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Shaving can be a tricky subject. It may seem embarrassing to have hair in new places, but to your parents, it's a sign that you are growing up. People have conflicting feelings about removing body hair, and many people choose not to remove it at all. However, if you prefer to shave, your parents might need a little convincing.
Steps
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Be subtle. Don't be sneaky or manipulative, just casually drop hints here or there. Your mom may notice, or she may just start to get an idea of what age you and your peers are reaching.
- A subtle hint might be something like, “My friend [insert name] has started shaving her legs.”
- Don't feel too awkward. It shouldn't be a big deal. Casually mention what is going on with yourself or other girls at your school.
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Get her to respond. Your mom may be picking up on your hints, but choosing not to respond. Getting her to respond is the best way to start a conversation.
- Use questions that require an answer. For example, “Some of my friends have started shaving their legs. When did you start shaving your legs, mom?”
- Asking direct questions like, “When do you think it is a good age to start shaving your legs?” will give you a sense of what your mother thinks. Just make sure to ease into it.
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Be direct. If you think that your mother will say yes, and if she hasn't acted strangely to your other hints, try hinting more directly.
- The most direct way is to ask for razors when you are at the store.
- You can say, “I think that it's time for me to start shaving my legs. I have the most hair on my legs out of any of the girls in my grade/class.”
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Plan your argument. If your mother says no or does not pick up on your hints, then try new strategies. List the reasons that you want to shave your legs, and plan out a way to present these reasons to your mom. [1] X Research source
- Separate your reasons in a numbered list. For example, your first reason might be that you feel uncomfortable in social situations. Your second might be that you enjoy the feeling of smooth legs. Your third might be that you feel like you are responsible enough and old enough to start shaving.
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Write out your sentences. After making a numbered list of all the reasons you want to start shaving, you should write some sentences so that you don't feel unprepared when the time comes.
- For example, you might want to write, "My friends have noticed that I still have hairy legs and it is making me feel uncomfortable. Being able to shave would allow me to fit in more and feel more comfortable with my body.”
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Choose a good time. Make sure you will have plenty of time to have a full discussion. A long car ride, doing the dishes together, or during down time on the weekend are all good times to have a conversation. Don't start a conversation when one of you is busy or about to leave. [2] X Research source
- Start the conversation by saying, “Mom, I wanted to ask you something, and I want you to listen to all of what I say before responding”. This will leave room for you to have a calm conversation.
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Use your reasoning. This is where planning your argument will come in handy. List your reasons in a calm and collected way.
- Use the list that you made in the planning stage. You can say, “There are a few reasons that I want to shave my legs. The first is that it is making me self-conscious to have hairy legs. The second is that my friends are noticing that I have a lot of leg hair. The third is that I think that I am old enough and responsible enough to start shaving.”
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Hear her out. After you give your reasons, your mother might have a response. Do not interrupt her.
- Try to make eye contact and nod, to show that you are listening.
- Take note of what she says, so that you can respond to it. You want to be able to convince her, not argue with her.
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Calmly give your response. [3] X Research source If you have listened carefully to what she said to you, you should have a couple things to respond to.
- If she thinks that you are too young, you can respond by saying,”Everyone starts shaving at different ages. This decision should be based on my maturity level.”
- Try to emphasize the fact that you are the one making this decision. If you are submitting to peer pressure, or only want to shave your legs because people tell you that you should, shaving may not be a good idea.
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Be willing to compromise. Your mother may just want you to ease into shaving. Be willing to meet her halfway.
- Compromises might be shaving below the knee, using hair removal cream, or having her help you shave.
- Suggesting compromises might be a good way to convince her. You can say, “What if we think of a compromise that can work for both of us?”
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Be patient. Your mother may say no the first time around. Wait before asking her again.
- After about a month or so, you can suggest a compromise again. Remind her that you were mature about her rejection of your request last time.
- It may take more than one or two tries to get her to say yes. Stay mature and calm, and eventually she will agree that you are ready.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhat's your advice for asking permission if your parents are always saying no?Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).Try to understand why they said no. If you ask to be allowed to get back at midnight and they say 10 PM, instead of getting angry, try to understand why that is. You’ll get an honest answer. If you can understand where they're coming from, you can address that point, and maybe promise them that you understand them. In due time, they will start to trust you more.
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QuestionMy mother thinks I should wax instead of shaving. What should I do?Community AnswerThe main drawback to waxing is that it can be very painful. Since hairs are being torn out at the root, it can be a very distressing experience for a younger girl. Waxing also may be done on your mother's schedule rather than your own, which means that you have less control. Giving your mother some of this reasoning, as well as research of your own, may convince her that you should be able to shave rather than getting waxed.
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QuestionWhat if she doesn't like the idea of anybody shaving their legs?Community AnswerIf your mother does not like the idea of removing body hair, it probably means that it is important to her that you make your own decisions. Explain to her that you have a preference for shaven legs, and that you want to be able to do what you want with your body. You may have to be more patient, but your arguments should always be that you want control of your own body.
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about convincing your parents, check out our in-depth interview with Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC .
References
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you want to convince your mom to let you shave your legs, wait for a good time when she’s not busy or stressed out, since she'll be more likely to say yes then. Say something like, “I think it's time for me to start shaving my legs. What do you think?” Then, listen to your mom’s advice. She might say it’s okay right away. However, if she has any doubts, calmly give reasons why you think you should start shaving. For example, you could say your friends shave and you feel self-conscious about your legs, or you think you’re old enough to make the decision by yourself. If she says no, thank her for her advice, even if you’re annoyed. Wait a few weeks and try again when she’s had time to get used to the idea. For more tips, including how to ask your mom to compromise with shaving your legs, read on!
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Reader Success Stories
- "I tried two or three times, at 12 years old and she said yes and if she could help at first. So we learned together. Thank you, wikiHow." ..." more
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"I tried two or three times, at 12 years old and she said yes and if she could help at first. So we learned together. Thank you, wikiHow."
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"Before I asked how old I had to be and mom said 14. Now I asked and she said whenever I feel ready. So I listed the reasons and she agreed. She showed me how today. Thanks a lot wikiHow!"
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"Helped me stand up to my mom on the prospect of shaving. I used to be too timid."
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