What Does “Work Wife” Mean?

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Explaining the concept, pros, and cons of a "work spouse" and signs you might have one
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If you’ve been in the workforce for a while, you’ve probably heard the terms “work wife” and “work spouse.” But what do these terms really mean, and are they acceptable to use in a professional setting? If you're looking for the answers to these questions, you’ve come to the right place! We’ll go over the definition of "work wife," explain the benefits of this type of relationship, and list some signs that you have a work spouse. We’ll also go over a few tips for having a healthy work spouse relationship, so keep reading!

“Work Wife” Meaning

A “work wife” (also called a “work spouse”) is a coworker or colleague that you share a close platonic relationship with. This relationship usually involves mutual respect, support, trust, and loyalty. Though work spouses often share a close emotional bond, it is purely friendly and not romantic.

Section 1 of 6:

What is a “Work Wife”?

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    1
    A“work wife” is a coworker you have a close platonic bond with. The term can refer to someone of the opposite gender or the same gender, and it does not have any romantic or sexual connotations. [1] If you have a “work wife,” you likely trust each other deeply, support and confide in one another, and collaborate on work projects together. In other words, you have a true, genuine friendship.
    • Common variations of the term include “work husband,” “work spouse,” and “office spouse.”
    • Many people believe the term originated with a 1933 New York Times article, which stated that the British Prime Minister had used the term “office wife” to describe the perfect relationship between a prime minister and his secretary. [2]
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    2
    The term “work wife” is commonly used in many American workplaces. In fact, in a 2020 study on this phenomenon, 63.3% of the study’s subjects reported that they either currently or previously had a “work spouse.” [3] With this in mind, it seems pretty clear that work spouse relationships are a common feature of modern office culture. [4]
    • “Work wives” and “work spouses” also feature prominently in popular media.
    • For example, Dr. Miranda Bailey is referred to as Dr. Richard Webber’s “work wife” in the TV show, Grey’s Anatomy .
    • Work spouses have also been featured in the TV show Law and Order and the biopic Steve Jobs about the founder of Apple. [5]
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Section 2 of 6:

Is it okay to call someone your “work wife”?

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    It’s usually okay to refer to someone as your “work wife,” but ask first. These terms are commonly used in workplaces, and most people see them as a harmless way to describe a close platonic friendship with a coworker. [6] Some people, however, may be a bit uncomfortable with these terms and see them as having romantic connotations, even if this wasn’t your intention. [7]
    • Because of this, it’s important to ask your coworker if they’re comfortable with being called your “work wife” or “work spouse.”
    • If your coworker tells you that they would like you to refrain from using these terms, respect their wishes.
    • If you’d like, you can ask if it’s okay to refer to them as your “work bestie” or “work best friend” instead.
Section 3 of 6:

Psychological Benefits of Having a Work Spouse

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    Having a work spouse can make work more enjoyable and productive. When you’re spending time with coworkers for 8 hours a day, 5 days per week, it makes a huge difference if you actually enjoy their company. In fact, research shows that having friends in the workplace boosts job satisfaction, improves performance, promotes mental wellness, and reduces the risk of burnout. [8]
    • Because a “work spouse” or “work wife” is essentially a best friend at the office, the relationship can have these positive effects. [9]
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Section 4 of 6:

Potential Issues with the Term “Work Wife”

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    Calling someone your “work wife” can be a slippery slope. Even though this term is supposed to be purely platonic, it can sometimes turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you have any level of attraction to the coworker you’re calling your work spouse, you may start to think about them in a romantic way, or compare them to your actual spouse if you’re married. And, once you start seeing this person in a romantic light, an office affair can easily follow. [10]
    • Because of this, it’s usually best to avoid calling someone your work spouse or work wife if you’re attracted to them or think you might develop romantic feelings for them.
Section 5 of 6:

Signs You Have a Work Spouse

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    1
    You confide in each other about workplace issues. Work spouses tend to go to each other first when they want to talk something out. [11] If you find yourself reaching out to one specific colleague every time you have a work-related question or want to share some office gossip, there’s a good chance this person is your work spouse!
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    2
    You collaborate on projects together. When your boss tells you to pick a partner for a collaborative project, do you make a beeline for a certain coworker? If so, they may be your work spouse! Work spouses always choose each other first when they have a chance to collaborate, just like best friends alway choose each other as partners for group projects at school.
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    3
    You hang out together at work and work-related events. Given the chance, work spouses will be attached at the hip. [12] Do you grab lunch together every day? Make excuses to visit each other’s desks and chat? Lurk near the buffet table together at the office holiday party? If so, you could have a work spouse!
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    4
    You feel like you can be yourself around them. A work spouse is someone you have a real, genuine friendship with. This means you can be vulnerable around them, confide in them, and let your real personality shine. [13] If you feel this comfortable and at-ease around one of your coworkers, they might just be your work spouse.
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    5
    You have a lot of similarities with them. Do you have the same taste in music? Enjoy the same TV shows or movies? Share a sense of style? Research shows that we tend to like people more when they’re similar to us. So, if you and this coworker have a ton in common, there’s a good chance your work relationship can blossom into a true friendship, and by extension, a work-spouse relationship. [14]
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Section 6 of 6:

Tips for a Healthy Work Spouse Relationship

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    1
    Respect each other’s boundaries. Even though you’ve formed a true friendship with your work spouse, it’s important to remember that you are coworkers, too. To avoid uncomfortable situations, make sure to establish healthy boundaries , keep things professional, and abide by any rules that your HR department has in place. Avoid prying about personal topics if your coworker isn’t comfortable discussing them, and don’t flirt or make romantic comments (even if you’re joking). [15]
    • If you feel you are getting a bit too close or the lines between the personal and the professional are blurring too much, try to take a step back from the relationship. [16]
    • Consider using this time to work on building friendships with some of your other coworkers.
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    2
    Be careful not to exclude others. If you have a super close relationship with your work spouse, you may end up isolating yourselves from other coworkers. If this happens, your coworkers may feel excluded or assume that you aren’t interested in being friends with them. [17] If you notice that you’re giving most of your attention to your work spouse, make an extra effort to connect with your other coworkers, as well.
    • For example, if you and your work spouse usually go out to lunch together, consider inviting a few more coworkers to join in.
    • This will show your colleagues that you and your work spouse are not a closed unit, and that you’re interested in building positive relationships with the rest of the team, too.
    • Having good connections with all your coworkers, rather than just one, makes for better camaraderie and teamwork in the workplace.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Can I be written up for having a work wife?
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over 12 years of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”
    Chloe Carmichael, PhD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    You generally won’t get written up just for having a “work wife” or a close, platonic friendship with a colleague. However, if that relationship crosses professional boundaries, becomes distracting, or creates an uncomfortable environment for others, it could become an issue. The key is making sure your behavior remains professional and respectful, especially in a workplace setting where personal dynamics can sometimes be misinterpreted.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/office-spouse
      2. ↑ https://www.thecut.com/2021/04/history-of-the-work-wife-husband.html
      3. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/2329488420977893?icid=int.sj-abstract.citing-articles.1
      4. ↑ https://hospitalityinsights.ehl.edu/work-wife-workplace-relationship
      5. ↑ https://hospitalityinsights.ehl.edu/work-wife-workplace-relationship
      6. ↑ https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20161106-having-a-work-spouse-makes-you-happier
      7. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/kimelsesser/2020/02/13/lets-stop-talking-about-work-spouses/?sh=579bbd936399
      8. ↑ https://time.com/6274502/work-friends-health-benefits/
      9. ↑ https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20161106-having-a-work-spouse-makes-you-happier
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-friendship-doctor/201012/the-work-spouse-indispensable-friend-or-playing-with-fire
      2. ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/subtle-signs-you-have-a-work-spouse-2016-7
      3. ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/subtle-signs-you-have-a-work-spouse-2016-7
      4. ↑ https://www.creighton.edu/news/whats-work-wife-creighton-researcher-helps-define-role
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201812/why-do-we-people-who-are-similar-us
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-friendship-doctor/201012/the-work-spouse-indispensable-friend-or-playing-with-fire
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-friendship-doctor/201012/the-work-spouse-indispensable-friend-or-playing-with-fire
      8. ↑ https://businessdegrees.uab.edu/blog/friendships-in-the-workplace/

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