6 Things You Can Do If You’re Being Fooled by Someone You Love

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Find peace in your relationships and discover the truth

Written by Maya Diamond, MA | Edited by Eric McClure

Last Updated: August 9, 2023 Fact Checked

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What to Do if You’re Being Fooled

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Signs That You’re Being Deceived

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Assessing Your Relationship

Unfortunately, loving someone doesn’t automatically mean that they’ll be 100% honest with you. As much as it may hurt to be manipulated by a loved one, know that there are plenty of ways to confront the problem head-on and get back on the right track with them—and we're here to help you get started. Read on to learn what you can do if someone you love is deceiving you, and what steps you can take in the future. We'll even discuss how you can know that something's amiss, and how you can assess the severity of the indiscretion. With this guide, you can make the healthiest, most informed decision for you and your relationship.

This article is based on an interview with our dating and relationship coach, Maya Diamond. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

Gather the evidence that they’re being dishonest and confront them with it in a calm, reasonable, and responsible way.
If they won’t admit they’re trying to pull a fast one on you, either cut them off or move on with your life knowing they aren’t worth trusting.
If you feel like something is off in your relationship and they’re emotionally distant, it’s a big sign they may be hiding something.

Section 1 of 3:

What to Do if You’re Being Fooled

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Gather any evidence you have that demonstrates your concern. Obviously, you should include any “gotcha” evidence if you have it, but it’s also worth pulling the stuff you’re just generally concerned about, too. Either the overwhelming evidence will keep them from trying to lie their way out of it, or you’ll at least demonstrate that your worries are well-founded.
- You might gather all of the texts that were red flags your partner was lying, alongside Instagram photos from the times they were out and about but said they were at home.
- If you plan on talking about something another friend or family member saw/heard, talk to them first to get consent to drop their name. They may not want to pick sides or get in the middle of things.
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Confront them and ask for the truth. Calmly and politely ask if you can talk to them. Then, break down where your concerns are coming from and ask them to tell you the truth. If all goes well, they’ll drop the act and open up about what’s going on. If they don’t, you can either keep pressing them to open up, or drop it and accept they’re not going to be the decent person you need them to be.
- If they refuse to give in and they’re adamant that they aren’t fooling you, use your best judgment. Is it possible this is in your head? Could they really be honest about not lying to you?
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If your long-term partner is the one fooling you and they just won’t stop or you need help communicating, consider getting some professional help in the form of couples therapy. A trained professional will help you two work through your issues and unwind any problems the two of you are dealing with.
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Let it go if you’re able to live with their indiscretions. If they’ve been lying about something but it’s not that big of a deal, you may be best off just ignoring it. This is an especially good solution if it’s a parent or sibling and the lying doesn’t concern you directly. Just chalk it up as a failure on their part and go on living your best life.
- As painful as it can be to know someone you care about isn’t being honest with you, it helps to remember that you can only control yourself. You can’t be honest on behalf of someone who refuses to be honest with themselves.
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Leave if you’re at your wit’s end with the dishonesty. If they refuse to change and you aren’t able to live with the indiscretion (which is completely valid and fair), it may be time end the friendship or break up . It may not be fun, but you’ll be much happier at the end of the day. ^{[1]
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- You are not responsible for putting up with people who engage in toxic or abusive behavior. Do not blame yourself if you have to sever ties with someone.
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Be kind to yourself. It’s not easy to deal with someone you love manipulating you or lying, so it’s especially important that you treat yourself correctly when you’re dealing with this. Don’t blame yourself, engage in plenty of self-care , and don’t get down in the dumps over this whole thing. You owe it to yourself to hold your head high—you were the honest one, after all. ^{[2]
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- It’s okay to be sad about the end of a relationship, so don’t get frustrated if you feel down after the dust settles. Just remember that none of this was your fault.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Am I Toxic?

“Toxic” people are a hot topic. Typically, this term is used to describe a negative person who regularly devalues others. Everyone’s selfish sometimes, and, on occasion, we all tell white lies. So how do you know if you’re in the normal range…or a total hazard? We’ve got the answers right here. Ready to learn if you’re toxic? Click “Start Quiz.”

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