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What is a curmudgeon? How do you behave like one? Your questions, answered
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Traditionally, curmudgeons are grumpy old people, but there’s a bit more to them than that! Curmudgeons are often stalwart voices of reason, and great role models that know how to stick to their values and live authentically. What’s more, anyone can be one—you don’t have to be old or have a certain look. That’s why we’ve put together this complete guide on how to nurture your inner curmudgeon, and why doing so isn’t a bad thing!
Things You Should Know
- Question popular trends, beliefs, and authority figures. Curmudgeons go against the grain and often offer a contrarian viewpoint.
- Cultivate a serious or grouchy vibe, but also foster dry humor and don’t be afraid to joke about yourself and the world around you.
- Use your grouchiness to stick up for others. The best curmudgeons complain on others’ behalf and say what everyone else is thinking.
Steps
Section 1 of 3:
Having a Curmudgeon's Personality
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Question popular beliefs and authority figures. Curmudgeons take pride in being contrarians. They don't just take the popular positions or the easy ones. [1] X Research source They also don’t believe someone’s right just because they’re in a position of power. Practice thinking for yourself , and investigate what other people say or tell you to do.
- One of the easiest ways to do this is to just ask, “Why?” Asking people why they think or do something often provides much-needed discussion and critical thinking.
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Live how you want, instead of following trends. The last thing a curmudgeon will be is “influenced” by online trends or popular culture. Instead, ask yourself what you enjoy doing and why, and make an effort to work toward your own goals—not the goals other people say you should have.
- Curmudgeons cultivate their individuality in their taste in literature, movies, food, etc., and stay true to their own likes.
- Curmudgeons also dress however they want, favoring comfort and utility over fashion trends or popular styles.
- Stop keeping tabs on celebrities and popular culture, except to criticize them. The more you focus on life around you, the more curmudgeonly you’ll get—for the better.
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Present a grumpy or serious vibe. Curmudgeons aren’t exactly known for their joyous, happy or vibrant personalities, but instead are often introverted. [2] X Research source Keep things serious more often than not. Use stern body language like crossed arms or a slight frown to put up a stoic front.
- Of course, you can crack a smile or show emotion when the urge strikes you. But keeping your cool makes those moments of emotion all the more powerful to the people around you.
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Develop a sense of humor and self-awareness. Curmudgeons aren't always super serious. They often use dry humor to poke fun at people in the wrong, or even themselves. Plus, people are often more willing to tolerate someone they don’t like (like a grouch) if they’re funny. [3] X Trustworthy Source Association for Psychological Science Nonprofit organization devoted promoting trustworthy research and education in the psychological sciences Go to source
- Think about and tell some funny stories to help win people over. Bonus points if you’re the butt of your own joke.
- Prevent yourself from becoming a full-on cynic by striving to find the humor in at least 5 things each day, then share that humor with a friend.
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Help others and work toward the greater good. At their best, curmudgeons get away with their attitude because they’re working for a cause or champion a set of principles—curmudgeonliness is just a byproduct of making a hubbub about the causes that matter. Strive to be the type of curmudgeon who stands up for others, even if it makes people in power angry or uncomfortable. [4] X Research source
- Don’t be afraid to complain or cause a fuss when you see injustice. For example, if a retail worker is being berated by a customer, intervene and come to the worker’s defense.
- Curmudgeons are not cruel. They don't try to punish or hurt individuals, but instead often work to improve or dismantle bigger systems with their grouchiness.
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Question changes when they happen. Curmudgeons are famously resistant to change, and often stick to tradition. [5] X Research source It’s not pure stubbornness, though. Rather, a good curmudgeon has an “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mentality. Why waste what works?
- For example, most curmudgeons are probably still listening to CDs or vinyls instead of subscribing to streaming services. After all, why pay for something you don’t actually own?
- That said, a curmudgeon doesn’t mind adapting to something new if, after thinking about it, they decide it’s a positive change—things like medical advancements or positive government policies.
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Opt to do things on your own instead of as part of the group. If you’re an outcast, embrace it ! Curmudgeons are often mavericks who insist on doing things their own way, especially if their own way is also the best way. Whenever you can, act independently, or take on the role of devil’s advocate to question what other people are doing.
- Remember that curmudgeons often prefer a lively debate or engaging in lengthy discussion before reaching any consensus with others (if they ever do).
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Pick your battles to conserve your energy and mood. Curmudgeons don’t just cause problems for the sake of it—that’s unhelpful, and is also a great way to burn out. Instead, ask yourself if complaining about something could make it better, or at least draw attention to its problems.
- Also, have legitimate and rational concerns when you do express your opinions. Don't go to war over everything or people will start tuning you out. Take a stand when you think it really matters.
- Ground your complaints in evidence. If you back up what you say instead of just complaining all the time, you will be taken more seriously.
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Enforce the rules, when the rules make sense. Curmudgeons often believe that things keep getting worse overall. [6] X Research source That’s usually because people disregard rules made to make things fair, equal, or easier for everyone. If you see someone breaking a rule you think is just, call them out on it.
- For example, if someone at work keeps shirking their responsibilities and making life hard for the rest of the office, you might tell them that you’ve noticed, and politely warn them there could be consequences.
- If they keep breaking the rules, you might inform your boss, or find some way to make their irresponsibility more obvious to the rest of the team.
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Study famous curmudgeons to get a sense of how to do it with style. Think about famous curmudgeons that people tend to love, and take cues from them. Think about how they act and why. Then start to incorporate their attitudes and beliefs into your own personality. Some famous curmudgeons include:
- Mark Twain. This famous writer recognized oppression and injustice in his lifetime and wrote biting satires like Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court, which exposed the hypocrisies of the society he lived in.
- Fran Lebowitz is another famous grouch writer. [7] X Research source Though her cultural criticism can be harsh, she writes from a place of love and wanting other people to do better.
- Dr. House is a famous fictional curmudgeon. His curt attitude and quippy insults are icing on the cake of a truly compassionate and well-meaning physician.
- And don’t forget Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street! He’s as grouchy as his name suggests, but he’s also a valued neighbor and friend.
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Section 3 of 3:
Why should you be a curmudgeon?
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Curmudgeons offer an alternative viewpoint. A curmudgeon’s strength lies in pointing out qualities in things that others might overlook. [10] X Research source While everyone else is prone to following the lead or focusing on positives, a curmudgeon points out flaws, even when other people don’t like it. It’s not always easy, but it diversifies opinions and challenges social norms.
- Having a voice that’s willing to say what nobody else will is vital to building a productive workplace, social circle, and even society.
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Curmudgeons take control of their own lives. Curmudgeons stay true to their own values and live by their own philosophies. Some see that as overly stiff or too serious, but at their best, curmudgeons are authentic individuals who never compromise on their personal beliefs. [11] X Research source
- This makes them steadfast friends who attract people who value loyalty and reliability.
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Curmudgeons are often valued despite their attitudes. The greatest curmudgeons are still beloved by the people around them. Often it’s because they’re a grade-A grouch, not in spite of it. Curmudgeons add a little flavor to everyone else’s social lives, offering some texture to the great tapestry of personalities that make up this world.
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Community Q&A
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QuestionCan I be a Christian and a curmudgeon?Community AnswerSure. The "rules" of Christianity don't regulate what kind of personality you must have, you are free to be a curmudgeon if you like.
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QuestionPsychologically speaking, what makes curmudgeons the way we are?David JoinerCommunity AnswerThere is no single answer to this question. People can be ill-tempered for any number of reasons, but a primary cause is environment, and an inability to effectively express yourself through communication. Being ill-tempered is often a by-product of frustration, and frustration often comes from not being able to understand or express something.
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QuestionWhat is the opposite of a lovable curmudgeon?Community AnswerSomeone who can smilingly accept another's opinion without taking that opinion as a personal attack.
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Tips
- If you’d rather not be a curmudgeon, just do the opposite of the things in this list, but always be sure that whatever you do, you’re doing it kindly and with good intentions.Thanks
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Warnings
- Keep in mind that you’ll probably rub many people the wrong way, even your own friends or loved ones. Find a balance between grumpiness and lovability.Thanks
- If you need to work for a living, you may need to tone down your curmudgeonly tendencies at work, or at least with the boss.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.insidehighered.com/views/2015/04/03/essay-thoughts-community-college-curmudgeons-and-how-engage-them
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/288686976_Curmudgeon_personality_Seeing_the_positives_and_just_not_liking_them
- ↑ https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/the-science-of-humor-is-no-laughing-matter
- ↑ https://www.museumofplay.org/blog/curmudgeonly-charm/
- ↑ https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/canadian-journal-of-philosophy/article/future-is-not-what-it-used-to-be-longevity-and-the-curmudgeonly-attitude-to-change/FEF9F82B9E822E88878A51BF45B0AB48
- ↑ https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/canadian-journal-of-philosophy/article/future-is-not-what-it-used-to-be-longevity-and-the-curmudgeonly-attitude-to-change/FEF9F82B9E822E88878A51BF45B0AB48
- ↑ https://www.architecturaldigest.com/story/fran-lebowitz-life-nyc-real-estate-living-10000-books-more
- ↑ https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/canadian-journal-of-philosophy/article/future-is-not-what-it-used-to-be-longevity-and-the-curmudgeonly-attitude-to-change/FEF9F82B9E822E88878A51BF45B0AB48
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/288686976_Curmudgeon_personality_Seeing_the_positives_and_just_not_liking_them/link/5a0a2d020f7e9bb949f9708f/download
About This Article
Article Summary
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To become a curmudgeon, you’ll need to develop a more serious, introspective personality, since curmudgeons are not known for being joyful or vibrant. Additionally, learn to have your own ideas and values, instead of just going along with the group. You should also speak up for causes you believe in, even if makes you seem grumpy to others. In order to balance out your grumpy side, try amusing people with sarcastic jokes, or interesting stories about experiences you’ve had or people you’ve known. For more advice, including how to dress like a curmudgeon, keep reading!
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"I discovered with ruffled glee that I am already a curmudgeon!!!"
"As I observe the world around me every day, I constantly see areas where following the crowd seems to be the root cause of so many problems. I've decided I must be a curmudgeon. At first I was unhappy about that fact, but gradually I've come to accept that it's simply because I see a path (or paths) to a happier world that others don't. I've learned that in order to get along, its best to just stay quiet and not engage. "
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"I grew up as youngest of five siblings, and served as family scapegoat. As an adult, now, I can see that my values are stronger for not having bonded with the group, not then, not now, and they are good values. Good to see you're showing positive aspects of being the curmudgeon!"
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"I have been awarded a Curmudgeon Award & need some background for an acceptance speech that would honor the previous winners and impart a little bit of wisdom to my youngers (those under 70). Your article gave me ideas how to accept with honor!"
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"Thank you for this thoughtful wikiHow. Years ago, a smart, caring person described me as a curmudgeon. Hmmmm. Now a Kindness Advocate, I will revise my personal intentions as follows: "Be a kind curmudgeon. Choose kindness, mindful kindness.""
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