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Are you wondering if someone you know is showing signs of being a sociopath? Sociopathy is actually a commonly-used descriptor for a mental health condition called antisocial personality disorder (APD). Sociopaths can be dangerous and, at the very least, usually create unstable relationship dynamics, so it’s important to recognize the characteristics of someone with APD. Read on for a complete guide to spotting a sociopath, plus how to get treatment for APD, deal with a sociopath, and tell the difference between sociopaths and psychopaths.
Things You Should Know
- Look out for signs of a sociopath including superficial charm, a lack of empathy, and chronic lying. Sociopaths manipulate others to get what they want.
- Pay attention to other red flags like impulsive and immature behavior. Sociopaths tend to be selfish and unable to take responsibility for anything.
- Watch for thrill-seeking behavior or even conflicts with the law, as sociopaths don’t care about social norms. They can also become aggressive abnormally fast.
Steps
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See if they’re calm in alarming situations or have a cold “sociopathic stare.” This is because a sociopath can experience events that trigger strong emotions in others without feeling any emotion themselves. [1] X Expert Source Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 6 September 2018. They're calm, cool, and emotionally absent in situations that may frighten or upset others. If they forget to mimic someone else's emotional response, they might respond with a cold, blank stare.- Whenever everyone else is flustered and panicking, but the suspected sociopath doesn't seem concerned, it indicates impaired empathy on their part.
- Some people are more even-keeled than others, but most eventually display some form of anxiety. Someone who never seems anxious under any circumstances might be a sociopath.
- The cold, blank stare is called the "sociopath stare," characterized by a frighteningly emotionless look in the sociopath's eyes. If they notice their stare makes people nervous, they might use it for intimidation too.
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Look for a lack of empathy and remorse towards other people. Individuals with APD cannot understand or relate to another person's feelings, so they don't often recognize when they hurt someone with lies, manipulation, or aggressive behavior. Without the ability to empathize , a sociopath will rationalize and defend their behavior because they don't care that they did something wrong. [2] X Research source
- Because they don't feel remorse, a sociopath also won't accept any blame when someone confronts them about their behavior.
- Sociopaths tend to crave power and control over other people and pursue it ruthlessly. Their lack of empathy typically means they have no shame in manipulating people to get their way.
- It's not impossible for sociopaths to feel a little regret after doing something they know is wrong, like lying or cheating. The difference is that a true sociopath won't let that feeling stop them from doing it again.
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Watch out for someone superficially charming and persuasive. Sociopaths often turn on the charm when they first meet someone because they want that person to like them and be willing to do them favors. A sociopath will make grand gestures to make someone feel special but change over time. Once a sociopath feels like they can control someone, they'll become cold and manipulative. [3] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- For example, a sociopath might go out of their way to help strangers or be incredibly generous with people they hardly know—while being the total opposite with family and close friends.
- Sociopaths want to be in control and get their way all the time, but to do that, they need to blend in and charm people into feeling comfortable around them first. That's why they have so much superficial charm.
- A sociopath's charm is just an act; their behavior is highly polarized, ranging from fake charm to completely antisocial, which means they isolate themselves from others and often experience anger or anxiety.
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Take note of someone who exploits others using emotional manipulation. Sociopaths tend to target people with insecurities and coerce them to do what the sociopath wants. They also use gaslighting to control other people's choices and actions. Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic that involves undermining someone’s confidence, so they feel like they're the problem or making up problems that don't exist. [4] X Research source
- For example, a sociopath might tell someone they're being irrational until they believe it's true and start relying on the sociopath to tell them what's real and what's not.
- If a sociopath is lying to someone, they might try to confuse and manipulate the other person by accusing them of being a liar, deflecting the blame from themselves.
- Lack of empathy means that sociopaths rarely have any reservations or regrets about manipulating people for their own gain.
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Look out for someone who lies and deceives repeatedly. When a sociopath wants to get their way, they'll lie, distort the truth, and trick others. Sociopaths lie regularly, even about the smallest things—and when caught, they'll backpedal and lie again to cover themselves. Even when forced to confess the truth, a sociopath will pretend to be sorry and fall right back on their old behavior. [5] X Research source
- For example, a sociopath might promise to get help and never follow through or start making changes for a little while before returning to their old ways.
- Some sociopaths will go to great lengths to make their lies believable. For example, a sociopath might pretend to go to work every day, even when unemployed.
- Sociopaths often lie about their pasts, but there are usually inconsistencies in the story. Note anything that doesn't make sense, or if someone who knows the sociopath disagrees with their version of events.
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See if they only develop superficial or short-term relationships. A sociopath typically won't have many close friends, if any. [6] X Research source They might have a few people they can regularly manipulate or boss around through intimidation but no meaningful connections. Instead, a sociopath will probably leave behind a string of exes, friends they've abandoned or betrayed, and "frenemies" who don't really trust them.
- Look for lack of connection with the past. If the person has virtually no friends from high school, college, or any part of their past life, it could be a red flag.
- Consider family members, too. If the person isn't in touch with any family members and never talks about them, there may be a problem.
- Sociopaths have trouble forming healthy relationships because they lack empathy. Building a close bond with them is tough without the ability to understand another person's feelings.
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Notice if the person has a big ego and delusions of grandeur. Sociopaths often think they're the most important person in the room. They'll be unresponsive to criticism and have an inflated sense of self, believing they can do no wrong. In addition, they tend to have a strong sense of entitlement, assuming that they deserve amazing things without considering anyone else's well-being. [7] X Trustworthy Source HealthyChildren.org Health information from the American Academy of Pediatrics. Go to source
- The sociopath might think they're better than everyone else without evidence of their superiority.
- A sociopath may also have an unrealistic view of their own abilities, such as believing they are excellent singers or dancers when, in reality, they have almost no skills in those areas.
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Pay attention to repeated immature and impulsive behavior. Sociopaths rarely learn from their mistakes; subsequently, they don't grow or develop like others. As a result, their behavior may appear highly irresponsible. Sociopaths also make snap decisions that serve their interests without thinking about how their choices affect others. [8] X Research source Examples of immature behavior include:
- Sociopaths often feel entitled and believe they should have everything they want. When it comes to sharing, they're usually reluctant.
- Sociopaths can be needy, expecting you to be available whenever they need you. They'll demand your time and energy without thanking you or returning the favor.
- Sociopaths often struggle to take on any meaningful responsibility. They'll skip work, let someone else do their job, ignore deadlines, and ignore bills due.
- Impulsive and erratic behavior is one of the main differences between sociopaths and psychopaths. Psychopaths are more controlled and able to plan ahead.
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Look out for sudden anger, aggression, and even physical violence. Most people have a wide range of emotions, but sociopaths are prone to anger more than anything else. They're easily irritated and likely resort to yelling and aggressive outbursts when upset. In extreme cases, sociopaths can even get violent and hurt the people closest to them when angry. [9] X Research source
- If they're challenged or confronted about their aggression and anger, a sociopath will attempt to point the finger away from themselves, hoping that the other person will let it go or even apologize for confronting them.
- The person may have sociopathic tendencies if, despite their outward calm, they can snap and become violent at any moment, then calm down again soon afterward.
- This is another big difference between sociopaths and psychopaths; anger is much easier for psychopaths to control, and their behavior is more detached overall.
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Notice if they take dangerous risks and disregard social norms. Sociopaths don't have much concern for society's moral codes. Consequently, they'll violate unspoken rules that most people follow without question—from minor things like telling a lie or cutting in line to hurting people or breaking the law. They're also thrill-seekers, driven by impulsivity and boredom to find taboo things that excite them. [10] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source
- For example, a sociopath might turn to drugs or alcohol simply because they're chasing a high. They might also overindulge in things like food, shopping, and gambling.
- Sexual promiscuity can also occur when a sociopath doesn't care about social norms. A sociopath in a relationship might have multiple affairs, while an unattached sociopath might overindulge in sex.
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Seek help from medical professionals to get a formal APD diagnosis. The process for diagnosing APD has multiple steps: first, see a general physician so they can perform a physical exam and rule out other illnesses. Then the doctor will issue a referral to a psychiatrist or psychologist, who'll conduct an exam and interview to diagnose antisocial personality disorder. [11] X Trustworthy Source MedlinePlus Collection of medical information sourced from the US National Library of Medicine Go to source
- Children aren't usually diagnosed with APD since their personalities are still developing. Teenagers can be diagnosable if they show uncontrolled symptoms of APD, like stealing, lying, and hurting animals.
- Some people are born with sociopathic tendencies, but others develop them due to a traumatic childhood.
- People with APD can also have mental health disorders like depression and anxiety.
- Reader Poll: We asked 403 wikiHow readers and 54% of them agreed that the best way to try to manage APD is by seeking help from medical professionals . [Take Poll]
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Manage APD symptoms and mannerisms with talk therapy. The most crucial step in overcoming the hurdles of APD is getting help. Talk therapy helps people with APD improve their behavioral patterns and understand how managing their worst impulses builds stronger relationships. In time, those changes will help them feel happier and more satisfied with their lives. [12] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
- Getting a sociopath to seek therapy isn't always easy since they may not even acknowledge the problem.
- Keep in mind that long-term therapy is needed to treat a sociopath. It might help the sociopath if their family is also involved; outside perspectives might help them see the need for therapy more clearly.
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Ask a psychiatrist about antipsychotic drugs or mood stabilizers. Medication is not a cure for APD, but it can help a sociopath manage their behavior. Antipsychotic drugs and mood stabilizers, in particular, curb a sociopath's wildly impulsive behavior and aggressive mood swings. Some psychiatrists might recommend medication in addition to talk therapy. [13] X Research source
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Trust your instincts when you spot warning signs of a sociopath. One of the most important things to remember is to go with your gut. Trust yourself if you get a bad feeling from someone or often feel scared and uneasy around them. Whether or not they've been diagnosed with APD, a person who lies, manipulates you and shows no empathy can't be the friend or partner you deserve. [14] X Trustworthy Source Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration U.S. government agency whose mission is to reduce the impact of substance abuse and mental illness on America's communities. Go to source
- Trusting your gut and thinking for yourself also makes it harder for a sociopath to take advantage of you.
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Distance yourself from the sociopath by setting boundaries. If you can, stay away from the sociopath and stop engaging with them altogether. [15] X Expert Source Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 6 September 2018. They might be harder to ignore if they're a coworker, family member, or part of your friend group, but you can still keep your distance and avoid interacting with them alone. Remember: don't let them make you feel guilty or obligated to stay.- The sociopath might figure out that you want to distance yourself and try to reel you in even more. Stay strong and remember what they're really like so you don't fall for their false charm.
- If possible, don’t tell them that you know they're a sociopath, as that can set off a sociopath's quick temper. Just remove yourself from the situation as quickly as you can.
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Plan an exit strategy if they’re abusive and call 911 if necessary. When living with an aggressive and violent sociopath, the best thing you can do is get out and drop all contact with them. Decide when and how you will leave the house, and create a list of emergency contacts, so you know you’ll have people to help move your things and give you a place to stay. [16] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- Practice your exit plan before going through with it. Leave while the abuser is away from home if possible, and be ready to go at a moment’s notice if you spot an opportunity.
- File a restraining order if the sociopath won’t take no for an answer. Document every instance of violent behavior that you can through photos and videos so you’ll have proof of their abuse.
- Call the emergency services hotline if you’re ever in physical danger (911 in the United States).
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Remember that you can't make a sociopath change if they don't want to. It can be tough to distance yourself from someone who displays sociopathic behavior if you're emotionally invested in them. Remind yourself that it's not your job to change them. They can absolutely get help and learn healthier behaviors if they want to, but if they choose not to, trying to force it won't change anything. [17] X Research source
- You can't change a sociopath, but you can choose to gain confidence , love yourself , and educate yourself so that a sociopath can't manipulate you.
- Keep in mind that most sociopaths aren't killers or sadists; they're human beings who need to be handled with care. They don't choose to be sociopaths, but their behavior can be hurtful if they won't control it.
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Talk to a therapist or support group to help you cope. Dealing with a sociopath can be emotionally exhausting, especially in a relationship with one. A therapist or support group can give you extra guidance and help you set boundaries or avoid the sociopath entirely. They can also provide you with support and reassurance as you recover from the damage the sociopath caused. [18] X Trustworthy Source National Health Service (UK) Public healthcare system of the UK Go to source
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References
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.
- ↑ https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/antisocial-personality-disorder-often-overlooked
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/personality-disorders/antisocial-personality-disorder-aspd
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-recognize-a-psychopath
- ↑ https://sc.edu/study/colleges_schools/cic/journalism_and_mass_communications/news/2018/pr_prose_types_of_liars.php#.YzYhI-zMI6E
- ↑ https://americanaddictioncenters.org/co-occurring-disorders/personality-disorders/antisocial
- ↑ https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/emotional-problems/Pages/Antisocial-Personality-Disorder.aspx
- ↑ https://www.mountsinai.org/health-library/diseases-conditions/antisocial-personality-disorder
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-recognize-a-psychopath
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/a_to_z/antisocial-personality-disorder-a-to-z
- ↑ https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/000921.htm
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK568730/
- ↑ https://opensiuc.lib.siu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1795&context=gs_rp
- ↑ https://www.samhsa.gov/mental-health/antisocial-personality-disorder
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm
- ↑ https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/antisocial-personality-disorder
- ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/antisocial-personality-disorder/
About This Article
Article Summary
X
If you’re trying to tell if someone is a sociopath, pay attention to whether or not they show remorse, since a sociopath often will not feel bad about lying or hurting others. If you catch the person in a number of lies, this can be another sign that they are a sociopath. You may also notice that the person tends to manipulate the people around them in order to get their way. Although sociopaths are often very charming at first, their behavior may become scary or violent once you get close to them, and you should get away from them as soon as possible. To learn more from our Professional Counselor co-author, such as how to avoid getting involved with a sociopath and how to warn other people, continue reading the article.
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"I searched for reasons for our 58-year-old sister's lying and manipulative ways. It's been going on for over 40 years. After reading this article, I think I found she does this because she's a sociopath. 85 to 90 percent of the article fit her to a T. This article will help me and other family members cope with her. It looks like there's no helping this type of person, as they see nothing wrong with them. In their mind, it's us! Our best defense is to learn how to cope and manage them. I just wish I'd done some research or read this article years ago to understand her. It all makes sense now."
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