Q&A for How to Find out if Your Husband Is Cheating

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  • Question
    How can I catch my husband if he was found on Match.com?
    Community Answer
    Well, if you've caught him on Match.com, you already know that he's trying to cheat. I think that's all the proof you need.
  • Question
    I've caught my husband cheating several times and he trivializes. I try to forgive because of my children, and he just tells me to "do your worst". What can I do?
    Community Answer
    He is using your forgiving and understanding nature to do whatever he pleases. Also, he may be hoping that you will indeed "do your worst" and leave him, so he can feel good about going to be with the other woman. If he has continually cheated, he is not likely to change. If you don't want to be married to a cheater, you should make plans to separate.
  • Question
    After promising to stop, my husband continues to cheat on me. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Leave him. You can do better with someone who will respect, love, and care about your feelings and well-being.
  • Question
    Does my husband keeping his phone on him at all times and sleeping with it under his pillow mean he is cheating on me?
    Community Answer
    If he keeps his phone on him at all times, even when he's sleeping, he is probably hiding something from you, and yes, it could be that he is cheating. The only exception might be if he is a doctor or police chief, or someone else who is always on call at work.
  • Question
    How should I feel when my husband comments on a girl's Facebook pictures? Things like "Love those eyes" and caught talking to them on Messenger saying "Love you, too", but deletes them, saying they are only friends.
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    There's no laws here. I would feel angry, betrayed and hurt. Jealous, too; insecure, and suddenly all sorts of question marks appear for things that were certain, like the future. People can talk to whomever they like and make new friends; it keeps us new and interesting for our partners. But if you feel this is cheating, then it is, even if he feels it's not, and he must take your feelings into account.
  • Question
    My fiance signed up for dating sites. He is always on his phone sending and receiving texts. I ask who it is and he gives the name of someone that we both know, but he gets out of whatever he is looking at when I get close to him. Is that a sign he's cheating?
    Community Answer
    Yes! Unless you have agreed to an 'open' relationship and are okay with each other seeing other people, that is almost certainly cheating. There is no legitimate reason for your fiance to be signed up for dating sites, and all of what you describe is very shady. He's clearly not very serious about you. It would be best to get out of this relationship before you end up stuck in a marriage with him.
  • Question
    Am I wrong to go back to my cheating husband because he's my son's father?
    Community Answer
    I don't believe there is a wrong or right in this situation. You have a son together so you will always have that bond, but I would have a serious talk with him, lay down the law about what your expectations are going forward. If you feel you can trust him again, great. But keep in mind, your son would probably choose to have divorced parents over a miserable mother.
  • Question
    How can I catch my cheating spouse?
    Community Answer
    Hide a automatic voice recorder where he spending the most time. Check it later.
  • Question
    Should I allow my partner to go through my phone if he doesn't allow me to go through his?
    Community Answer
    If you are feeling the need to go through your partners phone, there are either other signs that make you think you need to do this, or you have trust issues. In either case, the two of you probably need to see a couples counselor.
  • Question
    Am I wrong to assume my husband is cheating based on the fact that he has been working longer hours?
    Community Answer
    Are his checks reflecting the extra hours? If so, then yes, you are wrong to assume that he is cheating. If the extra time isn't on his checks, it's a fair question.
  • Question
    If my husband has stopped being affectionate to me and won't look me in the eye, is he cheating?
    Community Answer
    Maybe, but he also might just be upset about something. You should try to have a calm, reasonable discussion with him. Don't accuse him of anything. Just say something like, "It seems like something is bothering you lately. I feel like you've become distant. Is something wrong?" Don't jump to any wild conclusions, just see what he says.
  • Question
    My husband works a lot and has told me he could get away with cheating if he "wanted." Should I be worried that he is cheating on me?
    Community Answer
    If I were you, I would be concerned. That seems like a strange comment to make to your partner at any point. I would recommend bringing it up to him and letting him know that the comment made you uncomfortable.
  • Question
    My husband is always texting a woman he works with, but he said they are just friends. Am I silly to think he is cheating?
    Community Answer
    It sounds like it could be an emotional affair, if not a physical one. You should (calmly, respectfully) bring up your concerns. If you're uncomfortable with him texting this woman all the time, he should be willing to stop.
  • Question
    My husband went to Vegas with his friend and his friend's mistress. Should I be concerned?
    Community Answer
    His friend has zero morals and your man has no problems with it. It's disrespectful to you. Dump him.
  • Question
    What should I do if I found a condom in my husband's bag?
    Community Answer
    Sounds like you need to talk to him about it and see what he has to say. It's best to confront a problem head on.
  • Question
    How do I know if my husband is talking to some other lady on phone?
    Community Answer
    Check his call list for any numbers showing no name. Write it down and call from a private number to see who answers before you move forward with confronting him.
  • Question
    Is he cheating if he's threatening to leave me, calling me overweight, and we have a decreased sex life?
    Community Answer
    He may be, yes. Have a serious sit down talk with him, and ask him why he feels the way he does. If he's not willing to work on your relationship, doesn't want to be with you, or gets defensive, chances are he could be cheating, or just unhappy. In either case, you should think about yourself and how you can become happy, even if that means leaving him.
  • Question
    I've been married for 13 years; my hubby cheats and lies a lot. Any advice?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    If you are sure he is cheating, then there really is just one thing left for you to decide: can you live with it? If you can live with the fact that he will have sex with other people and not change, then accept it, never mention it again, and enjoy your life. But if you can't, then he has to either stop cheating or you have to end the marriage.
  • Question
    My husband gets very defensive and says that oral sex is not cheating. I believe it is cheating and I suspect that he is cheating on me in some way. What are your thoughts?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    For some, wild repeated sex is not cheating as long as you don't fall in love. For others, even a hug is cheating. What matters is what you feel is cheating. If he knows you consider oral sex to be cheating, then, even if he does not, he must restrain himself. After all, he's supposed to love you, and cheating on you hurts you, and those who love us are supposed to try and avoid hurting us.
  • Question
    Is there an app I can install to get information off my spouse's timeline from his phone?
    Community Answer
    Link your phone to his Google account when he is asleep. This will allow you to see his activity daily.
  • Question
    My husband does not want to talk about sex. What can I do?
    Community Answer
    Talk to him about why he doesn't want to talk about sex and suggest couples counseling. If you have suspicions he is having an affair and that that is why he has stopped talking about sex with you, then raise this as the reason for the discussion.
  • Question
    Is my husband cheating? He used over $80 in gas in one week, when he normally uses $30. He has over $1200 unaccounted for, and I am afraid he is using his vacation time to skip work without telling me.
    Community Answer
    It sounds very likely that he is cheating. You at least have reasons to be concerned. If he is spending that much money on purchases he refuses to tell you about, he is being dishonest about something.
  • Question
    Is my husband cheating on me if he doesn't answer me when I ask if I'm attractive?
    Community Answer
    I don't think so. If you don’t get a response when you ask if he still finds you attractive, it means he might not find you sexually appealing anymore, even if he's not cheating. I would let him know that his response worried you so he can explain.
  • Question
    Can my husband's calls be directed to my phone so I can hear all of his conversations?
    Community Answer
    No, they cannot.
  • Question
    My husband isn't interested in making love anymore. Even after confronting him about it and how it makes me feel unwanted, his reply is that he's stressed and has too much on his plate. Is he cheating?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    He probably does indeed have a lot of stress and has too much on his plate. That's what he said at least. You took a good first step - to talk about it - now, consider continuing on this road. Perhaps create some alone time for the two of you: "this Thursday, after 8:00 PM, let's just make it you and me, at home, nobody else, nothing planned, we can be quietly together". Don't plan sex, and don't expect it, plan rest. Once it feels right, it will happen. But sex follows when you two solve the underlying issues. These issues are not necessarily solved by having sex.
  • Question
    How do I know for sure that my spouse has stopped his affair?
    Community Answer
    If you are both on a desert island or he is by your side 24 hours a day, or if he is dead. You will never know for sure, but if you want to believe him, then believe him. Let him know your trust is shaky and he will have to re-earn it. Remember it is not your fault. Ask him to go to a clinic for both of you to get STD tests. Consider couples counseling.
  • Question
    Are dreams about my husband cheating of any merit?
    Community Answer
    Dreams are just reflections of what is going on in your own brain. If you are at any level worried about your husband cheating, you may have dreams about it. It has nothing to do with whether or not your husband is actually cheating.
  • Question
    How do you find out your husband is cheating when he is working in another country?
    Community Answer
    What is causing you to feel this way? Being apart is hard but be sure that your imagination isn't running away with you. If you have found signs, be upfront and ask him about your concerns. You can also ask for details about the trip and look for any holes in the retelling.
  • Question
    Why does my husband stay on the computer until late at night, but when I approach him, he will quickly go to another page?
    Community Answer
    He's viewing something he doesn't want you to see. It could be pornography, chat sites, or maybe even online shopping for gifts for you.
  • Question
    I texted my husband around noon, which is his lunch time, and he told me he was not on lunch yet. I checked and he was not at work, he was at a restaurant. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Face him and ask him why he lied to you. You should choose the right time to talk (in person, not over the phone or texting) and make your question ''smooth'', not accusatory.
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