clearly doesn't have your needs in mind. The same is true in reverse: if you aren't willing to wait for him to be ready, you may need to reevaluate the level of commitment you have toward him. If one or both of you can't see past your own desires when it comes to sex, you may also find it difficult to put the needs of the other ahead of your own desires when it comes to committing or starting a family.
- Keep the idea of balance in mind. Neither one of you should neglect the needs of the other, which means that, along with caring for his needs, you also need to make sure he cares for your needs!
-
Pay attention to whether or not he's controlling. If he frequently tells you what to do, tries to run your life, or manipulates your emotions to get what he wants, watch out! This guy is insecure and feels that he has the upper hand in your relationship. "The one" will be secure with you and let you be who you are. [5] X Research source
-
Note whether or not he keeps you from his pals. If he refuses to include you in his social plans and avoids telling you what he and the guys did last night, he obviously isn't willing to include you in his life and might even be up to something shady.
-
Notice whether or not he alludes to your future. If the two of you aren't in the stages of a relationship where you openly discuss future possibilities, pay attention to whether or not he drops any hints. Even something small, like wondering what the two of you will do for an event that's at least a month or two away, is a good sign.
- If he proposes to you too soon (e.g., before 1 year), take some time to analyze why he is rushing. If you are inclined to say yes, suggest a long engagement to be sure.
- If he absolutely won't discuss a future together – even after a significant amount of time (say a year) – he is probably not considering one.
Advertisement
-
See if you naturally remember his birthday, your anniversary, and days that are important to him. This is one way of determining whether or not he weighs on your thoughts when he's not around; it's one thing to make room for someone in your life, but it's another thing to entirely make room for him in your mind.
-
Notice if you compliment him when he's not looking his best. Do you find yourself attracted to him even if he has food in his teeth, or has helmet hair? Or does your attraction wax and wane depending on how well he grooms himself for you?
-
Notice if you're excited to include him in your life. Wanting to compliment him to your friends and include him in your family is a major vote of confidence. On the other hand, if you don't feel secure about a relationship, you may subconsciously find excuses not to introduce or discuss him.
- Do you include him in family plans, such as inviting him on your family vacation (or even simply assuming that he will accompany your family without needing an invitation)?
- Do you want to help him get along with his family (or even stick up for him) because it's important that they like you?
- Do you suggest that he should call your mother if he needs advice on cooking, cleaning, etc.?
Advertisement
-
Notice how you change each other. We often change, as people, when we're around another person a lot (especially someone we care about significantly). Sometimes we change each other for the better and sometimes we change each other for the worse. You will need to decide if you positively impact him and he positively impacts you. [6] X Research source
- Do you find that either of you is becoming possessive, jealous, distrusting, lazy, or constantly stressed out? This is probably not someone you want to be around. They probably are not the one for you and you will not like the person you become if you stay with them.
- Do you find that you inspire each other to be better people? Do you strive for more from life and for yourself when you're with him? Does he do the same? Do you make each other kinder, happier people? This is a healthy relationship and you will only improve each other's lives.
-
Reflect on how he lives his life. Does it coincide with what you hope your future will be? Does he share the same values? For example, if you recycle and he throws trash out his car window, is this really going to work?
-
Notice the ways you both say you care. Is he comfortable letting you see his tender side? Do you openly tell him you love him, even offering qualifiers such as "I love you a lot" or initiating the "I love you more" game?
- Look for discrepancies between what is said and what is communicated . We're often so blindsided by someone who waxes poetic about their love that we fail to notice whether or not they've done anything to back it up. At the same time, we might be so frustrated by someone who doesn't spout poetry that we overlook all the thoughtful, loving gestures they've made. Reflect on whether either of you fits into one of these categories.
-
See how comfortable you are in each other's space. It's often said that living together is the true test of compatibility; a relationship that takes place entirely in restaurants and parks might be wine and roses, but having to share dishes, watch each other shave, and trip over dirty laundry can dispel an illusion in no time. If you live together, how well do you compromise on individual and shared responsibilities? If you don't, have you at least swapped keys to each other's places? And if so, how welcome do you both feel? [7] X Research source
-
Ask yourself if you have a comfortable balance when it comes to spending time together and apart. Having your own separate interests will provide for a more interesting relationship and help you both to maintain healthy, independent identities. If the relationship is on the right track, you will feel comfortable and secure even when you are apart. [8] X Research source
Advertisement
Community Q&A
Search
-
QuestionHow long must you wait before you know if he's the one?Community AnswerThere is no magic number or date. When you know, you know. That said, try and let the early feelings of infatuation (head-over-heels in love) fade a bit so that you have a clearer picture of the relationship, usually after 2-3 months.
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement
Tips
- Being the best of friends makes a good relationship. It's important that you listen to each other and compromise things without too much argument.Thanks
- Take time to know your partner, know what he likes and doesn't. Make him feel like he's your priority.Thanks
- Get to know him at his worst. If you can accept that as part of the package then maybe he could be the one, but don't get into the relationship with the thought of changing certain aspects of him, it will only create stress and friction within the relationship.Thanks
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Name
Please provide your name and last initial
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
Advertisement
Warnings
- If he does something you don't want to tell your best friend about, then seriously question if you're being honest yourself. If your close friend told you her boyfriend did the same thing, what would you tell her to do? Dump him? Talk to him? Calm down? Be honest with yourself and look after yourself as you would a good friend.Thanks
- If he makes major decisions (such as a career change or moving to a new city) without including you, he doesn't consider you to be a permanent part of his life.Thanks
- If, when you say, "I love you tons and tons and tons," he hesitantly replies, "Yeah, I love you too," he probably doesn't feel as strongly for you as you do for him.Thanks
- If he maintains a friendship with his ex but refuses to respect your boundaries and feelings on the issue, he doesn't consider you to be important enough to modify the relationship with his ex. (But remember, ultimatums aren't the answer! If he has an amicable relationship with his ex and you make unreasonable demands as to how much to talk to him or her, you may just convince him that he's with the wrong person.)Thanks
Advertisement
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/feeling-it/201209/the-real-secret-intimacy-and-why-it-scares-us
- ↑ https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14424/6-rules-for-open-honest-communication-with-the-person-you-love.html
- ↑ https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14424/6-rules-for-open-honest-communication-with-the-person-you-love.html
- ↑ https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14424/6-rules-for-open-honest-communication-with-the-person-you-love.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201506/20-signs-your-partner-is-controlling
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201502/7-ways-your-relationship-can-change-who-you-are
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sliding-vs-deciding/201807/the-risks-couples-moving-in-together
- ↑ https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/forget-sex-the-secret-to-a-longlasting-relationship-is-space-20121105-28tle.html
About This Article
Article Summary
X
To see if he’s the one, ask yourself if he makes you feel confident and encourages you to chase your dreams, which is the hallmark of an ideal partner. If he’s the one, you should feel comfortable being yourself around him and not want to hide anything. You should also be attracted to him, even when he’s wearing baggy clothes or if he’s feeling low, which shows that your affection goes beyond superficial looks. Although spending quality time together is important, he should also let you have the freedom to have your own hobbies and spend time with your friends. Think about if you imagine a future with him. For example, if you see yourself living together and having children with him, he might be the one. For more tips, including how to recognize the one from how much interest you take in his life, read on!
Did this summary help you?
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 1,123,350 times.
Reader Success Stories
- "Really helped me find the man of my dreams! We're happily in love, married, and are expecting to go on a world-wide tour next year. Very happy I followed this advice, which convinced me he's the one, making me say yes when he proposed. Thank you, wikiHow!" ..." more
Advertisement
"Really helped me find the man of my dreams! We're happily in love, married, and are expecting to go on a world-wide tour next year. Very happy I followed this advice, which convinced me he's the one, making me say yes when he proposed. Thank you, wikiHow!"
..."
more
"My boyfriend and I have been best friends for two years. We have had a pretty healthy start before we actually made it "official," and things are really great. This article has confirmed my suspicions that he wants to spend his life with me, and I him."
..."
more
"It is really essential that he includes you in his nearest future, and talks about the years after including you. That's a sign that probably the man is intending to marry you soon."
..."
more
"He knows me well, he always treats me as a queen. He asked me not to leave his side, and he even shares about me with his family, especially his mother."
..."
more
"Amazing! Now to explain, it's my first time reading, I discovered most people who are intelligent, they pass here everyday. Thanks."
..."
more
