Q&A for How to Refuse a Marriage Proposal

Think about what constitutes a healthy marriage, and what your motivations for saying “yes” would be. Marriage probably won’t save a struggling relationship, but it can enrich a healthy one.

A marriage proposal might be rejected for a variety of reasons. The person may not be ready for commitment yet, feel pressured, not appreciate being asked in a public environment, not be sure about you as a lifelong partner, be in love with someone else, feel too nervous, be scared by the idea, be caught unawares, and much more. Assume nothing and be prepared to follow up to talk about it, without being mean, pressurizing or angry.

You should focus on your new chapter in life, and be happy with the person your in love with. If fate brings you and the person who proposed back together, then focus on that part of life, too.

If you are in a relationship with this man and he wants children but you don't, you must talk to him and explain how you feel. If he is a good man, he will understand. He then has the choice to do one of two things: a) stay with you, content to not have children, or b) end the relationship if he wants to have children more than he wants to stay with you. If he chooses option b, then you know he wasn't the man for you anyway.

There are some points in life when it's good to be clear. This is one of them. No one should ever really ask to marry someone if unsure whether the answer will be yes. It's his job to be sure. He must think about your feelings, know where you stand in life, know what your dreams and hopes and ambitions are, and you should share those with him - you love him, after all. Of course it's OK if he feels nervous, as it's an exciting step. But if you're making him doubt just because you don't want him to assume he has you, that's just playing games. You take this step together - show your true colors.

The sooner you tell him, the smaller your problems will be. In the end, we all have to do what's best for ourselves first. If you're not happy, you can't help someone else be happy. As to how to say it, be kind and gentle, allow him to be sad, but accept no deals. If you don't want it, then it doesn't happen.

For any relationship to work, the love has to be at the same level. Since you said no, he made the mistake of either not checking or assuming you were. The relationship doesn't have to end, but if you want it to be over, then it is; you don't need anyone's permission or agreement for it to be over. Everything else is just practical arrangements. If you've understood, then it's no longer your problem what he understands. If he refuses to leave you alone, contact the authorities, who will perhaps have an easier time of convincing him that it's over.