How Talk to Teens My Age

When socializing with new people, remember to smile, make eye contact, and take deep breaths whenever you start getting too anxious, as this can help alleviate some of your nervse. It can also help to adopt a more positive, confident mindset. Even if you don't feel confident, reciting positive mantras in your head can help you "fake it 'til you make it."

Try reciting some of these positive mantras in your head next time you're out socializing:

• I am a cool, interesting, and likable person.
• Other people are cool too, and I am interested in what they have to say.
• I can change my situation by taking action.
• Everyone likes me until proven otherwise.

But remember, it's OK to be nervous when interacting with new people. It's totally normal! The more you practice, the easier it'll get over time.

When talking to someone you don't know, strike up a conversation about something happening where you are, recent local events, or popular trends and news. Ask them what they like to do in their free time or connect over common activities and situations. For example, comment on a popular video game, show, or movie, and ask if they've played or seen it.

When you are a shy person, just think that wherever you are when you're young, you're not there by accident, and someone around you can help you. We must always ask - ask questions . Even if you're shy, you can ask someone, “Can I talk with you?” or “How are you?”. It's a skill that can be learned.

Being curious is so powerful . There's a big difference between being curious and nosy. However, it's how you phrase it, or how we ask that first question. Typically, when I'm curious about a point or a situation, I simply say, “I'm curious. Would you care to share more?” And the earlier we start practicing the skill, the easier life gets for us.

Okay, so you want to get more comfortable making friends and talking to teens your age! I’ll start with a strategy that I developed with a kid who had grown up internationally and was moving somewhere where they didn’t know anyone and didn’t speak the language well. They were introverted and didn’t know how they were going to make friends. What we tried together worked really well for them, and has worked for a lot of other kids since!

I'm going to break it down step by step.

First, find something that you can be doing so you don't look weird or out of place. You can be holding your phone or have a piece of paper to hold up and read, whatever. But scan the people in the environment, whether it's standing in the hall or hanging in the cafeteria. Do a visual scan and trust the vibe you get. If there's a group where you feel like, “Ooh, they look like they might be for me,” whether it's what they're wearing, the instruments they're carrying, or a sports team they’re a part of, try to hang around a bit. Maybe find a place to lean on the wall, look at your phone and just kind of eavesdrop. Keep your ears peeled for something in the conversation where maybe you can naturally say, “I'm sorry. Are you guys talking about the Taylor Swift show?” or whatever the topic is where you can ask a question. By asking a question related to what they're saying, you're suddenly in the conversation. Of course, wait for a pause to insert that question and show some sort of enthusiasm for what they’re saying. Then, trust your gut about whether you can move in a little bit and join the conversation further, and if they’re welcoming that.

So, to summarize, you observe the surroundings, identify who is appealing to you and feels safe, eavesdrop a bit and look for an opportunity to join in, ask a question about the relevant conversation, and wait for a reply. Then, you’ll express enthusiasm and then ask another question. Finally, another way to continue the conversation is to find something you like about the people you’re speaking to and give them a genuine compliment that will continue the conversation. Pick something the person chose and that represents how they want people to see them. In other words, don’t compliment a physical trait that doesn’t open up a conversation, but comment on something like their earrings, because then you can ask where they got them, and that can lead to a longer conversation!

That same strategy is the way to start a conversation with an individual. If approaching a group is too much, which it often is, you might do that same tool. If there's someone standing alone looking at their phone, come by and say “You have fluorescent pink converse. I love them.” Everybody wants to feel seen and included. When you compliment something they chose, you're giving them a hit of positive brain chemicals and connection, and they suddenly have a reason to like you. If a person is not automatically comfortable putting themselves out there, making friends, an easy way to make people like you is to be interested in them. And you show that by showing appreciation for something and then asking questions, which allows them to keep talking.