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If you’ve begun chatting with a girl—whether in person or online—it can sometimes be challenging to think of new conversation topics and keep the chat going. If you would like to continue the chat, find things that you and the girl have in common, and ask questions to find out more of her thoughts and opinions. Remember to stay relaxed and speak confidently, and build up a conversation from there.
Steps
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Be open about yourself and your experiences [1] X Expert Source Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview. 7 July 2020. . [2] X Expert Source Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview. 7 July 2020. Any chat or conversation is a two-way street; you need to be able to express your own thoughts and opinions while listening to what the girl says too. Talk about yourself in the conversation. For example, if you’re discussing music, you’ll need to share your own opinions and thoughts about your favorite songs. [3] X Research source- It’s important that you don’t go overboard and dominate the conversation, or lecture the girl on one of your favorite topics.
- Try to keep the chat balanced; each of you should talk roughly the same amount.
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Compliment her. [4] X Expert Source Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview. 7 July 2020. Everyone likes to receive thoughtful, sincere compliments. Use the occasional compliment as a part of your chat with a girl. [5] X Research source You can do this to show your interest in keeping the conversation going, and your appreciation for the girl as a person. Say something like:- “That was a very articulate thing to say; I like how you worded that answer.”
- “You’re very funny—I think we have similar senses of humor.”
- While sincere compliments are fine, pick-up lines or sexual advances are not. Avoid these types of comments in your conversation.
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Ask her questions about herself. [6] X Expert Source Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview. 7 July 2020. It’s polite to show personal interest in the girl you’re chatting with. Questions will also help keep the conversation moving, and allow the two of you to find common ground. Ask questions about where she grew up; what kind of music, food, and TV she likes; where she would like to travel to on vacation; or what books she likes to read. [7] X Research source- Don’t go overboard with questions; you need to show some restraint. Asking too many questions can be seen as prying, and you may motivate the girl to cut the conversation short.
- Asking too many questions can also be seen as a sign that you have nothing to talk about and are desperate for topics.
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Stay relaxed while speaking. When talking with someone (especially if it’s someone you find attractive or don’t know very well), it’s easy to become nervous or to feel anxious that the conversation isn’t going well. Stay relaxed while talking, and take a deep breath if you feel your heart start to race. [8] X Research source
- For all you know, the girl you’re talking to could be just as anxious about the conversation as you are!
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Find some common ground. If the girl you’ve started chatting with is a stranger to you (or someone that you barely know), it’s important to find topics that you and her both have in common. For example, maybe you both go to the same school, live in the same neighborhood, or both study the same subject. Finding these commonalities will make further conversation more interesting. [9] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good in Action An initiative by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center promoting science-based practices for a meaningful life Go to source For example, ask:
- “What part of the state did you grow up in?”
- “What’s your major in college?”
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Discuss topics that she likes. Pay attention during your conversation, and note which types of topics the girl seems to enjoy most, or which she expresses an interest in. Then, bring these up again later to continue the conversation and learn more about the girl. [10] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good in Action An initiative by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center promoting science-based practices for a meaningful life Go to source
- For example, if you know that she likes art, you could deliberately steer the conversation towards famous painters.
- Or, if the girl mentions an interest in soccer, bring up your own favorite soccer players or teams.
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Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. The girl you’re speaking to will not enjoy the conversation if her only answers to your questions are “yes” or “no,” as these answers can quickly become repetitive or boring. Instead, come up with some questions that ask her about her past or make her think, and that will result in a longer, more complex answer. [11] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good in Action An initiative by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center promoting science-based practices for a meaningful life Go to source Try asking something like:
- “What movie or book character are you most like?”
- “What are some of your irrational pet peeves?”
- “What is an unusual fear or phobia that you have?”
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Avoid controversial or sensitive topics. If you’re in the early stages of chatting with a girl and looking for ways to continue the chat, do not bring up topics that could lead to serious disagreement. [12] X Expert Source Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview. 7 July 2020. Don’t make the girl uncomfortable with probing questions about her exes or past relationships, and also avoid sharing strong opinions on politics. [13] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source- Of course, if you and this girl end up getting to know one another better, these types of topics can lead to important and serious conversation.
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Ask questions that will lead to back-and-forth chatting. Questions are crucial to any online (or in-person) chat, as they allow both partners to participate evenly and will keep the conversation interesting. Avoid overly serious (or sexual) questions, and instead ask questions that focus on her interests. [14] X Research source To continue the chat, ask questions like:
- “What kind of music do you listen to most often?”
- “What’s your favorite movie quote to use in conversation?”
- “What’s your favorite restaurant to order take-out from?”
- Reader Poll: We asked 111 wikiHow readers, and 58% of them agreed a girl is probably interested in you on Facebook if she responds quickly and seems engaged in the conversation . [Take Poll] This is likely true for texting and other social media apps like Instagram and Snapchat!
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Keep the conversation light. If you’ve matched with a girl on a dating app or website (like Tinder or Plenty of Fish) and are interested in maintaining a conversation, keep things light and fun. At least for the early stage of a chat conversation, avoid bringing up politics, religion, or any philosophical beliefs you may hold. [15] X Research source
- If you start out with long, serious questions or statements, the chat will quickly become unpleasant and slow-paced for both you and the girl you’re talking with.
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Send her videos or pictures. Chatting with a girl online will allow you to communicate in ways that talking face-to-face won’t. Take advantage of the ability to send multimedia (audio, photos, videos, etc.) to each other, and use this to enhance or continue the conversation. [16] X Research source
- Send a funny video or GIF and ask the girl if she’s seen it before.
- Then, ask the girl to send you one of her favorite funny GIFs or short videos.
- Agree to answer a few of each other’s questions using only memes.
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Leave the door open for further conversations. If you’d like to talk with this girl again, end your current chat in a way that can lead to future conversation. Pick up on cues from the conversation(s) you’ve already had, and make it clear that you’d like to talk about a certain topic again. Or, if you don’t hear back from this girl within a week or so, you can use a topic as a conversation opener for the next chat.
- For example, if she mentioned that she has an upcoming exam, you could say, “Let me know if you survive that test!”
- Or, if she’s mentioned that she’s planning to watch a movie or TV show, try saying: “Tell me what you think of the show once you’ve watched it.”
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do I keep the conversation going with a girl?Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.Ask her thought-provoking questions and listen intently. Listening is just as important as speaking and it can actually help you forge a deeper connection. If you're worried you'll get nervous, brainstorm some questions and conversations ahead of time.
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Tips
- If you’re planning to ask the girl you’re chatting with out on a date, avoid using pick-up lines. These are tacky and rarely work. Instead, focus on forming a personal connection.Thanks
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References
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/optimizing-success/202206/9-easy-ways-start-conversation-stranger
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200403/the-art-the-compliment
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/want-to-be-close-to-someone-ask-these-36-questions
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-creativity-cure/201402/how-be-calm-person
- ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness
- ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness
- ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/conversations
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/want-to-be-close-to-someone-ask-these-36-questions
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/want-to-be-close-to-someone-ask-these-36-questions
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/communication-in-relationships/
About This Article
Article Summary
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To continue chatting with a girl, try to introduce new conversation topics and find common ground with her. For example, ask her where she’s travelled, or what TV, music, and sports she likes. Keep your questions open-ended so they prompt more than a yes or no answer. Try to strike a balance between telling her interesting things about yourself and asking her about what she likes. Once you’ve found something you have in common, talk about that in more detail. For instance, if you both love the same TV show, ask her who her favorite character is or what she thinks about the last season. Don’t be afraid to compliment her along the way, such as telling her she has a great taste in music or film or that she’s a really interesting person. For more tips, including how to avoid offending a girl you’re chatting to, read on!
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